副总统（2012）

我东西都收拾好了么 Gary? 是的 我们东西都齐了
- Am I all packed, Gary? - Yeah, we're all covered.
俄亥俄的天气太你妈精神分♥裂♥了 -
The thing about Ohio is the weather is completely schizophrenic.
我明白 如果给你穿错了衣服的话
I know. We dress you wrong,
那你不是冻得像根冰棍就是热得像条狗
you're either freezing like a popsicle or you're sweating like a hog.
或者说是像跳芭蕾舞或者现代舞的 好了 没关系的
Or a ballerina or modern dancer. Okay, it's fine.
这个地方有室内泳池么? 我带了游泳裤
Is there an indoor pool at this place? I packed my swimsuit.
你为什么问我这个? 还有我们有总统那边的消息吗?
Why are you asking me that? And have we heard from the president
在经济论♥坛♥？
on the economic forum?
噢 有的 我才听说他打了高于标准杆三杆的成绩
Uh, yeah. Last I heard, he was three over par.
哈? 噢 论♥坛♥取消了
Huh? Oh, forum's not happening.
总统去打高尔夫去了 -
Potus took a golf day.
你知道是谁和他一起去的么?
Do you know who he's playing golf with?
不知道 谁啊? 不 不 不 是谁?
No, who? No, no, no, who?
噢 是你不知道然后让我去打听
Oh, you don't know and you want me to find out.
是的 好的 对不起
Yeah, yeah. Okay. Sorry.
Dan Dan Egan 嘿
Dan. Dan Egan. Hey.
很高兴见到你啊 哥们 我可想你的邮件了
Good to see you again, buddy. I miss your emails.
好久不抄件了啊 -
Long time no cc.
你还在克利夫兰哈 Will?
Still up here in Cleveland, huh, Will?
你就在地方的猪圈里滚么?
Just rutting around with the regional swine?
为Furlong当牛做马? -
Slaving away for Furlong?
呃 我现在是资深顾问了
Well, I am the senior advisor now.
所以我可以有免费无线网 还能经常去华盛顿
So I get free wi-fi. I'll be going to D.C. a lot more.
我的天啊 凭着你州级的政♥治♥敏感度
Oh, my God. With that provincial sensibility
还有这副娘味的样子 你是混不了多久的
and that girlish figure, you're not gonna last.
听着 Dan 众议员希望你的老板为他竞选州长背书
Listen, Dan, the congressman expects your boss to endorse him for governor.
是的 我们知道这个事 -
Yeah, we're aware of that.
事情有点复杂 好吗?
It's gotten a bit complex, all right?
所以众议员要和你在房♥间里谈谈
So the congressman would like to speak with you in his room.
跟我来 好吗?
If you'd just join me, okay?
啊 我认出你来了 你是Selina身边的小基人儿 对吧?
Ah, I recognize you. You're one of Selina's little gay dwarves, aren't you?
你是叫傻皮么? 还是嫩皮? 其实我的名字叫 Dan Egan
What, are you sappy? Is that it? Preppy?
你可能记得 事实上我曾经为Hayes众议员工作过
Actually, my name is Dan Egan.
天哪 我当然不记得了
You might remember, actually, I used to work for congresswoman Hayes.
听着 我需要你的帮助 哥们 我需要你回去告诉Selina
Oh, my gosh, of course I don't remember that.
说我不要她给我参选州长背书了 好吗?
Listen, I need your help, buddy. I need you to go back and tell Selina
她现在就和洗澡盆里的粑粑一样不招人待见
that I don't want her to endorse me for governor, okay?
呃 这可能有点问题
She's about as welcome here as a turd in a hot tub.
我们办的是筹款会 而她就是票房♥毒药 好吗?
Well, that could be a bit of an issue.
我们要把银盘子升级到金盘子
We're trying to run a fundraiser and she's kind of
金盘子要升级到铂金盘子
gold plates are going up to platinum plates.
我把Will装在乔治城的同志吧门口
I'd make more money if I installed Will here
作全天候欢迎菊挣的钱都比这个多
as a full-time glory hole greeter at a Georgetown gay bar.
我十分肯定他已经在兼♥职♥干这个了
Which I'm pretty sure he already does part-time.
对吧 Will? 是的 先生
Right, Will? Yes, sir.
众议员先生 她现在已经在来这里的路上了
Congressman, she's on her way here right now.
那又怎么样? 在克利夫兰有大把事情可以做啊
So what? There's plenty to do here in Cleveland.
带她去摇滚名人堂好了
Send her to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
我第一次带这孩子去的时候
First time I took this kid,
他看了一眼Kurt Cobain的鞋就他妈疯狂了 (摇滚巨星 27岁去世)
one look at Kurt Cobain's shoes, he was bawling like a fucking baby.
英年早逝啊!英年早逝啊!
It's too soon! It's too soon!
女士 Martin Collins 就是那个被我们调走的特勤处的人...
Ma'am, Martin Collins, the secret service guy we reassigned...
嗯哼 他回来了 他被反调了
Mm-hmm. He's back. He's been un-reassigned.
你玩我呢吧? 情况确实不咋地
Are you kidding me? Not great, admittedly.
确实不咋地? 对 这个就他妈应该是我回忆录的标题
Not great, admittedly? Yeah, that should be the title of my fucking memoir.
他不是就在门口吧 是吗? 噢 嗨...
He's not outside here, is he? Oh, hi!
我的个...! 好的 很好
Oh, my! Okay, great.
好吧 那是我这辈子愿意和他说的最后一句话了
All right, that's all I want to say to him for the rest of my life.
嘿 支持率出来了
Hey, approval ratings just came through.
Oh. 66%.
什么? 支持
What? Approve.
噢! 对不起 是不支持
Oh! Sorry, disapprove.
噢 不...
Oh. Dis...
你知道吗? 你去和安保人员一块坐去
You know what? You go ride with the security detail.
这车里没你的地儿了
There's no room for you in this car.
她可以感谢军队啊
She can thank the troops,
她可以去迷倒随便什么二货
she can charm all the mouth-breathers,
她还可以回华盛顿嘛 没啥大不了的
and then she can go back to D.C. No big deal.
她唯一不会做的事就是
The one thing she will not be doing
站出来为我背书 你懂了吗?
is standing up and endorsing me. You got me?
如果我得到了她的支持的话
I get the stamp of approval from her,
那我就可能就得去找些狗崽来按到地上
and I might as well nail a bunch of puppies to the ground
然后用我的竞选大巴去压死它们 碾碎它们的脑袋
and then start running them over and crush their skulls with my campaign bus.
没有冒犯的意思 我们之前是...
All due respect, we did have a...
达成了一个非正式的协议 要她来支持你竞选州长
informal understanding that she would endorse your run for governor.
好吧 没有冒犯的意思 傻♥逼♥
All right, well, all due respect, cock nugget,
现在这个非正式的协议
there's been a little too much of this
有点太萦绕不去了
informal understanding going on around here.
对吧 Will? 是的 先生
Isn't that right, Will? Yes, sir.
绿色产业是你们办公室出品的吧?
Clean jobs was your office, right?
还有它在Macauley修正案里的角色
And its role in the Macauley amendment.
让Macauley参议员违背总统意愿
Getting Senator Macauley to sneak in the VP's
去偷偷提交副总统糟糕的法案
lame-ass legislation against the president's will.
Macauley事件 那没有发生过
Macauley thing, yeah, that didn't happen.
Will 告诉他我是谁
Will, tell him who I am.
先生 你是国会监督委员会的副♥主♥席♥
Sir, you're the vice chair of the congressional oversight committee.
而拥有这样的能力就意味着我有义务
And in that capacity, I have a duty to shine a light
去曝光这种肮脏的幕后玩意 Dan
on any of this kind of backseat, finger-fucking insider bullshit, Dan.
谢谢你花了这么多时间 众议员
Thank you for your time, congressman.
我会尽力而为的
I will do what I can.
不许背书
Don't endorse.
她看起来挺好的
She seems nice.
就因为那个笑面特勤人员 Amy
'Cause of that smiling secret service guy, Amy,
66%的人不支持啊
66% disapprove.
现在全美国也就这么多人醒着
That's everyone in America who's awake right now.
好吧 我们今天先不要关心那个
Okay, let's not concentrate on that today.
我们要集中精神在俄亥俄州
Let's concentrate on Ohio.
怎么可能有这么多美国人不喜欢我?
How could that many Americans not like me?
我觉得他们搞错了 他们数错了数什么之类的
I think they got it wrong. They counted those numbers wrong or something.
要不就是所有那些美国人都错了
Or all those Americans are completely wrong.
好了 这是酒店经理 我们答应他可以有四秒钟
Okay, this is the hotel manager. We promised him four seconds.
副总统女士 欢迎来到我们酒店
Madam Vice President. Welcome to our hotel.
我们得把副总统带走了 很抱歉
We have to take the vice president away. Apologies.
为什么要给我这杯猪血?
Why have I been given this pig's blood?
那是番茄汁 是俄亥俄的招牌饮品
It's tomato juice. It's the Ohio state beverage.
我去 呃...女士 什么?
Oh, piss. Ma'am. Yeah?
他们那个大额捐款的票卖♥♥不出去
They're having trouble moving big donor tickets.
什么? 是的
What? Yeah.
为什么? 因为我吗? 不是的
Why? Because of me? No.
Amy 你得着手让大家都喜欢我
Amy, you're gonna have to start getting everyone to like me.
女士 有好消息
Ma'am. Hi. Good news.
我们没有卖♥♥出去太多铂金票 -
We are not exactly selling that many platinum level tickets.
我已经说过了
I just gave her that news.
但是后面的这条消息会更让你郁闷的
Yeah, but it was so much more depressing coming out of you.
别担心 我有对策
Not to worry. I have a strategy.
好了 听着 我们该笑笑 该握手握手
Okay, look, we smile the smiles, we shake the hands,
但是我们不能背书 我们不让媒体有材料报道
but we do not endorse. We give the press nothing to report.
不 那样显得我更弱了
No, that makes me look even weaker.
好吧 女士 我... 嘿
All right, ma'am, I... Hey.
我真觉得这事值得考虑
I really think this is something to consider.
Jonah.
这是来自权力俱乐部的问候 Amy
Greetings from the clubhouse of power, Amy.
你要知道 白宫明白最近的民♥意♥调查数字
You need to know that the White House understands
意味着副总统有多毒
just how toxic the veep is after these latest numbers.
这是道难关 我们知道
It's a tough time, we're aware.
你想知道她毒性有多强么 Amy?
Do you want to know how toxic she is, Amy?
你想象一下从死牛屁♥眼♥里爬出来的小东西
Imagine something small has crawled up a dead cow's ass.
然后这个小东西还死了
And then that small thing actually dies itself.
这个死掉的小玩意还放了一堆蛋出来
If that dead thing then farted out a sack of eggs,
而这每一个蛋里
but each individual egg
都有一个更小的烂了的死东西