副总统（2012）

- Yes. - He ran press for Moses, didn't he?
天呐 - 你这没有浓缩咖啡什么的吗
- Oh, God. - Is there like an espresso thing?
那种一小袋的 - 妈的受不了了
a little podule or anything? - Jesus fucking Christ.
看我做 自闭君 拿些咖啡豆
All right, look, watch me, autismo. You take the little pod,
放进狗♥日♥的♥洞 关上狗♥日♥的♥盖子
put the little pod in the fucking hole, shut the fucking lid,
按他妈两秒钟开关
hit the fucking button for two fucking seconds.
噢 好简单哦亲 - 太快了 没看到
- Oh, it's so easy. - Too quick, I didn't see it.
那下次记得在你的操蛋的包里带个浓缩咖啡机
Yeah, well, next time pack an espresso machine in your big fuckin' bitch bag.
天呐 Dan好像人不错
- Oh, my God. - Dan seems nice.
他是新来的 - 他很棒
- He's new. - Oh, he is great.
很忠诚 我从一个俄亥俄女参议员那聘来的
Very loyal. I got him from an Ohio congresswoman.
他在和我女儿恋爱
You know, he's dating my daughter.
真的假的 Janet? - 不是
- You're kidding. Janet? - No.
肯定不是 天呐 对不起
Of course not. Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
我是说 呃 Carol
I meant, um, Carol.
Carol.
孩子们怎么样 - 嗯 她很好
- How are your kids? - Uh, she's good.
我知道你很忙 - 非常忙
- I understand you're busy. - I am.
不过我想跟你谈谈
But I wanted to talk to you about
即将出♥台♥的清洁工作委员会
coming on board the clean jobs commission.
要塑料行业不再嘲弄你?
To get plastics off your back?
不行 对不起 Selina 这样我很难做
No, sorry, Selina. That would be bad for me.
拜托 他们不会因为这个撤资的
Oh, come on. They're not gonna pull funding over this.
甜心 塑料是什么做的
Honey, what is plastics made of?
你得罪塑料业就是得罪石油业
You piss off plastics, you piss off oil.
你不会想开罪他们的
And you do not want to fuck with those guys
因为后果很严重
because they fuck in a very unpleasant fashion.
Barbara 你真的愿意出♥卖♥♥♥自己人格吗
Barbara, are you really willing to sell your soul
就为了这些做牙刷的
to the guys who make toothbrushes
还...还...
and... and... and... and...
还有牙刷柄的
and the holders for toothbrushes?
对 他们还资助了
Yeah, they're the guys who fund the members
你的清洁工作委员会成员
of your clean jobs commission.
我可以给你画个表 不过肯定会画得很简单的
I could draw you a diagram, but it would be a very simple diagram.
我看得懂几何 好吧 Barbara
Oh, I can handle geometry, Barbara, all right?
好了 我要走了 - 当然 我也有...
- Come on, I've got to get going. - Yes, well, I have...
很多日程
a ton on my agenda as well.
刚有消息 Reeves参议员刚过世了
Watch this. Uh, senator Reeves just died.
噢
Oh.
Oh. - Rapey Reeves.
他是第一个欢迎我进国会的参议员 知道吗
He was the first senator to welcome me to the Capitol, you know?
那时他就很老了
He was old even then.
他是不是充满了智慧? - 他充满了酒气
Was he full of wisdom? - he Was full of bourbon.
他还抓了我左边乳♥房♥♥
And he grabbed my left tit.
记得吧 - 愿他安息
Remember that? - And God rest his soul.
嘿 你炒了那个写博客的没
Hey, did you fire your tweet monkey yet?
他就是个武器级的绊脚石
Because that guy is a weapons-grade retard.
我觉得你已经被自己的绊脚石绊住了
I think you might have been hoist by your own retard there.
很不错
That's a good one.
自己的绊脚石 不错
Your own retard. Nice.
楼下见 - 是
- See you downstairs. - Yeah.
很荣幸见到你 女士 - 谢谢 Dan
- Honor to have met you, madam. - Oh, thank you, Dan.
你初选的时候太棒了
I really admired your primaries campaign.
噢 真好 谢谢你
Oh, how nice. Thank you very much.
两处有待改善
Two things I would have done differently.
两处? 真的假的 哪两处
Two things? Oh, no kidding. What were they?
你在新罕布♥什♥尔上耗太久 本来就是囊中物
I think you spent too much time in new Hampshire. That was in the bag.
俄勒冈的攻击广♥告♥早出了四天
And the attack ads in Oregon came up four days too soon,
不该刻薄的时候刻薄了
made you seem mean before you had to be.
不过 你还是占上风的
But, I mean, hey, you're the old pro here.
你胜算还大
- Gary: Ooh! - You're the pro.
我会记住的
Well, I'll keep that in mind.
参议员会议的事我很遗憾
Mike: Sorry about the Senate meeting.
那就像是为无家可归的人准备的葬礼
Yeah, it was like a funeral for a homeless guy.
Hallowes怎么样 - 就跟平常一样
- How was Hallowes? - Oh, you know, the usual.
Selina 嗨
Selina, hi.
我在融化 我在融化
I'm melting. I'm melting.
她就是个婊♥子♥
She is such a fucking bitch.
今天3:30的记者致电
So today at the 3:30 press call,
对于塑料产业的事 你想我怎么回应
what do you want me to say about plastics?
我觉得最好是能安抚... - 哇哦
I think our best agenda is to reassure... - Whoa.
我知道 不要告诉我 - 什么
- I know. Don't tell me. - What?
如果我是真不知道 那群混♥蛋♥也不能 从我嘴里套到什么
If I genuinely don't know, then those bastards can't make me tell them.
你知道我的座右铭 我不想知道
You know my motto, I don't want to know.
要是有问座右铭是什么 我就说没有
Anyways, what motto? I don't have a motto.
嘿 Sue 总统打了电♥话♥没
Hey, Sue. Did the president call?
没有 - 没有
No. - No.
嘿 Sue 裙子真好看
Hey, Sue, that is a lovely dress.
谢谢 Gary 副总统女士 - 怎么
- Thank you, Gary. Madam Vice President. - Yeah?
我们要重新同步您的手♥机♥
We're gonna need to resync your BlackBerry.
好 - 那些日志被动手脚了
- Okay. - The diary's been violated.
女士 您的咖啡 很烫
Ma'am, here's your coffee. It's really hot.
可以就放在那儿吗
Can you put it down right there?
噢 Gary 呃...
Oh, Gary. Um...
噢 天呐 我刚想说什么来着
Oh. Oh, my God, what was I just gonna say?
Oh.
不知道 一下子想不起来了
I don't know. It just went out of my head.
待会再说 - 好
- It'll come to me later. - Okay.
白宫的Jonah过来了
And Jonah is here from the White House.
我告诉他你没空
I told him you were too busy to see him,
但是 如你所见 他无视我了 连带你一起
but, as you see, he ignored me and, by implication, you.
嗨 - 噢 副总统女士
- Hi. - Oh, Madam Vice President.
关门 边出边关 快点 快点
Close the door. On your way out, close it. Quickly. Quick, quick.
快 快 万能的主啊
Quick, quick. God Almighty.
不行
No.
你看了维♥基♥百♥科♥没
You, did you check the Wikipedia?
他们又改了她体重吗
Did they change her weight again?
老是有人入侵系统改她的体重
Somebody keeps hacking into the site and changing her weight.
噢 Jonah
Oh, Jonah.
市区有家不错的意大利餐厅开业了 Amy
Good new Italian place opened up downtown, Amy.
喜欢意大利菜吗 - 超级爱 Jonah
- You like Italian? - I love Italian, Jonah,
不幸的是 我还是一如既往嫌弃你
but still, unfortunately, really dislike you.
我没有要约你出去 我也不想你因为
Oh, I wasn't asking you out. I don't want you to think
我没约你而留下永久的伤痛
that was a burn because I wasn't asking you out.
嘿 你是那个我的左脚(电影)
Hey, it's the guy from My Left Foot.
Jonah 你今天跟总统交谈了几次
Jonah, how many times have you talked to the president today?
你想知道吗
Oh, you want to know?
是的 因为你得把它记到冰箱的星形图上去
Yeah, 'cause you need to put it up on that star chart on your refrigerator.
他今天跟我说了四次话 - 四次?
he actually spoke to me four times today. - Four?
简报室 N.S.C.会议 走廊有两次
Briefing room, N.S.C. meeting, hallway twice.
他每次是不是说
And in each of those did he say,
有没有人把这狗♥娘♥养♥的给我赶开?
Someone get this freak the fuck away from me?
嗨 Jonah
Hi, Jonah.
上面有什么新闻
What's the news from the mountaintop?
白宫想... - 等等
The White House would like... - Hang on just a second.
可以帮我记一下吗
Can you do me there?
记着呢 - 继续
Doing you. - What?
白宫想要你替总统出席下午六点的
The White House would like you to atend at 6:00 P.M.
S.R.V.A.募捐活动
S.R.V.A. Fund-raiser tonight instead of the President.
哦 不 我不去 - 日程上没有
- Oh, no, that's not gonna happen. - Not on the schedule.
总统不想回答
The POTUS doesn't want to get hit with questions
那些政♥府♥财政账单问题
on the fiscal responsibility bill.
嗯 - 但他们明显不会问你
- Uh-huh. - Obviously they won't ask you guys
因为你没...
because you have no...
呃 你刚分管了其他领域
um, you just have other areas of expertise.
对 清洁工作 也门 火星任务
Yeah, clean jobs, Yemen, mission to Mars.
我不会去 今晚很忙
Yeah, it's not gonna happen. I'm busy tonight.
我们要为清洁工作委员会定位
Yeah, we're positioning ourselves right now with the clean jobs commission.
但是美♥利♥坚♥合众国总统
But the President of the United States of America
很热心地... - 嗯
is very keen... - Uh-huh.
将你的出席列入
That your going to the fund-raiser should be
基本流程
fundamentally the sequence of events