生活新方向（2022）

Pivoting S01E08

Part 4 March 4, 2022, 11:08 a.m.

我没去开会
Skipped the meeting.
提早回家干些色♥色♥的事情
Came home early for sex stuff.
不过时间大概只够我高♥潮♥
Might only have time for me.
好吧
Okay, uh...
不行
Oh, no!
不不不不
Oh, no, no, no.
毫无人格魅力
I mean, zero charisma.
这可是强尼·德普级别的旺卡
I mean, I'm talking Johnny Depp-level Wonka there.
你不用担心了
Well, you don't have to worry about it.
我帮他重新争取到小矮人了
I got him his Oompa Loompa back.
你跟希金斯谈过了吗他怎么说
You talked to Higgins? What did he say?
他提到我了吗
Did he -- Did he mention me?
我做了件坏事
I did a terrible thing.
好吧但他提到我了吗
Huh, but did he mention me?
我感觉自己好脏
I feel so dirty.
你感觉脏
You feel dirty?
对
Yeah.
你知道他觉得你的厨艺节目门票是贿赂吧
You know how he thought your cooking-show tickets were a bribe?
我的...对我的厨艺节目门票
My -- yeah, my cooking-show tickets.
我♥干♥的事更糟糕
Well, I did way worse.
他问我的头发为什么如此茂密
He asked me why my hair is so thick,
然后我就
and the next thing I knew,
把最后一瓶生发丸从后门塞给了他
I was slipping him the last of my hair pills through the back door.
听说他的保险公♥司♥
Apparently, his insurance company
不再覆盖好产品了
stopped covering the good stuff.
什么你的最后一瓶吗
What?! The last of it?
你真得去再配点了亨利
You have got to get that refilled, Henry.
我说过你这张脸不适合留光头
I told you, you do not have the face for a bald man.
你就这反应吗
That's your takeaway?
我是个头皮刺♥激♥药物的走私犯
I'm a scalp stimulants trafficker.
对我当然对此不开心
Well, yeah. I mean, I'm not happy about that.
这是个极其不明智的选择而且可笑至极
It's extremely poor judgment and it's hideous,
而且我原本以为你不可能干出这种事
and I did think that you were above all of that,
我们也绝不能告诉儿子
and we can never tell our son
因为他会因此不尊重你
because he'll lose all respect for you,
但你知道吗
but you know what?
别太自责
Do not beat yourself up about it.
我会试试我不知道是否能做到
Okay, I'll try. I don't know that I can.
我知道
I know.
听着我知道这令人心烦
Look, I know it's sixes,
但如果我这样说会不会让你好受些
but would it help you to know that I, um --
我其实没有给他厨艺节目的门票
I didn't give him tickets to the cooking show?
我给了他处方药
I gave him, uh, prescription drugs.
你给了老师毒品吗
You gave a teacher drugs?
这是为了儿子记得吗
For our son, remember?
我终于找到了一个为卢克学校做贡献的方法
Look, I finally found a way to contribute to Luke's school
而不用傻兮兮地站在洗车摊前
instead of standing at some, I don't know, car wash.
我在帮助全美的老师懂吗
I'm helping the teachers of America, okay?
我是个好母亲
I'm a good mother.
你是毒枭
You're a drug lord.
卢克可能被开除
Luke could get kicked out of school.
你得在家给他教学
You'd have to home school him.
你可能被逮捕
You could get arrested.
在家教学在这屋子里
Home school? In this house?
我不知道自己是怎么跟你过的
I don't know how you live with you.
我感觉像个人♥渣♥
I-I feel like scum.
那药能有所缓解我本来想给你一片
Well, the pills help, but, I mean, I'd offer you one.
但你也知道我现在库存不够
But as you know, I'm running low now.
我觉得真正真正的问题是
I think the real -- the real thing here
我们是优秀的父母
is that we are good parents
想让儿子得到最糟的东西
who want the worst for our son.
你说得有道理
Well, you make a good point.
你想上楼告诉他吗
You want to go upstairs and tell him?
不我绝不会再去那里
No, there's no way I'm going back up there.
我绝不去
I'm definitely not going.
世界上再多的酒都不够浇愁
There's not enough of this in the world.
你吃了我留的火鸡吗
Did you eat the turkey I left?
你为什么看起来脸红红的
Why do you look so flushed?
消息未发送
我得换供应商了
Gonna have to switch providers.
我不知道乔迪在哪
I don't know where Jodie is,
但她本来该送我回家
but she was supposed to be my ride home.
来吧核心力量
Oh, come on, core strength.
我在干什么
What am I doing?
你在干什么
What are you doing?
好吧
Okay.
宝贝
Hey, babe.
怎么回事
Hey, what's going on?
你妈妈要走了吗
Um, is your mom leaving?
不她换上了睡衣裤
Oh, no, she whipped out the sweatpants.
暂时不会出门了
She's not going anywhere for a while.
好吧我得走了这是唯一的出路所以
Okay, I have to go. This is the only way out, so...
我真的感觉很内疚
Man, I really want to feel bad about this,
不过瞧瞧你
but look at you.
我真欣慰之前把你的臀肌锻炼出来了
I'm so glad we blasted your glutes the other day.
你的屁♥股♥好翘
Your butt looks amazing.
真的吗真的吗
Really?! Really?
-当然 -你能帮我一把吗
- Yes. - Okay, do you mind giving me a hand?
没问题不过只是因为我想碰你
Alright, fine, but only because I want to touch you.
上上
Go, go, go!
收紧屁♥股♥
Clench the buttocks!
-你做到了 -我做到了
- Hey, you did it. - I did it!
-我要坦白 -你说
- I have a confession. - Yeah.
-我什么忙也没帮 -什么
- I didn't do anything. - What?
对我就知道你能做到
Yeah, I knew you could do it.
-我得走了 -好
- Oh, okay. I got to go. - Alright.
-拜 -再见
- Bye. - Alright.
等等再夸一遍我的屁♥股♥
Wait, tell me about my butt again.
天哪太翘了
Oh, my God, it looks amazing.
拜
Bye.
丹你在哪
打扫浴室吗我马上来别穿衣服
我们得谈谈
莎拉在这里
莎拉超爱快餐芝士汉堡马上来
算了来个苹果派
薯条
看到丹的花生了
看到他的花生
Saw his peanuts?
不不不不不不不
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
这里左转
Make a left here.
莱斯和凯特蕾咖啡厅
我从来不做数独
I just never got sudoku.
艾米太可怕了
Amy, it was terrifying.
我可能被他的母亲抓包
I could've been caught by his mother.
你能想象吗
Can you imagine?
过去我被很多人的妈妈抓包过
Oh, I've been caught by a lot of moms back in the day.
还有一些女友
And some girlfriends, too.
那真是很有趣
That -- That was actually kind of fun.
不过你肯定吓坏了
You must've been freaking out, though.
如果她真的下楼了你要怎么办
I mean, what would you have done if she had come down?
我不知道
I don't know.
我太大意了
I've become reckless.
失常了
I'm unhinged.
我抛弃一切只为了见他
I tossed everything just to see him.
我都没想过
Like, it didn't even occur to me
如果我被抓包可能丢掉自己的所有生活
that I could blow up my entire life if I got caught.
那是我生命中最刺♥激♥的时刻
It was the most exhilarating moment of my life.
太刺♥激♥了我可以告诉你
It was so exciting, and I could tell you
我打算停止我也该这样但我不会
I'm going to stop, and I should, but I'm not.
当然不会
Of course not.
《试试接受》
你可以把你的"接受"之书拿回去了
You can have your yes book back.
我怎么会知道
How was I supposed to know
你要泡世界上时间最长的澡
you were going to take the world's longest bath?
我对你的工作感兴趣你去哪了