糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S07E13
Part 2
Jan. 2, 2021, 2:38 p.m.
*这画对我而言还不够完美*
*The picture's not good enough for someone like me*
*十五年来 这双手的手势始终困扰着我*
*For 15 years those hands have been bothering me*
*我将留下巨大财富*
*My legacy will last*
*我也许有才华 但创作速度太慢*
*I may be great, but I'm not fast*
马上回来
*现在知道我为什么生活窘迫了吧*
*And you wonder why I lived in poverty?*
*耐心等待 有一天这副杰作*
*Patience! One day this great work of art*
*会挂在拿破仑一世的卧室里*
*Will hang in the bedroom of Bonaparte*
*不用怀疑 这是世上最贵的画*
*Most expensive pic of all you'd better believe it*
*人们想要破坏 伪造 窃取它*
*People gonna vandalise, forge and steal it*
*如果想买♥♥回它 我得出价多少*
*If I wanted it back what must I bid?*
*听说我价值十五亿英镑*
*I'm said to be worth one-and-a-half billion quid!*
什么
What!
*然后我被偷走了 因为有人喜欢我*
*Then I was stolen cos someone liked me*
*那便是我声名远播之时*
*That was when I gained notoriety*
*平静生活不再 红漆袭击我*
*Peaceful life ends been attacked by red paint*
*防弹玻璃保护着我*
*Now bulletproof glass protects me*
你觉得老列奥纳多·达·芬奇
Hey, what do you think of old Leonardo Da Vinci
和蒙娜丽莎的表演怎么样
and the Mona Lisa there?
我觉得非常非常好 一段很棒的表演
I thought it was very, very good, a lovely rendition.
-那么你通厕所通得怎么样了 -还好吧
- So, er, how did you get on with unblocking the loo? - Fine, yeah.
我想亨利八世又要把厕所堵上了
Yeah, cos I think Henry VII might be about to block it again.
你来介绍下一个节目吧
You, er... you introduce the next act.
抱歉
Sorry about this.
喂 你这个分♥裂♥狂
Oi, your royal trumpiness.
接下来登场的是一个超级恐怖的超级天团
Time for a super scary super group made up of four
由历史上最残酷无情的四位军阀组成
of history's most feared and ruthless war lords.
弗拉德三世 阿提拉
Vlad the Impaler, Attila the Hun,
成吉思汗和恰卡·祖鲁
Genghis Khan and Shaka Zulu,
他们因为残忍♥谋杀了
they got to number one
成千上万的人而脱颖而出
by brutally murdering hundreds of people
所以即使你不喜欢他们唱歌♥
so if you don't like the tune,
也千万别说出来
probably best not to mention it.
让我们一起摇滚
Let's rock!
弗拉德三世
罗马尼亚巡回演出 1456-1462
阿提拉
东欧及中欧巡回演出 434-453
恰卡·祖鲁
南非巡回演出 1816-1828
成吉思汗
东欧及亚洲巡回演出 1206-1227
*弗拉德三世*
*Vlad the Impaler!*
Parody of Highway To Hell by AC/DC
*阿提拉*
*Attila the Hun!*
*成吉思汗 朋友叫我可汗*
*Genghis Khan Or Khan-age to my chums!*
*外交手段 很少去干*
*Diplomacy - was not a fan*
*但是屠♥杀♥ 首推恰卡*
*But when it comes to killing - Shaka can!*
*爱将敌人钉穿 得名穿刺大公*
*Spike my enemies hence Impaler*
*插在木桩上更下饭*
*I like to have 'em on a stake with my dinner*
*大嚼狼肉 是他阿提拉*
*I eat flesh of wolves - Atilla Hun*
*吃早饭前 踏平所有国家*
*Smashed all countries before breakfast begun*
*我们是来自地狱的军阀*
*We were the warlords from hell!*
来自地狱的军阀
*死亡和动♥乱♥的专家*
*Specialise in death and upheaval*
死亡
动♥乱♥
*来自地狱的军阀*
*The warlords from hell!*
来自地狱的军阀
*字典之中 我们在邪恶项下*
*Find in the dictionary under "Evil"*
*尝尝我们的折磨手法*
*Try the torturers*
*把女儿锁在家*
*Lock up your daughter-ers*
*来自地狱的军阀*
*Warlords from hell!*
*还有七千人得杀*
*7,000 I had to snuff*
*谁让我妈妈死时 他们哭声不够大*
*Cos when my mummy died they didn't cry enough*
*沿路在村庄奸♥淫♥掳掠*
*On rampages through villages*
*六万人死于抢掠烧杀*
*60,000 killed by pillages and stuff*
*我的匈奴男儿 把罗马帝国完虐*
*My Huns terrorised the Roman Empire*
*我随手杀了一百万让他们走向毁灭*
*I killed a million left them all to expire*
*蒙古帝国 横跨欧亚*
*Mongol kingdom stretched Europe to China*
*我杀了有四千万人吧*
*I must have killed 40 million*
*本来能杀更多的*
*Could have gone higher!*
*我们是来自地狱的军阀*
*We were the warlords from hell!*
来自地狱的军阀
*我杀了我兄弟*
*Killed my bro*
*我兄弟想杀我 做梦去吧*
*Mine tried to kill me - they wish*
*来自地狱的军阀*
*The warlords from hell!*
来自地狱的军阀
*弟弟抢我鱼 我就干掉他*
*Killed my bruv He wouldn't give back my fish*
*以我为原型 才有德古拉*
*People thought I inspired the story of Dracula*
*不被木桩钉穿 死因也令人惊叹*
*Not killed with stake through heart but death still spectacular*
*死于打猎时从马背摔下*
*Died while out hunting I fell off my horse*
*死于阴险的异母兄弟手下*
*Killed by those pesky half siblings of course*
*猛♥男♥阿提拉 你是战死沙场吗*
*Tough guy, Attila, you die in a fight?*
*我死于*
*I died...*
什么
Yes?
新婚之夜流鼻血
Nosebleeds on my wedding night.
你还好吧 匈奴老哥
You OK, hun?
实际上它 有点严重
It's was a really bad one, actually.
*我们是来自地狱的军阀*
*We were the warlords from hell*
来自地狱的军阀
*所过之处 残垣断壁*
*All that's left of your town is burnt embers*
*满目疮痍*
*World gone to pot*
*我们罪大恶极*
*We're as bad as it got*
*来自地狱的*
*Warlords...*
*军阀*
*from hell*
大家好 我是恰卡 是祖鲁最有名的国王
Hello, I am Shaka, most famous of the Zulu kings
在十九世纪曾统治广阔非洲
who ruled the vast area of Africa in the 19th century.
但我也有铁汉柔情的一面
But I have a sensitive side too.
我有点恋母 其实不止一点
I was a bit of a mummy's boy, more than a bit actually.
当我母亲去世时 我好难过
When my mother passed I was really upset.
这是完全正常的反应
It was a perfectly normal reaction.
谁不会伤心流泪 谁不会痛苦尖叫
Who wouldn't shed a tear? Who wouldn't scream in anguish?
谁不会让一万五千名祖鲁人也痛苦尖叫
Who wouldn't make 15,000 other Zulus also scream in anguish?
谁不会呢
Who wouldn't?
请问当我为妈妈而难过时 还做了什么呢
Well, what else did I do because I was sad about my mummy?
我是
Did I...
A 杀死所有的牛
A, Kill all the cows.
B 杀死所有看起来不够难过的人
B, Kill anyone who didn't look sad enough.
还是C 杀死所有闻起来像女巫的人
or C, Kill all the people who smelled like witches
答案是A
The answer is A,
还有B
and B,
再加上C 这应该都是她想要的
and C. It's what she would have wanted,
可能 也许吧
maybe, probably.
其实现在想想
Actually now I think about it,
有可能我是稍微反应过度了
it's possible I may have slightly overreacted.
不管了
Nah.
这些家伙糟蹋了半个当时的世界
That lot laid waste to half the known world.
你喜欢大石头[重摇滚]吗 布拉德
Do you like heavy rock, Brad?
我挺喜欢来点重摇滚
I'm partial to a bit of heavy rock, yes.
这也是份好工作 因为那边有些石块和杂物
It's a good job too, because there's some stones and debris
需要搬走
over there that need shifting.
我在想我是不是可以下一个上场
See, I was thinking I could play next. Is that...?
等这段结束后看看能不能把你排进去
Well, yeah, we'll see if we can squeeze you in after this,
因为丹麦独唱歌♥手彼得·弗罗肯该上场了
because it's time for Danish solo artist Peter Freuchen.
彼得·弗罗肯
他曾只身一人被困于暴风雪中
He nearly froze to death in Greenland
差点冻死在格陵兰岛
after getting trapped alone in the snow.
我刚说只身一人
Well, I say alone,
其实他在一位小朋友的帮助下才死里逃生
he did have help to escape from a little friend.
这个故事太难以置信
You won't believe this.
困在暴风雪中 无路可逃
Trapped in a snow storm, with no way out,
格陵兰岛 1912年
北极探险家彼得·弗罗肯
Arctic explorer Peter Freuchen
将突破人类心灵手巧的极限
will take human ingenuity to the limit and beyond.
要是我能拉出一泡屎
If I could just squeeze out a poo,
我就能做出冰凿
I could make a frozen chisel
挖出一条通往自♥由♥的路
and dig my way to freedom.
这是真实故事
It's a true story.
真实故事
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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