糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S07E10

Part 1 Jan. 2, 2021, 2:38 p.m.

*恐怖都铎华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians*
*卑劣斯图亚特邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians*
*悲惨战役凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights*
*昏暗古堡英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights*
*恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description*
*凶狠凯尔特可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians*
*凶残维京冷血罪行远古的惩罚*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes, punishment from ancient times*
*罗马人堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank, and ruthless*
*穴居人野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless*
*绝妙古希腊聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages*
*卑鄙又卑微就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages*
*血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we do that*
*且听鼠君对你说*
*And your host a talking rat*
*历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery*
*欢迎收看*
*Welcome to*
糟糕历史
《糟糕历史》为您呈现...
Horrible Histories presents...
可怕的健康史
保持身体健康对人类一直非常重要
Staying fit and healthy has always been important to us humans,
最关键的一点就是保持臀部卫生
and one of the best ways to do it is to keep your bits clean.
真恶心
Ugg.
你是用苔藓擦屁♥股♥的穴居人吗
Are you a caveman using moss to wipe your bum?
你是用公用屎棍刮屁♥股♥的罗马人吗
Are you a Roman freshening up with a shared poo stick?
出去
Get out!
你是那个认为擦屁♥股♥
Are you the Frenchman who said the best thing
最好用鹅头的法国人吗
to wipe your bum with was a goose head?
拜托我是开玩笑的我用布
Come on, it was a joke! I use a cloth.
他们真的用这些东西擦过屁♥股♥
哪会有人真的用鹅呢
Who would actually use a goose?
那么你就需要新型厕纸
Then you need new toilet paper.
厕纸是什么
What's toilet paper?
新型厕纸
厕纸是什么
What's toilet paper?
厕所是什么
What is a toilet?
来自中国的新式厕纸张张柔软
New toilet paper from China is soft, disposable,
随用随丢大批量生产
and mass-produced in sheets.
-听起来真棒 -我也要
- That sounds amazing. - Count me in.
厕所是什么
What is a toilet?
新型厕纸让你的屁♥股♥干净卫生
Keep your bottom clean and healthy with new toilet paper,
厕纸
源自十四世纪中国
中国皇帝自1391年就开始使用
as used by the Chinese emperor since 1391.
提示初版中国厕纸
Warning original Chinese toilet paper,
最小号♥都有一♥平♥♥米♥大
smallest size one metre squared.
中国皇帝的屁♥股♥是有多大啊
How big is the Chinese Emperor's bum?
跳过广♥告♥
这是真的厕纸的确是在七百年前
It's true. Toilet paper really was invented in China
在中国发明的
nearly 700 years ago.
下水道里就有许许多多的厕纸
We get tonnes of it down here in the sewers.
说实话如果你住在一条巨大的下水管道里
Frankly, it's not easy to stay healthy
是很难保持身体健康的
when you live in a massive bog pipe.
所以我现在就在健身
That's why I'm on a health kick.
今天我游了一百间公厕的长度
Today, I am swimming 100 lengths of the public toilets.
做了五十个尾巴蹲跑...
I'm doing 50 tail squats, and I am running...
跑去看医生了
..to the doctors.
因为想想那么多的运动
Because just thinking about all that exercise
就让我头痛
has given me a headache.
可能下面这方法有用
Maybe this next treatment could help?
你是女巫医吗
Are you the medicine woman?
六千年前
亲爱的我能帮你什么
Yes, love. What can I do you for?
我这里很痛
I've got a bad pain in this bit.
你的头
Your head?
你是专家
You're the expert.
头痛有两个办法
Well, for a headache you've got two options -
"好了好了"或者钻孔疗法
"There, there," or trepanning.
什么是"好了好了"
Right. What is, "there, there?"
我会轻拍你头疼的地方说"好了好了"
Well, I gently pat the sore bit and say, "there, there."
那钻孔疗法又是什么
And what is trepanning?
我会把这块尖石钻进你的脑袋穿透头骨
I grind this pointy rock into your head, puncturing your skull,
让坏东西出来
to let the bad out.
他们真的相信钻孔有用
我还是试试"好了好了"疗法吧
Right, I think I'll go with "there, there."
好吧
Oh, right you are, then.
好了好了
There, there.
-怎么样 -没什么变化...
- How's that? - It's no different...
我是说好多了谢谢
I mean, yeah, it's much better. Thank you.
你确定不试试钻孔疗法吗
Are you sure I can't tempt you to a bit of trepanning,
确保我把坏东西都弄出来了
just to make sure I've got all the bad out?
不用我完全好了
No, I'm completely cured.
再见
Goodbye.
看上去真糟
That looked nasty.
-尖石头 -不用我挺好的
- Pointy rock? - No, no, I'm fine.
没事的就是个小洞
Oh, go on, just a little hole.
那会更疼的
It'll hurt even more.
你这胆小鬼我会加点麻♥醉♥药♥
All right, you big baby, I'll give you an anaesthetic.
倒数十下
Right, count backwards from ten for me.
十七四
Ten, seven, four...
抱歉剂量应该再大一点的
Sorry, should have used a bigger dose.
坏主意
好了
Righty ho, then.
你醒了就会没事的
You should feel right as rain as soon as you come around,
不过可能会有点头疼
although you might have a slight headache.
可怕的健康史
脑子有洞的人才会用钻孔疗法呢
I need trepanning like I need a hole in the head!
不过仔细想想
Although, come to think of it,
我们埃及人也有些奇怪的理论
we Egyptians had some pretty strange theories too.
尤其是怀孕的时候
Especially when it came to being pregnant.
埃及公元前450年
你是怎么发现自己怀孕的
And how did you find out that you were pregnant?
就像平常那样
Just the usual way.
我喝了个甜瓜奶昔然后吐了
I had a melon milkshake and threw up.
奶昔每次都灵
The milkshake test works every time.
我丈夫和我出去约会吃饭
Oh, yes. My husband and I were out for a romantic meal.
他点了奶昔我看到它的时候
He ordered us both milkshake, and as soon as I saw it,
就吐了他一身
I just threw up all over him.
一直吐一直吐
It just kept coming.
真是完美的一刻
Yeah, it was the perfect moment.
我等不及要在儿子出生的时候告诉他
I can't wait to tell our son about it when he's born.
你知道是个男孩
So you know it's a boy?
你肯定做过尿检了吧
You must have done the urine test?
当然
Oh, yeah, of course.
我去田里尿尿
I went and weed in a field,
结果长出了大麦我们就知道是男孩
and barley grew, so we know it's a boy.
她们真的相信这一套
说真的我们每次都要发出这种声音吗
Actually, do we have to make that noise every time?
听着很烦
It's really annoying.
上回我在田里尿尿结果长出了小麦
Last time I weed in a field and wheat grew,
所以我就知道是女孩
so I knew it was a girl.
我们知道了
Yes, we do.
我要去田里尿尿了
Right, I am off to wee in a field.
恭喜你也怀孕了吗
Congratulations! Are you pregnant too?
不不我只是奶昔喝太多了
Oh, no, no. I just drank far too much milkshake.
这个声音比奶昔还让我难受
That sound goes through me quicker than the milkshake!
下一位
Next...
七百年前墨西哥某地
-早上好医生 -请坐
- Good morning, Doctor. - Please take a seat.
有什么可以帮你的吗
Now, what can I help you with?
我喉咙有点疼
I've got a bit of a sore throat.
有一种很简单的玛雅疗法
Well, there's a very simple Mayan cure for it,
请把鞋子脱下来
so if you'd just like to pop your sandal off.
在里面尿点尿
And do a little wee wee in it.
-你说什么 -然后把尿喝掉
- Excuse me? - And now drink the wee wee.
不可以嚼点什么草药吗
Isn't there a herb I could chew or something?
不在鞋里尿尿一天喝两次
No, sandal wee wee, twice a day.
包你马上就好
You'll be better in no time.
下一位