副总统（2012）

which I already have written.
Colette 给你个机会
Colette, if you would do the honors.
在我的文件夹第一段里
In the me file under phase one.
好了 你俩
Okay, and you and you,
搬这张桌子
I need you to move this desk.
动作快 别给我摆一张苦逼孤儿脸
Let's go. Don't give me that sad orphan face.
把你的零食袋子和你的水瓶子带好 赶紧滚出来
Take your little snack pack and your water bottle and get the fuck out.
听着 Dan 咋了?
Hey, Dan. Yes?
恭喜升职了 咱俩有空喝一杯去
Congrats on the big promotion. You and I should grab another drink.
你猜怎么的? 跟我秘书Mike说一声
You know what? Run it by my secretary. His name is Mike.
不行不行 你得搬回去
No, no, no, you've got to move that back.
我可不准你盯着我一整天
I'm not gonna have you eyeballing me all day.
不准他搬到那儿去 放松点儿 牛眼娃
That's not gonna go there. Relax, cow eyes.
我才不会坐在这儿
I'm not gonna be sitting here looking at your...
一直盯着你的牛眼看呢 凳子放这儿
cow eyes the whole time. Guys, seat goes right here.
糟了 咋了?咋了? 啥事儿?
Shit, shit. What? What? What?
推特上的新闻 副总统火了
Twitter eruption. Veep's trending.
Amy 什么情况? 你火了 夫人
Amy, what's going on? Um, you're trending, ma'am.
我也在推特上 但是他老让我重新申请账号♥
I'm on Twitter, but it wants me to create a new account.
我不知道咋申请 申就是了
I don't know how to do that. Well, then do that.
Amy 怎么了? 怎么回事儿Amy?
Amy, what the fuck? What is it, Amy?
俄亥俄的一个记者Felicia
This is the reporter from Ohio, Felicia.
等会儿 等会儿 我知道了
Wait, wait. No, I got it.
被副总统的团队耍的团团转
Got played by team veep.
她们让我想办法逼她哭出来
They wanted me to make her cry.
井号♥键爱哭又虚伪的副总统 这他么怎么回事儿?
Hashtag FakeVeepWeep. What the fuck?
啥? 谁想让我哭? -
What? Who wanted to make me cry?
Mike让你哭出来的
Mike engineered your crying, ma'am.
他说他是你的木偶大♥师♥
He said that he was your puppet master.
他说他是你的匹诺曹
Actually, he said he was your Pinocchio,
但我猜他要说的是盖比特 那才是木偶师♥傅♥
but I think he meant Geppetto, who was actually the puppet master.
Mike设法让你在镜头前面哭的
Mike got you to cry on camera.
搞什么 Mike? 搞什么Mike?
What the fuck, Mike? What the fuck, Mike?
Amy去我办公室 Mike特别是你
Amy, get into my office. Mike, especially you.
进我办公室 好的
Go into my office. Okay.
老天啊 看这位的块头
Holy Christ. Look at the size of this one.
哥们儿我猜你跟我这位同性恋小矮人儿差不多高
Buddy, I think you're as big as my gay dwarf.
我现在要见副总统
I need to see the vice president now.
抱歉我不在这儿工作 我确实在为西部工作...
Sorry, I don't work here. I do work in the West...
那赶紧闪开啊 你这哪儿的斜塔...
Well, then get the hell out of my way, you leaning tower of...
比萨斜塔 不是
Pisa. No.
粑粑斜塔? 没错
Shit? Good.
赶紧的 好的先生
Move it. Yes, sir.
小心肝儿 我要见副总统
Hey, sweet cakes. I need to get in to see the veep.
议员 你再这么叫我一次 我就送你去急诊室
Congressman, if you call me that again, you'll need to see a paramedic.
交给你了 等会儿 等会儿!
Take care of that. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
混♥蛋♥ 你在干嘛? 你以为我是个爱哭鬼么?
Big bully, what are you doing? You think I'm a crybaby?
抱歉叨扰 副总统女士
Sorry to barge in, Madam Vice President.
是么 Larry 听着 Furlong在我办公室里
Yeah, Larry, listen. Furlong is in the office.
别跟Furlong说话 你要保持低调
Don't talk to Furlong. You need to keep a low profile.
我刚发了一份媒体声明说我升职了
I just issued a press release announcing my promotion.
再见吧 Dan
Bye, Dan.
说实话 女士 我很生气 Wil 跟她解释一下
Frankly, ma'am, I'm angry. Will, tell her why.
媒体说你刻意演哭戏
The press claims that you intentionally cried
为的是掩盖
in order to divert attention away from the fact
我们强迫群众参与募捐会这个事实
that we had to bus people into the fundraiser.
现在我不想被你这些谎言牵连
And now I'm being implicated in your disgusting little lies,
而且说句实在的 我可不愿意蹚你这浑水
and, actually, I don't feel like being dragged into the toilet with you, ma'am.
首先 议员先生
Number one, congressman,
我已经受够你这些屁话了
I'm sick of taking your shit, okay?
其次 第一条再次强调一遍
Number two, number one again.
哭是演出来的 我是被♥操♥纵的
The crying was manipulated, ma'am. I was manipulated.
这个会议也该截止了
And this meeting is now terminated
因为这压根儿就不应该被提上日程
because this was never a meeting to even begin with.
你该走了
You're gonna need to leave 'cause I'm not really aware
要不我不客气了
of where my actions will take me, okay?
你干嘛? 用内♥裤♥勒死我?
What are you gonna do? You gonna choke me with some spanx?
你想试试?
Do you want to try me?
你包里有口气清新剂没? 走吧
You got breath mints in that bag? Let's go.
你眉心有个红点啊 Danno
Oh, you got a nice big red dot in the middle of your forehead, Danno.
你被瞄上了我告诉你 你说啥?
And it ain't a fucking bindi. Excuse me?
你最好装备起来 牛仔 因为我要对这间办公室
You'd better saddle up, cowgirl, 'cause I'm gonna ride this whole office
展开国会调查听证
into a congressional investigative hearing
听证项目是Macauley修正案和纵容下属腐♥败♥ -
over the Macauley amendment and the attendant corruption.
放轻松
Just relax.
我觉得你应该去整一个头盔
I think you might want to get yourself a helmet, okay.
再加上个防弹背心和下♥体♥铁护身
And a bulletproof vest and an iron jockstrap.
因为我会找人爆你头 捅你背 让你蛋碎
'Cause you're gonna get your head shot, your back stabbed, and your nuts danced on.
周一愉快
Have a good Monday.
再见 Sue
Bye, Sue.
你暂时别升职了
All right, you're gonna need to stay in your former position.
好么? 保持低调
Okay? Keep a low profile.
瞧好了 Dan 爽!
In your face, Dan. Mmm!
我貌似已经发了一条新闻稿
Um, ma'am, I may have already issued a press release
关于我升职的 真的假的?
regarding my promotion. Really?
那我能把你撤了不? 恐怕不行
Well, can I unpromote you? I don't think so.
他又成了我上司了? -
Is he my boss again?
头衔上是? 但你比他资深
Only in title, all right? You're still senior to him.
瞧好吧 够了?拜托 Mike
In your fucking face. Stop it, okay? Please, Mike.
Dan 喝酒的事儿 再说了哈?
Hey, Dan, I'm gonna take a rain check on that beer, okay?
我滴神啊 这么着
Oh, my God in heaven. So, let's see.
我刚提的负责反驳的人选
The guy that I have just put in charge of rebutting
现在负责进行反驳
is now in charge of rebutting questions
就Macauley修正案问题
over the Macauley amendment,
如今看来是最不合适的人选
which is the very thing he should be nowhere near rebutting.
对吧? 我跟你提醒过的 夫人
Right? I did warn you about him, ma'am.
好了 出去吧 Amy 快滚出去
Okay, get out, Amy. Get out of my office.
看见没 现在... 我真的要哭了
See, now... now I want to cry.
可欲哭无泪啊
But I can't cry.
能给我杯茶不? 好的
Can I Get you a cup of tea? Okay. Yeah.
你懂不懂 这工作折磨死我了
You know, I mean, this job has fucked me up so bad.
我现在他妈连哭都哭不出来
Now I don't fucking know if I can cry anymore.
我可不担心这个 夫人
I wouldn't worry about it, ma'am.
我是说 你只用干四年 所以...
I mean, you've only got four years of this, so...
恐怕得8年 万一咱连任了呢
Eight years, I guess, if we got reelected,
很明显
obviously.
要竞选总统的话就是12年
12 if you run for president.
16年 总统再连任
16, two-term.
你想想
So think about that.
Egan 好吧? Dan Egan
Egan, all right? Dan Egan.
大写字母D的Dan
That's Dan with a capital D
然后他妈的听清了 Egan
and Egan with an open your fucking ears.
没错 耳朵的那个E
Yes, E as in ears.
好 我等着
Yeah, I'll hold.
Dan走人了以后把那桌子搬回来 成不?
When Dan goes home, I want that desk back here, okay?
不行 她很忙 明天也没空
No, she's busy. And tomorrow.
后天也不行
Well, that's tomorrow in the plural.
哪天都不行
All of them.