老爸有招
Man with a Plan
第三季
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老爸有招
Man with a Plan S03E10
Part 3
April 11, 2020, 12:20 p.m.
How was I supposed to know he'd be as bad at driving
一样差
as he is at picking heroes?
终于承认了
And there it is.
我是他爸 他应该选我的
I'm the dad, he should have picked me.
当然 我很为你高兴
I mean, yeah, I'm happy for you,
巴拉巴拉 你很好
blah, blah, blah, you're great.
但是父子情
But fathers and sons?
这是很深刻的
That's deep stuff.
还有很多流行歌♥曲
There's hit songs about it.
比如 《摇篮里的猫》《丹尼男孩》
Uh, the-- "Cat's in the Cradle," "Danny Boy,"
还有黑武士每次出现时放的音乐
that music they play when Darth Vader walks in.
好吧 但是这并不意味着你父亲当得不好
Okay, but, honey, none of this means you're a bad father.
当然不是
No, no.
这意味着我根本不值一提
It means I'm not even worth mentioning.
你知道我什么感觉吗
You know what it's like?
我要不是他的英雄 那有什么意义呢
If I am not his hero, what's the point?
我对他根本没有任何影响力
It's like I have no effect on him.
亲爱的 我不希望你这样想
Oh, hon-- well, I don't want you to feel like that.
这也不是事实 那天我看到
And it's not true. Uh, the other day,
他穿着内衣对着奶箱喝牛奶
I saw him drinking milk from the carton in his underwear.
真的
Yeah.
这可不是我教的
He didn't get that from me.
男孩都会说父亲是他们的英雄的
All boys pick their dads as their heroes.
我上学的时候也写过一篇作文
I wrote one of those essays in school, too.
来吧 我给你看
Come on, I'll show you.
你不会是要去拿
Oh, is this going to be
小孩的破玩意集锦盒吧
the golden box of kid junk?
那个盒子叫作亚当·伯恩斯
It's called the Adam Burns Golden Box
童年成就集锦盒 你明明知道
of Childhood Accomplishments, and you know it.
就是这个吗
Is this it?
我和伯特·雷诺兹一模一样的地方[美国演员导演]
"Top ten ways I'm exactly like Burt Reynolds."
"第一 胡子非常帅"
"Number one, awesome mustache."
等等 这是在2002年日历上写的
Wait, this is on a 2002 calendar.
那时候我们都结婚了
W-We were married then.
找到了
Here it is.
《我的英雄》 亚当·伯恩斯
"'My Hero,' by Adam Burns."
你仔细听好 你在听吗
Now listen carefully. You listening?
在的
Yeah.
"我的英雄诚实而正直
"My hero is a man of integrity
总会抽时间让我觉得自己很特别
"Who always takes the time to make me feel special.
他的名字是麦当劳大叔" 什么
His name is Ronald McDonald--" What?
你♥爸♥是麦当劳大叔吗
Your dad is Ronald McDonald?
那我们怎么没暴富
Why aren't we rich?
我居然没选我爸
I can't believe I didn't pick my dad.
怪不得他不带我去钓鱼
No wonder he doesn't take me fishing.
这么多年来 他一直很伤心
All these years, his feelings have been hurt.
别这样 你真觉得他有这么小心眼吗
Come on. You really think he's so thin-skinned
会为了区区一篇学校作文...
that he would care about a school...
不 很有可能 会有人这样的
No, that's-- people do that, that's a thing.
爸 你在家就太好了
Hey, Dad, uh, I'm glad you're here.
我有点事想跟你说
I-I have something to say to you and it's, uh,
稍微有点不好开口
kind of, it's kind of delicate.
你要是想把我和你妈妈送去养老院
If you've come to take your mother and me to a home,
你最好不是一个人来的
then I hope you brought backup.
不 我是想跟你道个歉
No, no, I just wanted to apologize for something.
我小时候
When I was a kid,
在学校写了一篇作文 关于我的英雄
I wrote an essay at school about my hero,
我当时没有选你 我真的很抱歉
and I didn't pick you, and I am really, really sorry.
儿子 我一直在等你这句话
Son, I've been waiting to hear you say those words
等了四十年
for 40 years.
真的吗
Really?
假的 我特么根本不知道你在说什么
No, I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
你当然知道
Yes, you do.
六年级的时候 我选了麦当劳大叔
In sixth grade, I picked Ronald McDonald
而没有选你
as my hero instead of you.
那又如何 我不在乎是不是你的英雄
So what? I don't care about being your hero.
-真的吗 -当然
- You don't? - u202dNo.
因为泰迪没选我
Because I'm not Teddy's,
我都快被逼疯了
and it's driving me crazy.
感觉我好像不存在 对他没有任何影响
It's like I'm not even there, I have no effect on him.
你是想来倾诉烦恼的啊
Oh, so you want to talk about feelings.
你妈妈去商场了
Uh, well, your mother's at the mall.
我看看能不能给她开免提
Maybe I can get her on speakerphone.
算了 我自己处理吧
You know what, I-I'll handle it.
好了好了 别着急 玻璃心小女生
All right, all right, hold your horses, little lady.
回来吧
Come back over here.
听我说
Look. u202d
别拿泰迪这件事责怪自己
Don't take this Teddy thing personally.
孩子们... 怎么说比较委婉呢 很笨
Kids are... what's a nice word for it? Dumb.
他们只会崇拜那些
They only look up to people
哪怕他们没做好也会鼓励他们的人
who tell them they're great when they're not,
爸爸们可不会这样
and dads don't do that.
当然 这样他们学不到东西
Well, no, it doesn't teach 'em anything.
如果爸爸的职责是一直拥抱孩子
If we were supposed to just hug 'em all the time,
大自然不会让我们的脸这么胡子拉碴
they wouldn't make our faces so scratchy. u202dMm.
我作为父亲的职责是
My job as a father was to make sure that
确保你走上社会时
when you went out in the world,
不会变成一个混♥蛋♥
you wouldn't be a jackass.
我当初说你一点都不幽默
I'm the guy that told you you weren't funny.
所以你现在才稍微有一点幽默
And that's why today you are a little funny.
你觉得我幽默吗
You think I'm funny?
我说的是一点
A little, I said.
你对于泰迪也是这样的
And you do the same with Teddy.
是啊 我指出他哪里做错了
Yeah. I tell him what he's doing wrong,
这样他长大之后 就能做对了
so when he grows up, he'll do something right.
是啊 在我看来 我教育你
Yeah. As I see it, I did a better job
比我爸教育我要成功
at being a dad than my pop did,
而你教育泰迪又比我当初成功
and you're doing a better job than I did.
我接受
I'll take that.
等等 如果你没有因为那篇作文生我气
Wait, so if you're not mad about the essay,
那你为什么总带大唐去钓鱼却不带我
wh-why do you take Don fishing and not me?
他个子高 可以创造更大的阴凉
He's tall. He makes a lot of shade.
就像坐在一个会给你拿啤酒的大树下
It's like sitting under a tree that gets you beers.
另外 他比你更需要悉心呵护
Also, he needs more coddling than you.
是啊 真幼稚
He does. Baby.
他真是个巨婴
He's such a baby.
如果你想的话
But if you want,
我们可以聊聊我有多爱你 儿子
we can talk about how much I love you, son.
真的吗
Really?
爸爸真的好爱你哦
I oobie doobie love you so much.
快坐到爸爸腿上来
Come and sit on Daddy's lap.
好吧 有一秒我竟然觉得还挺好
Well, it was nice there for a second.
父亲教育儿子是一辈子的事
A father's work is never done.
来吧 我们给你准备了惊喜
Come on, we got a surprise for you.
泰迪 给你妈妈看看第一扇门后面是什么
Teddy, show her what's behind door number one.
什么门
What door?
把你右手边的单子拉开
Take off the sheet on your right.
另一边才是右边
Your other right.
放飞梦想
天哪 你修好了
Oh, my God, you fixed it.
我好喜欢
Oh, I love it.
等一下 还有呢
Yeah, well, wait, wait, wait, there's more.
泰迪 拉开吧
Teddy, show her.
啤酒之梦
放飞梦想 啤酒之梦
我们做了一对
We made a set.
"放飞梦想 啤酒之梦"
"Just dream... of beer."
这下有深度了
Now it says something.
-情侣款 -是啊
- His and hers. u202d- Yeah.
-谢谢你们 -不客气 对了 泰迪
- Thanks, guys. - Yeah. Hey, uh, Teddy,
你能不能去车♥库♥里拿个抹布过来
will you go get a dust rag out of the garage?
我是想跟你说 很抱歉之前英雄的事
Look, I just wanted to do this to say I'm sorry for being
老爸有招
Man with a Plan
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