副总统（2012）

这个事显然只是你知我知哈
Obviously this is in our little circle of two.
显然是的 是的
Obviously. - Yeah.
嘿 Jonah
Hey, Jonah.
你屁♥眼♥里的天气怎么样了?
How's the weather up there in your asshole?
哈哈
Oh ho.
这个真有爱 Mike 你怎么样?
That's cute, Mike. How's it going?
很好 很好 正在温习媒体简报会的提纲
Good, good. Just going over my notes for the press briefing.
你收到本地倡议企业名单了么?
Hey, did you get those local business initiatives
我从总统那发过来的
I sent over from the president?
嗯哼 嗯哼 正在看呢
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Looking at them right now.
谢谢 这很有用 那就好
- Thank you. They're very helpful. - Oh, good.
我很高兴你在着手了 我能看见你 Mike
I'm glad you're right on top of that. I can see you, Mike.
什么? 噢 哈哈
What? Oh.
这太赞了! 你知道吗 Mike?
- This is awesome! - You know what, Mike?
总有一天你醒过来的时候 会发现
One day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna find
你的肺变成了烤点心
your lungs have turned to pastry.
我挂了 Jonah 有人打进来了
Gotta go, Jonah. Got incoming.
Mike Amy 什么事?
- Mike. - Amy, what's up?
Selina可能怀孕了 我们怎么办?
Selina might be pregnant. What do we wanna do?
这是真的么?
Is this for real?
如果是真的话 那对她来说
'Cause if it is, the best thing for her legacy
最好的结局就是在显肚子之前被刺杀了
is if she's assassinated before she starts showing.
不是完全确定
It's not definite.
还得测试一下才知道
She still needs to take some tests.
好吧 那我猜我应该在媒体发布会上加上这一条
Okay. I'll guess I'll just add this to the press release.
大家就可以开始下注了
People can start taking bets.
你知道这个事得暗箱操作
You know that this needs to be way under the lid.
再见 没事吧?
Bye. - All good?
必须的
Absolutely.
这可要乐坏一群7岁小朋友了
It's gonna knock the socks off of some seven-year-olds.
老爸 老爸 我喜欢啤酒
Dad, dad, I like beer.
那是因为我开啤酒的时候把嘴唇划伤了
That was because I cut my lip trying to open the bottle.
我就是不能照你的方法打开它
I just can't open it the way you do.
听着 副总统和我要和金莺队的队员
Listen, the veep and I are gonna have our photo taken
合照了
with the Orioles players.
Huh?
是的 我可以给你洗一张
Yeah, I can get you one.
靠 是的 靠 是的
Shit, yeah. Shit, yeah.
咖啡店他♥娘♥的♥在哪?
Where the fuck is coffee?
那在体育场的这一天
So that whole stadium day
对你来说就是拉关系群P吧? 那是
- was like a networking orgy for you, right? - Oh, yeah.
绝对的名片群射
Yeah, yeah. Business card bukkake.
你也应该在这里买♥♥点东西的...
You know, you should get something while we're here...
刮胡刀啊 止痛药什么的
Razor blades, a large amount of pain killers.
我勒个大…
Holy sh...
你怀孕了?
Are you pregnant?
Amy 不是吧 事业大忌啊 这就跟入了科邪教
Amy, come on, career-wise, that's like joining scientology
或者在脖子上刺青是一样的啊
or getting a fucking neck tattoo.
谢谢你的支持
Thanks for the support.
那你会需要休产假
So I guess you're gonna be needing maternity leave.
我就会是你当然的替代者
I'd be the obvious choice for your replacement.
这还真的是你第一想法唉
That is literally your first thought?
不 我的第一想法是 你的身材就完蛋了
No. My first thought was, there goes your figure,
不过我没有说 因为我觉得那个会惹你生气的
but I didn't say that because I thought it would be upsetting.
谢谢 你知道吗 如果是男孩的话
Thanks. You know, if it's a boy,
我也许会给他取你的名 然后管他叫小人
maybe I'll name him after you. Call him fuck weasel.
Ken 我应该在这里吗?
Ken, is this where I should be?
不要太挤了 是的 不要太挤了
- Don't be too clustered. - Yeah, don't be too clustered.
谢谢 我来就行
Thank you. I got it.
如果你能稍微移到...
So if you could just move a little bit...
是的 移一点 这样大家不是都挤在一边 这样大家不是都挤在一边 都太靠那边了
- Yeah, a little bit so we're not all on one side. - So we're not on one side.
你能照到所有人么? 谢谢 我想他们听见我的话了
Can you See everybody? - I think they heard me.
好了 大家再说一遍我们行动起来!
Yes, how about one where we say let's get moving?
我们行动起来!
Let's get moving!
好了 再来一次怎么样?
All right, how about another one?
这一张我们说牛油果真美!
Another where we say awesome avocado!
牛油果真美! 好的 非常好
- Awesome avocado! - Yes, that was great.
好了 谢谢你们的耐心
All right! Thank you for your patience.
非常感谢你们能来 女士
- Thank you so much for being here. - Ma'am.
这肯定...怎么了? 先生们
It sure... Yes? Yes? - Gentlemen.
施工挖到了一根主要天然气管道
Construction hit a gas main.
发生了严重泄漏 在安全清理之前大家都必须呆在这里
There's a serious leak. Everybody must stay in here until it's made safe.
对不起
Sorry.
鉴于危险 我们需要每个人 都呆在这个房♥间内
Because of the danger, we need everybody to stay in the room.
我们会通报情况的
We'll update you.
听着 呃 但是我可以走 对吧?
Listen, uh, but I can get out of here, right?
大概一个小时以后吧
Probably in about an hour.
一个小时? 是的 女士
- An hour? - Yes, ma'am.
对副总统的到访
We're so excited about
我们感到非常激动 我们也很激动
- the vice president's visit. - Oh, we're very excited, too.
Amy是真心怀里揣着个娃一样激动
Amy's practically having a baby about it.
对吧? 呃 孩子们在等了
- Isn't that right? - Well, the children are waiting.
这边请
Right this way.
小朋友们 下午好 下午好
Hey, kids. Good afternoon.
我叫Dan 这是Amy
My name is Dan, this is Amy.
我们为副总统工作
And we work for the vice president
美♥利♥坚♥合众国的
of the United States of America.
很酷对吧?
- Yay. - Pretty cool, right? Yeah.
好的 好孩子说吧
Yeah, my man right here.
我爸爸在国♥务♥院♥工作
My dad works in the state department.
真的吗? 什么职位?
Really? What position?
贸易政策主管 那他认识Roger Aldrige咯?
Trade policy executive. - So he knows Roger Aldrige?
呃 我不知道
Uh, I don't know.
你是在和八岁的孩子攀关系么?
Are you networking with an eight-year-old?
是的
Yeah.
那...
So...
等一下 哥们
Hold on one second, chief.
有问题吗? 有天然气泄漏
- Problem? - There's a gas main leak.
Selina至少要迟到一个钟头
Selina's gonna be delayed at least an hour.
要是让孩子们等那么久的话他们会发疯的
These kids are gonna go berserk if they have to wait that long.
我们得哄着他们
We have to keep them entertained.
放点狮子王DVD 然后来两片利他林 (常用于治疗小儿多动症)
Lion King DVD and two shots of ritalin.
你可真是个好爹 我就是这么长大的
- You'll be such a great dad. - That's how I was raised.
好了我们开始吧?
All right, shall we, gentlemen?
Sean 要不我们还是趁你没有出现断酒谵妄
Sean, why don't we start with your question
还能写字的时候由你先开始问吧?
before you get the DTs and you can't write in your notebook.
你能说一下健康倡议的情况么?
Can you brief on the new health initiative?
是你上海报宣传么 Mikey?
Are you its poster boy, Mikey?
不过这真是个好问题
Actually, though, great question.
我们在巡回竞选的时候
You know, we were on the campaign trail
看见一个女人带着很胖的儿子
and we saw a woman with a very large boy.
副总统转过来对我说
And the vice president turned to me and said,
我要从肥胖症的监狱里把那个男孩解救出来
I'd like to free that boy from the prison of obesity.
还有别人有问题么?
Anybody else?
Leon West 华♥盛♥顿♥邮♥报♥的
Leon West, Washington Post.
有线人告诉我副总统
A source tells me that the VP shit-canned
因为有特勤人员冲她笑就炒了他
a secret service agent just for smiling at her.
你能回答我是或不是么?
Can you give me a yes or no on that, please?
我相信他是因为用的古龙水才被调走的
I believe he was reassigned because of his cologne.
他用的是Paco Rabanne
It was Paco Rabanne.
这又不是80年代了 对吧?
I mean, this is not the '80s anymore, right?
没有人用了 也许Sean会
Nobody wears that stuff. Sean might.
不过你可能更愿意直接喝 对吧 Sean?
You'd probably rather drink it, though. Right, Sean?
那必须的 谢谢 是的
That's necessary. Thank you, yes.
我看见过 我是酒鬼
- I've seen you. - I'm a drunk.
好了 你个废物点心
Okay, every which way but douche,
我要你现在回答我的问题
I want you to answer my question now.
我相信你问的是无聊的问题 Leon
I believe, ahem, you asked a boring question, Leon,
所以我才给了你一个无聊的答案
and I gave a boring answer.
这就像碳补偿一样
That's like carbon offsetting.
Mike 我不会笑的 你可能会丢掉饭碗的