小镇滋味

我只有接受耶稣是我的救世主
she refuses to get her tongue pierced
她才肯打舌环 给我口
and go down on me until I accept Jesus as my Savior.
谢谢你说得这么含糊
Thank you for keeping it vague.
所以 昨晚安妮和我偶遇了希拉
So, last night when Anne and I ran into Sheila,
她的一番话让我下定决心
she gave me the push that I needed,
决定接受洗礼
and I decided to get baptized!
我说服了丽莎接受成人洗礼 这是我的功劳
I convinced Lisa to get adult baptized. That's a thing I did.
-早上好 长辈们 -你好 亲爱的
- Morning, elders. - Hi, honey.
艾比宝贝 你们是在哪遇见的呢 丽莎
Abba-dabs! So, where did you all meet up, Lisa?
什么时候遇见的 你们还说了些什么
And at what time, and what else did you discuss?
我没有姐妹
I grew up without sisters,
所以我超爱听没有男人在时
so I love hearing what women talk about
女人们都聊些什么 那时有男性在吗
when there are no men around. Were men around?
希拉只是在门外 准备去开车
Oh, Sheila was just out front, going to her car,
天 你昨晚兴致高昂
and, God, you were on fire.
你说 "接受洗礼 活出真理
You were like, "Get baptized! Live your truth!
每个人的身体都曼妙有致"
Every body is a bikini body!"
你真的帮了安妮很大的忙
Oh, and you really helped Anne.
快告诉乔我都做了什么
Well, tell Joel what I did.
-因为他超爱听八卦 -的确如此
- Because he is loving this. - I am.
安妮最近都把精力放在调查圣克拉丽塔的失踪人口上
Anne's been fixated on these missing people in Santa Clarita.
你老婆说 "别再想着工作了
Your wife was all, "Stop thinking about work
开动你大脑创意无限的那一边
and use the creative side of your fucking brain."
然后她还打了她的屁♥股♥
And then she slapped her ass.
有时我会这样做来表达自己的看法
Sometimes I do that to make a point.
对吗 亲爱的
Right, honey?
这是个新习惯 我很喜欢
It's new and I love it.
确实表达得很到位
Well, it got the message across.
安妮径直走向我的车♥库♥ 搭起了黑板
Anne marched straight to my garage, set up her easel,
然后一直画
and she has been painting ever since.
我让安妮停止了疯狂的调查
I got Anne off her crazy investigating
把精力转移到作画上
and into painting.
-我♥干♥得漂亮吧 -漂亮
- Good for me, right? - Good for you.
你应该去吃顿龙虾
Yeah, you deserved that lobster.
你说了什么
You said something about
晚餐要从龙虾缸里捞出来
getting your dinner out of a lobster tank.
天杀的
Oh, God damn it!
冻草莓吃完了
We're out of frozen strawberries.
-我才买♥♥了 -不 爸 过来看看
- I just bought some. - No, Dad. Come look.
冻草莓吃完了很可怕
The lack of strawberries is appalling.
对 没有冻草莓了
Nope. No strawberries.
只有你昨晚剩下的龙虾了
Just your leftover lobster from last night.
龙虾炒蛋我很拿手
Ooh, I make a mean lobster scramble.
不 无意冒犯
No! I don't mean to be rude,
但是你告诉我的这些事
but you told me all these things
我都知道了 因为我当时也在场
I already know because I was there.
你不介意的话 我要开始做事了
So if you don't mind, I gotta start my day.
瞧瞧你这态度 你要打我的屁♥股♥吗
Look at this attitude. You gonna slap my ass?
来吧 打吧 动手吧
Come on, slap it. Come on.
你妈太犀利了
Hey, your mom is so fierce,
尤其是你昨晚穿的那双红色靴子
especially in those red boots you were wearing last night.
安妮超喜欢那双靴子
I mean, Anne is obsessed with them.
要是我给她买♥♥一双一样的你会生气吗
Would you hate it if I got her exactly the same ones?
才不会呢 但是我厨房♥没有卖♥♥的 所以
Not at all. But they don't sell them in my kitchen, so...
丽莎 我和你一起走
Lisa, I'll walk with you.
反正我有事要对艾瑞克说
I have to talk to Eric anyway.
你们经常在一起 什么时候你才和他约会
You two spend so much time together. When are you gonna date?
我们只是朋友
We're just friends.
艾瑞克太害羞不敢告诉你
You know, Eric's too shy to tell you,
但他的那活很不错
but he has a lovely you-know-what.
他出生的时候 所有的护士
When he was born, all the nurses
都说它很惊人 但并不夸张
said it was impressive, but not ostentatious.
她们这么说话 是专业的护士吗
These are Professional nurses, talking like that?
是布恩的纳粹朋友 那个卖♥♥给我们抽奖券的人
It's Boone's Nazi friend. The one who sold us raffle tickets.
我即使是断片了 也知道不能杀卡尔
I guess even in a blackout, I knew not to kill Carl,
所以我一怒之下杀了一个纳粹
so I rage-killed a Nazi.
你为什么要把他放在这里
Why'd you bring him here?
我肯定是记得仓库的冰柜满了
I must've remembered the storage unit freezer was full.
断了片的希拉相当聪明了
Pretty smart gal, that blackout Sheila.
很想知道她是从哪儿遗传的
I wonder where she gets it.
他穿着工作服
He's wearing his work uniform.
或许你是在"NMS扣车拖车公♥司♥把他杀了的
Maybe you killed him at "NMS Impound & Tow."
天呐 或许我的靴子就是在那丢的
Oh, my God. Maybe that's where I left my boot.
就是安妮治安官很喜欢的
The one Sheriff Anne is obsessed with,
只要一被她在血淋淋的犯罪现场看到
and if she sees at a bloody crime scene,
就会立马联想到你的那只吗
she'll immediately connect to you?
"对 就是那只"
"Yes, that one,"
她以不那么阴阳怪气的语气回答道
she answers with a less judgmental tone in her voice.
我们得去一趟那个扣车场
We need to get to that impound yard.
可能有目击证人 其它身体部位
There could be witnesses, other body parts.
谁知道你用血手掌
You could've slapped bloody handprints
拍了多少死人的屁♥股♥
on who knows how many dead asses.
天呐 目击证人 我记起来了
Oh, my God, witnesses! I remember something.
什么
What?
当时有个穿着红色衬衣的高个男朝我招手
There was a tall man in a red shirt waving at me.
我们走
Let's go.
-你好 -艾比 你好
- Hey. - Abby, hi.
你♥爸♥去查了我们昨天找到的那个贾婆婆餐厅的
Is your dad checking out that Japopo's clam distributor
蛤蜊批发商了吗
we found yesterday?
没有 他有别的事要处理
No, he got distracted.
我家冰箱里有个死人
There's a dead guy in our freezer,
他们不知道是怎么来的
and they don't know how he got there.
但我排除了是自杀
But I've ruled out suicide.
我有次在冰箱蔬菜保鲜格里发现了我妈的震动棒
I once found my mom's vibrator in the vegetable crisper.
这是我想出的处理那块液压破碎广♥告♥牌的点子
Okay, here are the ideas I worked up for the fracking billboard.
所以正常情况下我不会搞破坏
So, vandalism doesn't come naturally to me,
但两瓶激浪下肚 猛虎下山了
but two Mountain Dews, and the beast is off its leash!
-嗨糖的艾瑞克 喝了那瓶甜饮 -欧耶
- Sugar-high Eric! Drink that go-go juice. - Yeah!
话说回来 要是我还想喝 请阻止我
But seriously, if I try to have more, do not let me.
-好的 -好了
- Okay. - All right.
这是那个液压破碎站点现在的样子
This is what the fracking site looks like now.
"开启未来的能量"
"Energy that turns on your future."
今晚我们刷漆后就会变成这个样子
And this is what it will look like tonight, after we paint it.
"终结未来的能量"
"Energy that turns off your future."
星号♥
Asterisk...
"用致癌物质污染地下水"
"By polluting the water table with carcinogens."
然后是一个很长的网址
And then a really long URL.
没错 引用了我的来源 猛虎再次出击
Booyah. Citing my sources. The beast strikes again.
好吧 以此为基础
Okay. Building on that,
要是我们只写上"液压破碎法杀人"
what if, instead, we just write "Fracking Kills"
然后把画面改成这家人的眼睛在流血
and then make it look like blood's coming out of the family's eyes?
这样好多了 两头猛虎出山 当心了
That's so much better. Two beasts in the junkyard. Watch out.
好吧 那今晚就去改广♥告♥牌
Okay, paint the sign tonight,
明天用无人机拍下来
film it with a drone tomorrow,
发到YouTube上
and post it on YouTube.
大伙看见自家后院的情况 就会有人出来反对
People see what's in their own backyard and the opposition begins.
-棒 -太棒了 想一人喝一半激浪吗
- Yeah! - Fuck yeah! Wanna go halvsies on a Dew?
-不了 -明智
- No. - Good idea.
好吧 你确定可以搞到无人机吗
Okay, are you sure you can get a drone?
是的 我在一场孤注一掷的万智牌比赛上
Uh, yeah, I won a Parrot AR off Fenton Hoffstadter
从芬顿·霍夫斯塔德那赢了一台无人机
in an all-or-nothing game of Magic: The Gathering.
好吧 一堆我不是很熟的词
Okay. Bunch of words I'm not super familiar with.
我在一场比赛上赢了一男生
I beat a boy at a game
他把他的无人机输给我了
and now he's giving me his toy.
真厉害 我在想今晚要是
Great! I was thinking it would be super helpful
有了你继父的夜视镜会大有帮助
if we had your stepdad's night vision goggles tonight.
是的 但是自从你♥爸♥杀了他后
It would, but after your dad killed him,
我妈就把丹的变♥态♥警♥察♥装备锁了起来
my mom locked up all of Dan's psycho cop stuff
不让我碰 没有正当的理由
and won't let me anywhere near it. For no good reason.
理由是什么
What's the reason?