老爸有招

Man with a Plan S03E08

Part 3 April 11, 2020, 12:19 p.m.

Andi!
把那根牛肉干放下
Put down that Slim Jim.
太晚了
Too late.
刚刚并没有太晚了
It wasn't too late.
你看到了我然后吃下去的
You saw me and then you ate it.
现在太晚了
And now it's too late.
别告诉凯特好吗
Just don't tell Kate, okay?
我也不适合吃素
This vegan thing is working for me, too.
今天早上她把耳机拿下来
This morning, she took out an earbud
自愿跟我讲话了她说
and voluntarily spoke to me. She... she said,
可以给我十元钱吗
"Can I have ten dollars?"
我不会告诉凯蒂的
I'm not gonna tell Katie
因为我享受站在道德制高点上
because I enjoy having the moral high ground.
这边风景独好是我从来没见过的
The view's nice, I've never been up here before.
妈妈非常感谢你
Hey, Mom, thank you so much
给我买♥♥了那些草莓零食棒
for buying me those strawberry snack bars.
亲爱的不用谢
Oh, honey, you're welcome.
不我是认真的你对我的支持很重要
No, seriously, it means a lot that you support my choices.
你妈妈刚刚吃了牛肉干
Your mom ate a Slim Jim.
-什么 -没错
- What? - u202dYeah.
她嚼都没嚼像海豹吞鱼一样吞下去了
She barely chewed it, she was like a seal with a fish.
妈妈
Oh, Mom.
你妈妈的背叛让你一定感到很难过
Your mother's betrayal must be very hard for you.
来吧抱抱就好了
Come on, let's hug it out.
我没有那么生气
Well, I'm not that upset.
不这是为了你好
No, no, it's for your own good.
好了大唐在后面准备好了
Okay, Don's all set up in the back
录制艾米的演出
to record Emme's recital.
他那么高没有人能挡住他
He's so tall, no one can block him.
他就像长颈鹿举着摄影机
He's like a giraffe with a camera.
别一副天下太平的样子
Don't act like everything's fine.
你把我出♥卖♥♥♥给了凯蒂
You sold me out to Kate.
我是迫不得已的
I had to.
在她去上大学之前拥抱的数量是有限的
There's only a limited amount of hugs until she goes to college.
我只能抓住一切机会
I'm getting as many as I can.
那我呢
What about me?
你没关系在母乳喂养的那些年里嗯
You're fine, the breastfeeding years
你得到的拥抱已经够多了
were like one long hug for you.
现在轮到我了
It's my time.
没错我们在吵架
Yes, we're arguing,
但是生活很复杂因为我们吃素
but life is complicated for us because we're vegan.
对没错彻底吃素
Yeah, that's right, full-blown vegan.
我们某些人是她背叛了我
Well, some of us are. She cheated on me.
吃了牛肉干
With jerky.
我已经回到正路上
And I am back on the wagon.
今天我给泰迪和艾米做了鸡肉
Yeah, I made a chicken for Teddy and Emme today,
我一点都没有吃
I wasn't even tempted.
我把鸡胗留着做安迪肉饼
I saved the gizzards for Andi Patties.
下一位艾米·伯恩斯
Next up, Emme Burns.
她来了这是我们的女儿
Oh, there she is. That's our daughter.
她不吃素
She's not a vegan.
这是一桩好生意
This is a great gig.
我帮那些矮个子妈妈录她们的孩子演出
I just made 40 bucks charging short moms
已经挣了40元了
to videotape their kids.
大唐这是我孩子的学校
Don, this is my kid's school.
应该分我一半
I should get half.
看看这个
Look at this.
我终于被弗兰克的烧烤选中了我却不能吃
I finally get picked for Frank's barbecue and I can't have it.
就像我的高中老师
It's like when my high school teacher
在我结婚之后勾搭我
hit on me after I was married.
泡泡老师让代数都变得性感了
Ah, Miss Popovich. She made algebra sexy.
我穿了四年的背心没效果
I wore a tank top for four years, nothing.
结婚六个月她来了
Married six months, here she comes.
我发信息说我不去吃肋排了
I'll just text and say I don't want the ribs.
别这样我去吃
Whoa, don't do that. I'll take them.
如果你想吃自己去取
Well, if you want them, go get them yourself.
我取不了他们会查身份证
I can't, they check your ID.
拜托你欠我的
Ugh. u202dCome on, you owe me.
是你把我的肋排扔进垃圾桶了我没吃到
You threw my ribs in the garbage. I didn't get any.
那只浣熊吃独食
Raccoons don't share.
好吧我去
Okay, fine, I'll go,
但是不能让安迪知道
but Andi can never know.
我把她偷吃牛肉干的事告密了
I snitched on her for sneaking jerky
她正想办法报复呢
and she's looking for revenge.
你们真是一对奇怪的夫妇
You guys have a weird marriage.
-拜托了 -好吧我掩护你
- Will you please? - Okay, I'll cover for you.
你就告诉安迪我回家上厕所了
Okay, just, uh, oh, tell Andi I went home to use the bathroom.
我吃素她会相信的
I'm a vegan, she'll believe it.
艾米去朋友家住了亚当呢
Okay, Emme went to a sleepover. Where's Adam?
他碰到了吃素的麻烦
Oh, he was having vegan problems,
回家上厕所了
so he went home to use the bathroom.
他为什么不去这里的厕所
Why wouldn't he use the bathroom here?
因为他想半路去
Well, because he wanted to stop on the way
给艾米买♥♥束花
and get Emme flowers
因为这场演奏会太精彩了
because the recital was so good.
现在我知道你是撒谎了
Okay, now I know you're lying.
他在哪里
Where is he?
好吧他去和高中老师睡觉了
Fine, he's sleeping with his high school teacher.
大唐
Don.
好吧他中了烧烤彩票
Okay, okay, he won the barbecue lottery.
去买♥♥肋排了
He went to pick up the ribs.
你一定是在开玩笑吧
Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
圣人先生居然去买♥♥肋排
Mister Holier-Than-Thou is getting ribs
而我就因为吃了一根落在背包里
while-while I'm an outcast
全是毛的牛肉干被驱逐了
for eating a hairy, backpack Slim Jim?
他不是买♥♥给自己吃的是给我买♥♥的
He's not getting them for himself, he's giving them to me.
得了吧大唐我们都很了解
Come on, Don, we both know better.
他抵御不了烧烤的诱惑
He can't resist barbecue.
他第一次和那些肋排单独在车里
His first time alone in the car with those ribs
就像第一次和我单独在车里一样
will be like his first time alone in a car with me.
会喘着粗气动手动脚
Lots of grabbing, heavy breathing,
车窗里会升起雾气
and windows steaming up.
-他不能这样对我的肋排 -我们走
- He's not doing that to my ribs. - u202dLet's go.
你尽情散发你的美味吧我要把你送给大唐
Smell good all you want, I'm taking you to Don's.
我是为了凯蒂和安妮·孵蛋薇
I'm doing this for Katie and Anne Hatch-away,
还有牛牛·帕特里克·哈里斯
and Veal Patrick Harris.
我这是在骗谁我控制不了自己
Aw, who am I kidding? I can't control myself.
这就像我第一次单独和安迪在车里
This is just like my first time alone in the car with Andi.
对不起凯蒂
I'm sorry, Katie.
我看到他的车了他一定和肋排在这里
I saw his truck. He's here with those ribs.
我闻到了肉就在附近
I smell it. The meat is near.
干得好大唐真乖
Good boy, Don, good boy.
经典的肉食小睡
Classic meat nap.
看他多幸福
Look how happy he is.
我去把水管拿来
I'm going to get the hose.
等等安迪我们别忘了最重要的是什么
Wait, Andi, let's remember what's important here.
好吧这根给他了
Okay, let him have it.
好吧对不起我吃了肋排
Okay, I'm sorry I ate the ribs.
批评我吧是我活该
Lay it on me, I deserve it.
不你知道吗这就说得通了
No, you know what? This makes sense
因为在今天的几个小时之前
'cause for a couple hours today I was thinking
我以为你比我强我就想
you were better than me, and then I was like,
这样不对劲看看对劲了
"Well, that can't be right." And look, it's not.
重点是我当不了素食主义者
The thing is, I can't be a vegan.
这就像让哥斯拉别去祸害东京一样
It's like asking Godzilla not to stomp on Tokyo.
他必须去做这就是他
He has to do it, it's who he is.
你会告诉凯特吗
You gonna tell Kate?
我会不能让她拥抱谎言
Well, yeah, I can't let her hug a lie.
应该告诉她真♥相♥ 我现在就去告诉她
She deserves the truth. I'll-I'll go tell her now.
或许你可以给她
Hey, maybe bring her
拿一些草莓零食棒贿赂她一下