副总统（2012）

民♥主♥是个好东西
You know, democracy is fantastic,
不过这玩意也太蠢了吧
but it is also fucking dull.
他们一点要分胜负的意思都没有
It doesn't even look like they're gonna break a tie.
Selina根本就不用来
Selina does not even have to be here.
苍天啊 她是不是要睡着了?
Oh, my God. Is she falling asleep?
不 她不能在电视直播的时候睡着
No, she cannot fall asleep on live TV.
不能在C-SPAN啊(政论直播台) 这样讽刺性太高了
Not on C-SPAN. The irony would be too huge.
别啊 别啊
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
你这是在挥手么? 她可不能望穿电视看到你哦
Are you really waving? She cannot see you through the TV.
一般人四岁左右就明白这个道理了
Most of us learn that when we're four.
我们可以打电♥话♥给她 振动会震醒她的
We can call her. The vibrations will wake her up.
不行 她没有睡着
No, she's not gonna fall asleep.
说不定只有我们注意到了这个事
It's probably just us who have noticed.
不是的 Clive 没有
No, Clive, no.
她没睡着
She is not falling asleep.
没有 只是那里很暖和而已
No, it is just very warm down there.
哇 头顿了一下 刚才她顿了一下 好啦
- Whoa, head jerk. Just head jerked. - Okay.
你确定订的是今天早上八点么?
You sure you set this meeting for 8:00 a.m. Today?
我确定吗?
Am I sure?
好吧 我错了 你当然确定啦
Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, of course you did.
必须的 请不要这样盯着我了
Of course. Please, stop staring at me like that.
用眼神剥光我的感觉 我是用眼神给你多穿点 Mike
- Undressing me with your eyes. - I'm adding more clothes, Mike.
绿色产业的火箭已经差不多到时候升空了 对吧?
Clean jobs almost ready for liftoff, right?
虽然细节上还需要一些打磨 不过是的
A little more detail work, but yes.
我觉得我们已经可以开始倒数了
I do think that we can start the countdown.
好的 那你穿好宇航服吧
Okay, well, get your spacesuits on.
说到宇航服
You know, speaking of spacesuits,
我在一个签书会上该遇到过Buzz Aldrin (著名宇航员 登月第二人 )
I met Buzz Aldrin at a book signing.
你知道他们宇航员最怕什么吗?
You know what really freaks those guys out?
在24小时之内连看17遍日出 好吧
Seeing 17 dawns in a matter of 24 hours. Okay.
早上好 早上好 女士
- Good morning. - Morning, ma'am.
我今天是什么日程 Sue?
How is my day looking, Sue?
你下午要去参加一个社区大学见面会
You have one community college meeting this afternoon.
这就没了? 是的
is that it? - Yes.
不 不 不 这样不对
No, no, no, no. That's not right.
好吧 等一分钟 如果你往下滚屏呢?
Uh, okay, wait a minute. What happens if you scroll down?
那要是往上滚呢? 那已经过去了 女士
- How about if you scroll up? - That's the past, ma'am.
他在这里干什么? Mike是你八点钟的议程
- What's he for? - Mike's your 8:00.
我们要讨论一下今晚你在消防员协会上的致辞
We're talking about your speech for the firefighter's association tonight.
Dan去哪了? 我找了他一早上了
- Hey, where is Dan? - I have been trying him all morning.
给我留了语♥音♥邮箱 呼喊他的名字
Left him a voicemail. Called him a name.
就是我们平常干的那样
- Just a little thing we do. - Mike!
我觉得吧 咱们应该开场讲个笑话
So here's what I'm thinking. We need to open with a funny joke.
开门见山
Solid narrative throughout it,
带到我真正想说的话题上 类似五佳吐槽那种级别的
into which I would like to pepper, like, five zingers.
没问题 我这里有几个金点子 好的
No problemo. McClintock gold. - Okay. Good.
我觉得开场我们可以稍微自嘲一下
I thought for the opener we'd do a little self-deprecating joke
说说在参议会上睡着了的事 不要
about your snooze in The Senate. - No.
不想听一下吗? 不想
want to hear it? - No.
好吧 没关系
Okay. Yeah, it doesn't matter.
这个是你第一个笑点
Okay, here you go, first home run.
消防员对他们的工作都很有热情
Firefighters have a passion for their work.
而纵火犯们则热爱点东西玩
Arsonists just have a burning desire.
你这个是笑话吗?
Is that even a joke?
是啊 这用了文字游戏或者是戏仿一类的手法
Yeah, it's a word play or a parody.
嗯... 好吧 没关系
- Mmm. - Okay, doesn't matter.
还有一个 好吧
got another one. - All right.
梯子在消防事业中显然是很重要的
Ladders, obviously germane to the firefighting business.
你就说消防员们总是在爬梯子
You go, firefighters are always climbing ladders
而政客们都...
and in politics you're always...
这个...我没认出来我写的是啥 但这个基本意思是说
and this, I don't even know what I wrote, but it's basically
你们是去一个什么地方来着...
you're taking steps to
不用梯子
get somewhere but without a ladder...
好吧 这个我一点也笑不出来
Yeah, this is not making me laugh at all.
那这个等成熟了再给你说
We'll bring that one back when it's ready.
好了 有天消防安全员问我...
Okay, fire safety guy asked me the other day,
然后你就换成自己的语气 我在床上抽烟吗?
and this is your voice... do I smoke in bed?
然后我就说 我从来都没什么好抱怨的
And I said, 'I've never had any complaints.'
口味太重了? 太重了?
Too shock? Too shock?
好吧 这还有一个半成品的想法
Okay, this is kind of a half an idea.
这个情景是如果你是一位消防员
All right, so the idea is if you're a fireman
要把湿毯子铺到什么东西上...
putting a wet blanket on something...
你迟到了 是的 而且我非常非常抱歉
- You are late. - Yes, and I am incredibly sorry.
我昨晚不是在家睡的 我就是...睡过头了
I was not in my own apartment last night. I just... I overslept.
好吧 迟到之后说你中风什么的还行
Okay, having a massive stroke is an excuse for coming in late to this office.
说你性福了是绝对不行的 Dan
Having sex is absolutely not, Dan.
说得对 女士 但是吧…
Quite right, ma'am. Although, in my defense,
我还以为你不在办公室 为什么?
- I didn't even think you'd be here. - Why?
呃 在白宫有一场关于财政责任提案的简报
Well, there's the briefing on the fiscal responsibility bill at the White House.
我以为你会在那边
I just assumed you'd be there.
他们没有邀请我 什么?!
I wasn't invited. What?
这个什么... 就现在
this is happening... - Right now.
去她娘的总统!
Fuck that potus.
他两周前国防预算简报的时候就没有邀请我
He did this with the defense budget briefing two weeks ago.
天哪 Amy在哪?
God. Where is Amy?
你戴着一个堵嘴的...
- You get a gag on top of... - Mike!
为什么我不知道这件事?!
Why didn't I know about this?!
我一定要去 他们不能把我晾在外面
I'm going. They can't keep me out of there.
女士 我在这里呢 你需要什么东西吗?
Hey, ma'am, I'm right here. Can I get you something?
你有旱冰鞋吗?
You got rollerblades?
我来了
I'm coming in.
好了
Okay.
很好
Good.
同志们好
Hi, guys.
财政责任 这太扯了
- Fiscal responsibility. - It's ridiculous.
你玩我呢吧? 这些人
Are you kidding me? Not one of those guys
都十年没自己出过午饭钱了吧 (讽刺各种工作餐)
has paid for their own lunch in like a decade.
我觉得我出席了就很表明态度
I think I made a big point by being there.
非常啊 不过我喘气声有点大
- Big point. - I was breathing really heavily, though.
不会有人注意的吧
You don't think anyone noticed that, do you?
Bob Lewis还有肺气肿呢
Bob Lewis has got emphysema.
听起来跟鼓风机一个效果
Sounds like a broken-down leaf blower.
确实是
He does.
这个确实是他给人的神奇印象
That is an actually uncanny impression of him.
副总统女士 怎么了?
Madam Vice President. - Yeah?
噢 嗨 Jonah 嘿 Jonah
- Oh, hi, Jonah. - Hey, Jonah.
你是来找我们的吗? 噢 不是的
- You coming to see us? - Oh, no.
我得请一个小时事假
I had to take a personal hour.
我和营养师有预约
I have a nutritionist appointment.
噢 你没事吧 会好起来的
- Oh, hope you're okay. - It'll be fine.
我是果糖不耐受
I'm fructose intolerant.
果糖? 就是水果里的糖分
Fructose? - Fruit sugars.
这很罕见 噢
- It's very rare. - Oh.
那祝你好运吧
Well, good luck with all that.
谢谢
Thank you.
你还以为他已经怪到最巅峰了
Just when you thought he couldn't get any weirder,
丫就怪上一层楼给你看 天哪
he did. - my God.
之前的事很抱歉 我以为你还在位子上呢
Oh, uh, sorry about earlier.
好吧 我现在要全体开会
I thought you were in the chair.
好的 你知道吗？ 我需要和每个人开个会议
Okay, you know what? I'm gonna need a meeting with everybody.
我要一杯咖啡
I need a coffee.
现在的问题是
Here's the deal.
总统在躲我
The President is avoiding me.
说不定他就是犯病呢 就跟Gary的脚一样
Maybe he's just flakey like Gary's feet.
不是的 我了解他 他很讨厌正面冲突
No, I know him. He hates confrontation,
显然现在就是他有什么要和我冲突的事了
and obviously there is something that he needs to confront me about.
那他还会明确地支持我的绿色产业提案么?
I mean, am I still getting unequivocal support on clean jobs?
这上面我需要白宫的可靠消息
I need some good, solid White House intel on this.
好的 白奸 对
- Yup, the whitegeist. - Right.
我来搞定 很好