糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S07E14

Part 1 Jan. 2, 2021, 2:39 p.m.

*恐怖都铎华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians*
*卑劣斯图亚特邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians*
*悲惨战役凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights*
*昏暗古堡英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights*
*恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description*
*凶狠凯尔特可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians*
*凶残维京冷血罪行远古的惩罚*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes, punishment from ancient times*
*罗马人堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank, and ruthless*
*穴居人野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless*
*绝妙古希腊聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages*
*卑鄙又卑微就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages*
*血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we do that*
*且听鼠君对你说*
*And your host a talking rat*
*历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery*
*欢迎收看*
*Welcome to*
*糟糕历史*
*Horrible Histories.*
《糟糕历史》为你呈现
Horrible Histories presents...
了不起的古老文明
源远流长的人类历史
The ancient history of the human race
富含着伟大的文明
is rich with great civilisations.
所有帝国和人♥民♥用其思想力量和科技进步
Entire empires and peoples who changed the world
改变了这个世界
with their ideas, strength and scientific advances.
但不管哪个时期我们老鼠都伴你们左右
But in each one, we rats were right there alongside you,
吃你们的垃圾在你们房♥子里尿尿
eating your garbage and weeing in your houses.
不用谢
You're welcome.
没错即使是在人类的伊始
Yes, even at the dawn of humankind,
你们的远房♥亲戚尼安德特人还在的时候
when your distant cousins, the Neanderthals, were still around,
我的古代表亲鼠哥
my ancient cousin Ratto Ratto
用模仿表演逗他开心
was there to entertain with him impressions.
这是模仿羊
That impression of sheep.
好吧也不是很搞笑
Yeah, all right, they're not that entertaining.
你的表兄也不会有意思到哪去的
Your cousins weren't any more impressive.
糟糕音乐新作迷人的史前之声
New from Horrible Music, the enchanting sounds of prehistory.
这就是尼安德特人的合唱经典曲
It's Neanderthal Choral Classics.
在乐器真正的语言被发明前
Before instruments, before real language,
在现代人类出现之前
before modern humans,
生活着尼安德特人他们有着美妙的嗓音
there lived Neanderthals, with their beautiful voice.
悠然自在地创造出了一系列永恒的经典
Relax and unwind with a selection of timeless classics
黄金摇滚时代
---the golden age of rock.
好吧很多摇滚乐
Well, rocks.
从大量的俱乐部流行曲[击打]
From massive club hits,
到迷人的浪漫二重唱
To haunting romantic duets.
-女人 -浆果
- Woman! - Berries!
尼安德特人经典合唱曲
尼安德特人喉咙的独特形状
The unique shape of the Neanderthal throat,
加上他们强有力的胸膛和大鼻子
combined with their powerful chest and massive noses,
可以发出一种让你永生难忘的声音
creates a sound you'll never forget!
非常适合吟唱舒缓的摇篮曲
Just perfect for soothing lullabies.
宝贝睡吧宝贝睡吧
Baby sleep, baby sleep.
他在唱歌♥
Ahh, he's singing.
第一次编曲
For the first time on one compilation.
尼安德特人经典合唱曲
Neanderthal Choral Classics,
独特的声音将永世回响
the unique sound that will echo through the ages.
今天下单即可免费获得
Order today and get
一张猛犸舒缓乐唱片
a free mammoth song relaxation CD.
猛犸来了
Mammoth!
尼安德特人经典合唱曲
Neanderthal Choral Classics.
超级[猛犸]受欢迎哦
It's a mammoth hit.
野蛮的石器时代
尼安德特人和我们早期人类
Those Neanderthals actually lived at the same time
生活在同一时代
as early humans like me.
知道吗我们在石器时代发明的东西
Did you know we even invented things in the stone age
一直沿用到了现在
that you still use today?
朋友们我发明了一个东西
Friends, I have an invention
它将改变世界
that is going to change the world.
我给它起名为轮子
I call it the wheel.
勒...乌...恩轮子
The whe-e-el? Wheel?
因为"我们"[谐音]都将从中受益
Yeah, because WE'LL all benefit from it,
所以叫"轮子"[谐音]
so WHEEL.
名字只是暂定的以后可能会改
Ah, it's a working title, I'll probably change it.
重点是它可以帮你毫不费力地
Anyway, the point is it helps you move heavy things
移♥动♥重物
with hardly any effort.
-不管用 -你做得不对
- It don't work. - Ah, see, you're doing it wrong.
这样把它立起来
So, you stand it up like this,
扶着在里面插一根棍子
hold, and then you put a stick in there
然后它就能动了
and then it moves.
怎么样很聪明吧
See? Clever, isn't it?
那萝卜放在哪儿呢
Where do you put the turnips?
我会解决的
Well, I'm coming to that.
说实话我还是用我的麻袋吧
I'll be honest with you, I prefer my sack.
朋友们我也有一个发明
Friends, I too have an invention.
比你的强
And it's better than yours.
这下有好戏看了
This should be good.
确实如此
Yeah, it is, actually.
请看...
I present...
另一只轮子
..The other wheel.
你们惊叹什么他是抄袭我的
What do you mean, "Oh!" He's copied me.
我没有因为你的发明就是垃圾
No, I haven't, cos yours is rubbish.
你的轮子上什么都装不了但是用我的
You can't carry anything on that. But with mine...
好了
There you go.
-不错嘛 -另一边再装两个
- Nice. - Two more at the other end,
上面搭个台子这样大家才会受益
a bit of a platform and WE'LL benefit.
全家人都能坐得下而且与此同时
You could get the whole family on that, but, at the same time,
如果只用来运萝卜也很好用
it's handy if you're just nipping out for a turnip.
我才是原发明者
Hello, original inventor here.
是花岗岩做的吗
Does it come in granite?
算了我去下个村了
Fine, I am going to the next village.
也许他们会欣赏我的天才创意
Perhaps there they will appreciate my genius.
-你知道你需要什么吗 -我知道
- Yeah, you know what would help you there? - Yes, I know.
你是用苔藓擦屁♥股♥的穴居人吗
Are you a caveman using moss to wipe your bum?
你是用公用屎棍刮屁♥股♥的罗马人吗
Are you a Roman freshening up with a shared poo stick?
出去
Get out.
你是那个认为擦屁♥股♥最好用鹅头的
Are you the Frenchman who said the best thing to wipe your bum
法国人吗
with was a goose head?
拜托我是开玩笑的我用布
Come on, it was a joke, I use a cloth.
他们真的用这些东西擦过屁♥股♥
哪会有人真的用鹅呢
Who would actually use a goose?
那么你就需要新型厕纸
Then you need new toilet paper.
厕纸是什么
What's toilet paper?
厕纸是什么
What's toilet paper?
厕所是什么
What is a toilet?
来自中国的新式厕纸张张柔软
New toilet paper from China is soft,
随用随丢大批量生产
disposable and mass-produced in sheets.
-听起来真棒 -我也要
- That sounds amazing. - Count me in.
厕所是什么
What is a toilet?
新型厕纸让你的屁♥股♥干净卫生
Keep your bottom clean and healthy with new toilet paper,
中国皇帝自1391年就开始使用
as used by the Chinese Emperor since 1391.
提示初版中国厕纸
Warning, original Chinese toilet paper,
最小号♥都有一♥平♥♥米♥大
smallest size, one-metre squared.
中国皇帝的屁♥股♥是有多大啊
How big is the Chinese Emperor's bum?
再来说古埃及法老的领土
Onto ancient Egypt, land of the pharaohs,
在那里老鼠和人的历史再次相似
where rat history and human history once again look similar.
你们可能有伟大的法老拉美西斯二世
You may have had mighty pharaoh Ramesses II,
但我们有拉鼠西斯十二世
but we had Rattesses XII.
拉美西斯建造了整座城市
Ramesses built entire cities
并在城中建满了雕像
and filled them with statues,
而拉鼠西斯试着用大便建了一尊雕像
whilst Rattesses tried to make a sculpture out of poo
然后吃掉
and then ate it,
所以可能还是你们的法老更好些
so maybe your pharaoh is better after all.
但他并不完美看看他造了什么就知道了
But he wasn't perfect, just look at what he built.
欢迎来到"历史上伟大的设计"
Welcome to Historical Grand Designs.
拉美西斯和他的妻子奈菲尔塔利赢过许多战争