老爸有招

Man with a Plan S03E03

Part 2 April 11, 2020, 12:18 p.m.

to tell Teddy to put Julian on the ground.
但是这种事情是妈妈不能理解的
But that's not the kind of thing that Mommy'd understand.
所以让我们玩一个小游戏
Okay, so, let's play a little game
看看谁把这个秘密守得最久
and see who can keep this secret the longest.
我觉得我可以将这个秘密带进坟墓
I bet I can keep it until I die.
-会很好的 -对
- This is gonna be fun. - Yeah.
好的泰迪在哪我也得跟他说
Okay, now, where's Teddy? I have to tell him, too.
他在外面打篮球呢
He's outside playing basketball. Okay.
然后我把朱利安推倒在地
And then I put Julian on the ground,
完全是照爸爸的吩咐做的对吧老爸
just like Dad told me to. Right, Dad?
孩子们上楼我跟你们老爸有话说
Kids, go upstairs. I need to talk to your father.
我们到底在几岁才有资格
Okay, when are we gonna be old enough
参与这种事情啊
to stay for one of these?
我总有一天是要结婚的
I'm gonna be married someday,
我得知道这时候该怎么做
and I need to know how to do it.
我上楼去
I'm going.
你让泰迪推了朱利安
You told Teddy to push Julian?
对我说了
Yes, I did.
我们不应该推别人
But we don't push people.
对你不应该因为你是妈妈
No, you don't, 'cause you're a mom.
拜托加入爸爸的队伍
Come on, join the dads.
这边很好玩的我们会推人
It's fun over here. We push people.
爸妈之间没有差别
There is no difference between moms and dads.
这件事你就相信我好吗
Look, will you just trust me on this?
我处理了现在是老爸管的时间
I handled it. It's dad time now.
好但这件事你迟早会被打脸
Okay, but this is gonna blow up in your face. u202dHmm. Wha...?
等来的时候我就说我早告诉过你
And when it does, I'm gonna say "I told you so,"
这种事是我们妈妈擅长的
'cause that's something moms are good at.
我认为我是造福了社会
I think I did society a favor.
现在有太多不自知的傻瓜
There's too many people walking around out there
走在大街上
who don't know they're boneheads
因为他们小时候没被人推倒在地过
because they didn't get put on the ground as kids.
你小时候被人推倒在地过吗
Did you get put on the ground as a kid?
当然了
Of course I did.
可你现在怎么还是傻瓜
And yet you're still a bonehead.
我是很有道理的
My point stands.
-不过这个吐槽相当好 -一个好槽
- But that was a good one. - That was a good one, yeah.
确实很不错
Yeah, that was a good one.
我必须提前跟你说一下
So, I have to warn you.
我爸并不是很同意找护士
My dad's not real keen on getting a nurse.
也许你应该先把工作服脱了
Maybe you should take off those scrubs
别让乔进来就开始拒绝
so Joe isn't put off when he walks in.
我觉得他看到一个半裸的护士
Oh, I think he might be more put off
会拒绝得更厉害
by a topless male nurse.
你的简历很好
Your résumé looks good.
十年经验口碑也很好
Ten years experience, rave recommendations.
上面写着趣奇什么意思
At the top it says Funchy. What's that?
就是我
Oh, that's me.
我的名字里就有趣
I've got "Fun" Right in my name.
还有奇
And "Chi."
乔来了
Oh, here comes Joe.
交给我们来谈
Let us do the talking.
我们是把他骗来这里的
We had to trick him to get him to come down here.
好啊
Hey.
他就是卖♥♥可口可乐秘方的人吗
Is this the guy selling the secret recipe for Coca-Cola?
其实我们让你来是见见趣奇
Uh, we actually brought you here to meet Funchy,
一位可以照顾手术后的你的家庭护理护士
a home health care nurse for after your knee surgery.
没错听我说
All right, listen up.
我会用你
I'm gonna talk to you
和别人说话的方式跟你说
the same way you talk to everybody else.
就是这个人他是你的护士
This is the guy. He's your nurse,
不许发牢骚
so no bellyaching.
-好吧你赢了 -好的
- Okay, you win. - Okay.
我去买♥♥个饮料
I'll just grab a drink,
然后开始面试吧
and then we can start the interview.
然后他就跑出门去这个套路真的很完美
Then he just walks out the door. It was the perfect trick.
没什么套路可言啊
It doesn't sound like much of a trick.
他只是撒个谎跑了
He just lied and left.
因为简单才完美
Well, the simplicity is what made it perfect.
就像冰它只是冻上的水
It's like ice. It's just frozen water,
却改变了世界
but it changed the world.
爸
Dad,
泰迪用了我的睫毛膏
Teddy was using my mascara brush
给自己涂了假胸毛
to make it look like he had chest hair.
我只是想看看长胸毛什么样
I just wanted to see what it's gonna look like on me.
会非常好看
It's gonna look so good,
好看到后背也长毛都不介意
you won't mind that's it's also on your back.
嘿
Oh, hey.
你大唐叔叔告诉我你把一个小孩推倒了
Your Uncle Don told me you pushed a kid down.
-好了不要再教育我了 -不是不是
- All right, I don't need any more lectures. u202d- No, no.
我很骄傲他总是有点软弱
I'm proud. He always seemed a little soft.
下次直接打喉咙
Next time, go for the windpipe.
喘不了气就没战斗力了
You can't fight if you can't breathe.
等等你同意我的做法
Wait, so you agree with me?
因为安迪非常反对这件事
Because Andi came out pretty strong against it.
她很软弱就像泰迪以前也是
She's soft, just like Teddy used to be.
真是我的好孩子
Oh, there's my boy.
我都听说了
I heard about what happened,
想把我的旧拳套送给你
and I wanted to give you my old boxing gloves.
如果需要速战速决这里面有个洞
If you need it to be over quick, there's a hole inside
你可以放几块电池进去
where you can slip in a couple of batteries.
好了好了别这么说老爸
All right, all right, take it easy, champ.
谢谢爷爷
Thanks, Grandpa.
凯特想不想上楼
Hey, Kate, you want to go upstairs
看我被揍一拳什么效果
and see if I can take a punch?
好啊
Yeah, all right.
各位好
Hey, guys.
这是什么情况
What's the occasion?
情况就是大家都同意我的做法
Well, the occasion is everybody agrees with me
让泰迪去把那个小孩推倒在地
about Teddy putting that kid on the ground.
没错你说这件事上我迟早会被打脸
Yeah. You said it was gonna blow up in my face,
但现在你看看我的脸
but the only thing on my face
洋溢着做对了事的笑容
is a big smile from being right.
难道只有我还保持着理智吗
Am I really the only voice of reason around here?
我也不想这样但话又说回来了
I hate to say it, but this all comes back to
在有些事上爸爸确实比妈妈做得好
dads are just better at some stuff than moms.
这话根本说不通
It doesn't even make sense.
玛茜同意你的看法可她是妈妈
Marcy agrees with you, and she's a mom.
抱歉这跟性别无关
Sorry. It's not the gender.
主要在于夫妻之间的关系
It's how your relationship works.
我们的关系里他才是妈妈
And in our relationship, he's the mom.
说得好爹地大人
You tell 'em, Big Daddy.
你说服爸爸接受护士了吗
Did you get Dad to agree to that nurse yet?
还是他又跟你玩了一次《碟中谍》
Or did he pull another Mission: Impossible
直接从你面前走掉了
and just walk out right in front of you?
别担心我我手里还是有两把刷子的
Don't worry about me. I still got a few tricks up my sleeve.
是吗你要是不给爸请护士
Yeah? If you don't get dad a nurse,
你只能放下手里的那两把刷子
the only thing up your sleeve is gonna be sudsy water
然后拿海绵给爸搓澡了
when you're giving Dad a sponge bath.
要不这些简历我留着吧
Maybe I'll hold on to these nurse résumés.
我现在单身了要是我出什么事
Now that I'm single, I don't have anyone
没有人能照顾我
to take care of me if something happens.
再说有个人陪也不错
Plus, the company would be nice.
真希望有那种面向单身男性的服务
I wish they had a thing for single guys
就是可以掏钱请人
where you could pay someone
在孤单的夜晚陪伴你
to hang out with you on lonely nights.
有这个服务
They have that.
是啊你还可以要求对方穿护士服
Yeah, they'll even dress up like a nurse if you want.
嗨
Hi.
亲爱的
Hi, honey.
你今天居然还来上班了