最后一个男人（2015）

The Last Man On Earth S04E08

Part 2 Dec. 1, 2020, 4:58 p.m.

Oh, look.
看啊
There's an open seat across from Mike and Bezequille.
麦克和巴泽葵尔中间就有一个位置
You are gonna love this meal.
你绝对会喜欢这顿饭
I took all your favorite things,
我加了所有你最喜欢的东西
macaroni and spray cheese
通心粉和干酪
and ketchup and Pop Tarts,
还有番茄酱和果酱馅饼
and I mashed them all together into one special casserole.
我把它们都混在一起做了一道特制砂锅菜
So...
那么
where to begin?
从什么开始聊起呢
Oh, how about a general discussion of the flora
不如来聊聊墨西哥沿岸的
and fauna of coastal Mexico?
动植物群吧
Oh, no.
不
Would you look at that?
你看看啊
I completely forgot I have a prior engagement
我完全忘了我还有事
that directly conflicts with this lunch.
没法和你共进午餐了
You three will have to continue without me.
你们三个只能自己吃了不用管我
No-no-no-no-no, no.
不不不不不
Don't get up. Stay.
不用站起来留下来
Eat.
吃吧
Get to know each other.
相互了解一下
What's going on here?
怎么回事
Um, you know, I thought it was only fair
我觉得应该让双胞胎
that the twins get some face time, too, so...
也和他认识一下才公平所以...
You know, I'm actually happy you're here,
其实你来得正好
because we should probably figure out a schedule.
因为我们可能得定个时间表
A schedule?
时间表
Yeah, you know, so Jasper's time
这样贾思博才不会
isn't monopolized by any one baby.
被某个宝宝独占
You're talking about three newborns
你说的是三个刚出生的婴儿
and a nine to 11-year-old boy.
和一名十来岁的男孩
We can't set them up on dates.
我们不可能让他们约会啊
But it's perfectly reasonable for you to plan Dawn's wedding?
那你计划多恩的婚礼就说得过去吗
You know what, you do whatever you want to do,
算了你想干吗就干吗吧
just leave me and Dawn out of it.
别把我和多恩牵扯进去
If that's what you want.
如果你想这样的话
Yeah.
没错
And then there were two.
现在就剩两个了
Well, Carol is officially off her trolley.
卡萝尔是彻底疯了
I just caught her Parent Trapping
我刚发现她在撮合
Jasper and the twins.
贾思博和那对双胞胎
She even tried to get me to agree
她甚至想让我同意
to some sort of dating schedule.
搞什么约会时间表
What? No way.
什么不可能
Yeah. It's like that silly little comment I made
我之前开玩笑说多恩和贾思博
about Dawn marrying Jasper freaked her out.
要结婚的话刺♥激♥到了她
And you know how she gets all Carol'd away.
你知道卡萝尔疯起来是什么样
Yeah, I got some idea.
深有体会
I was just so shocked.
我太震惊了
I walked away, but I feel like maybe I should go back
我就走了但现在我感觉我是不是应该
and say something, right?
回去说些什么
Shoog,
冷静点
I've been on this planet a long time,
我已经在这个星球上生活了很久
and I figured out a couple of universal truths.
我明白了一些真理
One, you cannot domesticate a raccoon.
第一你不能驯服一只浣熊
I don't care how smart you think that raccoon is.
不管你认为这只浣熊有多聪明
It's just not happening.
就是不可能的事
And two, you cannot use logic
第二你不能用逻辑
to win an argument with Carol Pilbasian.
争赢卡萝尔·菲尔贝森
So just don't let her suck you in.
所以别让她把你绕进去了
Yeah, I might be overthinking this, but, like,
我可能是想多了但是
what if her crazy plan somehow works and Dawn ends up alone
如果她的疯点子奏效了于是多恩这辈子
for the rest of her life because I didn't...
只能孤独终老因为我不能...
Erica. Do not let her suck you in.
艾瑞卡别让她把你绕进去了
Yeah.
没错
Limbo.
丛林
How low can you go?
你能下到多低
Oh, Bezequille, cleared it.
巴泽葵尔过来了
Way to go. Awesome.
好样的真厉害
Okay, your turn, Jasper.
轮到你了贾思博
How low can you go?
你能下到多低
How low can you go?
你能下到多低
How low can you go?
你能下到多低
How low can you go?
你能下到多低
Peso for your thoughtitos, bud.
说说你在想什么伙计
You think I'm a pushover, Tandy?
你觉得我很好说话吗坦迪
What? With your meaty thighs and low center of gravity?
什么你的大腿如此粗壮重心如此低
No way.
不可能
Nah, it's just...
不只是...
I've been trying to discipline Jasper,
我想管教贾思博
but he won't listen to a thing I say.
但是他就是不听我的
I mean, yesterday, I told him he was grounded
昨天我和他说他被禁足了
and he just kind of ignored me.
他无视了我
I buckled like a pilgrim's hat.
我和朝圣者的帽子一样丧气
Look, bud, as someone who's been in the Dad game
伙计作为一个已经当了
for over 100 hours, I can tell you
100多个小时的爸爸我能告诉你
that being a parent is rock hard, okay?
做父母真的很难
But if you'd like, I could give you some pointeroos.
但如果你想听我可以给你一些建议
Would you, bud?
真的吗哥们
Try to friggin' stop me, huh?
想激我是不是
Okay, so, uh, look, you be Jasper, I'll be you.
你当贾思博我当你
So, uh, say something Jasper would say.
说些贾思博会说的话
Yeah, I'm really drawing a blank here, bud.
我现在大脑一片空白伙计
Hmm, oh, is he, uh, a cookie eater?
他喜欢吃小饼干吗
Yeah, as much as the next guy, I guess.
应该跟我差不多吧
Good. So, say, "I want a cookie."
好那你说"我想吃饼干"
I want a cookie.
我想吃饼干
Well, you can't have a cookie, right?
不能吃知道吗
End of discussion.
就这样
Now go to bed without brushing your teeth. Come on.
快去刷牙睡觉快去
Hey, but I want a cookie.
但是我想吃饼干
Well, uh, I'm not gonna say it again, all right?
我不会说第二遍知道吗
JK, here it comes. No cookies.
开玩笑我再说一遍不准吃饼干
But I really want a...
但我真的想吃...
No cookies!
不准吃饼干
I said no cookies, right?!
我说了不准吃饼干听到了吗
And when I tell you what to do, you do it!
我告诉你怎么做你就必须怎么做
Because I am the adult, and you are but a child!
因为我是成年人你只是小孩子
Okay, calm down.
好了冷静
You don't tell me what to do, mister!
不用你来告诉我怎么做先生
I'm older than you, I know, I've learned things.
我比你年长我学习过很多东西
I went to college.
我上过大学
I know stuff. Okay?
我知道东西好吗
And it makes me sad when you treat me like this.
你这样对待我我很难过
It's a bummer! All right?
很扫兴知道吗
I'm probably gonna cry tonight, and that's on you!
我今晚可能会哭出来这都怪你
That's on you!
都怪你
Now I need you to go to your featherdrubbin' room
现在我需要你去你的房♥间
and get in your least favorite pair of jammies.
穿上你最不喜欢的睡衣
And I swear to God,
我发誓
if I even catch you thinking about cookies,
如果让我知道你在想饼干
I am gonna smash your little bones into dust,
我肯定把你的骨头打碎
and then I'm gonna make that dust into a broth,
然后把粉末做成汤
and then I'm gonna slurp it down, laughing.
然后我会笑着喝下去
And you'll be inside of me.
你会到我身体里
And I will poo you out.
我会把你拉出来
So what do you think?
你觉得怎么样
It's maybe a little harsh.
可能有点太严厉了
Yeah, yeah, that's a good note.
是说得对
It's probably a little strong for cookies.
就为个饼干可能太过了
Eh, maybe more appropriate for if-if he were
可能更适合他