糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S07E03
Part 4
Jan. 2, 2021, 2:36 p.m.
*I kiss you tenderly and love you infinitely*
*亲爱的亚历克塞 直到我们下次见面*
*Fare well till our next meeting, my darling Alexey*
*你永远的 忠实的丈夫 尼基*
*Yours eternally, your old hubby, Nicky.*
再见
Peace out.
这才是历史上真正的情书
法国皇帝和他臭名昭著的爱人
And from the Emperor of France and his notorious lover
带来一首如暴风雨般
comes the country ballad
席卷欧洲的情歌♥ 大部分欧洲
that took Europe by storm. Well, most of it.
*约瑟芬 约瑟芬 约瑟芬 约瑟芬*
*Josephine, Josephine, Josephine, Josephine*
*我究竟做了什么 竟没有你的任何音讯*
*Not a word from you, what on earth have I done?*
*我只念着你 只爱唯一的约瑟芬*
*To think only of you, to love only Josephine*
*只为我的妻子而活*
*To live only for my wife*
*我竟受她如此残酷的折磨*
*Does this deserve such harsh treatment from her?*
*支配我心脏的你再了解不过*
*You alone who rules my heart knows only too well*
*你对我的影响力*
*The power you hold over me*
*给我写信 想我 爱我*
*Write to me, think of me and love me*
*约瑟芬*
*Josephine!*
爱你一生 波拿巴
Yours ever for life, Bonaparte.
这才是历史上真正的情书
它又腻歪又黏糊
It's drippy, it's soppy
你正需要一本
and you need a copy.
现在订购
Order it now.
历史版初次约会
有些人在爱情路上很幸运
Some are lucky in love.
他们遇上了梦中的女神
They meet the woman of their dreams
并和她们共度了余生
and then spend the rest of their life with them.
其他人则把妻子们的头砍掉了
Others just chopped their heads off.
亨利国王又回来找他人生的
King Henry is back looking for the next,
下下任特殊的人了
next special one in his life.
1536年
特别特殊的特殊的人
The specially special special one.
近来如何
How's it going?
-亨利 -珍·西摩
- Henry. - Jane Seymour.
第三任妻子
珍·西摩
我为我看起来心情不太好道歉
Look, I'm... I'm sorry if I don't seem to be in a great mood.
我刚刚结束一场很艰难的分手
I'm just getting over a pretty tough break-up.
我很遗憾听到这个 你一定心都碎了
I'm sorry to hear that. You must be heartbroken.
是 但说实话 对她来说更艰难
Yes. Well, to be fair, it's harder on her.
我是说 她都成一块块的了
I mean, she is in bits.
你想要结婚吗
Look, do you want to get married?
我急需一个男性继承人
I need a male heir pretty sharpish.
是吗 好极了 买♥♥单
Yes? Great. Cheque.
亨利 你看起来很开心
Henry, you look really happy.
我是开心 非常开心
Well, I am. Really happy.
她是目前最好的 她是赢家
She's the best one yet. She's a winner.
一位能留下来的 不是会离婚的
A keeper. Not a divorcey.
你懂的 也不是会被砍头的
Not a, you know, choppy.
她会留下来[门将] 而且她网球打得很好
She's a keeper AND she's brilliant at real tennis.
-非常棒的扣球 -相处愉快
- Fantastic drop shot. - Good times...
我希望
I hope.
她死了
She died.
是的 其实我对此非常伤心
Yes. Pretty upset about that, actually.
历史版初次约会
亨利国王回来了
King Henry is back.
找他生命中特殊的人
Blah, blah, blah. Yadda, yadda. Special one in his life.
1540年
近来如何
How's it going? I'm...
不是亨利八世
Not Henry VIII.
第四任妻子
克里维斯的安妮
走错餐厅了
Wrong restaurant.
出租车
Taxi.
亨利 跟我们讲下发生了什么
Henry, tell us what happened.
我们最后还是不得不结婚
So we kind of had to get married in the end.
政♥治♥联姻 但我们之后马上离婚了
Politics. But we got divorced straight after
我给了她一堆地♥产♥
and I gave her a bunch of properties,
这样她可以靠收租过活
so she can live off the rent
还挺不错 基本上
and it's all pretty much cool, basically. Yes.
我直接就回来找下一任了
I'm straight back in, to the next one,
这任会是我的真命天女
which could be the one.
或是第三任天女...
Or the... Third.
或是第四任 第几任来着
Or fourth. Which one is it?
第五个
The fifth.
亨利八世就这样武断地开始一段段婚姻
King Henry just kept rushing into marriage after marriage.
我就不会这样
You wouldn't catch me doing that.
我是鼠君 只要你愿意与我约会
My name is Rattus and I'll marry anyone
我就娶你
who will go on a date with me.
新娘甚至不用出席婚礼
They don't even have to come to the wedding.
这可不是什么新鲜事
Well, it wouldn't be the first time.
来看看这对夫妇
Take a look at this couple.
今天我们欢聚在这里
We are gathered here today
西班牙 1282年
共同见证阿方索三世 阿♥拉♥贡国王
to witness the marriage of King Alfonso III, King of Aragon,
与埃莉诺公主的婚礼
and Princess Eleanor.
这不是埃莉诺
Oi! That is not Eleanor.
-难道是吗 -公主今天赶不过来
- Is it? - Eleanor cannot be here today,
因为英格兰到西班牙路途遥远
it is a long way to travel from England,
不过约翰·代·韦斯奇将作为公主的代理人
but John De Vesci is here as her proxy.
很高兴见到你
Delighted to meet you.
不用学女声
No need to do the voice.
约翰·代·韦斯奇真的代替新娘出席了婚礼
我绝不会娶这个穿婚纱的男人
I'm definitely not marrying this man in a dress.
不是这样的 我跟他说过不必穿婚纱
No, no. I told him the dress was not necessary
但他坚持要穿
but he insisted.
人家想看起来漂漂亮亮的 有错吗
Well, you can't blame me for wanting to look nice.
这本该是我人生中最幸福的一天
It's supposed to be the happiest day of my life.
不 你又不是埃莉诺公主
No, because you are not Princess Eleanor.
所以今天不是你最幸福的一天
It is not the happiest day of your life,
今天是公主最幸福的一天
it is the happiest day of her life.
反正绝不会是
It's definitely not going to be
我最快乐的一天
the happiest day of my life
-如果要我娶他 -他不是您的妻子
- if I have to marry him. - He is not your wife.
-暂时不是 -约翰
- Yet. - John!
够了 准备好了吗
Stop it. Ready?
阿方索国王 你愿意
Do you, King Alfonso,
迎娶这位"女士"做你的妻子吗
take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?
-抱歉 我是谁来着 -阿方索三世
- Sorry, who am I again? - King Alfonso the III.
好吧 不过我不一定能模仿他的声音
OK, but I don't know if I can do his voice.
你绝对可以
You can absolutely do his voice
因为你就是国王本人
because you are King Alfonso III.
好 我懂了
Oh! Si, got it.
说得好 我们继续吧
Good point. OK, let's do this.
埃莉诺公主
Do you, Princess Eleanor,
你愿意嫁给这位男士 让他成为你的丈夫吗
take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?
-我愿意 -不 你不愿意
- I do! - No, you don't!
你是阿方索三世
You are King Alfonso III.
我没问你
I'm not asking you!
我愿意 说好了不哭 可是
I do. I promise I wouldn't cry, but...
以我的神权起誓 你们现在结为夫妻
By the power vested in me, you are now man and wife.
新郎可以亲吻新娘了
You may now kiss the bride.
天啊 你在干什么
No! What are you doing?!
那是伴郎
That is the best man!
你怎么能这样
How could you?
礼成
You're married.
我要走了 再见
I'm out of here. Peace out.
求你了 别这样
Please! Don't be like this!
快回来 亲爱的
Come back, darling!
我是沙·贾汗 印度至高无上的皇帝
I'm Shah Jahan, a Mughal emperor of India.
沙·贾汗
印度 泰姬陵 1632年
我正要告诉工人 要把泰姬陵修得多大
I'm just showing my builders how big I want my Taj Mahal to be.
不够 不够 再大些
No, no, bigger!
顶部要有积雪
I want snow on the top!
等我的泰姬陵建成 一定特别壮观
When it's finished, my Taj Mahal will be spectacular,
你知道我为什么要造泰姬陵吗
but can you tell me why I'm building it?
A 为感谢我最爱的妃子
Is it A, to say thank you to my favourite wife
A 美味的布丁
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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