糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S07E03
Part 2
Jan. 2, 2021, 2:36 p.m.
a very holy man,
因帮助人们寻找真爱而被大家铭记
who is remembered for trying to help people find love.
这最终让我卷进了大♥麻♥烦
It eventually got me into a great deal of trouble
我也因此被处死
and I was executed for doing it.
伟大的牺牲
A great sacrifice.
但你们是怎么纪念我的
But how do you remember me?
就给彼此寄一些白♥痴♥的卡片吗
By sending each other stupid cards.
"玫瑰是红色的 紫罗兰是蓝色的
"Roses are red, violets are blue!
"这是一张情人节卡片
"Here is a Valentine's card,
"事实上这跟圣瓦伦丁一点关系都没有"
"Which has actually nothing to do with Saint Valentine."
1861年是第一个...
And 1861 was the first time...
事实上
Well, actually,
你知道1861年的第一个情人节上
do you know what people sent each other for the first time
人们送彼此什么礼物吗
in 1861?
会送
Was it...
A 捧着一颗心的毛绒泰迪熊
A, fluffy teddy bears holding a heart?
B 巧克力
B, boxes of chocolates,
C 心形纸杯蛋糕
or C, heart-shaped cupcakes?
答案就是
The answer is...
B 巧克力
B, boxes of chocolates.
卡德伯里先生想要为他的巧克力饮品
Mr Cadbury was trying to find another use
吉百利巧克力创始人约翰·卡德伯里
另寻出路
for his drinking chocolate,
所以他制♥作♥了一些小巧克力点心
so he made little chocolate treats
放在盒子里再加上心形装饰
and put them in a box with hearts all over it.
人们就真的开始吃这些
And people actually ate these
傻不拉几的 美味...
silly, you know, delicious...
非常美味
Very delicious...
这些真好吃 你试过吗
These are very good, have you tried these?
太好吃了 这一盒都给我吧
These are glorious. I think I might take the box.
不
No...
网络交友
Right, internet dating.
显然我得看上去精明点儿 录个短视频
Apparently, I need to look smart and make a short video
展示一下我自己 现在开始
to show myself off. Here goes.
你好 我叫鼠君
Hi, my name is Rattus.
我四十四厘米高 满口真牙
I'm 44 centimetres tall and have all my own teeth.
漂亮
Classy.
我想找一位喜欢出门
I'm looking for a lady who likes eating out...
在垃圾箱觅食的女士 名叫鼠妹
of bins...and whose name is Ratalie.
鼠妹
Ratalie.
鼠妹 你为什么离开我
Oh, Ratalie, why did you leave me?!
在网络上找约会对象真的有点儿可笑
You know, the internet is a funny place to find a date,
可历史上有更奇怪的方式
but there have been much stranger ways in history.
德国 十五世纪
瘦身浓汤加香草碎
Tall, skinny potage mit herby sprinkles.
-谢谢 格特鲁德 -不客气
- Thanks, Gertrude. - Welcome.
-你喜欢她 不是吗 -什么
- You like her, don't you? - What?
格特鲁德 才没有
Gertrude, no.
喜欢 喜欢 很喜欢
Yeah, I do, I do. Quite a lot. Yeah.
你知道该怎么做了吧
Well, you know what you have to do, don't you?
知道 知道 过去 跟她讲话
Yeah, I know, I know. Go over there, talk to her,
向她展现一点魅力 完美
give her a bit of the old charm, boom.
什么 不 这是中世纪的巴伐利亚
What? No. This is medieval Bavaria, mate.
不能只跟她说话
You don't just talk to her.
别担心 很简单
Don't worry. It's easy.
你只需要用魔法召唤一个魔鬼
All you need to do is conjure up a demon.
魔鬼
A demon?
召唤魔鬼 魔鬼会帮你给姑娘施魔法
Yeah. Conjure up a demon, demon bewitches girl,
他们真的相信这个
这样姑娘就会和小伙坠入爱河 大功告成
girl falls in love with boy and job's a good 'un.
我觉得我还是过去
I think I'll go over there
问她想不想去野餐好了
and see if she fancies a picnic.
太逊了
That is so lame.
你知道怎么召唤魔鬼吗
Do you even know how to summon a demon?
我当然知道怎么召唤魔鬼
Of course I know how to summon a demon.
我在好几个场合都召唤过了 不过
I've done it on numerous occasions, but just to check...
你是怎么召唤的
How would you do that, please?
你只需要一只鸽子
All you need is a dove.
一只鸽子 对
A dove? Right.
然后你把鸽子的血放干
Then you need to drain the dove's blood.
然后用鸽子血把这个女人的像画在母狗皮上
Then use it to draw picture of the woman on a female dog skin.
鸽子血 狗皮 女士画像 知道了
Great. OK. So, dove's blood, dog's skin, lady picture. Got it.
然后你要在狗皮画上
Then you need to write the name of the demon
写下魔鬼的名字
on the dog skin drawing
点上一些没药和藏红花熏制狗皮画
and burn some myrrh and saffron to fumigate it,
然后挂在脖子上
and hang it around your neck.
所以 一开始是鸽子血
So, from the beginning, it's dove's blood,
然后是狗皮 女士画像
dog skin, lady picture,
魔鬼名 吓人的项链
demon's name, hideous necklace.
然后你需要去一个秘密的地方
Then you need to go to a secret place,
用剑在土里画一个圈站在中间
draw a circle in the dirt with a sword and stand in the middle.
-完事了 -是的 你怎么做的
- And that's it? - Yes. How would you do it?
差不多一样吧
Pretty much the same, yeah.
你还等什么 小伙子 追她去吧
What are you waiting for, chap? Go get her!
真是巧 现在费比恩和她聊上了
Just my luck. Now Fabian's chatting her up.
这真是...
This is really...
我说了吧 还是魔鬼狗皮管用
Told you, dude, it's the demon dog skin.
那你有女朋友吗
Do you have a girlfriend, then?
-没有 -对
- No. - No.
我也觉得
Did not think so.
历史版初次约会
对有些人来说 就是一见钟情
For some, the lightning strikes first time.
但是对其他人来说 爱情来之不易
But, for others, love can be harder to find.
1527年
亨利八世又在寻找他的真命天女...
King Henry is back looking for the one...
或者说是 又一位真命天女
..Or another the one.
你好吗 我是亨利
How's it going? I'm Henry.
第二任妻子
安妮·博林
就是她了
Fit.
游戏开始
So...game on.
我们一起造个男性继承人吧
Let's get working on this male heir, shall we?
-你明天有空吗 -有空
- You free tomorrow? - Yes.
我们结婚吧
Let's get married.
我也许应该早点说
I probably should have mentioned this...
其实我已经结婚了
I am actually married already.
那就和她离婚
Then divorce her.
好主意 但问题是
That's a good idea. Problem is,
我是一个超级虔诚的天主教♥徒♥
I'm a massive Catholic
我们天主教♥徒♥不离婚
and we don't really do divorce.
而且我们在一起十七年
Plus, she hasn't really done anything wrong
她其实也没做错什么 所以有点难
for the 17 years we've been together. It's tricky.
有点难 真的有点难
It's a little bit tricky. It's tricky.
-再见 -等等 我有一个主意
- Goodbye. - Wait! I have an idea.
看起来您已经解决了离婚的问题
It looks like you managed to sort out the divorce issue.
是的 是的 其实非常简单
Yes, yes. It was actually very simple.
我只需要废除英格兰和威尔士的
All I had to do was dismantle the entire Catholic church
所有天主教会 然后再建一个
throughout England and Wales, set up a brand-new church
以我为牧首的新教派 然后批准我离婚
with myself as the head, and grant myself a divorce.
小菜一碟 其实挺费功夫的
Simples. It was actually quite a lot of work.
他真的这么做了
我太开心了
I'm really happy.
为了他我掉脑袋也情愿
I could really lose my head over this one.
相处愉快
Good times.
可笑罗曼史
安妮·博林成为亨利八世的第二任妻子
Henry made Anne Boleyn his second wife,
但三年后她就被亨利八世砍了头
but just three years later he had her head chopped off.
但不管怎么说他们一开始是相爱的
Still, at least they loved each other at the start.
有些皇族结婚
Some royals get married
只是为了让他们的国家更强大富裕
just to make their country richer and more powerful.
皇家婚姻有时真是复杂死了
Royal marriages can be dead complicated.
糟糕历史电视台 新闻联播
1736年 英国皇家婚礼
欢迎收看英国威尔士亲王弗雷德里克王子
You join us for the royal wedding of the British Prince of Wales,
和日耳曼奥古斯塔公主的婚礼现场直播
Frederick, to the German Princess Augusta.
糟糕历史电视台 新闻联播
弗雷德里克王子迎娶奥古斯塔公主
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
剧集 | 糟糕历史（2009） | 导航列表