糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S07E09

Part 4 Jan. 2, 2021, 2:37 p.m.

*it's all changed here, a new country*
*俄♥罗♥斯♥现在改名*
*Russia now but a union*
*苏维埃社♥会♥主♥义♥共和国联盟*
*Of Soviet Socialist Republics*
*但说起来不太顺口*
*Don't exactly roll off the tongue*
*所以我们又叫苏联*
*So we say USSR*
*和着吉他感受绝佳*
*Sounds great when played on guitar, boy*
*没错我们就是苏联*
*Yes, we're the USSR*
*马♥克♥思♥说这不可能成功*
*Marx said it couldn't work*
*沙俄说这绝对行不通*
*And Russia said it would never stick, ha!*
*但在1922年和其他国家*
*But in 1922 and in other countries too*
*在未来我们还会变得更加庞大*
*And in the future we became even more big, big, gigantic*
*让我告诉你*
*Let me tell ya*
*这里的革命取得了伟大胜利*
*Revolution here has been a great success*
*共♥产♥主义者再不用潜形匿迹*
*Red's no longer under the bed*
*大家都认为沙皇尼古拉二世*
*Nicholas II everybody reckons*
*死后才是个好皇帝*
*Much better ruler now he's dead*
*我回到了苏联*
*I'm back in USSR*
*和沙皇小子说再见*
*We said ta-ta to the tsar boy*
*回到苏回到苏*
*Back in USS, back in USS,*
*回到苏联*
*back in USSR!*
列♥宁♥和布尔什维克党掌权
So now Lenin and his Bolsheviks were in charge
沙俄皇室家族的历史走到了尽头
and that was the end of the Russian royal family.
并且结局非常惨淡
They came to a sticky end, I'm afraid to say.
共♥产♥主义传播到俄♥罗♥斯♥附近的其他国家
Communism spread to other countries near Russia
他们一起组成了苏维埃联盟
and together they became the Soviet Union
简称苏联
or the USSR.
列♥宁♥在位七年
Lenin ruled for seven years
于1924年去世
and died in 1924,
但即使他死了
but just because he died
人们还能去拜会他
doesn't mean you can't still visit him...
莫斯科列♥宁♥墓
今日
大家好
Pryvet!
很多来人都会问 "列♥宁♥同志
You know, a lot of people say to me, "Comrade Lenin,
"你是如何保养皮肤的看上去真年轻
"How do you keep your skin looking so young,
"你都死了这么多年了"
"Given that you are dead and everything?"
我的秘密列♥宁♥创新防腐方法
My secret - Lenin's Revolutionary Embalming Process.
非常简单就是死
It's so easy - simply die,
躺下让俄♥罗♥斯♥最好的防腐学家们接手
lie back, and let Russia's finest boffins do the work.
接下去是有科技含量的部分
Here's the science bit.
首先他们移除你的大脑和所有器官
First, they remove your brain and all your organs.
接着用福尔马林填充刚才移除的部分
Next, they fill you with formaldehyde
轻轻喷上清洁漂白剂
and gently apply a cleansing bleach
保持肌肤年轻并防止真菌生长
to keep your skin looking young and free of telltale fungus,
要不了多久你也会
and in no time at all, you, too,
创新防腐同样适用于大众
和自己去世的那天气色一样好
will be looking as good as the day you died...
就是差不多一百年前的样子
nearly 100 years ago.
亲自来看看吧
Come see for yourself.
至今我都还在这里
I'm still around today.
开放时间每周二至周四
早上十点至下午一点
莫斯科红场
Red Square Moscow
每周二至周四上午十点至下午一点
open ten to one, Tuesday to Thursday.
禁止狗入内
禁止狗入内依旧青春逼人
No dogs allowed. Still got it!
列♥宁♥创新防腐方法
Lenin's Revolutionary Embalming Process,
因为我值得拥有同志们不是吗
because I am worth it, comrades, nyet?
令人作呕的俄♥国♥革命
现在我们有了一个新的执政者
Now we have a new man in power
并且他计划长久执政
and he was planning to stay there.
约瑟夫·斯大林杀害或监禁了
Joseph Stalin killed or imprisoned
一切反对他的人
anyone who spoke out against him.
难怪我们都怕他
It's no wonder we were all terrified of him.
他甚至篡改了历史书
He even had the history books,
照片和报纸以美化他的形象
photos and newspapers changed to make him look good.
不仅如此他们还对童话下手了
And that wasn't all - they even changed the children's stories.
大曝光
乔·斯大林叔叔的童谣
Uncle Joe Stalin's Nursery Rhymes,
乔·斯大林叔叔的童谣
五十首经典儿童歌♥曲
50 classic children's songs
经由我们伟大领袖的大量删改
heavily edited by our great leader
能把孩子都变成听话的小斯大林主义者
to turn every child into an obedient little Stalinist,
包括他最喜欢的《老麦克唐纳》
including his favourite, Old MacDonald.
*老麦克唐纳有家农场*
*Old MacDonald had a farm*
*斯大林给夺走了*
*That Stalin took away*
*现在没有农民拥有农场*
*Now no farmers own their farms*
*这就万事大吉了*
*And that's A-OK*
*这里强制劳动那里也强制劳动*
*With forced labour here and forced labour there*
*在这里强制劳动到那里强制劳动*
*Here forced labour, there forced labour*
*到处都有强制劳动*
*Everywhere there's forced labour.*
还有这首改良版的《拍手歌♥》
And this much improved version of Clap Your Hands...
*如果敬爱斯大林你就拍拍手*
*If you're happy with Stalin clap your hands*
*如果敬爱斯大林你就拍拍手*
*If you're happy with Stalin clap your hands*
*如果敬爱斯大林你真的要表现出来*
*If you're happy with Stalin then you really need to show it*
*如果敬爱斯大林你就拍拍手*
*If you're happy with Stalin clap your hands.*
没拍到十一分钟就不要停
And don't stop for at least 11 minutes.
否则他会让你在劳♥改♥营呆十年
Otherwise, he will put you in labour camp for ten years.
怎么能忘了《我认识位老妇人生吞了苍蝇》
And who could forget I Knew An Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly?
*我认识位老妇人生吞了苍蝇*
*I knew an old lady who swallowed a fly...*
这些食物够她吃了
And that was enough food for her.
她不像资本猪一样吃得太多
She didn't overeat like a capitalist pig.
还有很多很多其它歌♥
And many, many more.
记住洗♥脑♥你的孩子永远不嫌早
Remember, it's never too early to start brainwashing your kids.
现在就买♥♥吧
Buy it now.
我说了现在
I said now!
令人作呕的俄♥国♥革命
但俄♥罗♥斯♥也是个很好的地方纵观历史
But Russia is a wonderful place, too, and throughout history,
很多强大的领袖都曾想侵略并征服俄♥罗♥斯♥
many powerful leaders have tried to invade and conquer Russia,
但他们都吃足了苦头
but they all found out the hard way,
这远不如看起来的容易
it's not as easy as it looks.
戴夫TDS侵略俄♥罗♥斯♥
戏仿油管知名游戏博主DanTDM
大家好我是戴夫TDS
Hey, guys, Dave TDS here.
很多人都发私信给我说戴夫
Now, loads of you have been messaging in saying, "Dave,
你侵略过俄♥罗♥斯♥吗
"Have you ever tried invading Russia?"
我回答道没有从来没有
"And I'm, like, 'No, I totally haven't.'"
所以今天的视频里我们就要试试看
So in today's video, we're going to give it a go.
这里是1707年我们即将作为瑞士国王
It's 1707, and we're going to invade Russia
彼得大帝
瑞士国王卡尔十二世
卡尔十二世侵略俄♥罗♥斯♥
as King Charles XII of Sweden.
俄♥罗♥斯♥的彼得大帝
这关的敌人是彼得大帝
We're on the Peter the Great level.
12月 1707年
我的计划是快攻然后...
OK, my plan is to attack quickly and...
1月 1708年
他们逃了别呀我都没开打呢
Hey, they're running away! No way! I haven't even started.
2月 1708年
3月 1708年
让我们追上他们抢些吃的和武器
Let's chase them, grab some food and power-ups.
4月 1708年
这也太容易了
This is too easy.
5月 1708年
粮食被盗
珠宝失窃
6月 1708年
黄金遭劫
什么是焦土战术
Uh-oh, what's Scorched Earth?
发动特殊招式焦土战术
7月 1708年
俄♥罗♥斯♥把所有的食物和武器点着了
The Russians are setting fire to all the food and power ups.
8月 1708年
9月 1708年
彼得大骗子还差不多
Peter the Great Big Cheat, more like.
10月 1708年
不俄♥罗♥斯♥的冬天
No! Russian Winter!
11月 1708年
发动特殊招式俄♥罗♥斯♥的冬天
我们全被冻住了
We've been totally iced.
1708年12月
我和整个瑞典帝国都玩完了
Oh, game over for me and the entire Swedish Empire.
游戏结束
第二关 1812年
好再玩一次
OK, let's go again.
这次是1812年我可不能输
This time it's 1812 and I can't lose
拿破仑法国
沙皇亚历山大俄♥罗♥斯♥
我现在的角色可是个大人物伟大的拿破仑
as I'm fighting as the big man, the great Napoleon.