糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S07E10
Part 3
Jan. 2, 2021, 2:38 p.m.
黑胆汁
black stomach bile,
当然还有我的个人最爱
and, of course, my personal favourite...
粘液
..phlegm.
一个好医生通常通过患者的
Now, a good doctor always diagnoses
身体症状来诊断病情
by investigating the bodily symptoms.
希波克拉底真的尝过耳屎
有点潮 多油 有一点尿味
Turgid, oily, and with a hint of wee,
非常有意思 孩子们
which is fascinating, children,
因为这意味着 他的耳屎
because that means his ear wax is...
很美味
delicious.
我给你留了一点
I saved a bit for you.
B-
B minus.
希波克拉底老师被叫到校长办公室
Mr Hippocrates is called to the headteacher's office.
你看上去有点憔悴 校长
You look a bit peaky, Headteacher.
告诉我 你今天小便过吗
Tell me, have you done a wee today?
我小便过
Because I have.
希波克拉底 我听到你让全班都吐了
Hippocrates, I hear you made an entire class vomit.
是的 成果斐然
Indeed. Most productive.
-你被解雇了 -什么
- You're fired. - What?
我是医学之父
I'm the father of medicine.
是的 但是两千年过去了 医学早进步了
Yes, well, it's been 2,000 years, and medicine has moved on.
哪里
Not true.
医生依旧用希波克拉底氏誓言宣誓[咒骂]
Doctors still swear my Hippocratic oath today.
是的 我们有许多家长投诉
Yes, we've had several parents complain...
真的
不不不 不是那种咒骂
No, no, no, it's not that kind of swearing.
那是医生的职业准则
It's a code of conduct for doctors,
而且我治疗屁♥股♥痛的方法现在依旧通用
and my method for curing sore bottoms is still in use today.
也是真的
-真的吗 -真的
- Really? - Yes.
你愿意暂时关掉摄像机吗
Do you mind turning the cameras off for a moment?
是这样的
The thing is...
不管怎样 不管你叫希波克拉底
Whatever you say, Mr Hippo Crates, or Rhino Boxes,
还是锡箔可拉提什么的
or whatever you're called.
现在 为了健康我要去游个泳
Now, I'm off for a healthy swim
就在当地游泳池
in the local pool -
污水坑
the cesspool!
是的 游泳是保持健康的好办法
Yes, swimming is a great way to stay healthy,
但是你知道吗 在罗马帝国灭亡后
but did you know that after the Roman Empire was destroyed,
有六百多年人们都不会游泳
people actually forgot how to do it for over 600 years?
直到都铎王朝时期
It wasn't until Tudor times
有一本书让游泳再次兴盛起来
that a new book led to swimming becoming common again.
看啊 这有几根可用的棕色"泳池浮力棒"
Oh, look, there's a couple of brown noodles I can use!
绅士们 这次旅程能让我们都发家致富
Gentlemen, this voyage will make rich men of us all.
英格兰 1587年
太好了
Yes!
前提是 我们能活着回去
But only if we make it back home in one piece.
因此 作为大副 船长指示我
With that in mind, the captain has instructed me, as first mate,
给你们开一次健康安全讲座
to give you a health and safety briefing.
你开玩笑嘛
You are absolutely joking me!
你们一定注意到了 我们处于
As you have noticed, gentlemen, we are on a...
-兴奋状态 -位于船上
- On a high! - On a ship!
而在船上 我们身上能发生的
Yes. And what is the most dangerous thing
最糟糕的事情
that can happen to us
-是什么呢 -生病吗
- when we're on a ship? - Disease?
-不 -西班牙佬
- No. - Spaniards!
飞太低的信天翁
Low-flying albatrosses!
不 这只会发生在你身上
No, pretty sure that only happened to you.
不不 在船上可能发生的最糟糕的事情是
No, no, the most dangerous thing that can happen on a ship is...
掉下船 你掉下船后会怎么样
..falling off a ship. Because what happens if you do?
-你 -浮起来
- You... - Float.
不对 另一个人来
No, the other one.
-溺水 -说得对
- Drown. - Well done.
-你会溺水 -干得好
- You do drown. - Good boy.
但以后不会了 因为我们有了这本新书
But not any more, because now we have this brand-new book,
《游泳技法》
《游泳技法》
The Art Of Swimming.
我们要讲的第一个就是
Right, the first one we are going to do is...
蛙泳
..breaststroke.
看我的手势 我在干嘛
Watch my hands. What am I doing?
好吧 我觉得大家学会了
All right, I think we've got that one.
狗刨
Doggy paddle.
很简单
Very simple...
汪
Ruff!
好吧
Ok.
蝶泳
Butterfly.
够了
Enough of this.
船员们 船上超载了 扔些东西下去吧
Shipmates! We're overloaded. Let's throw something overboard.
甲板上禁止奔跑 很滑
No, no running on deck! It's slippery!
救命 扔给我一些能扒住的东西
Help! Throw me something to cling to!
书都浮不起来
It doesn't float!
真是讽刺啊
That's ironic.
历史上的尴尬身体
我是一名帅气的医生
I'm a handsome doctor.
帅气的医生
我来到了十七世纪的法国
And I've come to 17th-century France
来见著名的路易十四
to meet the famous King Louis XIV
现在正在凡尔赛宫
at his royal palace in Versailles.
小小的他 却有大大的烦恼
A tiny king with a big problem.
不好意思先生 你在说谁小
Excusez-moi, monsieur, who are you calling tiny?
我应该是
No, no, I am, how you would say?
路易十四
一位壮汉 凭着这顶假发和这双高跟鞋
A big man. With this wig and these heels
我至少身高两米吧
I must be at least six foot eight.
看我在宫里简直鹤立鸡群
See how I tower over everyone in my court.
为什么你也戴假发穿高跟
Why are you wearing wigs and heels too?
为什么每个人都学我
Why must everyone copy me?
为什么每个人都学我
Why must everyone copy me?
他们真的每件事都模仿路易十四
我猜你的烦恼是口气很重
I'm assuming the problem is your bad breath.
-不是 -你的狐臭
- No. - Your funky body odour?
这位先生 我的人生只洗过三次澡
Monsieur, I have had three baths in my life,
已经洗够了 谢了
that is quite enough, thank you very much.
我的烦恼是
No, the problem is...
国王正经受着痛苦
Now, the King suffers from what we doctors call
医生诊断为 屁屁疼
a really, really, sore bum bum.
幸运的是 当地的美发师
Luckily, help is at hand
查尔斯-弗朗索瓦·费利克斯能帮到他
from local hairdresser Charles-Francois Felix.
几个月来他一直在研究
He's been developing a tool for months now
能移除国王屁♥股♥上痛点的工具
to remove that ouchy part from the King's bottom.
-祝你好运 我会在你身后的 -谢谢
- Best of luck, I'm right behind you, mate. - Merci.
我是说 我们都会在你的身后
I mean, we're all right behind you.
你不介意我们围观吧
You don't mind if we watch, do you?
现在是手术后几天
It's a few days after the operation,
我来看看路易情况如何
and I've come to see how Louis is getting on.
屁屁和王座相亲相爱
Bum bum and throne engaged.
所以手术是大获全胜呀
So the operation was a complete success
也改变了手术的面貌 以及臀貌
and has changed the face - and the bum bum - of surgery for ever.
最妙的是 这回没人再想模仿我了
And the best part is, no-one will want to copy me this time.
你话是这么说 但...
Well, you say that, but...
不不 我不会给你们的屁♥股♥做手术 怪咖
No, no! I will not operate on your bottoms, you bunch of weirdos.
求你了 我想像国王那样
Please! I want to look like the King!
贵族们真的想像国王那样做臀部手术
糟糕历史健康指导 都铎时期
Horrible Histories Health Direct, Tudor era.
把你剩下的头发全都剃了吧
OK, so shave what's left of your hair off,
然后在你头上涂上狐狸油脂
then smear your head with fox grease,
可以再加点蒜
and maybe a hint of garlic.
然后用醋把它们都洗掉
And then just rinse it all off with vinegar.
如果这还是治不了你的谢顶的话
Now, if that doesn't cure your baldness...
巧克力
Chocolate!
我的玛雅同事建议用巧克力
My Mayan colleague is suggesting chocolate,
但他不管什么病都提议用巧克力 或许试试
but then, he says that for everything! Maybe try...
-巧克力 -戴假发 不谢 再见
- Chocolate! - ..wearing a wig. OK, you're welcome, bye.
糟糕历史健康指导
Horrible Histories Health Direct,
现在接待您的是中世纪医师
you've come through to the medieval era,
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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