生活大爆炸
The Big Bang Theory S05E22
Part 1
Oct. 4, 2019, 2:26 p.m.
真希望你们能来我脑子里
I wish you could all be inside my head.
里面的对话太精彩了
The conversation is sparkling.
好吧 告诉你们
Fine,I'll tell you.
苔藓是由两种生物构成的 菌类和藻类
A lichen is an organism made up of two separate species,fungi and algae.
如果能与另一种生物结合 你们会选择哪种生物? 为什么?
If you could merge with another species,what species would you pick and why?
提示 有标准答案哦
There is a right answer.
但你们都猜不到
None of you will get it.
好吧 我选择天鹅 杂交后能产生高等文明人类
Okay,I'd pick swan because,uh,the resulting hybrid would have the advanced industrial civilization of a human
还有我一直梦想的长脖子
and the long graceful neck I've always dreamed of having.
错 Leonard?
Wrong.Leonard?
马 主要因为身高
Horse,but mostly just for the height.
还有生殖器粗度
A little bit for the genital girth.
不对 不要说不正经的 好吗?
Wrong,and let's keep it clean,shall we?
袋鼠 或者应该说犹太袋鼠
Kangaroo,uh,I'd be Kanga-Jew.
那样我就是族里首个能灌篮的了
The first of my people to dunk a basketball.
那样你能就住在你♥妈♥的♥袋子里 而不是房♥子里了
Also instead of just living in your mother's house,you could actually live inside her body.
聪明 但还是错了
Clever,but also wrong.
和人类杂交最好的生物就是苔藓
No,the best organism for human beings to merge with is the lichen itself.
那样你就会拥有人类 菌类 藻类的...
That way,you'd be human,fungus,and algae.
三重优点
Triple threat.
就像三豆沙拉一样
Like three-bean salad.
举个例子 有什么用
Give me one circumstance in which that would be useful.
好吧 想象一下 美丽的户外音乐会
All right,picture this: a beautiful outdoor concert.
作为人类 我可以欣赏贝多芬
Now,as a human,I appreciate Beethoven.
作为菌类 我可以爬上高耸的枫树 有个非常好的视角
As a fungus,I have a terrific view,growing out of a towering maple tree.
还不用买♥♥昂贵的零食
And no thank you,expensive concessions.
因为作为藻类 我只要吸收阳光就好
Because as an algae,I'll just snack on this sunlight.
- 他又赢了 - 才怪
- He got us again. - No,he didn't.
你要是完了的话 我们该讨论下Howard的单身派对了
Anyway,if it's okay with you,we should talk about Howard's bachelor party.
讨论完苔藓后聊这个 有点掉层次吧 但...
Seems like a bit of a letdown after our lichen conversation,but...
你知道什么 你是天鹅人
What do you know,you're half swan.
我最近查了下脱衣舞娘
I've been doing some research on strippers.
一个中介说 假如我们不在乎 年龄和缺手缺脚的话
One agency I spoke to,said I could get us a great price
能给我们个好价钱
if we're flexible on age range and number of limbs.
应该很有意思 但我答应Bernadette 不请脱衣舞娘了
Sounds like loads of fun,but I promised Bernadette no strippers.
你不请脱衣舞娘?
You don't want strippers?
你是脱衣舞娘之王
You're the king of strippers.
北好莱坞的那脱衣舞店 用你的名字命名了根钢管呢
The one club in North Hollywood named a pole after you.
怎么说呢 我不再喜欢那些东西了
What can I tell ya-I'm not into that stuff anymore.
很不错啊 Howard 我为你骄傲
Good for you,Howard.I'm proud of you.
还有 你是我们第一个结婚的人
And still,you're the first one of use to get married.
我们得搞点特别的
We have to do something special.
德国人有个有趣的婚前习俗
You know Germans have an interesting pre-wedding custom--
应该不适合我吧
Well,it's probably not for me.
我们可以去纳帕谷
Maybe we can go up to Napa Valley.
那儿有葡萄酒火车之旅
They've got that wine train.
恶心 酒
Boo,wine!
太棒了 火车 我去
But yay,trains.I'm in.
总之 这季节刚好
Anyway,it's a beautiful time of year.
乘火车穿过葡萄园
Uh,you travel through the vineyards.
还可以在车上品酒
There's a tasting on board.
野花竞相盛开
And all the wildflowers are in bloom.
太奇妙了
Magic.
瞧啊 三十秒 咱们从找女人变成当女人了
Look at that,in 30 seconds,we went from hiring women to being them.
听说你们失足青年今晚有单身派对
So,I hear you and the lost boys are having a bachelor party tonight.
是啊 就是去餐馆 吃吃饭 喝喝酒
Yeah,just going to a restaurant,get some steaks,and scotch.
没什么可担心的
Nothing to worry about.
我能担心什么?
Why should I worry?
单身派对 可能有脱衣舞娘
Well,I don't know.It's a bachelor party.There could be strippers.
你不嫉妒吗?
Wouldn't that make you a little jealous?
算了吧 Leonard 就你 能发生什么?
Oh,come on Leonard,it's you.What's going to happen?
就算有脱衣舞娘 你也是躲着她
I mean,even if there was a stripper,all you'd do is avoid eye-contact
或者可能帮她孩子补习下功课
and maybe offer to help her kid with his homework.
嘿 我是一个性致正旺的年轻人
Hey,I am a young man in his sexual prime.
某些情况下 我可是会很疯狂的
Under the right conditions,I-I-I am capable of just,really crazy stuff.
真的? 你和女人做过 最疯狂的事是什么?
Really?What is the craziest thing you've ever done with a woman?
在海里和我做♥爱♥那次不算
And the time you and I had sex in the ocean does not count.
不要啦 算啦
Oh,come on.That's got to count.
那水下逆流差点搞死我们
There was a really strong undertow,we could have died.
好吧 今晚玩得开心
Well,have fun tonight.
会的
Oh,I will.
谁知道会发生什么
There is no telling what might happen.
当然知道
Yeah,there is.
帮别人的孩子补习高考有啥错了
You know,there's nothing wrong helping some woman's kid get through their S.A.T.'s.
嘿 多亏Raj了 他找这地儿还不错
Hey,I got to hand it to Raj,He found a really nice spot to have a bachelor party.
是不错
It's not bad.
但要是和火车比 就烂多了
Unless you compare it to a train; then it stinks.
你在喝威士忌?
Are you drinking whiskey?
是啊
Indeed.
既然我来参加哥们的单身派对
If I'm to participate in the social convention that is the stag night,
就必须尝试所有东西
then I must embrace all its components:
包括香烟 粗话 还有酒
including tobacco,swear words,and yes,alcohol.
哇塞 好难喝
Jeepers!That's yucky.
(Jeepers 70年代常用感叹词)
***
现在用这词是不是太早了?
Whoa,it's a little early to start dropping J-bombs,don't you think?
嘿 你们好
Hey,you guys.
嘿 Wil 你能来真好
Oh,hey,Wil.Nice of you to make it out tonight for Howard.
不来这个就得去 George Takei家的泡澡派对了
Well,it was either this or another hot tub party at George Takei's house.
("星际迷航"演员 75岁)
***
我有点糊涂了
I'm confused.
我以为自从我们和解后 我才是你的朋友
I thought since our reconciliation,I was your friend in this group.
Howard也是我朋友
Oh,I'm friends with Howard too.
是个人都是你朋友吧
I guess you're just friends with anybody.
嘿 Leonard 最近漫画店生意不太好
Hey,uh,Leonard... things are a little tight at the comic book store.
能帮我垫下我那份吗?
I might need some help covering my share of the check.
当然 没问题
Oh,yeah,no worries.
还有给服务员的几块钱小费
And maybe a few bucks for the valet.
- 好的 - 还有回家的油钱
Oh,all right.And gas money to get home.
好的 没问题
Yeah,sure
这是我爷爷的手表
Great.You know what?This is my grandfather's watch.
18克拉金 二战时在欧洲淘的
18-carat gold,got it in Europe during the war.
真不错
Wow,that's very nice.
100块就是你的了
100 bucks and it's yours.
嘿 伙计们
Hey,everybody!
单身派对主角到啦!
The bachelor boy has arrived!
*他是非常好的哥们*
*For he's a jolly good fellow *
(聚会常用歌♥曲)
***
*他是非常好的哥们*
*For he's a jolly good fellow *
*大家都知道*
*Which nobody can deny *
是啊 是啊 是啊
Yes,yes,yes.
他确实是个好哥们
He's a jolly good fellow.
脱衣舞娘啥时来?
What time do the strippers arrive?
Barry 其实今晚我们没请脱衣舞娘
Actually,Barry,we're not going to have strippers tonight.
那我带的两百块零钱做啥?
Ah,then what the frig did I get 200 dollars in singles out for?
你要买♥♥表吗?
You want to buy a watch?
我是首席伴娘Amy Farrah Fowler 正给你带来婚礼一礼拜前的现场直播
This is Maid of Honor Amy Farrah Fowler,bringing you the wedding activities just weeks out from the big day.
让我们看看这位美丽动人的年轻女子 以及她将要结婚的朋友
Let's check in with a beautiful,radiant young woman,and her friend who's about to get married.
女士们 能告诉我你们在做什么吗?
Ladies,can you tell us what you're doing?
这些礼物袋是给 我们外地来的客人准备的
Um,these are gift bags we're going to put in the hotel rooms of our out-of-town guests.
帕萨迪纳市的地图
This is a map of Pasadena.
当地餐馆列表
This is a list of local restaurants.
我们还为Howie的亲戚准备了 抗组胺剂 抗酸剂...
And then,for Howie's relatives,we have antihistamines,antacids,
以及腹泻和便秘的药
and medicine for diarrhea and constipation.
我们标上了"止"和"泄"
Yeah,we labeled them "stop and go.
好了 最大的问题 Bernadette
All right,pivoting to the big question: Bernadette,
你的婚礼当晚圆房♥
on your wedding night you'll be consummating your marriage.
作为丈夫和妻子 你们会用什么姿势做♥爱♥?
What do you think your first sexual position will be as husband and wife?
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The Big Bang Theory
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