老爸有招
Man with a Plan
第三季
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老爸有招
Man with a Plan S03E03
Part 1
April 11, 2020, 12:18 p.m.
然后我就跟我的眼科医生说
So, then I said to the eye doctor,
我看不见了 我看不见了
"I can't see it. I can't see it.
我看见了 可又不见了
I can see it. It's gone again."
然后他说我非常特别
And he said I was very special,
可能有资格申请一只服务犬
and I might be eligible for a service dog.
好故事 妈
Great story, Ma.
-这才过了12分钟 -对
- And that clocked in at just under 12 minutes. - Yeah.
然后她就跟所有人都说了
And she's told it to everybody--
超♥市♥的 药店的
the grocer, the pharmacist,
为她拉门的可怜人
some poor bastard who was holding the door for her. Shh.
我贴心的老公在这里
Hey, there's my thoughtful husband.
行了 直说吧
All right, what is it?
她上次夸我贴心
Last time she called me thoughtful,
我就得从下水道里掏出一坨头发
I had to clean a pound of hair out of the drain.
朱利安这个孩子要来跟艾米玩
That kid Julian is coming over for a playdate with Emme,
但是我要带凯特去看医生
but I have to take Kate to the doctor,
你得照顾她们
so you have to watch them.
亲爱的 我们不是说好不和朱利安玩了么
Honey, I thought we agreed no more Julian.
那个小孩太坏了
That kid's the worst.
也许他来这里玩的时候
Well, maybe while he's here,
看到这里的人这么好
he'll see how nice people behave,
会被感化了呢
and it'll rub off on him.
对 只有当妈的能说出这话
Yeah, only a mom would say that.
冠冕堂皇的谎话连篇
It's sweet and packed full of lies.
爸爸了解的更多
Dads know better.
乔 爸爸妈妈是没有分别的
Joe, there's no difference between moms and dads.
你刚刚是翻白眼了吗
Did you just roll your eyes?
没有 我就是试试
No, no, I was making sure
眼球活动没有问题
all the light bulbs are working.
好的 我知道如今这些话可能过时了
Okay, I know it's not popular to say these days,
但确实有父亲更擅长的东西
but there are some things dads are better at.
事实上 我们这么讨人厌
The fact that we're so annoying
你们还要嫁给我们 就证明了这一点
and you keep marrying us proves my point.
之所以会嫁给你们 是因为我们是乐观主义者
We keep marrying you because we're optimists
还有就是罐头盖太紧了
and they make the lids on pickle jars too tight.
他不是说爸爸比妈妈优秀
Well, he-he's not saying dads are better than moms.
你不是这个意思 对吧
You're not saying that, are you?
我说的是爸爸有些方面比妈妈优秀
I said dads are better at some things.
妈妈在某些方面也更优秀
Okay, moms are better at some things, too.
好的 比如什么
Okay. Like what?
千万别说做饭打扫 儿子
Don't say cooking and cleaning, boy.
好的 如果我们是一样的
Okay, uh, if we're the same,
你愿意去处理屋顶上的死松鼠吗
would you like to take care of that dead squirrel on the roof?
我绝对愿意 但我看见猫头鹰带着它飞走了
I would totally do it, but I saw an owl fly away with it.
我知道那是猫头鹰妈妈
And I know it was a mom owl
因为她处理得非常霸气
because she handled it like a boss
还不会花两个小时来炫耀
and then didn't spend the next two hours bragging about it.
我说得对吧
Am I right?
哦 击个掌 好玩
Oh, high five. Fun.
抱歉 我迟到了
Sorry I'm late.
我在视频网上找到个频道 都是猫揍狗的视频
I found a YouTube channel of cats punching dogs.
比鸡穿裤子还好吗
Is it better than chickens wearing pants?
我不想站队
I don't want to get political.
现在大唐来了
Now that Don is here,
我们聊聊你的膝盖手术吧
I think we should talk about your knee surgery. u202d
就剩几个星期了
It's in a couple of weeks,
医生说应该雇一位家庭护理护士
and the doctor said he should hire a home health care nurse
照顾他的恢复阶段 可他不同意
for during the rehab, but he won't agree.
我不想让陌生人进我家
I don't want some stranger in my house
翻我的东西
going through my stuff.
什么东西 你是说一罐五分钱吗
What stuff? You mean that jug of nickels?
等世道艰险了
Hey, when the world goes to hell,
拥有五分钱罐的人 会活得逍遥自在的
the guy with the jug of nickels is gonna be living like a king.
我有一瓶一角前的 更小 更值钱
I got a can of dimes. Smaller and twice the value.
你是乖孩子 小唐
You're a good boy, Donny.
关于护士的问题
So, about this nurse...
我不想听任何有关护士的事
I'm not listening to any more of this nurse stuff.
我去跟电视过了
I'll be with the TV.
起码按下静音键 它就安静了
When I push mute, it stops talking.
他是真的走了 还是我眼睛看不见他
Did he really leave, or can I just not see him?
他去翻沙发找五分钱硬币去了
He's going through the couch, looking for nickels.
乔 你找到的得分我一半
Hey, Joe, I get half of whatever you find.
小伙子们
Boys,
你们的爸爸需要帮助
your dad's gonna need help,
我跟他说不明白了
and I can't get him to listen to reason.
当初他用医用大♥麻♥的时候
He was much easier to control
好掌控多了
when he was getting that medical marijuana.
他的卖♥♥家都85了
Well, his dealer was 85.
也该退休了
It was time to retire.
得有人去说服他请个护士
Someone needs to talk him into getting a nurse,
只有一个坐在这里的人 跟他说他会听
and there's one person at this table he'll listen to.
-妈 -妈
- Oh, Ma. - Oh, Ma.
所以我需要他最爱的儿子
That's why I need help
来帮他这个忙 大唐
from his favorite son... Don.
什么
What?
躲过一劫
Dodged that bullet.
这枚子弹在我耳边呼啸而过 打在了你身上
I heard it whistle past my ear, and then it hit you.
因为你是他的乖儿子 小唐
'Cause you're a good boy, Donny.
那个怪孩子在盯着你
Hey, that weird kid's looking at you.
好啊 朱利安
Hello, Julian.
听着 朋友
Listen, buddy.
让你的孩子们把秋千让给我
Tell your kids to give me the swing.
这个嘛 朋友 你刚刚玩过了
Well, buddy, you just had your turn,
现在轮到艾米了
and it's Emme's turn now.
我不管 我现在就想玩
I don't care. I want to swing now.
我们有共同点呢
Hey, we have something in common.
我也不管
I don't care, either.
你这个呆瓜
You're a butthead.
你才是呆瓜
You're a butthead.
二对一
Two against one.
看来呆瓜是你
I guess you're a butthead.
我真的很不喜欢那个小孩
I really don't like that kid.
他还挺会呛声的
He does have some good comebacks. u202d
你说
So, listen,
我该怎么让老爸接受一个家庭护士
how am I supposed to get Dad to agree to a home nurse?
祝你好运吧 他一旦决定了 就从不会改
Good luck. He never changes his mind about anything.
他还会把租来的电影还到影像店去
He still drops his film at the Foto Hut
虽然那里早就变成了冻酸奶店
even though it's a frozen yogurt place now.
你们来这里干嘛
Hey, what are you doing here?
轮到你们玩了
It's still your turn.
朱利安把我从秋千上推下来了
Julian pushed me off the swing.
什么 泰迪 你看到了吗
What? Teddy, did you see this?
看到了 他一下就把她推下去了
Yeah, he pushed her right off.
你却什么都没做
And you didn't do anything?
我是爱心人士 不是斗士
I'm a lover, not a fighter.
够了 不能让朱利安以为
Okay, Julian can't think
可以随便推你妹妹
pushing your little sister is okay.
幸好 爸爸在这里
Good thing there's a dad here.
泰迪
Teddy...
把他按倒在地
...put him on the ground.
我觉得妈妈不会
I don't think Mom...
妈妈不在
Mom is not here.
把他按倒在地
Put him on the ground.
行吧
Okay.
你推我
Hey, you pushed me!
他成功了
He did it.
我儿子为妹妹出头了
My son defended his sister.
别看我 大唐 我不想你看见我哭
Turn away, Don. You might see me cry.
老爸有招 第三季第三集
小奶油豆 爸爸让泰迪去把朱利安
So, Butterbean, Daddy was totally right
推倒在地 是完全正确的
老爸有招
Man with a Plan
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