糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S07E02
Part 3
Jan. 2, 2021, 2:36 p.m.
Greetings, godlike warriors.
在寻找传说中像太阳一样闪亮的黄金城吗
Seek you the fabulous cities of gold that shine like the sun?
别演过头了
All right, don't overcook it.
没错 我冈萨洛·皮萨罗
Si, I, Gonzalo Pizarro,
在寻找传说中的城市埃尔多拉多
seek the legendary city of El Dorado.
我也是
I do that as well.
他也是
He does too.
沿那条离开我们村子的路走
It's down that path away from our village,
然后往左转
and then turn you left
一直走一个礼拜
and walk for about a week
爬过一座山之后
and then you climb over the mountain,
再游过一条疟疾肆虐的河
swim through the malaria infested water.
别担心这条河的名字
Don't worry about the name.
然后黄金城就在你的右手边
And then it's just up there on the right.
我要成为西班牙最有钱的人了
I'm going to be the richest man in Spain.
你给指到了鳄鱼繁殖区
Directions to the crocodile breeding ground.
干得漂亮
Nice touch.
又来人了
Incoming.
快看 是本地人
Look, natives.
让我们折磨她们直到她们说出黄金城在哪里
Let us torture them until they tell us where it is.
不需要 伟大的武士们
No need, mighty masters.
你们的强大与英武 我们早有耳闻
For legend of your strength and heroism has already reached us
让我们诚惶诚恐
and we are so afraid.
太好了 庞塞·德莱昂像个蠢货一样
Excellent. Ponce de Leon may be hunting
在北方寻找青春不老泉
for the fountain of youth in the north, like an idiota,
但是我们 我们在追寻一个由金子造的城市
but we, we hunt a city made entirely of gold.
这要可信的多
Which is way more believable.
先往那边走一百六十千米 右转
Right, so, it's 100 miles that way, turn right,
寻找一棵树 然后就易如反掌了
look for a tree and Bob's your poncho.
什么样的树
What kind of a tree?
棕色的树干和绿色的叶子 很好辨认
It's got a brown trunk and green leaves, can't miss it.
荣耀就在前方 谢谢
Glory awaits. Gracias.
你把我们送到了鳄鱼的首都
You sent us to the capital of crocodile.
你说往那边走然后右转
You said it was that way and then right.
不 是左转
No, it was a left.
我们该走了 否则我们永远也找不到
We've got to go unless we're never going to find it.
除非...
Unless...
你们不是在给我们瞎指路 好摆脱我们吧
You aren't just giving us the run-around to get rid of us?
不
No.
黄金都市 那边
The gold city, that way.
真的吗
Really?
那边还有一个亚马逊河女性部落
There is also a tribe of Amazonian river women
她们很喜欢亲吻
who really like kissing.
我也喜欢亲吻
I like kissing too.
来吧冈萨洛 往哪边走
Come on, Gonzalo. Which way from the path?
-向右 -向左
- Right. - Left.
-向左 -向右
- Left. - Right.
向左 然后右转
Left, then right.
听起来很简单
Seems simple enough.
走吧
Let's go.
这是真的
It is true,
人们真的认为当地人编造了
people really do think the locals made up the stories
黄金城的传说 这样探索者就会
about the cities of gold just so that explorers
在丛林中迷路 不再打扰他们
would get lost in the jungle and leave them alone.
说实话 谁会相信由金子建的城市
Honestly, who would believe there could be a city
会是真的
made entirely of gold?
只有笨蛋会相信
You'd have to be an idiot.
但是由奶酪制成的城市是完全可能的
But a city made of cheese is totally believable.
我要寻找古代的奶酪城
Yes, my search for the ancient realm of El Double Gloucester
探险从今天开始
starts today.
而且我认识一个不需要问路的人
And I know one person who won't be asking for directions.
克里斯托弗·哥伦布
Christopher Columbus.
新学期开始了
It's a new term,
校长汉娜·劳伦斯只剩下两周时间
and head teacher Hannah Lawrence has just two weeks
来改善这所学校 上一次教育标准办公室
to turn around the school,
对它的评级是"我的天呐
whose last Ofsted rating was OMG,
真应该把这个地方推倒重建一个停车场"
someone should flatten this place and build a car park.
历史教育
欢迎来到《历史教育》
Welcome to Historical Educating.
我希望孩子们能真的深入学科
I want the children to actually connect with the subject,
汉娜·劳伦斯
校长
所以从关键的第二阶段地理课开始
so starting with Key stage two geography,
我要邀请一个在这个学科
I'm bringing in a teacher
有丰富的第一手经验的老师
who really knows his subject first hand.
7F班的新老师是克里斯托弗·哥伦布
Class 7F's new teacher is Christopher Columbus.
小朋友们 是的 就是我
Ciao bambini, yes, it is I,
超有名的克里斯托弗·哥伦布
the famous Christopher Columbus.
在这边 先生
Wrong way, sir.
你们坐错了位子
You are sitting in the wrong place.
我的地理计算告诉我
My geographical calculations clearly show...
你应该在那边
You should be over here.
哥伦布先生没什么课堂经验
OK, Mr Columbus doesn't have classroom experience,
或者是方向感
or a sense of direction,
但是看在上帝的份上 是他发现了美洲
but he discovered America for goodness' sake.
孩子们可以视他为榜样 说
The kids can look up to him and say, "Hey,
"也许有一天我也可以发现一块大♥陆♥"
maybe one day I can discover a continental landmass too."
谁能告诉我 从西班牙出发
Who can tell me where you get to if you set out from Spain
越过这片浩瀚的海洋 能到达哪里
and cross the mighty ocean?
-美洲 老师 -"美洲 老师"
- America, sir. - "America, sir."
不 不是 从没听说过这个地方
No, no, never heard of it.
哥伦布当时并不知道美洲的存在
从西班牙出发
It goes Spain,
经过海怪 海龙 日本
sea monsters, sea dragons, Japan.
老师 那不是日本
That's not Japan, sir.
他以为自己发现了日本
那是古巴
That's Cuba.
古巴
Cuba.
墨西哥 拉丁美洲
Mexico, Latin America.
不 不 这个地球仪全搞错了
No, no, this globe is all completely wrong.
幸好我带来了自己的
Luckily I brought my own.
老师 那个看上去很像一个梨
Sir, that looks a lot like a pear.
没错 地球就像颗梨
Yes, just like the Earth itself.
正因如此 我去日本的时候
Which is why when I went to Japan,
他真的以为地球是梨形的
需要向上航行
I had to sail uphill.
新学期才开始二十三分钟
It is only 23 minutes into the new term
哥伦布就被叫到校长办公室去了
and Columbus is called into the head teacher's office.
奇了怪了 怎么没人
Peculiar, there's no-one here.
我在这里
I'm over here.
根据我的计算
Oh. Well, according to my calculations,
你不应该在那里 你应该...
you should not be there, you should...
显然你的计算还显示
Apparently your calculations also say
地球是梨形的
that the world is pear-shaped
美洲不存在
and there's no such place as America.
美洲 又来了
America, again.
听着 这地方不存在
Look, there's no such place.
好吧 我来告诉你什么跑偏了
OK, I'll tell you what's gone pear shaped,
这份工作 你被开除了
this job. You're fired.
你说的太迟了 因为我不干了
Well, it's too late because I quit.
不 是我先开除了你
No, because I just fired you.
我听不到你在说什么
I can't hear what you're saying.
我已经从这地方出去了 所以...
I am walking out of here already, so...
那是个橱柜
That's a cupboard.
根据我的计算它不是
Not according to my calculations.
杰出的探险家
这些杰出的探险家带回了成船的
These great explorers brought back boats
数之不尽的财宝和新奇物件
full of untold wealth and exotic things.
令时人疯狂的不只有珠宝
It wasn't just the jewels people got excited about.
你觉得我戴这个好看吗
Do you think it suits me?
十七世纪迷妹
三百二十七年前
大家好 我身边的是我闺蜜夏洛特和艾米莉
Hi, world. I'm here with my BFFs Charlotte and Emily,
今天我们来到我叔叔的家中
and we've come to my uncle's house today
因为据说这里有一件"那个"
because I heard a rumour that one of them is here.
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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