老爸有招

Man with a Plan S03E12

Part 3 April 11, 2020, 12:20 p.m.

我已经失业了
I don't even have a job anymore.
我被开除了
They fired me.
他们开除你发生了什么
They fired you? What happened?
我盗用了一点点钱
I embezzled a tiny bit of money.
你能信吗
Can you believe it?
居然真的“一振出局”政策
It's a real "One strike and you're out" Policy over there.
我以为你来这里是参加工作会议
I-I thought you were in town for a work conference.
根本没有会议
There is no conference.
我来这儿是因为匹兹堡的机票最便宜
I came here because Pittsburgh is the cheapest flight
因为没人愿意来这里
since nobody wants to come here.
但你说你刚从日本回来
But you said you just got back from Tokyo.
我撒谎了给孩子们的糖是在一号♥码头买♥♥的
I lied. I got the kids' candy at Pier 1.
我都不确定那是不是糖
I'm not even sure it's candy.
也许是小香皂
It might be little soaps.
我还吃了三块
I ate three of those.
事实是我嫉妒你
The truth is I'm jealous of you.
我想说服自己我才是赢家
I tried to convince myself that I was winning,
也许这就像龟兔赛跑一样
but I guess this is like the tortoise and the hare.
我是狡猾性感的小野兔
I'm the sleek, sexy bunny...
输给你这个慢吞吞脏兮兮的乌龟
losing to you, the slow, scaly turtle.
我去收拾行李
I'm gonna go pack.
发生了什么
What happened?
才第一轮她就倒下了
She went down in the first round.
亚当你没跟我说她玻璃心啊
Adam, you didn't tell me she had a glass jaw.
亚当为什么要跟你说她的事
Why would Adam tell you anything about her?
等等
Wait.
等一下
Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.
是你让玛茜来的吗
D-Did you put Marcy up to this?
来什么
Up to what?
派对真棒亲爱的
Great party, honey.
-亚当 -好吧
- Adam? -u202dOkay, fine.
我又不知道会把她伤成这样
I didn't know she was gonna get so upset.
可你知道我看了多少次
But you know how many times
她把你气成这样吗
I've seen her make you upset?
可那不是重点
But that's not the point.
你应该跟我一起
You were supposed to
做出高姿态来
stay on the high road with me.
安迪你遇到我的时候我在酒吧
Andi! When you met me, I was in a bar,
醉倒在一桶鸡翅里
passed out in a bowl of chicken wings.
我不会高姿态
I don't do "High road."
可你答应我不掺和的
Okay, but you promised to stay out of it.
我没掺和
I did stay out of it.
我让玛茜来
I just put Marcy into it.
我找到了漏洞
I found a loophole.
不客气
You're welcome.
-我没感谢你 -我希望你感谢我
- I'm not thanking you. - Well, I would like you to.
所以我说了不用谢
That's why I said "You're welcome."
好吧你完全逆着我的要求来
Fine. You did the opposite of what I wanted.
真谢谢你了
Thank you so much.
听起来很假啊
That did not seem genuine.
你就待在老爸身边好吗
You just stay right next to Daddy, okay?
只要你在这里
As long as you're here,
老妈就不会那么大声说话了
Mommy can't do that loud talking the way she wants to.
好吗等她进来知道自己该干什么吗
Okay? So, when she comes in, you know what to do?
装睡卖♥♥萌
Pretend to sleep and look cute.
没错
Exactly. Yeah.
等我听到她进来的时候
Now, when I hear her coming in,
我会说暗号♥ 你就闭上眼睛
I'll say our code word, and you close your eyes.
太好玩了
This is fun.
这样多好啊我们可以
Yeah, isn't it nice that we could...
土豆土豆
Ooh. Potato. Potato.
你来啦
Hi. Shh.
我也想今晚谈谈
I wish we could talk about tonight,
但我不想吵醒睡着的小天使
but we don't want to wake this sleeping angel.
你有什么办法呢
What can you do? Shh.
好吧我猜艾米睡着的话
Well, I guess, if Emme's asleep,
那就吃不了楼下的冰淇凌了
she can't have the ice cream that's downstairs.
艾米你去哪土豆土豆啊
Emme, where you going? Potato. Potato. Potato!
别叫土豆了我没生你的气
Stop shouting vegetables, all right? I'm not mad at you.
你没生气吗
You're not?
没有
No.
一开始气但之后只剩开心了
I mean, at first I was, but then I just kept smiling.
我还不能告诉你
And I can admit this to you
因为你比我好不到哪里去
because you're no better than me,
但听到凯莉说她嫉妒
but hearing Kelly say the words, "I'm jealous,"
这是我等了一辈子的
was what I've waited for my whole life.
我是说我赢了大获全胜全都靠你
I mean, I win. I win so much. And it's all because of you.
好吧我一直都在说
Oh, well, hey, well, you know what I always say.
我是小心眼嫁给我你三生有幸
I'm petty and small, and you're lucky to have me.
没错
I am.
我应该去看看凯莉
You know what, I should go check on Kelly,
看她有没有事
make sure she's okay.
-怎么了 -你就是想去显摆下
-What? u202d- You just want to do a victory lap.
有点想我还没体验过
I kind of do. I've never had one.
听着听着
Look, look.
我们进去她肯定还在伤心
She's still gonna be upset when we go in there,
所以不要内疚别对她道歉
so don't feel bad and start apologizing.
不会我会坚强的
Oh, no, I-I'll be strong.
给她一次机会
You know, just give her a chance
告诉我她有多羡慕我
to talk more about how much she envies me,
然后我们都能睡个好觉了
and then we'll all get a good night's sleep.
你还好吗亲爱的
You okay, sweetie?
挺好的
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
那你想要聊聊现在的感受吗
Well, do you want to talk about some of the stuff you were feeling?
尤其是嫉妒
Specifically the jealousy.
还是想要我们帮你打包
Or maybe you'd like us to help you pack.
你说要上来打包的
You said you were coming up here to pack.
光说不做的话
You don't want to say things and not do 'em.
别人会不喜欢你的
People might start to not like you.
谢谢你们我真的很好
Thanks, guys, but I seriously feel great.
很好吗
You do?
那我们只能走了
Well, then, I guess we'll be going.
晚安
Night.
根本就显摆不了
That was no victory lap.
她看起来一点都不伤心
She didn't seem depressed at all.
说起来的话感觉她身上还有光环
If anything, she had a kind of glow about her.
你知道吗
You know what?
她可能因为我们敲门才假装坚强
She probably pulled it together because we knocked.
我们给她个惊喜
Let's try surprising her.
那是我女儿的浴袍吗
Is that my daughter's robe?
你就注意到这个吗
That's what you notice about this?
我被掏空了
I am spent.
我需要鸡蛋和佳得乐
I need an egg and some Gatorade.
[运动饮料]
解释后你就有得吃年轻人
You can have treats after you explain yourself, young man.
你和那个饼干妹妹怎么回事
What happened to the girl with the nice cookies?
梅兰妮我把她送回家以后
Melanie. I dropped her off,
发现我把手♥机♥落这了
and then I realized I forgot my phone here.
回来发现凯莉站在走廊上
So I came back to find Kelly on the porch.
走廊
On the porch?
她在那里干什么
What was she doing on the porch?
不知道但我直接被卷入了性♥爱♥风暴
I don't know, but I ran straight into a sexual tornado.
太棒了她把我的裤子一下撕掉
It was amazing. She tore my pants off
感觉我像要上场的篮球运动员
like I was a basketball player coming off the bench.
大学的时候她确实对篮球运动员这么做的
Yeah, she did that in college to actual basketball players.
等一下她不是应该
Wait-wait a minute, she was supposed to be
在楼上房♥间里哭吗
upstairs in her room, crying.
在走廊她哭了吗
Was she crying on the porch?
没有她就站在那里
No, she was just standing there
用舌头给樱桃梗打结
tying a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue.
伤心的人不会干这种事