糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S07E04

Part 3 Jan. 2, 2021, 2:36 p.m.

Oh, Nelly!
没错克里斯·奥菲利的确用大便画画
It's true. Chris Ofili really does paint with poo.
这是便艺
It's plop art!
但我追求的是更传统一点的东西
But I'm after something more traditional.
也许我该看看其他著名画家
Maybe I should look at other famous painters.
在乔治亚时期时期有这么一位画家
There was one artist in Georgian times
他画了太多名人
who painted so many celebrities
最后自己也变成了一位名人
that he became a celebrity himself.
约书亚·雷诺兹的工作室 1787年
我爱死你了亲爱的太美妙了
I love it, baby. It's fantastic.
好摆个魅力四射的姿势
OK, give me sassy.
就要这样想象一个女孩刚进门
That's it, a girl's just walked in
她戴的帽子比你的大
and she's got a bigger hat than you.
她在想什么
What is she thinking?
是的是的就是这样
Yeah. Yeah. That's it.
天哪约书亚·雷诺兹就是
OMG, Joshua Reynolds is like
现在伦敦最火的画家
the hottest painter in London right now.
我都没看人没看
I'm not even looking. Not even looking.
我们排了几小时的队
We have queued for hours.
人们真的会排几小时的队
公卿王侯们
All the Duchesses and generals
都请他为自己画肖像画
are having their pictures done by him.
捉迷藏
Hide and seek.
所有人快藏起来
Everyone hide, hide, hide.
五六七八
Five, six, seven, eight...
你得藏起来
Right, you've got to hide.
所有人都找他画像
He's painting everyone.
包括纳尔逊中将的女朋友艾玛·哈密尔顿
Even Admiral Nelson's girlfriend, Emma Hamilton.
纳尔逊中将大概是海军将领之类的
Admiral Nelson's in the Navy or something.
不不这太男性化了
No, no, it's too masculine.
太阳刚我想要更清♥纯♥ 更娇媚的姿势
Way too masculine. I want something innocent, coquettish.
好换个角度用左手好就这样
Yeah, different angle. Try the left hand. Yeah, that's it.
就这样
That's it, yeah.
正好顺便一提画布爱你
Exactly. Canvas adores you, by the way.
画布不再爱你了
Oh, canvas doesn't like you any more.
-#肖像女孩# -#完全同意#
- #portraitgirls#. - #totallyagree#.
#对着相机噘嘴#
#pouttocamera#.
很好
That's really helpful.
就是侧影有点问题
Just having a little trouble with that profile.
我真调皮
I'm so cheeky.
我爱你恨你爱你恨你
I love you, hate you, love you, hate you!
太棒了太棒了妙极了击掌
It's brilliant, it's brilliant, fantastic. Let's take five.
你好我是著名画家巴勃罗·毕加索
Hola, I am famous artist Pablo Picasso
巴勃罗·毕加索
我去哪里都不带钱
and I don't take cash with me anywhere.
请再说一遍先生
I beg your pardon, Sir?
这是因为我用我的作品支付一切
That is because I pay for everything with Masterpiece.
有作品我就不需要付钱
With Masterpiece, I don't have to pay for anything.
因为我的作品是无价的
That is because drawings by me are simply priceless.
他真这么干
你的小费
Your tip.
你好我是萨尔瓦多·达利
Hi, I'm Salvador Dali
我都不需要画画
and I don't even need to draw a picture.
萨尔瓦多·达利
我的签名特别值钱
My signature is so valuable
都没人会兑换我签的支票
no-one ever cashes in my checks. Kerching.
生活中总有一些东西
Because there are some things in life
是著名艺术家买♥♥不到的
that being a famous artist can't buy,
但是其他的玩意只需要一幅作品
but for everything else, there's Masterpiece.
万事画
我们更喜欢现金如果您不介意的话
We prefer cash, if it's all the same.
警告万事画不适用于哑剧演员
Warning, Masterpiece does not work for mime artists.
哑剧不值钱须受条款及细则约束
Mime is not money. Terms and conditions apply.
令人震惊的艺术家
像他俩那样的著名艺术家的画作价值连城
Paintings by famous artists like those two can be worth millions,
因此在历史上
so there is no surprise
画作被窃的事情屡见不鲜
that plenty have been stolen throughout history
尤其是某一幅画
and in the case of one particular painting,
被盗了远不止一两回
a lot more than once or twice.
我不知道它怎么来的
Oh, I've no idea how that got there.
保安传
大家好我是桑迪·霍尔
Hi, I'm Sandy Hole,
我是展览馆的保安队长
I am chief of security for the gallery
桑迪·霍尔
保安队长
伦敦杜尔维治美术馆
此次任务是我们的明星展品
and in particular for our star exhibit,
伦勃朗的《雅各布三世》
Rembrandt's Jacob de Gheyn III.
什么画作被盗了
What?! Someone's taken the painting.
卡第二条《保安传》
Cut! Take two, The Security Guards.
我是桑迪·霍尔展览馆的保安队长
I'm Sandy Hole and I am chief of security for the gallery
此次任务是我们的明星展品
and in particular for our star exhibit,
伦勃朗的《雅各布三世》
Rembrandt's Jacob de Gheyn,
之前被盗后于近期在德国
which was recently found in a lost luggage department in Germany
某遗失行李处找回
after it was stolen...
卡
Cut.
又被偷了
It's gone again.
第三条《保安传》
Take three, The Security Guards.
我是桑迪·霍尔展览馆的保安队长
Sandy Hole, chief of security for the gallery.
负责伦勃朗的《雅各布三世》的安保工作
I am responsible for the security of Rembrandt's Jacob de Gheyn,
该画二次被盗后于近期由匿名人士
which was recently returned to us anonymously after it was stolen
归还本馆
for the second time.
停
Cut.
我们在一辆自行车后座上找到的
We found it on the back of someone's bike.
第四条《保安传》
Take four, The Security Guards.
大家好我是桑迪·霍尔
Hello, I'm Sandy Hole,
展览馆的保安队长
I am chief of security for the gallery
负责保管伦勃朗的《雅各布三世》
and Rembrandt's Jacob de Gheyn, which I think,
该画再次被盗的话将成为史上
if it's stolen one more time, will make it the most stolen
被盗次数最多的名画但这不会
old master in history. But that' not going to...
卡
Cut.
在一个斯特里汉墓地里的长凳底下找到的
Found under a graveyard bench in Streatham.
-我可没开玩笑 -第五条
- I'm not kidding. - Take five.
大家好我是桑迪·霍尔
Hi, I'm Sandy Hole
如果你想偷伦勃朗的《雅各布三世》的话
and if you'd like to steal Rembrandt's Jacob de Gheyn,
来吧随你处置
just take it. Do what you like.
没关系墙上这副是赝品
It's fine. The one on the wall's a fake.
几年前就该这么做了
Should have done this years ago.
真迹在这里面
The real one's in here.
卡
Cut!
这幅画真的四次被盗
真不知道我费这劲干什么
I don't know why I bother.
大家好我是著名画家文森特·梵高
Hello, I am famous artist Vincent van Gogh
文森特·梵高
我在这里画向日葵
and here I am painting sunflowers.
又一次
Again.
向日葵我能说什么我喜欢向日葵
Sunflowers. What can I say, I like sunflowers.
再说我还有好多黄颜料没用完
Also, I have a lot of yellow paint to use up.
但别挑刺
But, hey, don't knock it.
有朝一日我的画作会价值连城
One day in the future, my paintings will be worth millions.
有朝一日终有一日
One day. One day.
但告诉我我这一生卖♥♥出了几幅画
But, tell me this, how many paintings did I sell in my lifetime?
答案是A 零幅吗
Was it A: None?
B 两幅
B: Two.
还是C 两千幅
Or C: Two thousand.
答案是B 我卖♥♥出了两幅画的
The answer is B, I sold a couple of paintings.
有流言说我只卖♥♥出过一幅画
I don't know where this rumour started
我不知道它从何而起
that I only sold one painting.
我卖♥♥出了几幅交换了几幅
I sold a few, swapped a few,
租出去几幅受雇画了几幅
lent a few, was commissioned for a few.
确实不是很多但也是有几幅的
OK, so it wasn't a lot, but it was a few.
世人不承认我的才华又不是我的错
Not my fault if people don't recognise my genius.
要么他们就是不喜欢向日葵
Or maybe they just don't like sunflowers.
梵高的向日葵画作现在作价以千万
Van Gough's sunflower pictures are now worth tens of millions
但这种名为印象派的新绘画流派
but this new style of painting, called Impressionism,
在他的时代并不为人欣赏
well, it wasn't always appreciated during his lifetime.
不像我当人们看到我的自画像
Not like me. When people see my self portrait,