生活大爆炸

The Big Bang Theory S08E11

Part 2 Oct. 5, 2019, 9:44 a.m.

Like we were the stars of a Tijuana sex show.
她只是对节日感到兴奋而已啦
She's just excited about the holidays.
是啊而她完全不顾及我的感受
Yes, and she's not taking my feelings into account at all.
或许是时候给她点教训了
Maybe it's time I teach her a lesson.
怎么做
How?
一定要给她下点狠药
It'd have to be something heinous,
让她生不如死就像她害我的那样
something that makes her as miserable as she's making me.
我想到了
Oh, I've got it.
这主意太好了
This is good.
是什么
What?
我要送她一份礼物
I'm going to buy her a present.
好吧你得好好给我讲解一下
Yeah, you're gonna have to walk me through that.
礼品馈赠隐含了一种无形的社会契约
With gift-giving, there's an implied social contract.
如果我今晚带着礼物去她家
If I show up tonight with a present,
而她却没有为我准备礼物
and she doesn't have one for me,
那她就会内疚
she'll feel terrible.
然后你们俩都不开心
Then you're both sad?
是的
Yes.
或许她会内疚到
Maybe she'll feel so guilty,
永远都不想跟我一起庆祝节日
she'll never make me celebrate the holidays again.
所以你的邪恶阴谋是送你女朋友一份礼物吗
So your evil plot here is to buy your girlfriend a present?
没错
That's right.
所以别惹我否则小爷也会赐你点"礼物"
So stay on my good side, or I'll get you a little something, too.
好计划是这样
Okay, here's the plan.
我把食物放进袋子里
I'm gonna put the food in the bag,
一旦鸽子飞进去吃我们就赶紧把口封死
and when he lands in the bag to eat it, we close it up.
一根肉条吗
A Slim Jim?
只有这个了保证管用
It's all I could find. It'll work.
屁咧
Sure.
除非它嗑药了或者它是卡车司机
If the pigeon's stoned or a trucker.
好吧那你的计划是什么
Okay, well, what's your plan?
我之前不是说了吗
I told you my plan.
打给物业管理处找人帮忙啊
Let's call Building Services and get help.
承认我们污染了无尘室吗
And admit that we contaminated the clean room?
不是承认你污染了无尘室
No, admit that you contaminated the clean room.
为什么你总认为责任在我
Why do you keep assuming it was me?
因为你总犯这样的错误
Because you do this kind of thing all the time,
还会试图掩盖事实
and then you try to cover it up.
比如说
Like when?
比如说你火星漫游者玩坏
What about when you flipped the Mars Rover,
弄丢了库萨帕里的狗
or lost Koothrappali's dog,
差点开别人的车带着别人的娃走了
or almost drove off with that baby?
重申一遍那车跟我的车很像而且那娃没哭
Again, it looked like my car, and the baby didn't even cry
是后来他妈用钥匙打我才吓哭的
until his mother punched me with her keys.
行你想把肉条放垃圾袋里就放呗
Fine, put the Slim Jim in the garbage bag.
你能不能讲话不这么秀优越感
Well, what if you said it without sounding so condescending?
我尽量但你的计划里有
I can try, but your plan has the words
"垃圾袋"和"肉条"这两个词
"Garbage bag" and "Slim Jim" in it!
什么情况
Hey, what's going on?
有一个天才想用一个垃圾袋
Genius here wants to catch a bird
和一根肉条抓住一只鸟
with a garbage bag and a Slim Jim.
真应该先放进袋子里
Should have put it in the bag first.
希望你别介意我多嘴
So, if you don't mind me asking,
你认为你会开始跟其他人约会吗
do you think you might start dating again?
现在说这个还太早吧
It's much too soon for that.
怎么了要给我介绍对象吗
Why? Do you know someone?
没有啦但如果我和莱纳德闹掰了
No, but if things don't work out with me and Leonard,
我会打给你的
I'll give you a call.
等等你会经常大聊特聊《星际迷航》吗
Wait. How much do you talk about Star Trek?
好啦我们维多利亚式派对开始啦
Okay, let's get this Victorian party started.
我做了些研究
I've done some research
找了几个我们可以玩的会客厅游戏
about some traditional parlor games we can play.
比如什么
Like what?
有一个有趣的游戏叫"羊毛球"
Well, there's a fun one called Ball of Wool.
你拿一个羊毛球
You take a ball of wool,
放在桌子的正中间
and you put it right in the center of the table.
然后让桌子两端的人
Then people sit on opposite sides of the table
来回吹毛球
and try to blow the wool off.
抱歉她也有男友了
Sorry. She's taken, too.
你知道我觉得你问题在哪吗
You know what I think your problem is?
你嫉妒
You're jealous
因为你曾经是我最好的朋友
because you and I used to be best friends
现在库萨帕里插♥进♥来了
until Koothrappali came along.
于是你终于找到可以任你摆布的人了
And you found somebody you could push around?
-你别掺合 -好的
- Stay out of this. - Okay.
也许拉杰之所以能成为我最好的朋友
You know, maybe I'm best friends with Raj
是因为他不会觉得自己比我聪明
because he doesn't think he's smarter than me.
-其实... -我说你别掺合
- Actually... - I said, stay out of it!
别别拉杰你说你刚刚想说什么
N-No. No, Raj, go ahead, say what you were gonna say.
我只想说
All I'm gonna say is
你们别再吵了
you guys need to stop this right now.
我父母闹矛盾已经够糟了
It-It's bad enough that my parents are fighting,
现在还要听你俩吵架
now I have to hear the two of you?
谁在乎谁更聪明啊
And who cares who's smarter?
谁管是莱纳德还是我还是...
If it's Leonard or me or...
算了大过节的霍华德最聪明吧
you know, it's Christmas, let's say it's Howard.
既然你那么聪明你把鸟赶出去啊
Well, if you're so smart, you get the bird out.
不是你放进来的
No, you're the one who let him in.
你怎么知道不是莱纳德
How do you know it wasn't Leonard?
得了吧
Come on.
那件毛衣怎么样
What about that sweater?
不行不够好
No, it's not good enough.
必须要完美
It has to be perfect.
我觉得华仔送我最棒的礼物是一份
I think the nicest gifts I've got from Howie
体现了他有多了解我的礼物
show how well he knows me.
我想想我了解艾米什么
Let's see, what do I know about Amy?
她热爱中世纪文学最欣赏乔叟
She loves medieval literature; Chaucer's her favorite.
被公认为中世纪最伟大的英国诗人
在看法国老电影时她的眼睛会变星星眼
And her eyes sparkle when she watches old French movies.
我爱看她会随着听到的竖琴声舞动手指
I enjoy how harp music causes her fingers to dance
仿佛一同弹奏
as if she's playing along.
你真的很爱她
Wow, you really do love her.
是呀
I do.
我们赶紧来找
Now, let's find the kind of gift
让她无地自容又自惭形秽的礼物吧
that makes her feel small and worthless.
你赢啦
You won!
一点胜利的喜悦都没有对吧
Certainly doesn't feel like it, does it?
我老婆以前总喜欢办这种主题派对
You know, my wife used to throw theme parties like this all the time.
拉杰大概就是从那学的吧
Oh, I guess that's where Raj gets it from.
他小时候
Well, he and his mother
总是和他妈妈待在一起
spent a lot of time together when he was young.
我一直在忙工作
I was always working.
拉杰现在交往的医生也是经常忙工作
Hey, you know, Raj is dating a doctor who works a lot.
他和他妈都喜欢这型的
Him and his mom have a type.
你...不觉得好笑吗
You g... Y-You got to laugh at that, right?
不好笑好吧
No? All right.
好吧你听我理解得对不对
All right, let me see if I've got this straight.
用一张你坐在我腿上的照片
A picture of you on my lap
来惩罚你女友
is a way to punish your girlfriend
逼你过圣诞节
for making you celebrate Christmas?
正确
Correct.
圣诞老人觉得有你这种男友已经够受罪了
Santa thinks dating you may be punishment enough.
这话不无道理
There's an argument for that.
但我得确保她一定受到惩罚
But I want to make sure.
微笑
Smile.
呵呵呵
Ho, ho, ho!
好的数到三
Okay. On the count of three,
我会用灭火器把它喷下来
I'll shoot the fire extinguisher and get him airborne.
霍华德你挥毯子把它逼向出口
Howard, you wave the blanket and guide him towards the exit.
拉杰你把门帘掀开让它可以飞出去
Raj, you hold open the curtain so he can fly out.
你确定我这样的傻蛋可以应付
Are you sure a dummy like me can handle something