老爸有招

Man with a Plan S03E09

Part 3 April 11, 2020, 12:19 p.m.

You just want to parade me around that gym
把我像马戏团的动物一样展览
in front of your gal pals like a show pony.
现在我可以带着你去公园
Well, now I can parade you
展示给我那群女性朋友看了
in front of my gal pals at the park.
我现在真的好希望一只老鹰把我抓走
At this point, I just hope a hawk flies off with me.
这是什么
Oh, what's this?
你看是医生给你的拉伸训练
Why, it's the stretching exercises the doctor gave you.
第一项训练站起来
Exercise number one: get up.
你得接受我的新生活方式
Hey, you need to embrace my new lifestyle.
你一直都想要一只猫
Hey, you always wanted a cat.
你就把我当成一只猫
Think of me as a cat
我还能天气预报呢
that can tell you the weather.
要不这样吧
Hey, how about this? u202dHmm.
不如我们上楼玩闹一下
Maybe we go upstairs and fool around.
你最喜欢这样锻炼了
That's your favorite exercise.
我觉得我应该做不了这种事了
I don't think I'll be doing much of that anymore.
整个身体都跟后背连着包括前面
Everything is connected to the back. Even the front.
好了我决定了
All right. That's it.
亚当我希望你去参加摩托车旅行
Adam, I want you to go on this motorcycle trip.
-什么 -只要你按照医嘱做拉伸训练
- What? - u202dIf you do the stretches that the doctor gave you
后背情况好转我没意见
and your back gets better, I am fine with it.
你不是担心我会受伤吗
I thought you were worried I'd get hurt.
好吧现在比起你的身体
Yeah, well, now I'm more worried about your mind
我更担心你的大脑
than I am your body.
你刚才居然拒绝了白日欢爱
You just turned down daytime sex.
通常情况只要我保持不动
I mean, usually, if I just stop moving,
你就觉得是在邀请你
you take it as a go sign.
才没有
Not true.
你睡觉的时候我就不会打扰你
I pretty much leave you alone when you're sleeping.
我想要回我的丈夫
I want my husband back.
你是亚当·伯恩斯好吗
You are Adam Burns. Okay?
去年国♥庆♥节的时候
The man who, last Fourth of July,
你忘记涂防晒霜
forgot to put on sunscreen
但还是让女儿坐在了你通红的肩膀上
but still held his daughter on his bright red shoulders
好让她看到烟花
so she could see the fireworks.
是啊她要下来的时候
Yeah. When she got down,
就想揭掉两张巨型创可贴
it was like peeling off two giant Band-Aids.
是啊但是你做到了
Yeah, but you did it.
说得对我做到了
You're damn right I did.
你以前从来没认输过
You've never backed down before,
这次也不能认输赶紧起来
and you are not gonna back down now, so get up.
我这就起来
I'm getting up!
扶我起来
Get me up!
我要开始做那些拉伸训练
And I'm gonna start doing those exercises.
没错你不老
Yeah, yeah, you're not old.
你只是成熟了就像优质芝士
You're just aged, like a good cheese.
赶紧动起来吧
So get moving.
一周后
你在喝蛋白奶昔吗
Having a protein shake?
不是是巧克力奶昔
Uh, chocolate shake.
这是我应得的
I've earned it.
我今天自己穿上了袜子
I put on my own socks today.
真为你感到自豪
I am so proud.
等等还有更精彩的
Well, wait, it gets better.
我还去看了医生医生说我的身体没问题了
I also went to the doctor and got a clean bill of health.
他还让我为爸偷走的东西付钱
Plus, a bill for some stuff Dad stole.
我要去体验魔鬼排气管了
I'm riding the Devil's Tailpipe, baby.
你要去做这么疯狂的事
I can't believe I'm this excited about
我居然这么兴奋
you doing something so insane.
不会很疯狂的放心
u202dAh, but it won't be. No.
我和大唐租了两辆越野摩托车
Don and I rented a couple dirt bikes
打算提前练一下
to train on so we'll be ready.
你和大唐要是租了生日蛋糕提前练过的话
If only you and Don had rented a birthday cake to train on,
就不会有现在的这一切了
none of this would've happened.
准备好出发了吗
Yo. Ready to ride?
我们就在小区附近转几圈
We're just going around the block.
你为什么要穿得像金刚战士一样
Why are you dressed like a Power Ranger?
你为什么要穿得像建筑师巴布
Why are you dressed like Bob the Builder?
好吧休战
Okay, truce.
-开始吧 -好
- Let's do this. u202d- Yeah.
我回来了
I'm back!
我的背
My back!
你还好吗
Are you okay?
你撞车了吗
D-Did you crash?
我转了一下头想换个车道
I turned my head to change lanes.
然后就撞车了吗
And then you crashed?
没有但是我感觉背抽了一下
No, but I felt my back tighten up.
-然后你就撞车了 -我没有撞车
- And then you crashed? - No, there was no crash!
我转头的时候扭伤了后背
I turned my head and threw my back out.
生日蛋糕的事重演了
It was the birthday cake all over again.
他突然就减速了
All of a sudden, he slowed down.
一个骑三轮车的孩子超了他他就直接停下来了
Kid on a tricycle blew by him, then he just wobbled to a stop.
真是难以直视
It was hard to watch.
我想忘掉摩托车旅行再也不要提了
I want to forget the bike trip and never talk about it again.
它也死了就像德国泡菜一样
It's dead to me, like sauerkraut!
-亚当我很遗憾 -那我怎么办
- Adam, I'm so sorry. - Well, what about me?
我还得走回摩托车那边去
I got to walk back to get his bike.
我穿成这样却没有骑摩托
When you're in a suit like this with no motorcycle under you,
会被人狠狠奚落的
people say hurtful things.
这是肌肉止痛膏
Here's your muscle rub
还有几片阿司匹林
and some aspirin.
或者按你♥爸♥的说法这是早午餐
Or as your dad calls it, brunch.
谢谢也许我吃完就能动了
Thanks. Maybe that'll help get me moving.
抱歉我起不来
I'm sorry, I can't get up.
没事没关系你好好休息
No, no, no, it's okay. You rest.
好吗我去给你加点水
Okay? I-I'll refill your water, okay?
接到了
Got it.
你的背看起来没问题啊亚当
So... your back seems fine, Adam.
绝对是肌肉止痛膏的功劳
That-that muscle rub is a miracle.
它跟我待在一个屋里就创造了奇迹
It just had to be in the same room with me.
到底怎么回事
What's going on?
好吧
Okay.
我没有受伤
I'm not hurt. I...
我只是被吓到了
I just got spooked.
我已经很久没有骑过越野摩托车了
I haven't been on a dirt bike in a long time,
现在的摩托车很快感觉好像骑在火箭上
and they're really fast now; it was like riding a rocket.
我不小心飞过一条沟之后我就开始想
And I started thinking, as I accidentally jumped a ditch.
我家里还有孩子要是我出了什么事
I got kids at home. If something happens to me,
你就得一个人抚养他们了
you'd have to raise them on your own.
你肯定会一直给他们穿奇怪的衣服
And you'd just dress them up funny all the time.
我知道你一定会这样我不能这样对他们
I know you would, and I can't do that to them.
所以你假装受伤就是为了不去旅行
So you faked being hurt so you wouldn't have to go.
要是我吹生日蜡烛都能伤到背
If I can hurt my back blowing out candles,
我在魔鬼排气管那里会发生什么
what is gonna happen to me on the Devil's Tailpipe?
如果现场只有大唐能救我那我死定了
And if Don's the only one there to help me, I'll die.
是啊毕竟他只会给你最美好的祝福
Yeah, I mean, the only thing you're gonna get from him is his best wishes.
我不想承认但是...
I... I hate to admit it, but...
我确实老了
I really am getting older.
不
No!
你是第一名
You're the first one.
好吧好了
All right, all right.
我的意思是总有一天
Look, I'm just saying, there comes a time
人得被迫放弃一些梦想
when you have to give up on some of your dreams.
所以...
Well...
等等其实
Wait. You know,
我查了一下还有其他体验的
I did some research, and there are other rides.
要不你别去玩魔鬼排气管了
You know, uh, maybe instead of the Devil's Tailpipe,
你可以选一个不那么激烈的轨道
you could pick a less intense trail,
比如棉花糖平台
like Marshmallow Flats.
你看这里有图片
See, there are pictures,
体验棉花糖平台的这些人
and the guys riding Marshmallow Flats, they...