生活大爆炸

The Big Bang Theory S08E09

Part 1 Oct. 5, 2019, 9:44 a.m.

这题很简单
This is an easy one.
你很喜欢他
You love this guy.
我自己
Me.
不是他是个不够受人敬仰的天才
Come on. He's an underappreciated genius.
依然觉得是我自己
Still think it's me.
不是你
It's not you.
再想想有车以他的名字命名
Now think, there's a car named after him.
当然有啦
Of course there is.
迷你"库伯"嘛因为答案就是我
The Mini Cooper 'cause it's me.
我换个方式说
How about this:
他是降级版的谢尔顿·库伯
he's a poor man's Sheldon Cooper.
特斯拉
Oh, Tesla.
-如何了 -惨啊
- How'd it go? - Oh, not fun.
医生把一个摄像头塞进了我的鼻窦
The doctor shoved a camera up into my sinuses.
我看了
Yeah, I watched.
像《查理与巧克力工厂》里那段吓人的船游
It was like the scary boat tunnel in Willy Wonka.
-查出是什么问题了吗 -有啊
- Did they figure out what's wrong? - Yeah.
是鼻中隔偏曲
It's a deviated septum.
手术矫正很简单
The surgery to correct it is simple.
医生下周给我做
He's gonna do it next week.
你为什么要做手术
Why would you have surgery?
因为我呼吸不顺
Because I can't breathe.
打呼还会鼻窦发炎
I snore, I get sinus infections...
滚开这"抢手货"是我的
Yeah, back off, he's all mine.
但这又不是有生命危险的毛病
But you don't have a life-threatening condition.
你为什么要以身犯险做手术呢
Why would you take the risk of surgery?
谢尔顿这只是常规手术
Sheldon, it's a routine procedure.
我也听你抱怨过他打呼很大声啊
I've heard you complain about his snoring.
是啊同住的头5 6年是这样
We... Yes, for the first five or six years,
但我都已经慢慢习惯了
but I've gotten used to it.
而且还能助我入眠呢
It helps me sleep.
他就像我的鼻黏液动力助眠仪
He's like my mucus-powered white noise machine.
谢尔顿我要做这个手术不用大惊小怪
Sheldon, I'm gonna get the surgery, it's no big deal.
不必多说了
行那我也不多说了
Very well. I'm done talking about it.
谢谢
Thank you.
我记得现在是轮到你猜了吧
I believe it was your turn in the game.
好的
Okay.
我想想
Let's see...
这个人最出名的就是
Oh, this person is most famous
绝不会让鼻子接受非必要手术的残害
for never having gotten his nose mutilated with elective surgery
更不会让自己下半辈子活在
and never living the rest of his life in the shadows
丑陋畸形的妖怪阴影之下
as a hideous, disfigured freak.
你觉得你能给出更好的提示
I think you could give a better clue.
给不出啊
I don't.
我都不知道那是人名还是打错字
I'm not even sure if that's a person or a typo.
能告诉我为什么吗
Okay, why?
我来听你打呼啊
I'm listening to you snore.
我在想日后听不见了该如何入眠
I'm wondering how I'll ever sleep without it.
如果能助你入眠
If it helps you sleep,
那你为什么还坐在这里盯着我
then why are you sitting here staring at me
像个白化症版的夜魔鬼
like the albino boogeyman?
莱纳德羞辱我你忍♥心吗
Really, Leonard-- insults?
为了等你睡着我可是在你衣柜里
After I spent two hours in your closet,
蹲点了两个小时呢
waiting for you to fall asleep?
你是在闹哪样
What's your problem?
如果手术成功了打呼会消失
If the surgery is successful, the snoring is gone.
但如果你手术台上死了
And if you die during surgery...
打呼也会消失
...the snoring is gone.
所以无论如何你都不会来烦我了
It sounds like either way, I finally get some rest.
莱纳德我实话告诉你
I have to be honest with you Leonard,
我真的很担心
I'm truly worried.
我跟你说了没什么好担心的
I-I told you, there's nothing to worry about.
我去查了些资料
Well, I've been doing some research
每70万做全身麻醉的人中
and I've learned that one in 700,000 people
就有1人死亡呢
die from general anesthesia.
兄弟那你知道这就代表有另外
Buddy, w... Do you realize that that also means
69万9千9百99人没死吗
699,999 people don't die?
你说得也没错
I suppose that's true.
你真是个乐观的人啊
You're such a glass half-full kind of guy.
我会缅怀你的乐观的
I'm going to miss that.
我爸妈的结婚40周年纪念日快到了
Oh, so, my, uh, parents' 40th anniversary's coming up
我想不出该送他们什么
and I can't think of a thing to get them.
靠你能想象
Damn, can you imagine
跟一个人结婚40年之久吗
being married to someone for 40 years?
想象不到了
Not anymore.
所以有什么礼物推荐吗
Anyway, any ideas on a gift?
他们平常喜欢些什么呢
Well, what are some of the things they like?
他们以前喜欢去听孟买♥♥爱乐交响乐团
They used to like going to the Mumbai Symphony,
去年时我妈觉得他们只是在草草了事
but last year my mom thought they were phoning it in.
我爸说从性生活来看
Then my dad said based on their love life,
我妈的确是很懂"操操了事"
she should know about phoning it in.
-你♥爸♥这么跟你妈说话啊 -当时他俩在冷战
- He said that to her? - Well, they weren't speaking at the time,
所以他让下人去跟她说的
so he had a servant say it to her.
或许我能给他俩亲手做个礼物
Oh, maybe I could make a gift for them.
我知道你们俩非常喜欢我给你们做的杯垫
I know how much you guys love the coasters I made for you.
如果离婚了杯垫归你
They're yours in the divorce.
在研究什么呢
Hey. What're you working on?
还记得我跟你说如果你去做手术
Remember when I said if you went through with your surgery,
你有70万分之1的几率死亡吗
there was a one-in-700,000 chance of dying?
然后呢
Yeah...?
我研究了数据
Well, I've been crunching the numbers,
目前我已经把你做手术的死亡率
and so far, I've gotten your probability of death
提高到了让菊花一紧的300分之1了
all the way to a sphincter-tightening one in 300.
说得真是时候
Great timing.
我的"检查菊花"灯刚好亮了呢
My "Check sphincter" light just went on.
莱纳德要是你对外科医生的
Leonard, what if you have an allergic reaction
乳胶手套产生过敏反应怎么办
to the surgeon's latex gloves?
我对乳胶不过敏
I'm not allergic to latex.
那你为什么不戴我给你买♥♥的
Well, then why don't you wear the rubber gloves
洗碗用橡胶手套
I bought for you to do the dishes?
跟我不♥穿♥围裙不戴发网的理由一样
For the same reason I don't wear the apron or the hair net.
好吧那癫痫呢
Fine. What about epilepsy?
我也没有癫痫
I don't have epilepsy, either.
你是没有但手术医生可能有啊
You don't, but the surgeon might, hmm?
只有手术刀稍微拿不稳你的颈动脉
And your carotid artery is just one shaky scalpel away
就立刻变成迪士尼的跳舞喷泉
from becoming the dancing fountain at Disneyland.
谢尔顿你知道开车比做手术更危险吗
Sheldon, do you realize that driving is riskier than surgery?
我知道开车去医院的命丧几率在这呢
I do. I have the drive to the hospital right here.
前提是你能顺利上车
That is if you make it to the car
没有掉下楼梯摔死
without falling down the stairs.
别指望我背[罩]你我平常够罩着你了
And don't expect me to carry you, I do that enough in life.
伙计我知道你是担心我
Buddy, I-I get that you're worried about me
我很谢谢你的好意但我不会死的
and I-I appreciate that, but I'm not going to die.
你又不知道
You don't know that.
我肯定知道我不会死于小行星撞地球
I do know that it won't be from an asteroid strike.
你知道谁还这么说过吗
You know who else said that?
每头自认天下无敌的霸王龙
Every cocky T. Rex currently
早化成石油在你汽车油箱里游泳呢
swimming around in the gas tank of your car.
如果真有小行星撞地球
I-If there was an asteroid strike,
那你不也会死吗
wouldn't you die, too?
那可不好说我又聪明生命力又强
I don't know-- I'm smart and scrappy,
我觉得我会活下去
I think I'd find a way.
这样吧离手术还有一周时间
Tell you what-- the surgery's not for a week,
我再好好考虑一下
I'll think about it.
谢谢
Thank you.
你考虑的时候不妨想想
And while you're thinking about it,
如果你暴雨季节在尼加拉瓜做手术
if you have the surgery in Nicaragua during monsoon season,
我可以打包票你必死无疑
I can practically guarantee your death.
是好的
Yes. Okay.
我明白