糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S07E14

Part 4 Jan. 2, 2021, 2:39 p.m.

这幅图有助于理解吗
Does this diagram help?
一个小人身上划了一道线
A little man with a line going through it.
什么喂
What? Oi!
喂这里严禁右转
Oi, this is a no-right-turn junction
那又如何
So what?
棍子上可还有不少空位呢
There's plenty of room on the stick.
亚历山大大帝是古希腊最著名的领袖之一
Alexander The Great was one of the most famous leaders
统治着古希腊的马其顿地区
of Ancient Greece, who ruled a part of it called Macedon.
他征服了亚非洲的许多地方创造了一个
He created a huge empire when he conquered large parts of Asia
广阔的帝国他是个伟大的将领
and Africa. He was a great general
但他性格中温柔的那面却鲜为人知
but he rarely gets any credit for his softer side.
印度也被征服了伟大的亚历山大万岁
Well, that's India conquered. Hail the Great Alexander.
印度公元前326年
我自己万岁
Hail me!
来了个本地贵族你要奉献什么无价珍宝
Ah, a local dignitary. What priceless cultural treasure
好让我带回马其顿彰显功绩
are you going to offer me to take home to Macedonia in glory?
我们有样东西请允许我...
W-we've got this. Could I...?
这是什么鬼东西
What the Hades was that?
我们称之为亲吻在我们的文化中非常重要
We call it kissing. It's very important in our culture.
我说的无价珍宝是珍稀奇兽和珠宝
By priceless I meant as in, priceless spices and jewellery,
不是叫一个疯子拿他湿了吧唧的嘴唇
not some crazy person's slobbery lips
在我的脸上瞎划拉黏糊糊的恶心死了
all over my face. Urgh, it's all slimy!
这是亲吻我们认为这很美好
It's kissing. We think it's very nice.
-这里的人都喜欢它 -我敢肯定这不卫生
- People here love it. - I'm sure it's not hygienic.
对了在战场砍人也不卫生
Mind you, neither is slaughtering people on the battlefield.
你感到恶心只是因为我们互不相识
It only feels gross because we're strangers.
亲吻的对象应该是你的挚爱
You're supposed to do it with the object of your love.
比如亲吻我的爱剑
Like I love my sword?
这不行
Oh, don't do that.
我是说你要亲的对象是个人才行
No, I mean, you do it with a person.
一个你爱的人比方说一个漂亮姑娘
A person that you love, you know, like a pretty girl.
-不是吧 -太恶心了陛下
- Really? - Yuck, your greatness.
或是家人...
Or-or family...
密友也可以
Or even a close friend.
所以你是说如果我亲了欧德莫斯...
So you're saying if I kissed, say, Eudemus...
我会爱上亲吻
I'd like it.
也许吧
Perhaps.
你没意见吧
You good?
我确实喜欢上了
I did like that.
你看吧是不
You see? Eh, eh?
我觉得亲吻这事说不定真能流行开
I think this kissing thing could really catch on, actually.
-我做的对吗要不再来一次 -很对
- Am I getting the hang of it? Let's go again. - Oh, yeah.
你已经学会了
No, you're all right.
你把小嘴撅起来
You then, pucker up.
不又没效果了刚那一下糟透了
Oh, no, it stopped working. That was horrible.
好好练习吻技士兵这是命令
Work on your kissing, soldier, it's an order.
我挺喜欢的陛下
I quite liked it, your greatness,
我从不知道亲吻的味道像是腌洋葱
I never knew kissing tasted quite so much like pickled onions.
它尝着确实有点腌洋葱味
They do taste a bit like pickled onions.
真的吗我不明白
Really? I'm not getting that.
很抱歉我得去...
Do excuse me. I just...
我们鼠族从不喜欢亲吻
We rats have never been big on kissing, it's quite vulgar
比起老派的互相嗅屁♥股♥ 那太不雅观了
when compared to the more traditional bum sniff.
没错我就是这么绅士
Oh, yes, I'm quite the gentleman,
正如我的先祖拉鼠提乌斯·迷你慕斯
just like my ancient relative Rattusius Minnimus.
我建立的老鼠帝国从斗兽场的公厕
I created a rat empire that stretched from the public toilets
通过下水道一直延伸到
in the Colosseum all the way through the sewers
皮革铺旁收尿人的家里
to the wee collector's house near the leather shop.
在这个帝国之上的人类世界
And above, in the human world,
是叫做罗马的新文明
was the new civilisation called Rome.
它是有史以来最伟大的帝国
It was one of the greatest empires of all time.
但食品安全可能是个问题
But you might want to be careful about the food,
皇帝克劳狄一世就遇到了这个问题
as the Emperor Claudius is about to find out.
阿格里菲娜小厨房♥
我是阿格里菲娜罗马皇帝克劳狄的妻子
I'm Agrippina, wife of Roman Emperor Claudius
公元54年
我宝贝儿子尼禄的妈妈
and mother to my darling boy, Nero.
我今天要做一道死了都要吃的菜
Today I'm cooking a dish to die for,
好吃得要死的蘑菇
my dead-licious mushrooms.
好吃得要死的蘑菇
只需加一点点秘方
They just need a tiny dash of my secret ingredient.
备膳
我朋友洛库斯塔那里的毒药
Poison from my friend Locusta.
让蘑菇吸饱美妙又致命的毒药
Just allow them to soak up those wonderful, fatal toxins.
你要是能闻到就好了
I wish you could smell it.
杀夫良药
Perfect for killing your husband
然后你的小儿子就可以当皇帝了
so your infant son can become emperor.
妈妈我什么时候可以当皇帝啊
When will I be Emperor, Mummy?
宝贝等你♥爸♥爸吃过晚饭就可以了
Not until Daddy's had his dinner, darling.
伺膳时间
现在的关键是你丈夫的品膳师
Now, it's absolutely essential that your husband's food taster
也参与到你的计划中
is in on the plan.
事情虽小但要是忘了的话
It's a tiny thing, but forget it and the whole dish
食物就会被倒掉你可能也会被处死
will end up in the bin and you'll probably end up being executed.
闻起来可口绝对安全
These smell delicious, and completely safe.
最令人欣慰的是看到他脸上
There's nothing more rewarding than the look of enjoyment
享受的样子
upon their faces,
慢慢变成痛苦扭曲的表情
followed by the slow contorting grimace of agony
直到死亡
and approaching death.
得等一会我用的毒药发作慢
It might take a while - I've used slow-acting poison...
还加了高脂奶油太坏了是吧
and double cream. I know, wicked.
甜点时间
完美收场
Finished to perfection.
沮丧脸
Oh, sad face.
就这样了
So there you have it,
美味的谋杀配方几乎不需要清洗工作
a delicious recipe for murder, and hardly any washing up.
搞定了宝贝尼禄
Oh, there you are, darling Nero.
我是不是该叫你尼禄皇帝了
Or should I call you Emperor Nero?
要妈妈给你做点午餐吗
Would you like Mummy to make you some lunch?
不要
No.
那你从现在开始最好听妈妈的话
Then you better do exactly as Mummy says from now on.
妈妈你好可怕
Mummy, you're scary.
是啊宝贝
Yes, darling, I am.
腐朽古罗马
如阿格里菲娜计划的那样尼禄在十七岁时
As Agrippina planned, Nero became Emperor of Rome
就当上了皇帝
when he was just 17.
但是尼禄不仅想统治这个帝国
But Nero didn't only want to rule the empire,
还想称霸古罗马音乐排行榜
he wanted to rule the ancient Roman pop charts too.
女士们先生们请热烈欢迎
Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to
罗马大帝本尊尼禄大帝
the Emperor of Rome himself, Emperor Nero.
不
Oh, no.
什么
What?
-快出去 -真的吗
- Get out now. - Really?
坐下
Oi, sit down.
太迟了我们被锁在里面了
Too late, we're locked in.
他真的这样做了
*我是个爱自♥由♥漫步的罗马人*
*Well I'm a Roman who likes to go roaming*
*漫步全世界*
*All around the world...*
也没那么糟
It's not that bad.
是吗
Oh, yeah?
*不管我去往何方罗马是我家*
*Wherever I roam Rome is my home*
*小伙们姑娘们*
*All you boys and girls*
*我爱唱歌♥ 歌♥唱爱我*
*I like to sing Singing is my thing...*
他什么时候开始唱的
What time did he come on?
差不多六点半
About half six.
-我们什么时候来的 -周三
- What time did we get here? - Wednesday.
*我会拿上七弦琴*
*I'd go and get my lyre*
*高声唱着我的歌♥*
*I'd sing my song a bing a bang a bong...*
我在希腊奥林匹克上见过他
You know, I've seen him before in Greece at the Olympics.
奥林匹克那不是运动会吗
The Olympics, I thought that was sports.
直到尼禄出现将音乐列为运动项目
Yeah, until Nero turned up, decided music was a sport
坚持要赢
and insisted upon winning.
装作很享受的样子
Act like you're enjoying yourselves.
*啦啦啦啦啦啦啦*
*La, la, la, la, la, la*
*我是个爱自♥由♥漫步的罗马人*