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不行 艾瑞克是我朋友 是我怂恿他去追求她的
No way! Eric's my friend. I pushed him into this relationship.
这一次 我要跟你们去
This time, I go with you.
好 但要是出岔子 你就抓住艾瑞克到我们后面去
Okay, but if things go south, you grab Eric and stay behind us.
-明白吗 -明白
- You understand? - Yes.
-艾比 -我明白
- Abby. - I understand.
你们准备好了吗
You guys ready?
-好了 -还没
- Ready. - Not quite.
行动吧
Let's do this.
我在想我们可以搬去西雅图
I was thinking maybe we'd move to Seattle.
乔说得对
Joel was right.
两个人在同一个小镇杀人 会引起太多注意力
Two people killing in the same town draws too much attention.
而且我喜欢海鹰队
Plus, I love the Seahawks.
天啊 你喜欢体育
Oh, God, you're into sports?
这段关系变得更难以维持了
This relationship is getting even more untenable.
雷蒙娜 我们得谈谈
Ramona, we need to talk.
我知道这样一个人生活有多难
I know how hard it must be for you to live like this on your own,
但如果艾瑞克不想和你走 就行不通的
but if Eric doesn't want to go with you, it's not gonna work.
我跟你介绍下他
Let me tell you about this guy.
他不擅长猎人
He is not gonna be good at hunting people.
他易呕吐 易慌张
He gets queasy. He's panicky.
-他跑步的时候矫形器会吱吱响 -嘿
- His orthotics squeak when he runs. - Hey.
-你知道我爱你 -真的吗
- You know I love you, man. - Really?
那我就咬他 他就会愿意和我一起去猎人了
Then I'll bite him, and he'll want to hunt with me.
我非带走他不可
I'm not leaving without him.
那么
Well, then...
恐怕你就别想走了
I guess you're not leavin'.
抱歉
Sorry!
我的九层蘸酱的第七层
Oh, the seventh layer of my nine-layer dip
永远都难弄死了
is always such an asshole.
是酸奶油 它总是要流到橄榄里去
It's sour cream, and it always wants to settle into the olives,
也就是第六层
which are layer six.
以前我用甘椒分隔它们
I used to separate them with pimentos.
不知道我为什么不这么做了
I don't know why I stopped doing that.
想起来了 因为丹不喜欢甘椒
Oh, right. Because Dan didn't like pimentos.
天 我一点都不想他
God, I do not miss him.
我♥操♥ 我忘了薯片了
Oh, fuck me, I forgot the chips!
我好迷糊 而我根本没嗑药
I'm so spacey, and I'm not even high.
顺便说下 如果你嗨了
By the way, if you are high,
你会想吃那个蘸酱的 乔
that dip is what you're gonna wanna eat, Joel.
怎么了
What's going on?
艾瑞克 你怎么不跟你女朋友站一起
Eric... why aren't you standing next to your girlfriend?
她又不会咬人
She's not gonna bite. Oh!
多么可爱古怪的一对啊
What a cute, weird couple you two make.
马上回来
I'll be back.
千层面好了
Lasagna's done.
不
No!
-艾比 -你们想让我有正常生活
- Abby? - You wanted me to have a normal life?
这个就是了 这就是现在的我
This is it. This is who I am now.
我是该死的英国女王
I'm the fucking Queen of England.
措辞不是这样的
Okay, that's not the expression.
明天 我们要谈谈这事
And tomorrow, we're gonna have a talk about this whole thing.
-雷蒙娜 结束了 放弃吧 -但我想一个乔
- Ramona, it's over. Just give up. - But I want a Joel!
不只是一起去猎人 我想有你们之间的那种关系
And not just to hunt with. I want what you two have.
我不想再这样一个人下去了
I don't want to do this alone anymore.
亲爱的
Oh, sweetie.
你不能随便从街上抓个人
Well, you can't just grab someone off the street
然后就拥有我们之间的那种关系
and have what we have.
为什么
Why not?
因为乔和我共同构建了我们的生活
Because Joel and I built a life together.
我们花了20年来学习如何关心对方
We spent 20 years learning to care for each other.
最近 我给他的生活只带来了混乱
And lately, I've done nothing but bring chaos to his life.
他会抱怨吗 经常
And does he complain? Often.
不过没事 因为他为我放弃了很多
But that's okay 'cause... he's given up so much for me.
当你爱一个人的话 这都不重要
But when you love someone, that doesn't matter.
因为重要的不是你放弃了什么 而是你得到了什么
Because it's not about what you give up, it's about what you get.
我并不经常抱怨
And I don't complain that much.
我想如果我要找到我的乔
So, I guess if I'm gonna find my Joel,
仅仅伤害他的腿
the relationship should be built on
还不足以建立起亲密的关系
more than just hurting his leg.
-没错 -薯片拿来了
- That's right. - I've got chips!
天啊 发生了什么
Oh, my God. What happened?
雷蒙娜和我分手了 我很难过
Ramona broke up with me. And I am very upset.
鉴于现在的情况 我想我们该重新约个时间聚餐
Given the circumstances, I think we should reschedule dinner.
我想我们都同意这并不等同于取消
Which, I think we can all agree, is different than canceling.
亲爱的艾瑞克 我要去西雅图了
Dear Eric, I'm moving to Seattle,
在那里或许我会遇到我的乔
where perhaps someday I will meet my Joel.
因为911 我不能带我的球腿先生上飞机
I can't take Mr. Ball Legs on a plane because of 9/11,
所以我把它留下
so I'm leaving him behind.
请让哈蒙德夫妇照顾它
Please ask the Hammonds to take care of him.
我把钥匙留在
I left the key under the mat
我邻居家的垫子下了
....of my neighbor
因为留在我家垫子下就太明显了
because it seemed too obvious to leave it under mine.
好运 艾瑞克 么么哒
Good luck, Eric. X-O-X-O.
冲浪人表情 雷蒙娜
Surfing man emoji. Ramona.
也许它可以作为加里的宠物
Maybe this could be Gary's pet.
所以我们不杀加里了
So, we're keeping Gary?
没杀雷蒙娜感觉很棒 我喜欢不杀人
It felt good not to kill Ramona. I like not killing people.
我一直喜欢 我只是忘记有多喜欢了
I've always liked it. I just forgot how much.
你真好
You're sweet.
我去找个购物袋来装它
I'll look for a shopping bag to put this thing in.
如今雷蒙娜走了
Well, now that Ramona's gone,
我们要怎么弄清是谁杀了我们俩
how are we gonna find out what killed both of us?
肯定有联♥系♥
There's gotta be a link.
你确定你没去过任何拍卖♥♥会吗
Are you sure you didn't go to any auctions?
去过我会记得的
I think I would remember.
而且我也想象不出这种疾病
And I can't imagine how something like this
怎么会通过拍卖♥♥传播
would spread through an auction.
我也不知道 或许是一个受感染的中世纪高脚杯
I don't know. Maybe an infected medieval goblet
一个受诅咒的电影纪念品
or a cursed piece of movie memorabilia?
我没有去过拍卖♥♥会
I didn't go to an auction.
我没有
I didn't.
亲爱的 你生病前两天我们是不是去过贾婆婆餐厅
Hon, didn't we eat at Japopo's two nights before you got sick?
-对 -是周五吗
- Yeah. - Would that have been on a Friday?
-对 -你是不是吃了特♥价♥蛤蜊
- Yeah. - And didn't you have the clam special?
对 怎么了
Yeah. Why?
雷蒙娜也吃了
So did Ramona.
周五特♥价♥蛤蜊
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