生活新方向（2022）

I have a manual in the glovebox.
不不不
No, no, no. Hey, no, no.
这不是你的错 怪我
It's not your fault. It's mine.
你是一位如此优雅的女士
I mean, you're this -- this classy lady,
而我却没有任何地方让我们在一起
and I don't even have anywhere for us to be together.
我就不该让我妈把她装啤酒的冰柜放进我房♥间
I should never have let my mom put her beer fridge in my room.
她现在老是不请自来 特别是在早上
She's always barging in now, especially in the mornings.
-不是吧 -我知道
- Oh, no. - I know, right?
早上就喝啤酒也太胖了
It's so fattening.
不过我们也不能在我家交♥配♥
It's not like we can boff at my place.
-什么 -艾米说了以后我就忘不掉了
- What? - Oh. Amy put it in my head.
知道吗 乔迪 这激励了我
You know what, Jodie? This just lights a fire under me
让我开启自己的健身帝国
to get my fitness empire off the ground.
我基本已经算得上一个网红了
You know, I mean, I'm already basically an influencer.
我只需要再多几张胸肌效果的照片 然后...
I just need a couple more pec result photos and...
等我开了自己的连锁健身俱乐部
Yeah. Once I have my own chain of gyms,
我们可以在其中一间做♥爱♥
we can have sex in one of those.
而这激励了我
And this lights a fire under me
继续推进我的家居收纳事业
to get my organizing business going.
-是啊 -但这得花很多年
- Yeah! - But that could take years.
瞧瞧我们 未来的模范情侣
Look at us. Future power couple.
我们能上哪找间一小时的时租♥房♥♥吗
Is there anywhere we can rent for an hour?
我们得付现金 我来找吧
We'll need cash for that. I'm on it.
我已经厌倦了成天围着孩子们转
I'm so tired from just running around with the kids all day.
我们画画时
We were painting,
大概吹了有一千个泡泡
and we must have blown like 1,000 bubbles.
说真的 一个人能吹多少个泡泡
I mean, honestly, how many bubbles can one blow?
朱莉娅吃了一块拼图
Julia ate a puzzle piece, okay?
-所以要注意一点 -好的
- So just be on the lookout for that. - Yeah.
我觉得就好像是小猫的爪子
I think it was, like, a cat's claw.
像是猫爪的尾部之类的东西
Like the end of a cat's claw or something like that.
亨利
Henry.
你是怎么回事 你怎么对我这么着迷
What is going on with you? Why are you so into me?
你是参加了什么男性荷尔蒙的研究吗
Are you participating in a male hormone study?
只是你比以前任何时候都要性感了
You're just hotter than ever.
我不知道 我把脚趾甲给剪了
I don't know. I cut my toenails.
我知道 我能感受得到
I know. I can tell.
这有点吓人 好吗
This is a little alarming, okay?
你在把我想象成谁
Who are you imagining I am?
最好是个你无法接触到的人
It better be someone unattainable
像是安吉丽娜·朱莉或埃及艳后
like Angelina Jolie or Cleopatra.
这两个女人都太糟了 其中一个还死了
Those women are gross, and one of them's dead.
有点难以启齿
This is a little embarrassing to admit,
但自从你开始亲力亲为地照顾孩子时
but since you started being a hands-on mom...
-只限下午的母亲 -是的
- In the afternoons? - Yes.
你就选择了花更多的时间陪孩子
You've made a choice to spend more time with the kids,
这展现了你新的一面
and it brought out a new side of you.
什么 什么新的一面
What? What side?
比方说 更多养育和关爱他人的一面
You know, like, more nurturing and caring.
你不再从窗户下面爬过
You've stopped army crawling under the windows
让孩子们不知道你在家
so the kids don't know you're home.
你不再叫卢克"棕色头发的小孩"
You don't call Luke "The one with the brown hair" anymore.
你知道了磨牙饼干是什么
You know what a teething biscuit is.
拜托 你很有母性光辉
I mean, come on. You're maternal.
你变了 这很撩人
You've changed. It's a turn-on.
-真令人难以置信 -怎么了
- Unbelievable. - What is that?
天呐 天呐
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
亲爱的 这是恭维你
Honey, it's a compliment.
天呐
Oh, my God.
基本上你是在说我开始下午照顾孩子前
You're basically saying that you weren't attracted to who I was
对你根本没有任何吸引力
before I started mothering the kids...in the afternoons.
有"母性关爱"这个词吗
Is "mothering" a word?
我不是这么说的 我不是这么说的
Not what I said. Not what I said.
是的 我想有这个词
And yes, I think so.
不管你是不是这么说的
Well, it doesn't matter if you said it or not.
这就是我所听到的 我终于成为了
It's what I heard, so I'm finally the woman
你想娶的那种女人
that you wish you married.
真替你高兴
Then great for you.
我有点不太明白 这怎么是一件坏事呢
I-I'm kind of confused how this is a bad thing.
妈妈
Mama.
朱莉娅在磨牙 我得走了
Julia's teething. I need to go.
管好你的下半身
Try to keep it in your pants.
我...
I --
-妈妈这就来 -神啊 这太性感了
- Mommy's coming. - Oh, boy, that's hot.
-你真的需要这个吗 -是的
- You really need this? - Yes!
我的脚需要打很多光
My feet need a lot of light.
我...我想让它们看上去在度假
I-I want it to look like they're on vacation.
这是埃文的台灯 我觉得很脏
This is Evan's desk lamp, and I feel dirty.
别这么大惊小怪了
Stop being such a prude.
我允许你在我家拍摄色情影片
I am letting you shoot erotica in my house.
成熟点吧
Oh, grow up.
你孩子们呢
Where are your kids?
什么 他们在楼下和你的孩子一起玩
What? They're downstairs with yours.
这就是人们见我第一面想到的吗
Is that the first thing that people think of when they see me?
不 我是觉得你的头发太金了
No. I think your hair's too blonde.
-什么 -这...就是让你显得有点苍白
- What? - It's just, it washes you out a little,
但没有以前那么有光泽了
but it's not as brassy as it was.
天呐 好吧 亨利似乎不太介意
Oh, my God. Okay. Well, Henry doesn't seem to mind.
他真这么说吗
Did he actually say that?
好吧 自从我开始在下午照顾孩子开始
Okay, he's obsessed with me right now,
他就对我有些过于迷恋
ever since I started taking care of the kids in the afternoon.
姐♥妹♥们♥ 他说我
Guys, he called me --
他说我"有母性光辉"
He called me "Maternal."
你几周前确实让我过马路时小心点
You did tell me to be careful at a crosswalk the other week.
不 我没有 我有吗
No, I didn't. Did I?
你有
You did.
我快认不出自己了
I don't recognize myself.
这就是你们经常交♥配♥的原因
That's why all the boffing.
-什么 -交♥配♥
- The what? - The boffing.
-做♥爱♥ -没错
- The sex. - Oh, right.
-你说得像个小英国男人 -谢谢
- You sound like a little British man when you say it. - Oh, thanks.
这个词确实是来源于中古英语
Well, it is derived from Middle English.
好了 怎么还上起莎士比亚文学课了
Okay. When did this turn into a Shakespeare class?
我丈夫希望我是另外一个人
My husband wishes I was somebody else.
他只是喜欢这个全新的你
No, he just likes the new you.
如果珂琳还在的话
Well, if Coleen had never died,
我根本不会开始在下午回家
I never would have started going home in the afternoons
来照顾孩子 他也不会意识到
to take care of the kids, and he never would have realized
他一直以来都很不开心
how unhappy he was.
乔迪 你能拿个枕头垫在我脚下面吗
Jodie, can I get a, um, a pillow for under my foot?
我只是想 拿个东西来支撑一下
I just want to -- I want to prop it up.
拿个好看一点的
Like, a decorative one.
我想说清楚 你绝对不会为我做这些事
Just to be clear, you would never do this for me.
姐♥妹♥们♥ 我今晚绝不会再这样了
Guys, I'm not doing it again tonight, okay?
我真的有工作要做
I have actual work to do,
我绝不要因为他的癖好得上尿路感染
and I am not gonna get a UTI for his kink.
艾米 你应该为你丈夫想跟你做♥爱♥
Amy, you should be happy your husband
而感到开心
wants to have sex with you.
过去的你 现在的你 吵闹的你
The old you, the new you, the brassy you.
我什么时候吵闹了
What's this "Brassy" Thing?
如果男人都像他那样的话
You know, if more men were like him,
真命天子也不会存在了
OnlyThrills wouldn't even exist.
乔迪 这个枕头看起来太廉价了
Jodie, this pillow looks cheap.
你有没有更精美一点的枕头
Do you have a -- a classier one?
但这跟你下流的客户简直是绝配
But it's perfect for your seedy clients!
你不知道他们是否下流
You don't know they're seedy!
-这是我的 -乔迪 别这么幼稚
- This is mine. - Jodie, you're being a baby.
别闹了 姐♥妹♥们♥
Break it up! Girls, girls, girls.
嘿 别闹了 安静 不要再吵了
Hey, hey! Break it up. Break it up. Stop with the sass!
你们两个暂停
Both of you are in a time-out.
我的天呐