老爸有招

Man with a Plan S03E11

Part 2 April 11, 2020, 12:20 p.m.

我能接手吗帽子在哪里
Can I take over now? Where's the hat?
不行
No, no, no.
这是我第一年当队长
This is my first year as captain.
肯定会有一些波折的
There were bound to be some bumps.
这只是一个小小的妻子管理问题好吗
This is just a small wife management issue. Okay?
我告诉她洛厄尔会去的时候
When I told her Lowell was going,
她说听起来很好玩
she said it sounded fun.
谁说的"好玩" 你说的"好玩"吗
Who said "Fun"? You said "Fun"?
-我没说"好玩" -肯定有人说了"好玩"
- I didn't say "Fun." - Somebody said "Fun,"
这个人必须付出代价
And somebody's gonna pay for it.
我没说"好玩" 我就说了"洛厄尔"
I didn't say "Fun." I just said "Lowell."
那么有个很简单的解决方式
Well, then, there's an easy solution.
不要邀请洛厄尔了
Uninvite Lowell.
抱歉孩子我们不熟
Sorry, kid, but I barely know you.
不行
No!
这位先生你搞出来的事你自己解决
You screwed this up, you fix it, mister.
这次旅行我去定了为了这次旅行
I'm going on this trip. I already went out
我已经按大唐的说法喝了很多酒
and got all the shots Don told me I needed.
什么酒
What shots?
既然邀请了新人
Why invite the new guy
就应该适当开点玩笑
if you can't goof around a little?
你得赶紧想办法解决
Well, you need to turn this thing around and fast.
怎么解决
How?
现在再说无聊肯定不行了
Well, boring's not gonna work anymore
因为安迪知道我就是开心果
because Andi knows I'm a delight.
我走过的地方都会好玩就像雨后会有彩虹
Fun follows me like a rainbow follows rain.
你别邀请安迪了
Just uninvite Andi.
不行我还不想离婚
I can't do that. I want to stay married.
那我们的唯一选择就是全部取消
Well, then, our only choice is to call the whole thing off.
什么
What?
我可不想因为我毁了这次旅行
I don't want to be the guy that killed the trip.
旅行毁灭者队长似乎不太开心
Captain Trip Killer seems upset.
什么我能解决的好吗
What? I can fix this, okay?
我能想到办法
I-I'll figure out a way
我可以说服安迪让她不想去
to convince Andi she doesn't want to go.
那你最好尽快说服她
Well, then, you better get to her
因为她会跟我们的妻子说
before she blabs to our wives.
那样她们都会想去
Then they'll want to go.
说得对别说话了赶紧行动吧
You heard him. Quit talking about it and go do it.
如果这事砸了那就是你的责任兄弟
If this thing goes south, it's on you, buddy boy.
大个头给我拿杯酒
Hey, stretch, get me a drink.
我现在开始喜欢你了
I'm starting to like you.
亚当狗熊袭击的时候还是你最后一个走
Adam, you're back to last man out if there's a bear attack.
熊
Bears.
想到了安迪很讨厌熊我可以利用这一点
That's it. Andi hates bears. I can use that.
安迪你要一起去旅行我太开心了
Andi, I was so excited you're coming on the trip,
我给你买♥♥了必需品
I got you some essential supplies.
你一定会需要的第一件物品防熊喷雾
First thing you will need for sure: bear spray.
防熊喷雾
Bear spray?
没错那里到处都是熊
Oh, yeah, there's bears everywhere.
只能希望在防熊喷雾用完之前
You just got to hope you run out of bears
熊已经没有了
before you run out of spray.
可是我很讨厌熊
Yeah, but I hate bears.
我怎么不知道
I didn't know that.
那我给你支个招
Okay, here's a tip.
如果熊追着你跑你就往湖里跑
If they chase you, run into the lake.
这样你就只需要担心水蛭即可
Then all you have to worry about are the leeches.
我也讨厌水蛭
I hate leeches, too.
天哪我今天加深了对你的了解
Man, I am learning so much about you.
你之前从来没提过这些
You know, you never mentioned any of this.
你只说旅行会特别无聊
All you ever said was it was boring.
就是大段大段的无聊
Well, there are long periods of boredom,
但是也会有偶尔的恐怖时刻
but they're interrupted by moments of pure terror!
我好希望能与你一起共享
I can't wait to share that with you.
亲爱的旅行可以不必这样的
Well, you know, honey, the trip doesn't have to be like this.
我去官网看了下天气
I went to the lake website to check the weather,
然后我注意到那里有一家酒店很不错
and, um, it turns out that there is a nice hotel
大厅里还放了钢琴可以跟着唱
with a piano in the lobby for sing-alongs.
我打算提前订一首曲子
I'm gonna order the sheet music
律政俏佳人原声带
for Legally Blonde: The Musical.
看来已经确定了
So, it's official.
你一定会去太好了
You're going. Fantastic.
但是我坚决地认为
Uh, but I definitely think
我们不应该告诉我妈和玛茜
we shouldn't tell my mom and Marcy
因为我觉得她们一定不会喜欢
because I have a feeling they'd hate it.
你可以相信我我是队长
You can trust me. I'm a captain.
这就有问题了
Well, that could be a problem.
你要是去的话我也去
If you're going, I'm going.
那我也去
I'm going, too.
好吧
Yeah.
不知道他们是不是知道你们要去了
I wonder if the guys know their wives are going yet.
玛茜和贝芙都特别激动
Yeah. I mean, Marcy and Bev were so excited,
她们直接回家去跟他们说了
they ran right home to tell them.
看到了
Huh. Yep.
十个未接来电
Ten missed calls.
你到底做了什么
What the hell did you do?
玛茜已经收拾了一行李箱的桌游
Marcy already packed a suitcase full of board games.
她们要用《你画我猜》玩死我们
They're gonna Pictionary us to death.
突然之间离婚成了我的优势
All of a sudden, being divorced is working in my favor.
这下谁哭了
Who's crying now?
还是我在哭但我只是洗澡时哭
Well, still me, but only in the shower.
整件事情已经完全崩坏了
This whole thing has gone catawampus.
看来你之前说得对我们只能取消了
I guess you were right. We just have to cancel.
来不及了现在取消
Too late. If we cancel now,
妻子们肯定会知道是因为她们
the wives will know it's because they're going.
那么事情很清楚了
Then it's official.
亚当再一次永久地毁掉了一切
Adam ruined everything, forever and ever.
你希望我怎么办
What do you want me to do, huh?
走进湖里让水蛭把我吃掉吗
Walk into the lake and let the leeches take me?
还是应该全身沾满蜂蜜
Or should I dunk myself in honey
让狗熊把我撕碎
and let the bears have their way with me?
你有很多种死法
There's a lot of ways you can do it.
别只想两种
Don't just think of two.
我还希望有人会说 "不必自责"
I was hoping someone would say, "Don't feel bad."
现在说也来得及
Even if you said it now would help.
-等等我想到了 -说来听听
- Wait, I have an idea. - Let's hear it.
唯一拯救这次旅行的办法
The only way to salvage this thing
就是收回对所有妻子的邀请
is to uninvite all the wives.
然后我们再把责任推到另外两个男人身上
Then we each blame it on the other two guys.
你可以回头把帽子送到我家
You can deliver the hat to my house later.
不行的她们彼此之间会聊天
That won't work. They talk to each other.
很快就会发现我们在撒谎
They'll realize we were just lying.
不她们不会提起因为她们会觉得难过
No, they won't bring it up 'cause they'll feel bad
另外两个人的丈夫心思太坏了
the other ladies' husbands are so rotten.
我理解假如玛茜觉得
I get it. Like, if Marcy thinks
是安迪和贝芙的丈夫有问题
Andi and Bev have rotten husbands,
她就不会主动提起除非她们说起
she won't bring it up unless they do.
但她们都不会提起因为她们都以为
But they won't bring it up because each of them thinks
是别人的丈夫有问题
the other two have rotten husbands.
但她们不知道的是我们都有问题
What they don't know is we're all rotten.
我去这招很厉害
Damn, that's good.
什么肯定行不通的
What? That'll never work.
你看不懂是因为
You don't see it because
这是更高级别的妻子管理
this is a whole new level of wife management.
你玩的是跳棋而大唐玩的是国际象棋
You're playing checkers while Donny is playing chess.
我不这样认为
I don't think so.
我跟大唐下过象棋
I've played chess with Don.
他每次动马的时候还会模仿马蹄声
He makes clip-clop noises when he moves the horse.
我们已经想出了计划
Look, we've got a plan.
你是参加还是不参加
Are you in or are you out?