糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S07E07

Part 3 Jan. 2, 2021, 2:37 p.m.

Not what I would call a dull man, far from it.
他是我们所有人的榜样
He was a shining example to us all.
他出身寒门
From a humble background
经由刻苦训练成为一名
he trained hard to become a...
-失败者 -失败者律师
- Loser! - ..Loser. Lawyer!
律师然后参选从政
Lawyer. And was then elected to government.
杰克逊的鹦鹉确实在他的葬礼上非常无礼
他参与创建了一座伟大的城市
He co-founded the great city
田纳西州的孟菲斯
of Memphis, Tennessee,
最喜欢坐在门廊处
and loved nothing more to sit on his veranda,
啜饮一杯
sipping a glass of...
-尿尿 -尿尿
- Wee-wee! - Wee-wee...
我们都知道他喝的是冰茶
WE all know he sipped iced tea.
我从来不知道有人会有如此强烈的
I never knew a man with more powerful...
-屁 -屁信仰无人能及
- Farts! - ..Farts. Faith! Than he.
他不管去哪里都随身带着一本破损老旧的
He always travelled everywhere with his battered old...
-屁♥股♥ -圣经里面充满了
- Bottom! - Bible by his side filled with...
-内♥裤♥ -智慧
- Knickers! - Wisdom!
让我们直接跳到鸣枪敬礼环节吧
Let's skip through to the gun salute.
让我们一起尿祈祷祈祷
Let us pee... Pray! Pray.
可笑的美国总统
下一个是谁
Um, who's next?
第十六任总统亚伯拉罕·林肯
President number 16, Abraham Lincoln.
这位伟大的美国总统面临着
This great US president faced some of the toughest challenges
空前艰巨的挑战
of any American leader.
幸运的是他得到了许多忠告
Luckily, he got lots of great advice,
即便有些建议的出处很不寻常
even though some of it came from some rather unusual places.
这里是亚伯拉罕·林肯
Abraham Lincoln here.
正在竞选美国
Running for the job of the 16th president
第16任总统
of the United States of America.
你想看见我是吗
Oh, you want to see me? Yeah?
在这里
Oh, hey there!
我认为你是个伟大的人
I think you are a great man.
你太客气了
You are too kind.
但是我不喜欢你的脸
But I don't like your face.
前言撤回
I withdraw my comment.
你想知道为什么吗
Would you like to know why?
我想知道为什么吗
"Would I like to know why?"
你反正都会告诉我的格雷丝
I've got a feeling you're going to tell me anyway, Grace.
你的脸太瘦了
Your head is too skinny.
我又能怎么办呢好了笑吧伙计们
What can I do with that? Yeah, OK, laugh it up, guys.
脸太瘦知道了
Yeah, skinny head, got it.
不我哪里像长颈鹿了
No, I don't look like a giraffe!
好了到此为止
OK, let's just park that there.
长成这样我也无能为力
There's not much I can do about my head.
你应该留胡子
Grow some whiskers.
好吧我会考虑的格雷丝
OK. Well, I'll consider it, Grace,
格雷丝真的建议林肯去留胡子
虽然你并不能给我投票因为你是个女孩
even though you can't vote for me anyway, because you're a girl.
而且你只有11岁
And you're 11.
至少我没长一张瘦削的脸
At least I'm not a skinny head.
好吧谢谢你的反馈
OK, I appreciate the feedback.
说不定格雷丝
And you never know, Grace,
下次你看到我的照片时我就有胡子了
maybe next time you see me in a photo I'll have some whiskers.
亚伯拉罕·林肯美国第16任总统
当然亚伯拉罕·林肯
Of course, Abraham Lincoln
是美国当时著名的废奴派
was famous for wanting to end slavery in America,
但当时的美国人并不都赞同他
but not everyone in the US agreed with him.
这导致了
This led to the outbreak of a civil war
美国1861年南北战争的爆发
between the northern and southern states of the USA in 1861.
美♥利♥坚♥合众国 VS 美♥利♥坚♥联盟国
南方诸州甚至选出了自己的总统
Southern states even declared their own rival President,
一个叫杰斐逊·戴维斯的男人
and man called Jefferson Davis.
他不在这里面
Yep, he's not in here,
因为林肯与北方诸州赢得了内战
because Lincoln and the North won the war.
他们还得到了一个
And they had plenty of help
来历神秘的聪明人的很多帮助
doing it from a very clever secret source,
间谍玛丽·鲍瑟
the spy, Mary Bowser,
她假装自己是一个叫埃伦的奴隶
who pretended to be a slave called Ellen
为敌方总统工作
working for the rival President.
她冒着极大的风险但是由于一些原因
She was in great danger, but for some reason,
将军们就是不肯相信她是个间谍
the generals just couldn't believe she was a spy.
美♥利♥坚♥联盟国的各位将军
Generals of the Confederate South.
杰斐逊·戴维斯的作战总部 1863年
在我们讨论打败北方的秘密计划前
Before I discuss our secret plans on how to defeat the North,
我必须告诉你们
I must tell you that I believe
我们中有一个叛徒
that there is a traitor amongst us.
埃伦快承认
Ellen, confess!
你忘了给我续咖啡了
You have forgotten to top up my coffee!
我必须想想谁会是这个叛徒
Now, I must consider who this traitor could possibly be.
埃伦
Ellen!
你必须小心
You must be... careful!
如果你试图去理解这份
Now, if you try to even understand one word
复杂文件上的词
of this very clever thing,
你那女士的小脑瓜可能会爆♥炸♥的
then it might blow your tiny lady mind.
是的长官我连怎么不看都不知道
Oh, yes, sir. I don't even know how to do no reading!
去给这些家伙拿点面包来
Run along and get some more bread for the guys,
免得我们的高智商对话
before any more of this highly intelligent mind talk
把你的脑子变成浆糊
sends your brain into a fizz.
托马斯他们还以为我是个文盲女奴
Thomas, they still assume me an uneducated slave girl.
但我可能很快遭遇危险
But I may be in grave danger soon.
赶紧把我偷来的这些秘密计划
Make haste with these stolen secret plans
给林肯总统送去
to President Lincoln at once.
谢谢你托马斯这些面包闻上去真美味
Well, thank you, Thomas, these buns sure do smell delicious.
-我看到了一个叛 -你肯定不是指
- I spy a traitor! - Surely you are not suggesting...
让我说完
Let me finish.
我看到了一个盘子
I spy a TRAY TO put our empty cups
我们可以在讨论计划时把空杯子放上去
on whilst we're studying these plans.
糟了
Oh, crumbs.
老天埃伦看看你干的好事
Heavens, Ellen, now look at these...
卑贱的女奴可能看不出这些文件的价值
these papers may seem like nothing to a humble slave girl,
但这些都是最高机密
but these are top secret information
无论如何都不能
that must, under no circumstances,
流到狡猾的敌人手里
find their ways into the hands of our cunning enemy.
你有可能
Might you
是那个敌人吗
be that enemy,
埃伦
Ellen?
开了这么滑稽的玩笑
I do feel ever so clever for having made a joke
我觉得自己真是太机智了
as ridiculousness as that one.
埃伦
Ellen!
可笑的美国总统
玛丽·鲍瑟帮助林肯总统
Mary Bowser helped President Lincoln
和北方赢得了南北战争的胜利
and the North win the Civil War.
战争结束后林肯废除了奴隶制
When it was over, Lincoln abolished slavery.
干得漂亮但是林肯还有别的敌人
Top work! But Lincoln still had his enemies,
所以林肯总统亲自组建了
and so the first official secret security service
以保卫美国为使命的第一个官方特勤机构
was set up to protect America by President Lincoln himself.
但他们绝对准备好面对
But they were never prepared
他们特别的上岗第一天
for this particular first day at work.
福特剧院华盛顿哥伦比亚特区 1865年
剧院里最好的位置先生们
Best seats in the house, gentlemen.
以特勤局首次社交之夜
First ever Secret Service social night to commemorate
纪念我们成立的第一天
our first ever day in existence.
我知道我们部门今天才组建
You know, I know that we were only created today,
但我们是否
but do you think, maybe,
应该停止自称特勤局
we should stop calling ourselves Secret Service?
因为我们本该秘密行动
You know, because we're supposed to be...secret?
-说的不错 -谢谢
- Good note. - Thanks.
冰淇淋
Ice cream!
在这里特勤局要吃冰淇淋
Over here for the Secret Service, you guys.
-先生们 -不好意思走错包厢了
- Gentlemen. - Oh, sorry, wrong box.
总统先生
Mister President!
我以为有人袭击我
I thought I was being attacked.
没有这个危险先生
There is no danger of that, sir,
因为你有全新的特勤...