副总统（2012）

So maybe it's a good thing.
什么 什么好事
What? What's a good thing?
她再也不想见你了
That she doesn't want to see you anymore.
女士 你消失一个多小时了
Oh, ma'am. You've been off radar for over an hour.
我错过什么了没
Oh, did I miss anything?
总统骑着狮子穿过去了还是什么
Did the president ride through on a lion or something?
不 但你要去303博♥彩♥协会露个脸
No, but you need to do a drop-in on the Gaming Association in 303.
好吧 我可不想最后沦落到 抱着马头入睡
All right. I don't want to end up with a horse's head in my bed.
虽然现在枕头上确实有这个空间
Though there's room for one now.
真想知道
I just want to know.
我真心希望你是第一个知道的
I hope you find out first. I really do.
嘿 你知道吗 我要是被炒了 那就是很他妈大件事
Hey, you know what? I get fired, it's a big fucking deal.
炒了你还能当是提前退休
For you, it's early retirement.
啊 真有趣
Ah, that was fun.
刚有个资深律师把我的院子完全毁了
I just had a senior attorney completely trash my yard.
你还好吧 我帮你冲杯咖啡
- You okay? - Yeah, let me get you some coffee.
怎么了 兄弟 你要不要跟我谈谈
What happened, buddy? You want to talk about it?
他完完全全毁了它 我还怕他会不会切了我的...
He completely tore it up. I was afraid he was gonna cut my...
等等 你刚是不是叫我兄弟了
Wait a second. Did you just call me buddy?
你们不听我说话的 你们从来都不会听我说话 发生什么事了
You don't listen to me. You never listen to me. What's going on?
没事 你们想从我这套东西
Nothing. - you want something from me.
你们想要我说是谁要被炒了
You want me to tell you who's getting fired.
拜托 我们就想知道她在想什么
Come on, we just want to know what she's thinking.
我什么都不会说的
I'm not gonna tell you anything.
这样 忘掉细节问题
All right, you know what? Forget about the specifics.
我们就当这儿有个女农场主
Let's pretend there's a female farmer
她养了一只马 一只羊和一只猪
and she's got a horse, a sheep, and a pig, okay?
她会丢掉哪个
Who does she get rid of?
猪
The pig.
妈的 等等 谁是猪
Shit. Wait. Who is that?
拜托 自己想嘛
Oh, come on. Work it out.
我♥干♥嘛要帮你们
Why should I help you guys?
Gary 副总统要吃午餐 就来
- Gary, veep needs her lunch. - I'm on it.
我宁愿当猪 也不想做骑着高马的死猴子
I'd rather be a pig than an ass-monkey up on his high horse.
看 这三种动物适合你
There, that's three animals for you.
你刚是不是悄悄贴过来了
Did you just sidle?
我从来没见过你这样
I don't think I've ever seen you sidle.
是这样 Selina要炒个人
Look, Selina wants to fire somebody.
很明显 我不希望是我
Obviously, I don't want it to be me.
但说实话 我也不希望是你
But honestly, I don't want it to be you.
继续 我很期待你说服我
Oh, go on. Looking forward to you selling this one to me.
我们得达成自杀合约
We should form a suicide pact. All right?
如果她要炒我 你就走 反之亦然
If she tries to fire me, you walk and vice versa.
她不会同时炒我们俩个
She's not gonna fire both of us.
这样太有危机感了
That would look like a crisis.
因此 我们俩个她都不会炒
Therefore, she can fire neither of us.
我只有一个条件...我要先看着你死
One condition... I watch you die first
再反复捅你来确认
and I get to stab you repeatedly to make sure.
McLintock也要参加自杀合约
McLintock wants in on the suicide pact.
什么 是的 经典的一步
What? - Yeah. a classic move.
我九十年代也用过这招
I did one of these back in the '90s
为Hartigan议员工作时
when I worked for congressman Hartigan.
干嘛要让你跟我们一起自杀合约
Why would we let you in on our suicide pact?
因为三个比两个要好
Because three is better than two.
如果是睾丸那就不一定了
Not with testicles.
我看到了一封小电子邮件
I came across a little email
是你写给Macauley的幕僚长的
from you to Macauley's chief of staff.
我不知道你在说什么
I don't know what you're talking about.
你不知道那电邮吗 基本能确认
You don't know about an email that basically confirms
你跟Macauley参议员有私交呢
you had talks with Senator Macauley?
那电邮写了些什么
What exactly did this email say?
哦 就是些
Oh, just something like,
参议员说 谢谢你 伙计
the senator says, 'thanks, buddy.'
这罪名很难成立
Well, that's hardly incriminating.
来源处应该还会有更多证据吧
There's probably more where that came from.
我很能编的
I'm getting really good at dacting.
你是指不胡编乱造吗
Do you mean un-redacting?
洗去污点 对 对
- Taking the black off. - Yeah, yeah.
嘿 这白♥痴♥可以跟我们自杀合约的
Hey, so goofball here can get in on the suicide pact.
棒 越多越好
Well, great. The more the merrier.
组团自杀
Team Suicide.
你那个Hartigan自杀合约最后怎样了
So what happened with your Hartigan suicide pact?
哦 我们集体被炒了
Oh, we got fired.
好了 小猫咪们 浸猪笼时间到 来吧
Okay, kittens. Time to get drowned. Let's go.
女士 好
- Ma'am. - Yeah.
Gary 今天午餐时间 你跟Selina去了哪
Gary, where were you and Selina at lunchtime today?
我家 这不符合规章制度
- We were at my place. - That's not protocol.
我们就是这种关系 不要羡慕嫉妒恨哦 Sue
Don't be jealous that we've taken that step, Sue.
我跟她的关系更亲密
I'm closer to her than you are.
什么
What?
Gary 这不是比赛
Gary, this is not a competition.
晚了 她穿几号♥鞋
Too late. What's her shoe size?
七号♥ 七号♥半
Seven. - Seven And a half.
好吧 她最不想看到的两个堂亲戚是谁
Okay, who are the two cousins she never wants to see?
Beverly和Michael
Beverly and Michael.
走狗屎运 事实在这里 Sue
- Oh, got lucky there. - Here's the deal, Sue.
你不会赢的 知道吗
You can't win, all right?
我是绝对可靠的 了解么
Basically, I'm infallible, okay?
比如带着工作证去帮副总统买♥♥验孕棒吗
Like when you bought pregnancy tests for the veep wearing your staff ID?
这样可靠吗 Gary
Infallible like that, Gary?
Gary 华♥盛♥顿♥邮♥报♥一个员工告诉我的
Gary, look, a staffer at the Post told me.
药店那个人看见了你的证 说给了媒体听
The guy at the drugstore saw the badge and sold the story.
对不起 Gary
Sorry, Gary.
也就是说 只要一个人走了 我们三个都走
Which is why if one of us goes, we all go.
嗯 好吧 那你们都...
Huh. Okay. Then you're all...
也就是说那只是个假设
Which is why that was just a hypothetical.
这个词用得好 Mike
That's the exact word that I'd use for this, Mike.
悲 剧
High-pathetic.
Dan 你是不是要告诉我 如果我要炒这俩白♥痴♥里的一个
Dan, are you telling me that if I fired either one of these bozos,
你就辞职? 不会 女士
- you would have resigned? - No, ma'am.
我从未承认这个方案
I was never really committed to this as an idea.
是吧
Right, yeah.
这是个巨大的错误 可以说是个笑话
This was a big mistake. Kind of a joke, really.
谢谢你们啊
Thanks, guys.
Mike 你都说不清自杀合约是什么
Mike, you can't even announce a suicide pact correctly.
因为Dan说得太快了
Dan folded pretty quick.
进来
Yeah, come in.
哦 Gary 我需要雅维 (解热镇痛药)
Oh, Gary, I need advil.
我的头大♥片♥大♥片♥地疼
I've got a headache the size of Nebraska.
我可能做不了了 女士 这是什么
- I'm afraid I can't do that, ma'am. - What is this?
我爱生活 更热爱这份工作
I have loved this job more than I've loved life itself.
嗯 因为它就等同于我的生活
- Uh-huh. - Well, equally, 'cause it's been my life.
我对你的感情... 好了
And my feelings for you... - Okay.
Gary 这是什么
Gary, what is this?
是我的辞呈
It's my letter of resignation.
Gary 别这样
Okay, Gary, come on.
就因为你戴着工作证去药店?
Is this because your pass was seen at the drugstore?
你知道了? 所以怀孕的事才会被流出去?
you knew? - is that How The pregnancy story got out?
我说真的 我不会放走
I mean, seriously. I am not gonna let go
这个核心群里面
the one person in this core group
唯一个能他妈帮我做点事的人
that actually gives a shit about me.
好了 Gary 冷静点 我说...
Okay, Gary, get a hold of yourself. I mean, ser...
他今天帮我甩了Ted 顺便提下 谢谢你为我做了这事
Who dumped Ted for me today. Thank you, by the way, for doing that.
你真好 感谢你
- It was really nice of you. - You're welcome. - I appreciate that.
我的天 辞职必须拒绝
My God, resignation completely rejected, all right?
你可以帮我拿些布洛芬吗 我是你的磐石
- Would you please get me some ibuprofen? - I'm your rock.
好 但我想要布洛芬 好的
- Okay, but I need ibuprofen. - Okay.
好了 自杀合约言论中止
All right, suicide pact finished, okay?
你们可以出去了 好
you Can Get out. - Okay.
除了你 Ame
Uh, except you, Ame.
女士? 嗯