婚外情事

The Affair S04E04

Part 4 Dec. 3, 2019, 3:44 p.m.

What better way to get you over this fear of the ocean, right?
显然我搞砸了你的眼动脱敏与再加工疗法
And since I clearly fucked up your EMDR,
我得换种方法
I gotta find another way.
浸没式疗法或许可以
I'm thinking, uh, immersion therapy.
科尔·洛克哈特未读消息
艾莉森租到船了
Alison, we got a boat.
现在开不开心
You having fun yet?
你说什么
What?
你开不开心
Are you having fun yet?
我听不清
I can't hear you.
不要紧啦
Never mind.
就在这儿吧
Here we go.
饿不饿他们给我们打包了午餐
You hungry? They packed us lunch.
-真的吗 -是的就在
- Really? - Yeah, it's, uh,
驾驶座后面的冷藏箱里
right behind the captain's seat in the cooler.
我得把这个收起来
I'll put this away.
不要紧的
No, don't worry about it.
讲真我没关系的
Honestly, I'm fine.
你倒是真可以喝喝酒
You should drink it.
我打赌你喝醉了一定很可爱
I bet you're a cute drunk.
不容易吧
Was it hard?
保持清醒
Getting sober?
是啊太他妈糟心了
Yeah. Yeah, it fucking sucked.
有那么一会儿我觉得还是死了痛快
For a while, I thought I'd rather be dead.
但是我讨厌自己喝了酒的样子
But the person I am when I drink is someone I hate, and,
要是清醒着
person I am when I'm sober, well, that's...
我倒是还能忍♥受自己
that's someone I can live with.
你呢
What about you?
我怎么了
Me?
有什么我应该了解的依赖性物质吗
Any chemical dependencies I should know about?
神了我真没有
No. Miraculously.
不过我过去倒是总自残
I did used to cut myself, though.
你的意思是
You mean...
割着玩的
For fun?
算是吧
Yeah, kind of.
为了让自己好受一点
To feel better.
太可怕了
That's awful.
没错
Yeah, it was.
也有一次尝试过自杀
Tried to kill myself once, too.
真是不知道为什么我要告诉你这些
I really don't know why I'm telling you this.
我想
I...
也许你觉得我能理解你
Maybe because you think I'd understand.
所以
So...
你有一儿一女
you have a son and daughter.
我还是喝点酒吧
I think I will have some of that wine.
请便
Please.
谢谢
Yeah, thank you.
来我开吧
Yeah, I got it.
-好吧 -应该的
- All right. - Yeah.
我确实有过一个儿子
I did have a son.
溺水死了
But he drowned.
你说什么
Wh-What?
所以
So...
你记忆里的那天
that memory that day at the, uh...
沙滩上有你的丈夫和毯子
at the beach with your husband and the blanket,
那天是你儿子
was that the day your son...?
是的
Yeah.
天哪我很抱歉艾莉森
Oh, my God, I'm sorry, Alison.
那双手呢
What about the hands?
你说他们把他托出水面
You said they pulled him out of the water
然后他躺在沙滩上还能呼吸
and he was on the beach. He could breathe.
不不是的
No, no, uh...
那不是他
that wasn't him.
那是我
No, that was me.
那是个我经常做的梦
That was a, uh, dream I used to have.
那就是为什么这么奇怪
That's why it's so weird
它又一次出现在眼动脱敏与再加工疗法里
that it came up again in the EMDR.
只是
It just, uh...
不管怎样加百列那天去世了
No, anyway, um, Gabriel died that day.
他只有四岁
He was four.
没人能救他
Nobody saved him.
总之
Anyway, you know,
我花了很久才能说出来这件事
it's taken me a very long time to say this
而没想着去死了
without wanting to die.
我的儿子溺水死了
My son drowned.
他溺水死了
He drowned.
那么
And...
你每天都背着这么沉重的包袱
that's what you walk around carrying every day?
关于你儿子的包袱
Your own son?
是的
Yeah.
你看上去那么不受影响那么正常
You seem so together, so functional.
大多数日子我是的
I am, most days.
花了有一阵子
It's taken me a while.
你这是什么表情
What's that face?
你让我震惊
You amaze me.
你知道那个梦真正奇怪在哪吗
You know what's really weird about that dream?
我溺水的时候有人来救我
When I'm drowning and someone rescues me?
小的时候我一直做这个梦
I used to have it all the time as a child.
我记得我五六岁的时候
I remember being five or six and...
害怕睡觉
being afraid to go to sleep.
最后我没有再做了但是
Eventually, I stopped having it, but...
当加百列去世
when Gabriel died,
全部又回来了
it all came rushing back.
然后
And the...
是同一片海滩
It's the same beach.
我能看到远方的灯塔
I can see the lighthouse in the distance.
我能看到我身后沙丘那边的家
I can see my house behind me, past the dunes.
自那以后我就一直在想那是不是
And ever since, I've wondered if it was a, um...
不祥的预感
Premonition.
不祥的预感
A premonition.
完全不是梦
Not a dream at all.
所以你觉得
So you think you saw
你在那事发生前就看到了你儿子的遭遇
what happened to your son before it happened.
如果我说是你会觉得我疯了吗
If I say yes, will you think I'm crazy?
不会
No.
我觉得了解事情的途径有很多艾莉森
I think there's all sorts of ways of knowing things, Alison.
如果
What if...
如果是某个事物或某个人
What if something or somebody
试图让我保持警觉呢
was trying to tell me to watch out?
让我做好准备
Like, be ready?
而当那一刻来临的时候我却错过了
And when the time came, I missed it?
我以前从没跟人说过这个
I haven't told anyone this before.
没跟科尔也没跟诺亚说过
Not Cole. Not Noah.
过来
Come here.
为什么
Why?
我就是想靠近你一点
I just want you to be closer.
你知道很多人都会做关于溺水的噩梦
You know, a lot of people have nightmares about drowning.
或许这只是
Maybe it's just a...
想要被拯救的儿时幻想
childhood fantasy about being saved.
可我为什么会梦到他死去的那片沙滩
But why would I dream of the same beach where he died?
或许你最初并没有梦到
Well, maybe you didn't originally.
或许你是在他死后才加上的
Maybe you added that part later.
或许你在试图找到责备自己的方式
Maybe because you're looking for a way to blame yourself.
你做心理医生的话会很出色的
You'd make a good shrink.
我为什么跟你一起坐在船上
What am I doing on a boat with you?
这是你提出来的
It was your idea.
我们要回去了吗
Should we head back?
好
Okay.
好
All right.
等等
Wait, wait.
这简直是灾难
Well, this is a complete disaster.