副总统（2012）

这个优德鸡的项目简直就是... (一鸡肉快餐连锁店)
The whole Chick-fil-A narrative is just...
如果可以说的话 先生
I mean, if I may, sir, it's...
那就是饮食界的奇葩啊 我说真的
It's food-nomenal. Really. It really is.
现在外面施工成这样
With that construction outside, man,
搞得我刚才在路上堵了整整两个小时
I was stuck in traffic for two hours.
我的膀胱都要憋爆了
My bladder was like a fuckin' blimp.
你应该多和食品制♥造♥商聊聊
You should maybe talk some more to the food manufacturing guys
还有健康顾问们 好的
And The health advisors. - Yeah.
来吧 女士 小聊一下就行了
Come on, ma'am, just some small talk.
不行的话微聊也可以
Even tiny talk will do.
好的 我懂 我会去的
Yeah, I know. I'm gonna do it.
天哪 这一早上就白瞎了啊
God, what a waste of a morning.
要是想对我逼供的话 根本就不用上什么老虎凳辣椒水
If you ever want me to confess, don't rip out my fingernails,
让我吃他妈一星期的素我就全招了
just make me eat like a vegan for a fuckin' week.
副总统看起来脸色跟吸血鬼似的
The VP look like she's about ready to open up a vein.
你没事吧?
You okay?
你看起来好像有点敷衍的意思 你知道吗? Amy
- You seem to be phoning it in a little. - You know what, Amy?
我从来就不想当副总统
I'm the veep I never wanted to be.
我得跟这帮二货说吃沙拉和体重指数
I'm talking salad wraps and body mass index to these idiots.
你真的该去了...
You should really just go and...
是的 我知道 感觉我的灵魂已经从下面拉出去了
Yeah, I know, feel my soul slide out of my ass.
好了 这个你拿着
All right, here. You take that.
我现在来积蓄能量了
I'm building up the energy right now.
这个闻起来跟出租车似的
This smells like the inside of a taxi cab.
同志们好啊 首长好
- Hi, guys. Hello. - Hello.
不用等太久了
Not too much longer.
一会我们照了集体照你们就可以走了
We'll get the group shot taken and then you guys can get moving.
太好了
Awesome!
这一早上效率真高!
What a productive morning.
你们觉得这里有东西能放到你们店里卖♥♥的么?
Can you envision selling some of these items
当然了 是的 也许色拉卷吧
at any of your stores, you think?
就是 色拉卷 葡萄 葡萄永远都不错
- Oh, sure. - Yeah. Wraps maybe.
葡萄...葡萄战无不胜啊
- Yeah, wraps. - Grapes. I mean, grapes are always good.
那些黄色的东西看起来...很...
Grapes are... hey, you can't beat grapes.
我告诉你们这些都是本地♥产♥的 而且都是有机食品 噢 哇
Those yellow things look... so...
更确切的说是有劲食品 噢
Well, I'll tell you it's all local
你吃的是啥我也要
- and it's all organic. - Oh, wow.
你那个东西没有变焦的么? 噢 Ken 你知道吗?
- Orgasmic's more like it, right? - Oh.
我们现在这里不拍照 好吗?
I'll have some of what you're having.
对不起 不 没关系的
- Do you have a zoom on that thing? - Oh, Ken, you know what?
你今晚回华盛顿么 Gary?
You back to DC tonight, Gary?
是的 我要早点回去
Yeah, I'm leaving a little bit earlier.
我爸今天过生日 不错
my dad is having his birthday dinner. - Nice.
不 他非常不尊重我的工作
He has very little respect for my job.
实际上他更希望我在这里工作
He actually much rather me work here.
搞伙食承包么? 不 在棒球场工作
- In catering? - No, a baseball stadium.
Oh.
做男人中的男人 运动员
A man's man, a jock.
是那些家伙中的一位
Rarrrh! One of those guys.
哇 那很难吧 谁说不是呢
- Wow, that's gotta be tough. - Yeah, tell me about it.
我是说对他而言很难
I meant for him.
苍天啊 你知道吗 Ken?
- Jesus. - Okay, you know what, Ken?
不能这么近 好吗? 好的
- Not so close, okay? - Okay.
谁也不用知道我哪边眉毛需要修了
Nobody needs to know which of my eyebrow hairs needs to be plucked.
对不起
Sorry.
集体照的事情怎么样了?
All right. What's going on with this group shot?
为什么耽搁了? 不会太久了 女士
- What's the delay? - It's not much longer, ma'am.
保持微笑
Just keep smiling.
把你皱上去的眉毛...
Turn that frown...
放下来哈
upside-down.
好的 好的
Okay. - Okay.
你看见他老摸我了没?
Do you see that he keeps touching me?
是的 我注意到了 而且他的手好小啊
- Yeah, I've noticed. - And his hands are really small.
他那敏感的小辣手啊~~
It's his feely, little, touchy, hot hands.
得有人告诉他他是为白宫工作的
Someone needs to tell him that he's working
不是后宫 (Penthouse 著名成人杂♥志♥)
with the White House and not Penthouse.
能借一步说话吗?
Hey, can I talk to you privately just for a second?
好的
Okay.
你们和甜甜脆搞的这个项目简直就是...
The whole thing that you guys have done with Krispy Kreme is just...
如果可以说的话 那就是饮食界的奇葩啊 真的
if I may, it's food-nomenal, really.
你知道我和Ted在交往 对吧?
So you know that I've been seeing Ted, right?
嗯哼 不久之前
- Mm-hmm. - A while ago,
我们喝了不少酒 又听了Springsteen的歌♥
a lot of wine was drunk and Springsteen was listened to
事情有点小失控...
and things got a little bit out of hand.
你们去偷车了?
You stole a car?
我们滚床单的时候没有用套子
We had unprotected sex,
而且我觉得我怀孕了
and I think I might be pregnant.
Oh...
这是有可能的 Amy
It's a possibility, Amy.
我还没有到更年期
I haven't reached menopause yet, you know.
我也不是不孕不育啥的 我知道这个可能性不大
I'm not barren. I know it's unlikely.
说不定我和30个男的
I could probably have unprotected sex with 30 men,
不要套子轮流来也不会出事
one right after the other, and it would be totally fine.
我的意思是 不 不会出大事
I mean, no, it wouldn't be totally fine.
我是说 这个绝对是出大事了
I mean, that would be a horrible thing.
我不是在怀疑你怀孕的能力 女士
I'm not doubting your fertility, ma'am,
但是一个未婚妈妈
but an unwed mother
不就是总统身边的定时炸♥弹♥?
one aneurism away from the presidency?
你觉得这个会是什么效果?
How do you think that plays?
这个包包有一个大格可以放东西
The bag has got one big storage area
还有60个小格子分布在各处
and then there are 60 separate pockets within the area.
- Hmm. - Wow!
看吧? 那可是不少要记的东西 Gary
- Right? - That is a lot to remember, Gary.
就是 就是
I know, I know.
但是你连看都不看就知道?
But can you do it without looking?
你来考我
Try me.
眼药水
Eye drops.
Ooh!
湿巾 有香的还是无香的?
- Wipes. - Scented, unscented?
有香的
Scented.
- Bam! - Wow!
太牛了... 真难以置信
- Knock it... - That's unbelievable.
希望我没有怀孕 否则的话
I hope I'm not pregnant, because, fuck, if I am,
我就完了 你知道吗?
I'm just finished, you know?
女士 我们行动起来!
- Ma'am. - Let's get moving!
你知道不能跟别人说吧? 我知道
- You know you'll have to keep it. - I know.
除非我们去墨西哥渡个特别假期啥的...
Unless we go on some sort of special vacation to Mexico and...
然后把医生弄死在沙漠里
kill the doctor in the desert.
父亲知道吗?
Father know?
什么 你不是玩我吧? 我才15岁么?
What, are you kidding me? What am I, 15?
我的意思是Ted 我去!不 不知道
- I mean Ted. - Oh, shit. No.
那一头我还在努力
No. I'm still working on that one.
你的相机是什么的? 这是部5D(市价1-2万rmb)
- What are you shooting with? - This is a 5D.
不是1D么?(市价5万左右) 不是
- Not a 1D? - No.
我拍这个用不着1D
Why would I need a 1D to shoot this?
我有一部1D
I have a 1D.
那个更贵 但是确实是好相机
It's more expensive, but it's a really nice camera.
你拍很多体育活动么? 连续的运动?
You shoot a lot of sports? Moving action?
还是拍很多水鸟抓鱼的照片?
You take hundreds of pictures of herons catching fish?
否则的话你就用不着1D
Because otherwise you don't need a 1D.
是的 但是我有一部1D
Right, but I have a 1D.
是
Yeah.
呃 你能帮我个忙么?
Hey, will you do me a favor?
你能帮我买♥♥杯真正的咖啡
Can you get me a real coffee
来代替他们这儿上的淘米水么?
instead of this fucking beige paint they're serving, okay?
中杯脱脂双倍拿铁加肉桂么?
Grande skinny latte, extra shot, and a dash of cinnamon?
是的
Yeah.
能给我带一个...? 我们接下来要做的是...
- Can I get some of the...? - This is what we're gonna do...
和营养学家拍照 和选手们聊一聊
Photos with the nutritionists, hang with the players,
去学校转一圈 然后就验孕
over to the school, then we pregnancy test you to fuck.
听着 能请你在去学校的路上买♥♥验孕棒么?
Listen, will you get the tests on the way to the school, please?
当然了 我马上就去
Absolutely. I'm heading there right now.