小镇滋味

and get arrested.
你只想做你自己
You just wanna be yourself.
-有时那挺难的 对吧 -她在亲你
- That's hard sometimes, isn't it? - She's kissing you.
瑞秋从来不亲陌生人 这是个好迹象
Rachel never kisses strangers. This is a good sign.
你知道还有什么是好迹象[标牌]吗
You know what else is a good sign?
挂在你院子里 印着我们的脸说"刚刚售出"的标牌
One in your yard with our faces on it saying "Just Sold."
我们商量一下这里能卖♥♥多少钱吧
Let's talk about what kind of price we can get for this.
叮咚 原则房♥屋中介
Ding-dong! Principal Residential.
该死
Oh, shit.
我们来早了 希望你不介意
We're early, I hope that's okay.
我叫克里斯 她叫克里斯塔
I'm Chris, she's Christa.
-很好记 但如果你忘了 -就看看提拉米苏
- Easy to remember, but if you forget... - Check the tiramisu.
-这招真贱 -就是啊
- What a douchey move. - Yeah.
-我们应该这么做 -没错
- We should do that. - Yeah.
-希拉 乔 你们好吗 -你们彼此认识吗
- Sheila, Joel. How are you? - You all know each other?
我们当然认识哈蒙德夫妇啦 你好点了吗
Of course we know the Hammonds. Are you feeling better now?
可怜的希拉给客户介绍房♥子时吐在了
Poor Sheila vomited all over brand-new textured plush carpeting
全新的织纹丝绒地毯上
at a house they were showing.
他们不得不把地毯下的地板给换了
They had to replace the flooring under the carpet.
这不是真的 克里斯
That's not true, Chris.
那地毯是防污渍的 你明知道
That carpet was stain-resistant, you know that.
我们跟克里斯和克里斯塔高中时就认识了
We've known Chris and Christa since high school.
克里斯比我大几岁 但我们同时毕业
Chris is a few years older than me, but we graduated at the same time.
你来算一下吧 因为他当年不会算数
I'll let you do the math. Because he couldn't.
乔和我当年是橄榄球对手
Joel and I played football against each other.
你还记得那场冠军赛吗 哥们
Do you remember the championship game, sport?
克里斯曾醉驾过
Chris once drove drunk.
乔是他们球队的四分卫
Joel was quarterback for his team,
那是最后一击
it was the final play of the game.
小家伙后撤并抛出孤注一掷的长传
Little guy drops back and throws a Hail Mary.
当时在下雨 球很湿 你要知道这点
It was raining, the ball was wet. That's important to know.
球飞偏了 落到军乐队那儿
The ball went sideways and landed in the marching band
砸在了低音鼓上 砰
and hit the bass drum. Kaboom!
据说如果你把那个鼓放到耳边
They say if you put that drum up against your ear,
仍能听到乔的哭声
you can still hear Joel crying.
贝琦 会有很多人想卖♥♥你的房♥子
Listen, Becky, a lot of people are gonna wanna sell your house,
但我向你保证 我们是镇上最优秀的房♥产金鸡人
but I promise you, we are the best damn realators in town.
事实上他们是镇上唯一的房♥产"金鸡人"
They're actually the only "Realators" in town,
因为我们其他人都叫房♥产"经纪人"
because the rest of us pronounce it "Realtors".
没错 是叫"经纪人"
Yeah, it's "Realtors".
她说的就是"金鸡人" 等等 我听出区别了
That's what she said, "Realators". Wait, I heard the difference.
但你知道 这不重要 两种念法都对
But you know, it doesn't matter. Both ways are correct.
才不是呢 一种念法是对的
That's not true. One way is correct
另一种是极度没文化
and the other is profoundly ignorant.
不 乔说得没错 "金鸡人"或"经纪人"都行
No, Joel's right. You can say "Realator" or "Realator".
贝琦 告诉我们厨房♥在哪
Becky, show us the kitchen
我给大家都切一块提拉米苏
and I'll slice everyone a piece of tiramisu.
除非你念成"提拉秘书"
Unless you pronounce it "Tira-a-misu."
真幽默
That's funny.
克里斯撞翻了他爸的车 都上报纸了
Chris flipped his dad's car. It was in the papers.
听好了 贱♥人♥
Listen, bitch.
你再说我们坏话
You keep talking shit about us,
我发誓一定会弄死你
and I swear to God I will drop you.
你敢动手我就把你小妹妹踢飞到喉咙
Try it and I'll kick your twat so far up your throat
让你含个屌♥都会怀孕
you'll get pregnant giving blowjobs.
我恨他们
I hate them.
-我恨他还是这么高 -我们死定了
- I hate how tall he still is. - Oh, we are screwed.
不 贝琦说她明天才做决定
No. Becky said she's not deciding till tomorrow.
我们一定要赢 必须碾压他们
We have to win this. We have to crush them.
我要让他们痛不欲生
I wanna make it hurt.
-怎么了 -我喜欢好胜的乔 很性感
- What? - I like competitive Joel. It's hot.
比想在家里转悠的你更棒
Better than you wanting to putter around the house.
操♥他♥妈♥的转悠 操♥他♥妈♥的克里斯和克里斯塔
Fuck puttering! Fuck Chris and Christa!
操♥他♥妈♥的提拉米苏
Fuck tiramisu.
既然你什么都要操...
Hey, as long as you're fucking everything...
我们多"干"点这个 你就不用去追兔子了
If we did that more often, you wouldn't have to chase rabbits.
我想你没意识到我现在精力有多旺盛
I don't think you realize the kind of energy I have now.
我不想把你玩坏了
I don't wanna break you.
我们要怎么对付克里斯和克里斯塔
What are we gonna do about Chris and Christa?
我们可以把他们杀了
We could kill them.
不能凡事都用杀人来解决
We can't solve all our problems with murder.
-只用来解决这个问题呢 -不行
- How about just this problem? - No.
我们不能杀他们
We're not killing them.
好吧
Right.
我们可以只杀死他们其中一个
We could kill one of them.
好难选择 他们两个都那么操蛋
That'd be a tough call, they're both such dicks.
不 我们得采取非谋杀的手段
No, we have to do something that doesn't involve murder.
老天 不能选谋杀的话
Boy, if you take killing off the table,
就真的没什么选择了
we really don't have a lot of moves.
还真的是
No, we really don't.
绑♥架♥怎么样
What about kidnapping?
政♥府♥为什么不多作为来阻止绑♥架♥呢
Why don't governments do more to stop that?
宝贝你好呀
Oh, hi, honey.
我们刚刚正讨论国际事务呢
We were just discussing international affairs.
我昨晚才看到你像吞生蚝一样吞了一条人舌头
Last night I saw you swallow a man's tongue like an oyster.
我们继续欺骗对方
Don't you think it's ridiculous
不是很荒唐吗
for us to keep lying to each other?
你说得对 真抱歉 学校怎么样了
You're right. I'm sorry. How was school?
挺好的
It was good.
你见到艾瑞克了吗 经过昨晚的事他还好吗
Did you see Eric? How's he doing after last night?
他在爱德药店买♥♥清洁用品时
While he was at Rite Aid picking up cleaning supplies,
在那儿工作的机智怪女孩约他出去
the oddly insightful girl who works there asked him out.
所以他应该挺好的
So actually I think he's doing okay.
艾瑞克在和爱德药店那女孩约会吗 真不错
Eric's dating the Rite Aid girl? Good for him, huh?
我想是吧
Yeah, I guess.
他现在常常傻笑 这倒是新鲜
I mean, he's giggling a lot now, so, that's new.
跟别人分享你最好的朋友 确实不容易
You know, it's hard to share your best friend.
你想想什么让艾瑞克开心就好了
You just have to think about what makes Eric happy.
妈妈 不不不
Oh, Mom. No. No, no, no.
我才不需要
I don't need life advice
密谋绑♥架♥的人给我人生建议
from people who were plotting a kidnapping.
我们刚只是集思广益
We were brainstorming.
如果发明飞机的莱特兄弟有你这个女儿
If the Wright brothers had you as a daughter,
人类就永远无法征服天空了
we'd have never conquered the sky.
我觉得你给她的建议很棒
I thought you gave her good advice.
把其他人的需求排在她前面 我们都应该这么做
Put other people's needs above her own. We should all do that.
我们确实都应该这么做
We should all do that.
你是在说刚才卧室里发生的事吗
Are you talking about what happened in the bedroom?
-因为我真的拼老命了 -不
- Because I did my level best. - No.
我们把注意力都放在了克里斯和克里斯塔身上
We became so preoccupied with Chris and Christa,
反而忽略了客户
we lost sight of the client.
我们应该考虑什么对她最重要
We need to get back to what's important to her.
别担心卧室里的事
Don't worry about the bedroom.
我知道我让你累坏了
I know how hard I work you up there.
我不累 亲爱的 但中途让我喝点水也不赖
It's not work, honey. But I could use more water breaks.
我该把这雕成天鹅还是海豚呢
Should I carve it into a swan or a dolphin?
等一下 艾比 你不必亲自动手
Wait, Abby. I don't think you should have to do this,
除非凿开这块恶心的东西能让你好过些
unless chiseling this block of creep will help you feel better.
-谢谢 -不客气
- Thanks. - No problem.
我有一年夏天在刨冰店打过工
I worked a snow cone cart one summer, so...
你应该跟雷蒙娜约会
Hey, you should go out with Ramona.
我不想当阻碍朋友的那种人
I don't wanna be the girl who holds a friend back
就因为他们有3%的机会会在一起
because they have a three-percent chance of winding up together.
而且我喜欢她
And I like her.
我希望你快乐
I want you to be happy.
你刚才说有3%的机会吗
Did you say a three-percent chance?
不是吧 你只听进去这个吗
Really? That's all you heard?
不 我还听到你希望我快乐
No, I also heard you want me to be happy.
谢谢你
Thank you.
不客气
You're welcome.
那里