生活大爆炸

The Big Bang Theory S05E18

Part 1 Oct. 4, 2019, 2:26 p.m.

我要去商店买♥♥点东西
I'm just gonna run to the store and get a few things.
你完事后我来接你
I'll pick you up when you're done.
好吧你留这儿陪我会更好点但没关系啦
Okay.I like it a little better when you stay,but all right.
嘿 Sheldon
Hey,Sheldon.
你好
Hello.
我想让D'Onofrio先生给我剪头
I'm here for my haircut with Mr.D'Onofrio.
抱歉 Tony叔叔住院了
I'm sorry,Uncle Tony's in the hospital.
他病得很严重
He's pretty sick.
天啊 D'Onofrio先生住院了
Oh,dear,Mr.D'Onofrio's in the hospital.
我咋总碰到这种倒霉事呢?
Why do these things always happen to me?
我可以给你剪呀
I can cut it for you.
你不是D'Onofrio先生
You're not Mr.D'Onofrio.
我只让D'Onofrio先生给我剪
I get my hair cut by Mr.D'Onofrio.
这人简直是不可理喻
You believe this guy?
我俩单独聊下
Excuse us for a second.
Sheldon 有啥的他也可以剪啊
Sheldon,it's okay,he can do it.
他是理发师
He's a barber.
他才不是理发师他是他侄子
He's not a barber,he's the nephew.
他就是典型靠亲戚上位的那类人这在理发行业中很常见
He's an example of the kind of nepotism that runs rampant in the barbering industry.
况且 D'Onofrio先生知道我想剪啥样的
Besides,Mr.D'Onofrio knows exactly how I like my hair done
因为他有我在德克萨斯的理发记录
because he has all my haircut records from my barber in Texas.
你在说啥呢?
What are you talking about?
我刚搬到这儿时很害怕找新的理发师
When I first moved here,I was nervous about finding a new barber,s
所以我妈把我的理发记录都寄给了D'Onofrio先生
so my mother had all my haircut records sent here to Mr.D'Onofrio.
根本就没有理发记录这回事儿
There's no such thing as haircut records.
有的
Yes,there are.
你见过吗?
Have you ever seen them?
没但我妈向我保证送来了
No,but my mother assured me they were sent here,
而且我敢打赌这人肯定没有
and I'll bet you dollars to donuts that this one doesn't have them.
打扰下
Uh,excuse me.
你有我的理发记录吗?
Do you have access to my haircut records?
你的啥?
Your what?
套用艾略特的话这就是世界终结的方式
To paraphrase T.S. Eliot,this is the way the world ends--
(20世纪影响最大的诗人)
***
并非一声巨响而是一个侄子
not with a bang but with a nephew.
Sheldon 你不是小孩子了他是专业的
Sheldon,you're a grown man,he's a professional,
再说你的发型就是那1946年海报上的三号♥发型
and your haircut is number three on that poster from 1946.
快坐下让他剪吧
Just sit down and let him do it.
好吧但我要剪完像个白♥痴♥ 全赖你
Fine,but if I come out of this looking like a dork,it's on you.
我孩子今天说了个超有趣的事儿
So my kid said the funniest thing today.
不行
Nope.
你等会儿要讲这事的话我们一般用"怪咖"来形容他
When you tell this story later,the word we usually use is quirky.
能递下帕玛森奶酪吗?
Can you pass the Parmesan cheese?
好的
Sure.
你在干啥?
What are you doing?
我头发快要挡住我眼睛了
I'm trying to get the hair out of my eyes.
Sheldon 你只是迟了一天剪头
Sheldon,you are one day late for your haircut.
谢谢你提醒我那场噩梦
Thank you for captioning my nightmare.
快看我收到调令了
Lookie here,I got my travel orders.
美航局要求负载专家Howard Wolowitz 于周一上午8:00前去...
Payload Specialist Howard Wolowitz is requested to report to the NASA Johnson Space Center,
德克萨斯州休斯顿市的约翰逊航♥天♥中心报到
Houston,Texas,for astronaut
参与宇航员培训
training Monday 8:00 a.m.
这是美航局发的应该念0800
Yeah,but it's from NASA,so it's 0800.
但它写的是上午8:00啊
But it says 8:00 a.m
你要读成0800
You read it as 0800.
前面又也没有0
It doesn't have an O in front of it.
这儿确实是有个噢(oh)
You know what does have an oh in front of it?
噢天啊我是宇航员你快嫉妒死了
Oh,my God,I'm an astronaut,and you're dying of jealousy.
所以他们都...? 你能歇会儿吗?
So,what kind of things are they...?Will you stop that?
我没办法我现在就像个青春偶像
I can't help it,I feel like a teen heartthrob.
Sheldon 我给我兄弟剪过头发
You know,Sheldon,I used to cut my brother's hair.
我可以帮你剪呀
I could do it for you.
Penny 我知道你是好意想为我剪村里儿的发型但...
Penny,I know you mean well,offering the skills of the hill folk,but,um,
这是城里我们不自己做黄油我们不♥穿♥麻布袋做的衣服
here in town,we don't churn our own butter,we don't make dresses out of gunny sacks,
而且我们也肯定不会让染黄毛的人给你...
and,uh,we sure as shootin' don't get our hair cut by bottle-blonde...
Sheldon 友善点
Sheldon,be nice.
抱歉都是这发型惹的祸
I'm sorry,it's the bad boy attitude that comes with this hair.
你可以去找我的理发师
You could go to my guy.
他在比弗利山的Juan-Juan店
He's at Juan-Juan in Beverly Hills.
他们会为你上茶按♥摩♥头皮
They bring you a cup of tea,they'll massage your scalp.
要花200美元但有时你旁边会坐着像Tony Danza那样的巨星
It's about $200,but sometimes you look in the next chair and you see a superstar like Tony Danza.
(美国80年代男演员现已不常露面)
***
问一下咱们真要从我要接受宇航员培训这个话题
Quick question here: Have we actually changed the conversation from I'm going to astronaut training
转到Sheldon不能剪头?
to Sheldon can't get a haircut ?
现在是谁嫉妒死了?
Now who's dying of jealousy?
噢是你啊
Oh,it's you.
* 我是个牛仔 *
*I'm a cowboy *
* 胯下骑着威武铁马 *
*On a steel horse I ride *
* 通缉令上都是我都是我 *
*I'm wanted I'm wanted *
* 都是我呀 *
*Wanted *
* 死活均可 *
*Dead or alive. *
Sheldon 你破坏了情侣合唱之夜
Sheldon,you're ruining girlfriend- boyfriend sing-along night.
抱歉
I'm sorry.
我在找理发师时间紧迫
I'm looking for a barber and I'm running out of time.
我的头发正在以每飞秒 4.6攸米的速度生长
My hair is growing at the rate of 4.6 yoctometers per femtosecond.
如果你安静点都能听到
I mean,if you're quiet,you can hear it.
"超级剪"怎么样?(连锁理发店)
What about Supercuts?
我去过一次
I tried once.
他们在一间屋子里同时给男性和女性理发
They do men's and women's hair in the same room at the same time.
就像配有摩丝的所多玛和蛾摩拉
It's like Sodom and Gomorrah with mousse.
(圣经中两座罪恶之城)
***
这又不是什么大事
Well,this isn't a crisis.
就让头发长点呗
Why don't you just let your hair grow out a little?
为什么?
Why don't I let my hair grow out?
那我不如直接穿上勃肯凉鞋然后问一句 "你喜欢不"来验证我的选择
Um,why don't I start wearing Birkenstocks and seeking validation of my opinions by asking Can you dig it?
我不知道
Well,I don't know.
我觉得你留长发会更性感
I think you might look sexy with long hair.
长发披肩骑马时飘逸在后的感觉
The kind that flows down to your shoulders and blows back while riding on a horse.
光着脊梁骑在无鞍马背上
Bareback and bare-chested.
我去刷个牙可能时间会久一点
I'm gonna go brush my teeth; it might take a while
嗨亲爱的
Hi,sweetie.
- 我想你了 - 我也是
- I miss you. - I miss you,too.
跟我说说你第一天是怎么过的
So tell me all about your first day.
噢从哪里开始好呢
Oh,wow,where do I even start?
我体验了失重的感觉
I got to experience zero gravity.
真好他们是怎么做到的
Cool.How do they do that?
挺简单的
It's pretty neat.
先坐进一架飞机它大概向上冲20秒
You get in this plane that goes almost straight up for,like,20 seconds,
然后又像坠毁一样笔直向下冲他们这样反复好几遍
and then straight back down like it's going to crash,and they do it over and over again,
也不管你吐了多少次
you know,no matter how many times you throw up.
你吐了?
You threw up?
恩...
Yeah...
最疯狂的是由于失重呕吐物会飘在那儿
and the craziest part is,because there's no gravity,the throw-up kind of floats there...
聚成个小球如果你张嘴因为要尖叫嘛
in a little ball,and if your mouth is open because you're screaming...
有时它可能会飘回你嘴里
...sometimes it just floats right back in.
如果这样的话大家都会笑你的
Boy,does everyone laugh at you when that happens.
他们真坏
That sounds mean.
还好啦其实我也想笑但我不想让呕吐物再出来
No.Yeah,I would have laughed,too,but I didn't want the vomit to come back out.
随便了...
Anyway...
你能帮忙赶紧再寄些内♥裤♥给我吗?
Oh,could you do me a favor and overnight me some more underwear?
可以啊怎么了?
Sure,why?
因为我明天要去离心机里疯转
I got a look at the centrifuge they're going to spin me around in tomorrow,
我有预感我带的内♥裤♥有点少
and I have a hunch I packed a little light.
D'Onofrio先生?
Mr.D'Onofrio?
是我 Sheldon
It's me,Sheldon.
礼品店没有理发师主题的礼物所以我给你买♥♥了这个
They didn't have anything barber-themed in the gift shop,so I got you this.
你可能看不到这件T恤
I don't know if you can read his little T-shirt.