生活新方向（2022）

Pivoting S01E08

Part 2 March 4, 2022, 11:07 a.m.

Here's the thing, I don't want to be that kind of mom,
我是说在家做药品交易
but, you know, I mean, a drug deal at the house
有点异想天开了
is a little sketch.
这不是药品交易我不会付你钱的
It's not a drug deal. I'm not paying you.
那好吧
Okay, perfect.
很好
Perf it is.
现在是最精彩的部分
And now the pièce de résistance.
乔迪我真的非得看浴室吗
Jodie, do I really have to see the bathroom?
你在逗我吗这是我的专长
Are you kidding me? This is my specialty.
再说麦肯齐·考克斯已经占据了
Plus, Mackenzi Cox has already cornered
车♥库♥ 厨房♥和衣柜市场的一角
the garage, kitchen, and closet market.
那我为什么要去看车♥库♥ 厨房♥和衣柜呢
Then why did I have to see the garage, kitchen, and closet?
为了制♥造♥悬念
To build suspense.
在人的一生中
Over the course of their lives,
女人要花两年又四十天在浴室
women spend 2 years and 40 days in the bathroom.
男人实际上要多待八十五天左右
Men actually spend 85 more days,
原因你懂的...
'cause, you know...
-刮胡子 -对是这个原因
- Shaving. - Yeah, that's it.
马特教练
好消息妈妈一下午都在上班
你能过来...做吗
同学妈妈的信息噩梦
School mom. Nightmare.
我试着营造一种家是避风港的感觉
I was trying to create a home sanctuary.
我真心觉得自己办到了
I really think I nailed it.
乔迪你是从哪学会这些的
Jodie, where did you learn how to do all this?
直觉再加上油管的教学视频
Oh, it's intuitive. Plus YouTube.
在浴缸旁的篮子里
In the basket over the bathtub,
有浴巾
you'll find your towels...
在这边你可以找到各种香皂
...and over here, you'll find your different soaps.
去吧快看看去看看
Go ahead, check 'em out. Go look, look at 'em.
我在看
I'm looking.
莎拉你得"接受"个人护理
Sarah, you have to say yes to self-care.
快瞧瞧这些香皂
I mean, look at those soaps.
好的等不及想和你做♥爱♥了
感受下这些浴巾
Feel the towels.
通常我不会去感受浴巾
You know, normally, I really wouldn't feel towels.
好吧我来感受下
Okay. I'm gonna feel the towels.
你要是不愿意的话我不强迫你
马特教练
丹
我把装麦片的碗落在楼下的厕所了
你能把它放到洗碗池里吗
好的等不及想和你做♥爱♥了
天呐
Oh, God.
乔迪你看手♥机♥做什么
Jodie, are you on your phone?
我在给丹发短♥信♥
I'm texting Dan!
莎拉在浴室所以我得小点声
Sarah's in the bathroom so I'm whispering,
但我搞砸了
but I messed up bad.
彻底搞砸了
I messed up real bad!
天呐我最喜欢这种聊天了
Oh, my God, this is my favorite kind of conversation.
继续说
Go.
我不小心把本来给马特的限制级短♥信♥发给丹了
I accidentally sent Dan an R-rated text meant for Matt!
这是我今天接到最棒的电♥话♥
I am just getting the best phone calls today.
艾米
Amy!
我得立刻编个谎言
I need a lie, like right now!
好吧好吧
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
你和一群妈妈在公园
Uh, you're with a bunch of moms at the park.
其中一位觉得应该给你丈夫发个短♥信♥
One of them thought it would be a good idea to text your husband.
你不能抢回自己的手♥机♥ 因为...
You couldn't get your phone back because, well,
那个妈妈坐在轮椅里所以你不好意思这么做
I mean, the -- the mother was in a wheelchair and you felt bad.
-她为什么坐轮椅 -因为她髋骨骨折了
- Why is she in a wheelchair? - Because she broke her hip.
怎么骨折的
How did she break her hip?
她被一个玩具绊倒了所以...
She tripped on a toy, so she's gonna be
她得请四到六周的病假
out of commission for four to six more weeks.
可怜的家伙
Poor thing.
等等你真会扯谎
Oh, wait. Wow, you're good.
重点就在于背景故事
It's all about the backstory.
等等
Wait.
丹给我发短♥信♥了
Dan texted me!
一个竖拇指的表情
A thumbs-up emoji?
我给他发性暗示的短♥信♥
I put myself out there sexually
他能回的就只是一个竖拇指的表情
and all he can muster is a thumbs up emoji?
他真是个混♥蛋♥
He's such a jerk.
你得小心点你不擅长这些
You got to be careful. You are not good at this.
你现在在用低级的水平
You're doing some major-league lying
扯着高级的谎
with some little-league skills.
从现在开始我会...
From now on, I'm gonna be...
-非常小心 -很好我得挂了
- really careful. - Great, I got to go
因为我要...我要进行一场毒品交易
'cause I got to go do a -- I got to go do a drug deal.
好的什么
Okay. What?
马特教练
二十分钟后到
马特
Matt.
你真厉害
Well, you have been a real trouper.
我们走吧你在干嘛
Let's go -- What are you doing?
我觉得我该接受泡个澡
I figured I'd say yes to a bath.
你还在继续"接受"训练呢
Oh, you're still doing that!
马特教练
没错
Yeah.
快进来快进来
Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
跳过栅栏的动作很漂亮
Nice jumping that fence.
好了快进来
Alright, let's just get you...
拉基尔太太这不是那种家访
Mrs. Lakier, it's not that kind of visit.
我只是想确保你没有戴窃听器
Alright, I just need to make sure you're not wearing a wire.
拜托让我找点乐子
Oh, come on, let me have a little fun with this.
-好吧 -谢谢
- Alright. - Yeah, thank you.
好了你没戴一切正常
Alright, now we're good, we're good, we're good.
来吧
Now...
好我们来看看
Okay, let's see here.
没错就是这个
Here we go, here we go.
对对对
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
应该就是这个
These should be good.
这药肯定能帮你提高注意力
These'll definitely put a little pep in your step.
非常好
Oh, great.
这是我朋友从坎昆带过来的
Now, a friend brought these back from Cancun,
所以你最好随身携带一些电解质饮料
so you're gonna want to keep some electrolytes on hand
还有毒物控制中心的号♥码
and maybe a number for poison control.
还有其他嘱咐吗
Anything else?
没有了
No, that's it.
既然你要的剂量要撑到星期二
Now, since you just have to get 'til Thursday,
我可以给你10片5毫克的或者5片10毫克的
I can give you 10 fives, or if you prefer, five 10s,
你可以把一片掰成两半
and you can just break the bars.
我要5片10毫克这样吧
I'll take five 10s, and you know what,
你也可以再给我几片5毫克
just throw in a couple of fives, too,
因为我星期三要主持几场家长会
'cause I have back-to-back parent-teacher conferences
真的很费心力
on Wednesday and those can be a lot.
好吧这算我们的家长会
Well, this counts as ours.
真的很感谢你
Thank you for this.
我以后会回报你的
I am gonna hit you back.
有一天也许那天永远不会到来
Someday, and that day may never come.
我将找到你并需要你的协助
I may call upon you to do me a favor.
我觉得你的《教父》台词模仿
I think your "Godfather" Impersonation
有点奇怪
is slightly off.
给我出去难以置信
Get out of here. Unbelievable.
你真的毁掉了我当一个毒枭的乐趣
You really suck the joy out of being a drug lord.
你的茶来了
Here's your tea!
我猜泡澡水已经有点冷了吧
I'm guessing that bath is getting pretty cold by now.
不不很完美我刚刚放了热水
No, no, it's perfect. I just filled it.
也许你可以边喝茶
Well, maybe you can drink your tea
边穿好衣服离开
while you get dressed to leave.
不我哪也不去
Oh, no, I'm not going anywhere.
我要把上半辈子没有泡的澡泡回来
I'm catching up on a lifetime of baths.
我就待着不动
I'm gonna stay put.
迫不及待要见你了
你应该已经跑得起褶子了吧
Aren't you getting really pruny in there?
我不会起褶子天生比较幸运
Oh, I don't get pruny. Just lucky that way.
我现在得走了
Well, I've got to go
带埃文去学校踢球所以