纽约客再现（2015）

私♥家♥侦♥探♥
自从我有记忆以来
As far back as I could remember,
我一直想成为一名侦探
I always wanted to be a detective.
我在退伍军人事务部
For 25 years, I was a special agent
当了25年的特别探员
with the Department of Veterans Affairs.
没有多少人能够说自己曾经
Not many people could say they helped put
有功于把连环杀人的护士
a serial killer nurse and doctor behind bars
和医生抓进监狱
for the rest of their natural lives.
现在我是私♥家♥侦♥探♥ 我还是
Now I'm a private investigator, and I'm also the President
职业调查员社团的主席
of the Society of Professional Investigators,
又被叫做SPI
otherwise known as SPI.
嗨 大家好 坐吧
Hi, guys. Have a seat.
每个月 我们SPI社团的成员都会聚在Forlini家
Each month, my SPIs get together at Forlini's
这习惯自从1943年后就没变过
which hasn't changed since 1943.
嗨 艾曼纽 你认识韦勒医生吗
Hi, Emmanuelle. You know Dr. Wellner?
这对于调查员来说是个完美的场所
It's the perfect setting for investigators,
纽约市上层的执法人员
where top New York City law enforcement officials
可以和他们臭名昭著的辩护人一起吃饭
can dine alongside it's most notorious defendants.
- 你想来一个吗 先生 - 好啊 谢了
- Would you like one, sir? - Sure. Please.
就像我有两个家庭
It's like I have two families.
和大部分家庭一样 我们有一些有意思的人物
And like most families, we got some interesting characters.
有一个很经典的案子 一个在匹兹堡的神经学家
Had a really neat case of a neurologist in Pittsburgh
他毒杀了自己的妻子
who poisoned his wife.
迈克尔·韦勒医生
Dr. Michael Wellner,
法医精神病学界的乔治·克鲁尼
the George Clooney of forensic psychiatry.
我们在一个关于连环杀手的大会上认识的
We met at a conference on serial killers.
你之前不是跟我提过一个睡在棺材里的家伙的案子吗
Didn't you tell me once a case about a guy who slept in a coffin?
是的 他吃生鱼
Yes. He ate raw fish,
不是寿司类的 他睡在棺材里
not sushi, and he slept in a coffin,
那棺材就放在他开的灵车后面
which was kept in the back of the hearse that he drove around in.
查理·艾丹泽 就如红男绿女(音乐剧)走出的角色
Charlie Iadanza, straight out of Guys and Dolls,
他在街上遇到的人也是如此
and likewise for the characters he encounters on the streets.
这胸针能够录影的
This lapel pin can actually record video and audio.
有像我这个能伸缩的镜头吗
Does it have a zoom lens like mine?
私♥家♥侦♥探♥是一个特别的人文学科
P.I. Is a unique set of humanity.
我们有一个座右铭 只要他们是活着 我们就为他们服务
We have a motto. If they're alive, we serve them.
如果他们死了 我们会告诉你他们被埋在哪
If they're dead, we'll tell you where they're buried.
我们走着 说着 吃着 睡着都在调查
We walk, talk, eat, and sleep investigations.
我不知道你们有没有这个感觉
You know, I don't know if any of you have got this feeling
这个世界很肮脏和邪恶
that the world is nasty and evil
没什么可以改变
and there's nothing to be done about it.
芭芭拉·布彻 人如其名
Barbara Butcher, aptly named,
是一个查死亡的调查员
is a death investigator.
只有真屠夫才见识过她那残忍♥
Only a real butcher has witnessed the brutality she has.
我的惊悚平安夜?
My Christmas Eve night of horrors?
我被叫去布朗克斯
I get called up to the Bronx,
到了现场
pull up to the scene,
我听到一个女士不断在尖叫
and I hear a woman screaming and screaming.
他们说 那是玛利亚
They said, "That's Maria."
我到了楼上 在那公♥寓♥里的
I went upstairs, and in this apartment,
圣诞树下
under the Christmas tree,
是一个被胶带捆绑着的人
is a guy wrapped up in duct tape,
在他身上还有一个大标签
and on him is a big tag that says,
你是下一个 玛利亚
- "You're next, Maria." - Ooh.
对于私♥家♥侦♥探♥来说 我们对好吃的意大利菜的渴望
For SPIs, our hunger for good Italian
就如我们追求公义的渴望
is only second to our hunger for justice.
人们很慷慨 他们捐款给慈善机构
People are liberal, they donate to charity,
但他们依然觉得从他们房♥东那偷东西是可以的
yet they still think it's okay to steal from their landlord.
比尔· 戈洛德纳 SPI里的大力水手
Bill Golodner, the Popeye Doyle of SPI.
他能从一个哑剧表演者那里拿到招供
He could get a confession out of a mime.
我们有一个房♥东 他相信他的房♥客
We had a landlord who believed that the tenant
真的住在南新泽西
was actually living way down in South Jersey.
我们发现这家伙是个超级棒球粉丝
We found out that this guy was an enormous baseball fan.
所以我们来了场卧底行动
So we did an undercover operation where I posed
我扮成一位要拍以棒球为题材的电影的制片人
as a film producer doing a film about baseball.
我们和这家伙对话 他说我每年去看三十场比赛
We spoke to this guy, and he says, "Oh, I go to 30 games a year."
我说 那挺有意思
I said, "That's interesting.
你是如何一路开过来的
How do you drive all the way back down here?"
他说 噢 我在曼哈顿有间公♥寓♥
He says, "Oh, I have an apartment in Manhattan."
那是房♥租管制公♥寓♥
"It's a rent-controlled apartment,
我不应该拥有它的
and I'm really not supposed to have it."
这家伙就像 给一巴掌让他开口
This guy was like, it was one slap
然后再给二十刀才能闭嘴
to make him talk and twenty to make him shut up.
两周内
Within two weeks,
他们拿回公♥寓♥的钥匙
they were getting their keys back to the apartment.
我们无意间听到过这个故事
We came across this one story
是发生在肉类加工业地区
down in the Meatpacking District.
那会儿肉类加工业不负众望
This is when the Meatpacking lived up to its reputation.
没打算一语双关的
No pun intended.
保罗·巴巴凯提斯是
Paul Babakitis--
前纽约警♥察♥队长 他的职业生涯
This former NYPD sergeant spent a career
都主要专注在大毒枭 卖♥♥淫 赌博
dominating drug lords, prostitutes, and gamblers.
我们派卧底去那些场所
We sent our undercover in to this location
去调查一单
to investigate an allegation
关于施虐活动和卖♥♥淫的指控
of S&M activity and prostitution.
通常来说 我们给我们的卧底 大概十分钟
Normally, we give our undercover, like, 10 minutes.
如果他们没出来 我们就进去
If they don't come out, we're going in.
我们会破门而入突袭那里
We're gonna take the door down and raid the place.
我们的卧底没有出来
Our undercover doesn't come out,
因为他的胳膊被绑在房♥梁上
because he was hanging by the rafters from one arm to the other,
有个女人正在抽他的屁♥股♥
and this woman was whipping his butt.
太疯狂了
It was insane.
都过了我睡觉的时候 我想感谢大家的到来
It's past my bedtime. I want to thank everybody for coming.
十月再见 大家有个愉快的夜晚
I'll see you all in October. Have a great night, everybody.
我不觉得我们中有人愿意改变职业
I don't think anyone of us would trade in what we do.
对于我们来说 另一种生活方式都是疯狂的
For us to live any other way is nuts.
很高兴知道
It's nice to know
我下半辈子可以继续当私♥家♥侦♥探♥
I get to live the rest of my life like a snoop.
当我试着把过去的12天
When I tried to put the last 12 days
汇聚成几句话 我以为是不可能的
into a few words, I thought it was impossible.
然后我意识到实际上来临时是如此简单
Then I realized it actually comes down to something so simple.
你就是对的人
It's always been you.
他们说一段成功的婚姻需要
They say that a successful marriage requires
爱上同一个人很多次
falling in love many times with the same person,
我想不到一个更完美的方式
and I can't think of a more perfect way to describe
来形容我对你的感觉
how I feel about you.
我无法想象没有你的生活
I can't imagine life without you.
你是唯一一个比我自己还了解我的人
You're the only person that knows me better than I know myself.
你知晓我的不足 我的小怪癖
You know my faults, my little quirks,
而不是试着改变我
and instead of trying to change me,
你爱我 想要娶我
you love me and want to marry me.
结果 梦想的确实现了
Turns out, dreams do come true.
婚戒为证 我与你喜结连理
With this ring, I thee wed.
婚戒为证 我与你喜结连理
With this ring, I thee wed.
作为我对你的爱和承诺的象征
As a symbol of my love and commitment to you.
作为我对你的爱和承诺的见证
As a symbol of my love and commitment to you.
婚戒为证 我与你喜结连理
With this ring, I thee wed.
恭喜 你可以亲吻新娘了
Congratulations, and you may kiss your bride.
骑自行车的人
如果你真的想了解一个国家 那么当个罪犯吧
If you really wanna get to know a country, become a perp in it.
2014年的11月 我受邀来到古巴 哈瓦那
November 2014, I'm invited to Havana, Cuba,
来参加该国历史上的第一次TED演讲
to take part in the first TED Talk in the country's history.
我的演讲题目有点敏感 美国古巴外交关系
My topic is a sensitive one-- U.S.-Cuba relations--
因此我对做好这次演讲感到压力山大
so I feel a special pressure to get things right.
像任何城市一样 哈瓦那对游客展现出了某些特定的形象
Like any city, Havana presents a certain image to visitors,
但是我想要绕开那些形象
but I wanna get past all that,
所以我不走寻常路地直接与古巴人交谈
so I get off the beaten path to talk directly to Cubans
谈他们的国家 美国 以及双方之间的所有事情
about their country, America, and everything in between.
你叫什么名字?
雷尼耶
雷尼耶吗
我想多练习西班牙语
I wanna improve my Spanish.
试试看