糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S07E04

Part 4 Jan. 2, 2021, 2:36 p.m.

他们愿意为此一掷千金
they'll be throwing money at it.
可能扔的是烂水果
And probably rotten fruit, too.
或是扔家具
And maybe furniture.
说实话它还需要一些加工
I'll be honest, it still needs some work.
问题是艺术流派种类繁多各不相同
The problem is there are so many new and unusual styles of art
都不知道该选哪种
that it's hard to know which one to choose.
想象一下
Hey, imagine if you could get
假如让很多著名的艺术家聚在一起
all the famous artists in one place,
你就能比较他们
so you could compare them.
他们可以一起上美术课
Hey, they could take an art class together.
各位为本周的美术课
OK, everyone, for this week's art class,
我曾要求让你们思考光与影
I asked you to think about light and shade,
请记住
and remember,
画你所见
paint what you see.
好了巴勃罗·毕加索你这是什么
OK, Pablo Picasso, what's going on here, matey?
巴勃罗·毕加索
没什么就是画了我看到的
Nada. I am painting what I see.
这样的话你该去看眼科了
In that case, probably time to visit the opticians.
白♥痴♥
Idiota!
伦勃朗
Ah, Rembrandt.
伦勃朗
这还差不多
That's more like it.
但我让你画的是什么
But what did I ask you to paint?
模特
Er, the model.
但你画的什么
And what have you actually painted?
你画了你自己跟上周一样
You've painted yourself, just like you did last week
还有上上周和上上上周
and the week before and the week before that.
-我觉得自己很迷人 -有人这么想真好
- I find myself fascinating. - Well, I'm glad someone does.
这么说吧你可不是人见人爱的油画
Put it this way, you're no oil painting.
再画一次镜子给我
Try again. Give me that mirror.
我以你们都想当画家
I thought you people wanted to be artists.
看看这个这就是噩梦
I mean, look at this one, it's a nightmare.
蒙克先生你到底是怎么想的
Mr Munch, what on earth made you think that...
爱德华·蒙克
[模仿1♥8♥9♥3年的著名作品《呐喊》]
好吧也没那么糟
All right, it's not that bad.
看看这才是真有天赋
Aha, now, this is real talent.
勒内·马格里特所向披靡
Rene Magritte, formidable.
不过还没有完成
Oh, well, it's not quite finished yet.
勒内·马格里特
比利时超现实主义画家
戏仿196♥4♥年《戴黑帽的男人》
这是什么意思我们上周画过水果了
What's that for? We did fruit last week.
我对我们看不到的东西很感兴趣
I am interested in what we cannot see.
我看不到的是你成为像样画家的潜质
Here's what I cannot see - you being a decent painter.
你以为苹果有多大啊伙计
I mean, how big do you think apples are, mate?
-这是烹饪用苹果 -天呐天呐
- It's a cooking apple. - Dear, oh, dear.
芭芭拉·赫普沃斯
Barbara Hepworth,
芭布斯你这儿连画布都没有
Babs, you've not even put a canvas on here.
芭芭拉·赫普沃斯
女爵士英国雕塑家
你想干什么
What are you up to?
这是个雕塑来吧拍一下
It's a sculpture. Go on, pat it.
-我才不要拍 -拍一下
- I'm not going to pat it. - Pat it.
我不拍
I'm not going to pat it.
很抱歉这么说但基本上你们都是垃圾
Right, sorry to say this, but basically you're all rubbish
我连踢脚线都不放心让你们画
and I wouldn't trust you to paint my skirting boards.
走吧离开教室下课
Go on, clear off, class dismissed.
又来了
Not again.
我跟你说过了班克斯不要在墙上画
I've told you before, Banksy, not on the walls!
令人震惊的艺术家
班克斯是非常著名的涂鸦艺术家
Banksy is a famous graffiti artist
但他一直匿名创作
but he does it in secret
没有人知道他的真实身份
so no-one knows who he is.
要提醒你的是
Mind you,
与下一位著名画家相比班克斯也不算杂乱
Banksy's not nearly as messy as this next famous painter,
他不同寻常的滴溅画法引起了不小的轰动
whose unusual splatter style caused a bit of a stir.
波洛克先生杰克逊·波洛克
Oh, Mr Pollock, Jackson Pollock.
杰克逊·波洛克画室 1952年
是我谁找我
Yeah, who wants to know?
我是谢尔曼·纳撒尼尔三世
Hi, I'm Sherman Nathaniel III.
您手上还沾着颜料当然了
Oh, you have paint on your hands, sure.
我是您的忠实粉丝
I'm your biggest fan
我大爱您推崇的表现抽象主义
and I just love the whole expressionistic bstractism thing.
抽象表现主义
Abstract Expressionism.
我就这个意思
That's what I said.
总之您现在可是这里的大红人
And anyway, as you know, you're all the rage in town
我非常想买♥♥一副您的画作
and I'd just love to buy one of your paintings.
比如这一幅
Like this.
这画真是真是太美了
It is just... Well, it's wonderful.
令人窒息真是
You know, it's breathtaking, it's...
这幅不出♥售♥
It's not for sale.
-已经售出了 -好吧
- I already sold it. - Good,
好吧我很高兴因为
good, I am glad about that because...
我其实更喜欢这一幅
I actually prefer this one.
这幅太棒了
Oh, it's just genius.
我只是在地板上洒了些颜料
I just spilt paint on the floor.
我当然是开玩笑
Obviously I was joking,
即便离得很远我也能看出哪个是您的画作
because I can spot one of your paintings a mile off.
瞧瞧都洒到画布上了
And, oh, you spilt it on the canvas as well, buddy.
想把这个洗掉只能靠运气了
I mean, good luck getting that off.
-这是我的作品 -我最喜欢这幅
- That's one of my paintings. - That's my favourite one.
下一幅作品在哪儿
Yeah. Where's the next one?
你认为在哪呢
Well, where do you think?
你好啊
Whoa, hello!
这幅是至今最棒的
This is the best one yet.
这是我邻居的女儿画的
My neighbour's daughter painted that.
-真是丢人 -她才三岁
- She should be ashamed. - She's three.
她简直是个熊孩子到处乱洒颜料
She's a little terror and she's taken all these paints
那儿也被洒到了
and spilt them up there as well.
-你一定很生气吧 -那副是我的画
- You must be livid. - No, no, cos that's one of my paintings.
-我愿意出一百万买♥♥下 -不卖♥♥给你
- I will buy it for 1 million. - It's not for sale to you.
这里没有一幅画会卖♥♥给你
In fact, nothing is for sale to you.
你可以走了
You can get out.
-不好意思 -你开玩笑吗
- Ah, I'm sorry. - Are you kidding?
我的鞋现在是杰克逊·波洛克的原创作品了
My shoes are original Jackson Pollocks now.
感谢您波洛克先生我要成为当地红人了
Thank you, Mr Pollock. I am going to be the toast of the town.
外面在下雨
It's raining outside.
我能借把伞吗
Is there any chance I could borrow an umbrella?
-滚 -好吧
- Get out. - Sure.
杰克逊·波洛克的画作是二十世纪
Jackson Pollock's paintings were one of the new styles
新涌现的艺术手法之一
that emerged during the 20th century,
其他的代表还有波普艺术
along with movements like pop art
超现实主义用诡异的手法
and surrealism, which involved taking everyday objects
表现日常的事物
and making them look weird.
非常诡异
Yeah, really weird.
有时候艺术家本身也和他们的作品一样奇怪
And sometimes the painters were as weird as their paintings.
比如这位画家萨尔瓦多·达利
Like the painter of this one, Salvador Dali.
新学期到了
It's a new term
汉娜·劳伦斯校长正努力
and headteacher Hannah Lawrence is doing her best
提升学校的教学水平
to improve school standards,
来拯救学校即将
which are currently so low
陷入最低谷的教学水准
they will have to improve just to get rock-bottom.
《历史教育》
欢迎收看《历史教育》
Welcome to Historical Educating.
星期一早晨 7F班需要一位新老师
It's Monday morning and class 7F need a new teacher.
我们急需一位代课老师
We needed a supply teacher last minute
汉娜·劳伦斯
校长
达利先生正好投递了简历
and Mr Dali's CV came through.
我说是简历
Well, I say CV,
但其实是一盒花椰菜
it's actually a box of cauliflowers.
这好像叫超现实主义
But apparently that's called surrealism.
达利的确非常痴迷花椰菜
我觉得应该叫蔬果贩卖♥♥
Greengrocery, that's what I call it.
但实在是没有其他人了
There really wasn't anyone else.
大家好我是达利
Good morning, everyone. My name is Dali.
达利老师好