小镇滋味

但当时我却不敢投诉
But back then, I was too timid to complain.
不是你的错
It's not your fault.
-我不应该吃的 -拜托 不怪你
- I shouldn't have eaten them. - Please, honey, it's not you.
我们那晚就不应该出去
We shouldn't have even gone out that night.
-我应该做饭的 -你接到了工作电♥话♥
- I was supposed to cook. - You got stuck on a work call.
-我们只能出去 -嗯 工作电♥话♥
- We had to go out. - Right. A work call.
应该是里克 我叫他来帮忙
That's probably Rick. I called him for help.
对了
Oh, yeah.
五千个被感染的蛤蜊
Five thousand of these infected clams
明天就要运出去了
are being shipped out tomorrow.
如果我们不采取行动 世界就要毁灭了
So, if we don't do something, the world is gonna end.
见鬼
Well, dang.
问题解决
Problem solved.
我找了个在卫♥生♥部♥的朋友帮忙
Called in a favor with a friend of mine at the health department.
太好了
That's great!
我打电♥话♥都找不到人 他怎么说
I couldn't even get someone on the phone. What'd he say?
你怎么认为是男的 性别歧视吗
Why do you assume it's a man? Sexist.
抱歉 她怎么说
I'm sorry. What did she say?
是个男的 但你得先问一下
It is a man, but you should question your assumptions.
只有这样世界才能改变
That's the only way the world's ever gonna change.
我很欣赏你们警♥察♥局
I love that your police department
让你们上敏感课
made you take a sensitivity class,
但我现在没时间学这些
but I don't have time for this.
再忙也不能忘了尊重差异 共同进步
There's always time to respect the differences that make us great.
我得了A
I got an A.
我朋友下周派人过来
Anyway, my friend will send someone next week
-帮你处理蛤蜊 -下周吗
- to help out with your clam problem. - Next week?
这可不行 里克 今天就得解决
That's not good enough, Rick. I need this handled today.
兄弟 怎么 我们是老朋友了
Whoa, buddy. Wha--? We've been friends a long time.
我觉得你最近出了什么事
I know something's been going on with you lately.
你为什么不告诉我呢
Why don't you tell me what it is?
我发现了一些坏蛤蜊
I discovered bad clams,
作为有责任感的市民 我不能不管
and as a responsible citizen, I feel I must intervene.
好吧 别告诉我
Fine, don't tell me.
对不起 里克
I'm sorry, Rick.
我在努力做你朋友 乔
I'm trying to be a friend to you, Joel,
但你一直把我推开 我好伤心
but you keep pushing me away, and it's breaking my heart.
去他妈的敏感课 把我整个人都变了
Fuck the sensitivity class. It's turned me inside out.
里克帮不上忙 我们刚刚绝交了
Rick was no help, and I think we just broke up.
对不起 亲爱的
I'm sorry, honey.
我们怎么办 安妮步步紧逼
What are we gonna do? We've got Anne closing in on us
一大群活死蛤蜊将要毁灭世界
and an army of undead clams about to wipe out civilization.
我还忘了告诉你
Oh, and I forgot to tell you,
我们的园丁又偷了一根水管
I think our gardener stole another hose.
天呐 烦心事源源不断
God, it's just one thing after another.
好吧 现在 安妮上司不把她的话当回事
Okay, right now, Anne's boss isn't taking her seriously.
但蛤蜊明天就要发货了
But these clams go out tomorrow.
我们今晚就得把那些小婊砸毁掉
We need to destroy these ginger bitches tonight.
没错 你为什么假设它们是雌性呢
Right! Why do you assume they're female?
我...不知道 看来我是得在这方面下功夫了
I just-- I don't know. I guess I need to work on that.
性别歧视
Sexist.
你听到了我和里克的对话 很好
Oh, you heard my conversation with Rick. Nice.
好 所以迅速杀死三十缸蛤蜊
Okay, so to kill 30 tubs of clams in a hurry,
我本想用现成的材料
I wanted to use something readily available.
首先 我尝试用盐水传送电流
First, I tried sending an electrical current through salt water,
但我们的小伙伴
but our little friend
只颤了几下 然后射出了什么东西
just vibrated and then ejaculated something.
-不是想侮辱它 -正常 继续
- Not trying to shame him. - Perfectly natural, go on.
然后我把它放到防冻剂里
Then I put it in antifreeze,
普通蛤蜊几秒钟就会暴毙
which would've killed one of these normal clams in seconds,
但还是不起作用
but still no effect.
现在放到漂白剂里了
And now it is in bleach,
强到可以给道奇体育场便池消毒
which is strong enough to sterilize the urinals at Dodger Stadium
然后我刚知道
and as I recently learned
还能让蛤蜊射到实验服上
to get clam ejaculate out of a lab coat.
好啊 蛤蜊杀手们
What's cracking, clam assassins?
防冻剂没用
The antifreeze didn't work
你妈可以跟你说说电流
and your mother can tell you about the electrical current.
现在就指着漂白剂了
Everything's riding on the bleach.
看 它要开壳了 它们在快死的时候才会这样
Look, it's opening up. They do that when they're dying.
显然没死
Definitely not dead.
我靠
Holy shit!
他或她在吃他或她
He or she is eating him or her.
漂白剂不行吗
So, not bleach?
我想都结束了
So, I'm thinking game over.
大家在地球上的最后一晚想做点什么
What does everyone wanna do for our last night on Earth?
我从没吃过石榴
I've never eaten a pomegranate.
我不知道 艾瑞克
I don't know, Eric.
它们会弄脏衣服 所以特别危险
They stain, so it's super dangerous.
我在塞尔维亚书里找到了这个
Look, here's what I found in the Serbian book.
他们烧了波兹卡小镇来消灭病毒
They burned Pozica to get rid of the virus.
也许火可以杀死这些小兄弟
Maybe fire could destroy these little dudes, too.
你为什么假设它们是男的呢 艾比
Why do you assume they're male, Abby?
足够高的温度可以烧尽任何东西
Well, hot enough temperatures will incinerate anything,
无论死活 无论男女
living or dead, male or female.
那我们为什么不把整个蛤蜊农场烧了呢
So why don't we just torch the whole clam farm?
也许是因为纵火既鲁莽也很危险 艾比
Maybe because starting a big fire is reckless and dangerous, Abby.
如果我们团结一心
Well, not if we work together
相互照应就不会 艾瑞克
and have each other's backs, Eric.
我注意到
I can't help but notice
你们俩都很尖锐地直呼对方的名字
you two are pointedly saying each other's names in a hurtful way.
但我们没时间追根究底了
Which we, damn it, don't have time to explore.
是啊
Right.
所以不能纵火 现在是山火季节
So no open flames. It's brush fire season.
而且我没烧圣克拉丽塔
And I've already caused enough destruction
就已经造成了足够大的破坏了
in Santa Clarita without burning it down.
露比晚上工作
Ruby works nights.
我们可以去她那里偷蛤蜊
We could go to her place, steal the clams,
然后在我们可控的地方把它们烧了
and then burn them somewhere where we can control.
-比如我们的烤箱 -普通烤箱的温度不够高
- Like in our oven. - A regular oven doesn't get hot enough.
要把这些蛤蜊烧成灰 温度得达到1500度以上
To turn these to dust, it's gotta be above 1500 degrees.
彩乐美那里有个大窑
There's a big kiln at Color Me Mine.
我有朋友在那工作 绝对可靠
And I have a friend who works there. Totally reliable.
绝对不会在最后一刻临阵脱逃 你懂的 朋友
Wouldn't flake at the last second. You know, a friend.
你是说不会逼你
You mean someone who doesn't pressure you
做你不愿意做的事情吗
to do things you don't wanna do?
他们俩之间一定有什么事
Something is going on with these two.
青少年啊 就算是世界末日他们也觉得自己最重要
Teenagers. They even make the apocalypse about them.
好 蛤蜊 安妮治安官
Okay, clams, Sheriff Anne,
他们的问题 和园丁对质
their issues, confronting the gardener.
按重要程度排序的话应该这么排吧
That feels like the right order of importance.
-同意 -我们去收蛤蜊
- I agree. - We'll gather up the clams
然后和你们在彩乐美后面碰面
and meet you at the back of Color Me Mine.
我们上路后给你们发短♥信♥
We'll text you when we're on our way.
如果窑有什么问题的话
And if there's any problem with the kiln,
告诉我们 实施B计划
let us know and we'll go to plan B.
-那是什么 -看艾瑞克吃石榴
- Which is? - We watch Eric eat a pomegranate.
有点漂亮
It's kind of beautiful.
我热得浑身是汗
I am unbelievably sweaty.
艾瑞克是想保护你
Yeah, well, Eric was just trying
不被传染
to protect you against contamination
万一蛤蜊咬了你 或者射在你身上
in case a clam bites you, or, God forbid, ejaculates on you.
世上最烂的黄♥片♥
World's worst porn.
-好多啊 -我们该开始了
- There are so many of them. - We should get started.
在露比回来之前我们只有几个小时
We only have a few hours until Ruby gets home.
还有我觉得我衣服里有只蚂蚁
Also, I think I have an ant in here with me.
顺便说一下 在这工作的那个朋友是斯文
By the way, the friend of mine who works here, it's Sven.
你没问题吧
Are you gonna be okay with that?
很显然你觉得没有问题
Obviously you didn't think I would be
不然开车来的路上你就提起了
or you would've mentioned it on the drive over.