纽约客再现（2015）

比尔的朋友
大家好 我将会是今天的主持人
Hi. I'm gonna be the moderator today.
我们在这都是为了同一个原因
We're all here for the same reason,
那么大家自♥由♥发言吧
so let's open the floor.
我有个故事
I have a story, um,
- 我的名字叫威尔 - 你好 威尔
- my name is Will. - Hi, Will.
我当时和我弟弟在大都会艺术博物馆
I was at the Metropolitan Museum of Art with my brother,
我们准备离开
and, uh, we're just about to exit,
我弟弟撞了一下我然后说
and my brother hits me on the side and he says, uh,
嘿 兄弟 我想那是...我想那是比尔·默瑞(美国喜剧明星)
"Hey, man, I think that's... I think that's Bill Murray."
所以我们走过去 我们必须得来张合影
So we go over, we had to get a photo.
我们从小就喜欢看《宇宙大灌篮》
We loved "Space Jam" Growing up.
他说 我会和你们合影
Uh, he says, "I'll take a photo with you,
但你必须得找到我的小孩
"But you have to find my kids."
然后我们就...
And we're like...
你最后在哪里看到你小孩
"Where was the last place you saw your kids?"
然后他说 我不知道
And he's like, uh, "I don't know.
他们就这样跑开了
"They just kind of ran away."
然后我们面面相觑
And we look at each other, we're like,
我们不知道他小孩长什么样
we don't know what his kids look like.
谢天谢地 他的小孩找到了他
Thankfully, his kids found him,
因为大家都在大喊 嘿 那是比尔·默瑞
because everybody was shouting, "Hey, it's Bill Murray."
大都会里的人试着拍个合影
This Metropolitan agent tries to take the photo,
结果都是模模糊糊的
and it's completely blurry.
大家的偶像是谁 像比尔·默瑞那种
Who is everyone's, like, Bill Murray?
我通常会想起《杂牌军东征》(1981年电影)
I generally think of "Stripes."
我这四年的万圣节
I've been Foster for, like, four years in a row
一直都在福斯特度过
for Halloween.
我更喜欢韦斯·安德森(全才型导演)镜头下的比尔·默瑞
I'm more of like the Wes Anderson route of Bill fan.
不太喜欢《宇宙大灌篮》(1996年电影)的 但...
Less "Space Jam", but...
我的故事大概发生在35年前
My story's from about 35 years ago.
我前面有个女孩子
There's a girl in front of me,
她肯定是见到比尔了 她就停住了
she must have seen Bill and she just stops,
然后她张开她的双臂说
and she opens her arms wide and she says,
亲爱的 你去哪了
"Darling, where have you been?"
然后他马上接上
And he, without missing a beat,
亲爱的 我想死你了
he goes, "Honey, I've missed you so much."
然后他们...他一把抓过她 然后拥抱起来
And they... and he grabs her and... and they embrace,
然后他弯下腰抱住她 在她嘴上亲了一口
and then he dips her down and he kisses her on the mouth,
然后放开她 继续往前走
and drops her and keeps walking.
我们在玩踢球 轮到我们踢了
We're playing kick ball, and it was, like, our turn to kick,
我抬起头 然后说
and, like, I look up, and I'm, like,
亲们 我想比尔·默瑞刚帮我们踢了一球
"Guys, I think Bill Murray just kicked for our team."
我们拍了照 不知怎的 还挺完美的
We took this picture. Somehow, it came out perfect.
然后他就这样 消失了
And, like, he just, like, vanished.
我想这有趣的是
I think the interesting thing
你实实在在有证据
is that you actually have proof.
因为谣传了很久
Because for the longest time there's, like, these rumors
比尔·默瑞会就这么走到人们身边
that Bill Murray would just go up to people,
然后遮住他们的眼睛说 猜猜我是谁
and, like, cover their eyes and say, "Guess who?"
然后当他们转过身
And then when they would turn around,
他就会表现出一副永远不会有人相信你的样子
he'd just be, like, no one will ever believe you.
我在酒吧喝威士忌
I was at the bar having whiskey,
有一张桌子
and there's one table, I was, like,
哦 那是比尔·默瑞在和他父母吃饭
"Oh, that's Bill Murray having dinner with his parents.
太有趣了
"That's interesting."
然后音乐越来越响
And then the music gets really loud,
那是海滩男孩的歌♥ 比尔站到他自己的椅子上
it's a Beach Boys song, and Bill stands up on his chair,
他就这样说 大声点 大声点
and he's just, like, "Turn it up, like, turn it up."
然后他的...他的父母就坐在那里 一脸
And his... his parents are just sitting there, like,
"这事经常发生"的表情
"This happens all the time." We are just...
整个餐厅一个人都没有
There's no one in the whole restaurant,
他就是在自娱自乐
he's just putting on a show for nobody.
然后整个后厨的人都出来了 开始和他一起唱歌♥
Then the whole kitchen comes out and starts singing with him.
很快就结束了 然后他就
And then it was over, and then he kind of just
坐回到父母身边
sat back down with his parents.
他的生活就是这么棒
That's so great that's his life.
我想他找到一种途径
I think he's found a way to use his celebrity
- 利用他的名气活出有趣人生 - 是的
- to just have the most fun life ever. - Yeah.
我在他出演的广♥告♥里工作
I worked on a commercial that he was in.
那是一个很小的剧组
It was a real small crew.
他们都准备了诸如DVD 备忘录等
They've all got, like, DVDs and memorabilia
想让比尔在拍摄完后签名的
that they want to ask Bill to sign at the end of the shoot.
然后我说 别这么做
And I was like, "Don't do that."
我有个好主意 我们爱韦斯·安德森的电影
I got a great idea. We love Wes Anderson films,
我们会问 嘿 兄弟
we're gonna ask, "Hey, man,
你能和我一起 慢动作地沿着大厅走下来吗
can you walk down the hall with me in slow motion?"
然后比尔以为我们真的要慢慢走
And Bill thought we meant, like, actually walk slowly.
他指导我们 告诉我们应该站哪
He directed us and placed us.
等到录影机停止工作后
When we get to the point where the camera cuts,
比尔就一直走着 就这么离开了
Bill just keeps walkin' and he just leaves.
我和一群朋友外出
I was out with a bunch of friends.
我看见一个人从吧台后面向我走来
I saw, like, a figure coming towards me from the back of the bar.
我第一想法是 这家伙很眼熟
My first thought was, like, "That guy's familiar.
难道他是我曾经的大学教授
"Like, is he like a college professor I had once, or like..."
然后突然灵机一动
And then all of a sudden it hit,
这是比尔·默里
and I was, like, "That's Bill Murray."
我妻子说 告诉他我们热爱他的电影
My wife's, like, "Tell him we love his movies."
我就说 你知道不
And I was, like, "You know what?
我们刚刚看见比尔·默里是一份礼物
"We just got that gift from Bill Murray of seeing him.
咱们还是不打扰他 算是送他的礼物
"Let's give him the gift of just letting him go about his night."
我不觉得你可以找到他
I don't think you can, like, find him.
你只能随他去
You just have to just let it go.
如果你是纯真无垢的
And if you're pure of heart,
比尔·默里会主动在你生命里出现的
Bill Murray will reveal himself to you in your life.
我们这些与比尔有交集的瞬间
A lot of these moments that we've had with Bill
仅仅是发生在纽约有趣的事情中的一小部分
are just these little New York moments of joy.
我想他的生活里
I think he just gets to live a life
所有人都是他的朋友
where everyone's his friend.
想象下如果全世界都是你的朋友
Imagine if the whole world was friends with you.
那会是最完美的生活
It'd be the best way to live, you know?
- 说茄子 - 茄子
- Say "Noogie." - Noogie.
我们试着获得比尔·默里的允许使用本片
但我们找不到他
最后一次心理咨♥询♥
我前几天才听到一个笑话
I just heard a funny joke the other day.
五个字母 "罗斯是玫瑰就像玫瑰就是玫瑰一样"
Five letters. "A rose is a rose is a rose."
作家
Writer.
斯坦因?(上句诗的作者)
Stein?
斯坦因
Stein.
格特鲁德·斯坦因有什么了不起的
What was the big deal with Gertrude Stein, huh?
如果你不停地说我们很难完成今天的治疗
It's gonna be tough to finish this if you keep talking.
听这个
So listen to this one.
滑旱冰最困难的地方是哪里
What's the hardest part about rollerblading?
我不知道 是什么
I don't know. What?
笑话同性恋喜欢滑旱冰 因为滑冰行头通常颜色亮丽
告诉你♥爸♥你是同性恋
Telling your dad you're gay.
你在给谁发短♥信♥
Who are you texting?
一个朋友 你带耳机可以听到我说话吗
A friend. Can you hear me with your iPod in?
你说什么 等一下
What? Hold on.
让我把耳机摘下来 不好意思
Let me, uh... Let me... let me take this out. Sorry.
你在锻炼身体是吗
Oh, I see that you're exercising, huh?
没错 试着强身健体
Yeah, trying to get into shape.
还有 老实讲我有点无聊
Plus, I'll be honest. I'm a little bored.
这引起了我的思考
Oh. Well, that kind of leads into something I was thinking about.
继续说
Go on.
我在考虑结束这个
I'm thinking of... ending it.
- 结束什么 - 治疗
- Ending what? - Therapy.
为什么
Why?
我以为我们有进展
I think we're making progress.
我猜我感觉好多了
I guess I feel like I'm better.
- 真的吗 - 我感觉
- Really. - It's just that I'm...
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