糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S07E08
Part 4
Jan. 2, 2021, 2:37 p.m.
但总之我感到非常抱歉
But, yeah, mostly just a very sorry Viking.
你们不像是很抱歉
Well, you don't seem very sorry.
你的一个人刚杀了我唯一的鸡
One of you just killed my only chicken.
-是他干的 我爱鸡 -我也爱鸡
- That was him. I love chickens. - I love chickens, too.
-也为你的鸡道歉 -没事 只是...
- Sorry for the chicken as well. - That's fine, just...
我要为我的天才军事策略道歉 建造了运河
Sorry for my genius military strategy of building a canal
悄悄摸到伦敦军队身后
to creep round the back of the London army
然后像个维京人一样呐喊着冲锋
and then running and screaming like a Viking!
鸡犬不留
Pillage the village!
停下 停下
Stop it. Stop it!
-你刚刚捅了戴瑞克 -是的
- You've just stabbed Derek. - Yes.
是的 我捅了 戴瑞克 对不起
Yes, I did. Derek, I'm sorry.
-没事 -你想要我帮忙...不用吗
- It's fine. - Do you want me to help...? No?
没事 那把剑归他了
It's fine. He can keep that.
我们会给你找个新戴瑞克
We'll get you a new Derek.
找个个子大点的戴瑞克
Get me a bigger Derek.
在下个村子找个更大的戴瑞克
A bigger Derek in the next village.
那个村子也会鸡犬不留
Which we will pillage!
-鸡犬不留 -停下
- Pillage the village! - Stop it!
抱歉 抱歉
Sorry! Sorry.
你知道我会说什么吗
Ha! You know what I'd say
如果这些维京人 匈奴 蒙古人中的谁
if one of those Vikings or Huns or Mongols
想要夺走我的王冠
tried to tried to take my crown?
我会说 拿走 它是你的了
I'd say, take it, it's all yours.
我不适合当个残酷的统治者
I don't think I'm cut out to be a ruthless ruler.
或许我可以当个温和的将军 或和善的国王
Maybe I could be a gentle general or a kind king.
肯定有一些统治者是好人吧
I mean, there must have been some rulers who were nice.
肯定有吧
Mustn't there?
贯穿希腊和印度
People of the vast and mighty Persian Empire
波斯 公元前470年
辽阔又强大的波斯帝国的子民
that stretches from Greece to India.
百万名埃及人 巴克特里亚 巴克特里亚人
A million Egyptians... Bactrian... Bactrians?
那不是骆驼吗
Aren't they camels?
从今天开始
From this day forth,
我 薛西斯一世
I, Xerxes the Great,
在此立法规定 民众必须保持快乐
do hereby enshrine in law the right to happiness.
他们看起来不太兴奋
They don't seem very excited,
-是不是 将军 -是的 陛下
do they, General? - No, Your Majesty.
也不是特别高兴
Or very happy.
都听好了 之前没人立法要求保持快乐
You guys, never before has anyone made being happy a law.
薛西斯当真立法要求人们保持快乐
你们知道 我思想开明而且
You know, I'm being very liberal and also...
等等 他是不是穿着水獭皮
Er, excuse me, is this man wearing an otter skin?
这个 不好说
Er, it's difficult to tell.
-可能是猫皮 -猎杀水獭是犯法的
- I want to say cat. - The hunting of otters is illegal.
处决他 不不不 我有更好的办法
Execute him! No, no, no, better idea.
将他活埋 在他等死的时候
Bury him alive and as he's waiting to die,
用力弹他的耳朵
flick his ears really hard!
我是个好人 我很关心子民的幸福
I'm a good guy. I care about the happiness of my people.
就像这位先生
Like this man, here.
过来 我坐过这个人的船
Come on. Now, I was on board this man's ship
当时遇到了强烈的暴风雨
when I got caught in a terrible storm.
就是这样 他将船开到安全地带救了我一命
Yes, yes. And he saved my life by guiding the vessel to safety.
没错 听您的命令
Yes, on your orders,
我把船员扔下船好让船变轻
I threw my crew overboard to lighten the ship,
这样您才能活下来
so you'd survive.
这位先生 我要好好犒赏你
You, sir, will be handsomely rewarded.
太好了 谢谢您
Oh, great, thank you!
话说回来 我差点淹死的时候
On the other hand, it was your ship that I was on
坐的是你的船 是不是
when I nearly drowned, wasn't it?
-你还杀了所有的船员 -不是您的主意吗
- And you did murder all of your crew. - It was your idea.
对的 处决他
Duh-duh-duh, yes, execute him!
别 求您了
No, please!
把他砍成两半 放在马路两侧
Cut him in two, put him on either side of the road
让我的军队从中穿过
and get my army to walk through him.
我说到哪儿了
Now, where was I?
他真的这么做了
对了 要保持快乐
Oh, yes, the right to happiness.
没反应
Ta-dah! No?
还是没反应 我不想向你们施加压力
Still nothing? I don't want to put any pressure on you,
但如果你们看起来不喜欢我的提议
but if you don't look happy about the right to happiness,
那我就会不开心
then that might make me unhappy.
那么 有人开心吗
So, who's happy?
好了 好了 别弄得太假
All right, all right, don't make it look fake.
就这样 午饭呢
Right, where's lunch?
统治者小妙招
第43条
哈特谢普苏特[女法老]
大家好 我是哈特谢普苏特
Hello, I'm Queen Hatshepsut,
古埃及第一位女法老
the first female Pharaoh of ancient Egypt.
我为古埃及带来了繁荣
I brought about an age of prosperity
让我们的势力扩张至全世界
and spread our power across the world.
没错 亲爱的 是这样
Course you did, love, course you did.
听着 你要不要去
Now, why don't you go off
好好洗个泡泡浴 或者化化妆
and have yourself a nice bubble bath or put on some make-up,
让我们男人来治理国家呢
something like that, leave running the kingdom to us lads?
好吗 你走吧
Yeah? Yeah. Off you pop.
如你所见 作为第一位女性统治者
As you can see, being the first female ruler
并不是一件轻而易举的事情
wasn't without its difficulties.
如果你想被重视 我的第一个建议是
My top tip for you if you'd like to be taken seriously
戴上假胡子
is to wear a false beard.
我真的得这么做
I really had to do this.
现在你看起来像位法老了
Now you really look like a proper Pharaoh.
您想让我做什么呢 我尊敬的法老
Yeah, OK. What would you like me to do, O mighty Pharaoh?
您的愿望将得到满足
Anything? Your wishes will be fulfilled.
我命令你修建一座我的雕像
I command you to go forth and build statues in my honour.
就像这样
Maybe something like...
说实话 我觉得这样不行
Yeah, I'm not really feeling it, to be honest.
好的我立刻开始 我尊敬的法老
Yes, right away, O mighty Pharaoh!
历史版初次约会
十♥八♥年♥过去了 她的青春渐渐逝去
18 years later and with her youthful looks now fading,
伊丽莎白一世
1572年
伊丽莎白女王正和
Queen Elizabeth is on a first date
处于青春期的法国皇位继承人初次约会
with teenage heir to the French throne,
弗朗索瓦
弗朗索瓦
Francis of Anjou.
他会是她的真命天子吗
Is he the man she's been looking for?
我妈说我还不能喝酒
Mother says I'm not allowed to have wine.
好吧
OK.
那么来点橙汁吧
Orange squash it is, then.
或者 他会是她的真命小王子吗
Or the very young man she's been looking for?
你与弗朗索瓦会有第二次约会吗
So will you be seeing Francis of Anjou for a second date?
我不会更年轻了
Well, I'm not getting any younger
他也朝气蓬勃 颇有魅力
and he's quite attractive in a youthful way
我可以同意嫁给他
so I sort of agreed to marry him,
等我死了 法国就会统治英国 哦不
and when I die, France will rule England and... Oh, no.
等一下
Hang on.
弗朗索瓦 分手吧
Francis? You're dumped!
别担心
Don't worry about it.
世界上还有很多皇后可以选择
There's plenty more queens to choose from.
-像个男人一样接受吧 -我不知道
- Just take it on the chin like a man. - Je ne sais pas!
先把橙汁喝完
Look, listen, just finish your orange squash,
炸鱼薯条马上就好
and your fish fingers are just on the way.
会没事的
You'll be all right.
-没事的 加油 -谢谢
- Come on, come on. - Merci.
历史版初次约会
我是维多利亚女王
I'm Queen Victoria
维多利亚女王 白金汉宫
1♥8♥9♥4年
在我统治期间 经历过多任首相
and during my reign, I had many prime ministers.
有墨尔本子爵
There was Lord Melbourne,
墨尔本子爵
德比伯爵
巴麦尊子爵
德比伯爵 巴麦尊子爵
the Earl of Derby, Viscount Palmerston, Prince...
什么王子 什么伯爵
..Charming, uh, Earl...'s Court.
好吧 我都记不住了
Fine, look, I don't remember them all.
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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