糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S07E03
Part 1
Jan. 2, 2021, 2:36 p.m.
*恐怖都铎 华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians*
*卑劣斯图亚特 邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians*
*悲惨战役 凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights*
*昏暗古堡 英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights*
*恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description*
*凶狠凯尔特 可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians*
*凶残维京 冷血罪行 远古的惩罚*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes, punishment from ancient times*
*罗马人 堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank, and ruthless*
*穴居人 野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless*
*绝妙古希腊 聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages*
*卑鄙又卑微 就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages*
*血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we do that*
*且听鼠君对你说*
*And your host a talking rat*
*历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery*
*欢迎收看*
*Welcome to*
糟糕历史
Horrible Histories.
《糟糕历史》为你呈现
Horrible Histories presents...
可笑罗曼史
浪漫 要找一个完美伴侣很难
Ah, romance. Finding a perfect partner can be tricky.
如果刚开始没有成功 就不停地尝试
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
亨利八世就是这样干的
That is certainly what Henry VIII did.
他一共有六位妻子
He had a grand total of six wives.
没错 六位
Yes, six.
历史版初次约会
每个人都在找那个生命中特别的人
Everyone is looking for that special one in their life
弗莱德
《历史版初次约会》顾问
对国王来说她们必须有特别的皇家血统
and for a king they must be royally special.
欢迎来到《历史版初次约会》
Welcome to Historical First Dates.
亨利八世已经到达初次约会现场
Henry VIII of England has arrived for his first date.
1507年
我挺紧张的
Yeah, I'm pretty nervous.
但是...他们告诉我她挺好的
But...they tell me she's fair.
凯瑟琳是一个强大国家的公主
Catherine is a princess of a powerful country
而且是个虔诚的天主教♥徒♥
and a devout Catholic.
第一任妻子
阿♥拉♥贡的凯瑟琳
我只盼望她擅长室内网球
I just pray she's good at real tennis.
-我是亨利 -我是凯瑟琳
- I'm Henry. - Catherine.
不
Oh, no.
她也是亨利去世哥哥的遗孀
She's also Henry's dead brother's widow.
说真的 就没人查过吗
Seriously, does no-one check
你的约会对象嫁过你哥哥
if the dates were married to your brother?
这是首先要弄清楚的
Surely that's page one?
而且她打室内网球吗
Along with, does she play real tennis?
根本不切实际 对吧
This is a bit of a nonstarter, isn't it?
多铎教会
I mean, the Tudor Church
没有嫂子一说
doesn't even recognise in-laws as a thing,
所以你可以算是我姐妹
so you're actually my sister.
这不是古埃及 所以...
This is not ancient Egypt, so...
太糟糕了
It is a total disaster.
我是欧洲最有权力国王的女儿
I am the daughter of the most powerful king in all of Europe
我的西班牙国王父亲
and there is not that many people my Spanish father
对女婿的要求很苛刻
would be happy with me marrying.
你的哥哥是个完美人选 但他死了
Your brother was perfect... till he died.
不过你们两个
Yeah, although you guys
结婚的时间不是很长 对吗
weren't married that long, were you?
-没错 -我可以和教皇说
- Si. This is true. - I could ask the Pope
你们的婚姻时间很短所以并不算数
to say that you weren't married long enough for it to count,
他真的这样做了
这有点像是四秒法则
kind of like a four-second rule,
当你掉了块饼干或萨拉米肠的时候
when you drop a biscuit on the floor or a piece of salami.
他肯定会同意的
I mean, he's bound to agree.
这能有多难
How hard can this be?
那 兄弟 我们就该结婚了
Then, brother, we shall be married.
-别提这什么兄弟的事了行吗 -好的
- Maybe drop the whole brother thing though, yeah? - Will do.
约会顺利吗
So it went pretty well?
是的是的 我会嫁给英格兰的王位继承人
Si, si, I shall be marrying the heir to the throne of England...
再一次 我是说 第一次
again. I mean, for the first time.
之前的第一次不算
The other first time did not count.
非常愉快 姐姐
Good time, sis.
我是说妻子 不是姐姐
I mean, wife, not sis.
不幸的是 这段婚姻没能持续下去
Unfortunately, the marriage wasn't to last.
亨利和阿♥拉♥贡的凯瑟琳在二十四年后离婚了
Henry divorced Catherine of Aragon 24 years later
他又单身了
and he was single again.
幸运儿啊
Lucky fella.
你什么意思
What do you mean by that?
鼠妹 我不知道你在
Ratalie, I didn't know you were there.
你闻上去真香
You smell lovely.
是嘎嗝女士出的污水香吗[重口味香水]
Is that Raw Sewage by Lady Gag?
别想奉承我 鼠君
Don't you try and flatter me, Rattus.
如果你觉得单身很好 你自己怎么不试试
If you think being single is wonderful, why don't you try it?
我们结束了
We are through.
鼠妹 我不想单身
Ratalie, I don't want to be single.
我得自己洗腋窝自己刷胡子
I'll have to wash my armpits and brush my whiskers
真的很累啊 说真的我已经忘了怎么洗了
and put in some actual effort. I've forgotten how, frankly.
等等 我知道了
Wait, I know.
谁是世界上最时髦的人
Who are the most fashionable people in the world?
意大利人
The Italians.
也许我能从他们身上学到点什么
Maybe I could learn a thing or two from them.
意大利 1460年
哥们儿 你看上去很靓啊
Bruv, you look fresh, yeah?
谢了兄弟 但我很羡慕你的曲线
Thanks, fam. So jealous of your curves, though, man.
-它们太棒了 -什么 这些小东西
- They are lit. - What? These little things?
是啊 你有什么秘诀
Yeah, bruv. What's your secret?
举重 有氧运动
Weights? Cardio?
-紧身裤 -紧身裤 兄弟
- Tights. - Tights, bro?
紧身裤很紧 看看这个
Tights are tight. Check this.
拿几条多余的紧身裤 明白吗
Get some spare tights, you get me?
紧身裤是每个文艺复兴意大利人的必需品
Tights, like the must-have for every Italian Renaissance guy
因为它们能让你看上去
because they make you look like
腿长之类的
leggy and whatnot.
但这些紧身裤 兄弟
Yeah, but these tights, fam,
你得把它们塞在衬衫下面
you stuff them down your shirt.
-我把这叫做"填充物" -填充物
- I call it a "Buff stuff". - Buff stuff.
天啊 这简直完美
Oh, man, that is perfection!
你看上去可潮了 很合适
You got swag. Man, this is on point.
说到合适[尖头]
Talking of point...
看这个
Check it.
-不错啊 -这双鞋子真完美
- Props, man. - Man, those shoes are on fleek, yeah?
我得加把劲了
I'm going to have to up my game.
你进屋的三十秒前
Man going to see you come into the room 30 seconds
别人就已经看见你了 不是吗
before you get in it, innit?
它们是米兰最新潮的
They're the latest thing in Milan, man.
但是你能穿着它们跳舞吗
Yeah, but, man, can you dance in those?
我能跳舞吗 这能回答你的问题吗
Can I dance? Does that answer your question?
这人赢了
Man is going to slay.
伙计们 伙计们 看这个
Guys, guys, check this.
兄弟 你
Oh, yeah, bruv, you've
有点儿显屁♥股♥啊 伙计
got a little bit of bum showing there, man.
只有一点吗 那现在呢
Only a little bit? How about now?
完美 这样就好 伙计
Nice, yes, that's the one, man.
他们真的做过这些事
就这样
Keep that, yeah.
伙计们 可以出发了吗
OK, squad, we good to go?
可以了 等一下
Yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, wait.
先来个自♥拍♥
First, selfie.
必须的
Obviously.
自♥拍♥杆起
Selfie stick.
快凑过来
Squeeze in together.
太帅了
Nice.
话题标签 文艺复兴男孩
Hashtag Renaissance boys!
大家好 我是圣瓦伦丁
Hello. I'm Saint Valentine,
圣瓦伦丁
意大利 三世纪
一个特别神圣的人
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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