糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S07E07
Part 5
Jan. 2, 2021, 2:37 p.m.
太酷了 让那些奢侈的总统害臊去吧
Far out! Shame all the presidents weren't like that lady.
可笑的美国总统
现在看看下一位是谁吧
Now, let's spin the wheel and see who's next.
第三十五位总统 约翰·F·肯尼迪
President number 35, John F Kennedy.
美国和邻居古巴闹掰了
The USA fell out with its close neighbour Cuba
因为古巴正准备部署
because Cuba was going to store
苏联的核武器
deadly nuclear missiles for Russia,
而苏联是当时美国的死敌
at the time, the USA's great enemy.
肯尼迪总统得处理这次危机
President Kennedy had to deal with the threat,
他盯上了古巴领导人 菲德尔·卡斯特罗
and he targeted the Cuban leader, Fidel Castro.
美国最顶级的秘密特工们
America's top-secret security services
设计了许多狡猾的办法去除掉他
devised some cunning ways to try and get rid of him.
我不明白 为什么人们总是不能和平相处呢
I don't know, man, why can't people just get along?
美国
古巴
菲德尔·卡斯特罗
-桑德拉 让他们进来 -好的
- Sandra, send the guys through. - Right away, sir.
约翰·F·肯尼迪总统
白宫 1961年
先生们
Ah, gentlemen.
希望你们不介意我正在吃饭 我很忙的
I hope you don't mind me eating, I'm a busy man.
完全不介意 肯尼迪总统
Not at all, President Kennedy, sir.
这位是鲍勃特工
This is Agent Bob.
很高兴见到您 肯尼总统
Pleasure to meet you, President Kenny.
是肯尼迪 鲍勃
It's Kennedy, Bob.
很高兴见到您 肯尼·肯尼迪·鲍勃总统
Pleasure to meet you President Kenny Kennedy Bob, sir.
他有些特立独行 但他灵活得像只猫
He's a maverick, sir. But he has the reflexes of a cat.
我也像猫一样 会把自己添干净
I also lick myself clean like a cat, sir.
很高兴知道这一点
Well, that's good to know.
先生们 我们在古巴有些麻烦
Now. Listen, gentlemen, we have a problem down there in Cuba.
菲德尔·卡斯特罗
That President Fidel Castro
跟我们的敌人苏联有点过于亲近了
is getting a little too cosy with our enemies, the Russians.
你们能做些什么呢
What can you guys do about that?
在中♥央♥情报局
Back at the CIA we refer
我们称呼卡斯特罗为"大胡子"
to the Cuban President Castro as The Beard.
我们尝试过很多次暗♥杀♥行动
We've made various attempts to assassinate him,
并将其伪装为意外
all the time trying to make it look like an accident.
至今 还未成功
So far, without success.
-要雪茄吗 -雪茄
- Cigar? - Ah, cigar!
安全
Clear.
我知道抽烟不好 但是
I know smoking is bad for you, but...
不好意思先生
I'm sorry, sir,
我们曾尝试用雪茄暗♥杀♥大胡子
we made two attempts to assassinate The Beard using cigars.
刚刚那支雪茄可能会要您的命
That could have been an attempt on your life, sir.
这样的话 干得好 鲍勃特工
Well, in that case, good work, Agent Bob.
不客气 肯尼·肯尼迪·鲍勃总统
You are welcome, Mister President Kenny Kennedy Bob, sir.
奶昔 趴下 总统先生
Milkshake! Get down, Mister President!
我猜猜看
Don't tell me,
你们也想用奶昔杀掉卡斯特罗 啊呸 大胡子
you tried to kill Castro, sorry, The Beard, with a milkshake too?
没错 在奶昔里下毒
A poisonous one, yes.
-目标消灭 -干得好 鲍勃
- Target neutralised. - Good work, Bob.
总统先生 该展示我们的最新计划了
OK, Mister President, sir. It's time to reveal our latest plan.
-你来说说吧 鲍勃特工 -是 长官
- If you could demonstrate, Agent Bob? - Yes, sir, sir.
他们确实尝试过用这些东西刺杀卡斯特罗
在他回来之前 还有什么东西我不能碰
Before he comes back, is there anything else I should avoid
免得他又行动起来
mentioning that might set him off?
其实有不少 长官
Yeah, quite a few, sir.
-我做一下笔记 -别用笔 长官
- Let me make a note. - Not with a pen, sir.
我们试过用钢笔
We used one to try and smuggle
把一支装满毒药的针筒偷运进古巴
a syringe full of poison into Cuba.
-鲍勃 鲍勃 你得先... -抱歉
- Bob, Bob, you need to take the... - Oh, sorry.
大胡子喜欢自♥由♥潜水 总统先生
The Beard loves to scuba dive, Mister President, sir.
我们的计划是把致命病毒装进这件潜水服
So our plan is to line this wet suit with a deadly disease,
再和他调换一下...
and swap it with his...
长官 您这顿饭的主菜是什么
Sir, what are you eating for your main course?
海鲜拼盘
A seafood platter.
可别介啊
Save yourself!
我们在一个贝壳里装了炸♥弹♥
We packed a seashell with dynamite,
想让大胡子在潜水时捡起来
with the view that The Beard would pick it up when he was diving.
你们有考虑过直接用枪打他吗
Have you considered just shooting him?
我先把这个主意记下来
I might just write that down.
这个笔...
Shouldn't you...?
这些刺杀卡斯特罗的方案一个都没奏效
None of the assassination attempts on Castro worked,
他一直活到了九十岁
and he lived to the ripe old age of 90.
而可悲的是 肯尼迪自己却被枪手射杀
Tragically, JFK himself was shot by a gunman
就在他成为总统的两年之后
just two years into his presidency.
但是不管是好是坏
But, for better or worse,
每一位总统都或多或少地造就了今日的美国
every president has shaped the USA you know and love today.
作为奖励 即使他们退休之后
As their reward, even when they've retired
其他人成为了国家元首
and someone else is running the country,
他们依然可以保有总统先生这一头衔
they get to keep the title Mister President
过完余生
for the rest of their lives
伙计们 开唱
Take it away, boys.
Jimi Hendrix - The Star-Spangled Banner
*我是乔治·华盛顿*
*I'm George Washington*
*生于弗吉尼亚*
*Born and raised in Virginia*
*来自富贵人家 家中蓄有黑奴*
*From a slave-owning family with a privileged upbringing*
*曾为英国上战场 可是印花茶叶杂税多*
*I fought for the British but they taxed our stamps and tea*
为英国而战
收税
*不禁惹人思考*
*It got us kind of thinking*
*我们想要自♥由♥*
*We want to be free!*
*波士顿茶党燃烽火*
*It all kicked off at the Boston Tea Party*
*为了独♥立♥去战斗*
*We declared independence and fought to victory*
*签署了1783巴黎和约*
*Signed the Treaty of Paris 1783*
*我虽不擅弄权 却受士兵爱戴*
*I wasn't great at affection but my troops loved me*
*我是亚伯拉罕·林肯 我的名气还挺大*
*I'm Abraham Lincoln and I'm kind of pretty famous*
*领导北方打败南方 赢得战争废除奴隶制*
*Led the North against the South in the fight to end slavery*
南方对战北方
为废奴而战
*他们叫我诚实的亚伯 因为我不爱说谎*
*They call me Honest Abe cos I didn't like to lie*
*但如果你敢惹恼本总统*
*But if you're messing with this president*
*一定叫你掉眼泪*
*I'm gonna make you cry!*
*作为帅哥我有美髯 作为领导我有能力*
*Had a pretty sweet beard and as leader I impressed*
*你肯定听过*
*Man, you should have heard me*
*我在葛底斯堡的演讲*
*speaking at the Gettysburg Address*
*南方军在1865年投降*
*When the Southern states surrendered in 1865*
*作为北方联盟领袖 活着真好*
*As the Northern Union Leader it felt great to be alive*
*直到约翰·威尔克斯·布斯刺杀了我*
*Till John Wilkes Booth went and blew me away*
*但那讨厌的胆小鬼没能削弱我的影响*
*But that pesky little coward didn't get the final say*
*人♥民♥把我刻在美国总统山上*
*They carved me on a mountain in the U S of A*
*称我们总统先生*
*You call us Mister President*
*若我们活在今日*
*If we was alive today*
*永远是总统先生*
*Always Mister President*
*这称号♥伴随一生*
*The title never goes away*
*称我们总统先生*
*Call us Mister President*
*我们造就美♥利♥坚♥*
*We made the USA*
*我是托马斯·杰斐逊 我写作还不错*
*I was Thomas Jefferson and really great at writing*
*但我发现公众演讲有些可怕*
*But I found public speaking kind of very frightening*
*美国独♥立♥宣言 是我写的*
*The Declaration of Independence, that was me*
美国独♥立♥宣言
*我写下人人平等 但我的奴隶从未自♥由♥*
*I wrote All Men Are Equal but my slaves were never free*
人人平等
*富兰克林·德拉诺·罗斯福 大萧条时期的总统*
*Franklin D Roosevelt, president in the Great Depression*
*我的就职演讲令人印象深刻*
*My inaugural speech made a really great impression*
*美国陷入低谷 因为浪费财物*
*America was down cos it squandered all its wealth*
*但我说 唯一应该害怕的是害怕本身*
*But I said, all we've got to fear is fear itself*
我们唯一应该害怕的是害怕本身
*称我们总统先生*
*You'd call us Mister President*
总统
先生
*若我们活在今日*
*If we was alive today*
*永远的总统先生*
*Always Mister President*
*这称号♥伴随一生*
*The title never goes away*
*称我们总统先生*
*Call us Mister President*
*我们造就美♥利♥坚♥*
*We made the USA*
*年纪最大的总统 罗纳德·"罗尼"·里根*
*The oldest ever president, Ronald "Ronnie" Reagan*
*在领导这伟大国家之前 我曾是个演员*
*I used to be an actor before leading this fine nation*
*在太空部署激光 是不是很贴心*
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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