老爸有招

Man with a Plan S03E10

Part 2 April 11, 2020, 12:20 p.m.

他是个12岁的小男孩
He's a 12-year-old boy.
你只需要拯救地球不被外星人攻击很简单
All you have to do is save the planet from aliens. Easy.
我们现在外星人缺货大唐
I'm a little short on aliens right now, Don.
我只负责提创意
I'm just the idea man here.
下午好先生们
Afternoon, men.
爸爸我准备好了
Hey, Pop, I'm ready.
我的钓具盒在车上
My tackle box is in the truck.
-你们去哪里 -钓鱼
- Where you guys going? - Fishing.
你们什么时候定的
When did you make this plan?
昨晚吃饭的时候
Last night at dinner.
你们一起吃的晚餐
You guys had dinner?
对玩宾果之前
Yeah, before bingo.
你们还玩宾果了
You guys played bingo?
你去检查一下耳朵吧
Maybe get your ears checked.
听力不太好
You don't hear so good.
这个笑话好老爸
Good one, Pop.
我们上船再笑
We'll laugh about that on the boat.
你看到了吗
Did you see that?
他们钓鱼不带我
They're going fishing without me.
你可以用你♥爸♥爸和哥哥
Well, maybe let your dad and your brother
不愿意跟你一起玩
not wanting to spend time with you
冲淡你儿子看不起你这件事
take your mind off your son not looking up to you.
这话可以说得更漂亮点
I could have said that better.
泰迪怎么会不把我当成英雄呢
How could Teddy not think I'm his hero?
我是他知道的最伟大的男人
I'm the greatest man he's ever known.
也许你太谦虚了
Maybe you're too humble.
你说对了
That's it.
我什么都太擅长了
I am good at a lot of things,
其中一项就是我把谦虚做得太好了
and one of the things I'm best at is being humble.
有道理
Makes sense.
问题是
See, the problem is,
我还没有把我最好的优点都展现给泰迪
I haven't been showing Teddy my best qualities.
他只把我当做爸爸
He only sees me as Dad.
我需要让他看到爸爸背后的真男人
I need to show him the man behind the dad.
在那之前你是我的英雄
Well, until then, you're my hero,
按你的要求给你
and per your request, here it is,
写在纸上了
documented on paper.
谢谢洛厄尔但是这不是一回事
Thanks, Lowell, but it's not really the same thing.
但放在办公室增彩不少
It does spruce up the office, though.
泰迪看我找到什么了
Teddy, look what I found.
亚当·伯恩斯童年成就集锦盒
The Adam Burns Golden Box of Childhood Accomplishments.
这不是妈妈一直让你扔的盒子吗
Isn't that the box Mom's always asking you to throw away?
不要扔掉
因为她嫉妒她有盒子吗
That's 'cause she's jealous. Where's her box, huh?
我看没有
I didn't think so.
你看
You see,
我觉得你对你老爸并不了解
I don't think you know who your old man really is.
好吗看来看这个
All right? Like, check this out.
本地四健会男孩拯救母牛接生难产牛犊
"Local 4-H boy saves cow, delivers emergency calf."
这个男孩就是你爹
That boy, your dad.
往下读几个段落
I believe a couple paragraphs down
他们叫我英雄
they call me a hero.
是的
Exactly. Whoa.
你把手伸进牛屁♥股♥里了吗
You put your hand up a cow's butt?
什么没有那不是屁♥股♥
What? No. It wasn't the butt.
那是什么啊
What was it, then?
比较复杂
Well, it's complicated.
为什么后面还有什么
Why, what else is back there?
好吧就是屁♥股♥
Fine, it was the butt.
给我找到蜘蛛了吗
Hey, did you find me a spider?
找到了玛茜的划船机上肯定有
Yeah. I can always find one on the rowing machine
当初她承诺肯定会每天划的
that Marcy swore she would use every day.
这只蜘蛛可能会食言而肥
I think he was living in her web of lies.
太好了我准备用它在泰迪面前树立形象
Great, I'm gonna use it to impress Teddy.
我的牛屁♥股♥文章没起到作用
My cow butt article didn't do anything.
然后我记得泰迪特别怕蜘蛛
Then, I remembered that Teddy's really scared of spiders.
现在也许我没办法为他跟外星人搏斗
Now, I might not be able to save him from aliens,
但可以拯救他于蜘蛛之难
but I can save him from one of those.
很高兴你终于听聪明人一次了
I'm glad you listened to the smart guy for once.
差点把蜘蛛喝了
Whoa, almost drank a spider.
对好险啊
Yeah, close one.
听着
u202dNow, listen.u202c
等泰迪下来你表现得很害怕
When Teddy comes down, you act scared,
然后我把蜘蛛打死英雄一般
I'll kill the spider and look like a hero. Huh?
好的泰迪你的零食准备好了
All right. Teddy, your snack is ready!
好放它出来
Okay, let him go.
不你来
No, no, no, you do it.
我抓它的时候它看到了我的脸
He saw my face when I grabbed him.
它已经生我的气了
He's already mad at me.
这里面什么都没有
There's nothing in here.
也许在盖子上
Maybe he's on the lid.
在我手上
Whoa, it's on my hand!
它哪里去了
Where'd it go?
-什么东西没了 -有只蜘蛛不见了
- Where'd what go? - There's a spider loose in here.
什么在哪里
What?! Where?!
你为什么要跑去他那里
Why are you running to him?
因为蜘蛛在你身上
Because it's on you.
什么
What?!
这是怎么了
What's going on?
刚才我身上有只蜘蛛安迪
There was a spider on me, Andi.
你
Wha...?
搞定
Done.
你用了我的童年成就
You used my Golden Accomplishment.
你太厉害了妈妈你果然是英雄
That was incredible, Mom. You really are a hero.
你出生的时候我一直站着等
I stood up the whole time you were being born.
她就是躺在那里
She just laid there.
我稳站如松
High as a kite!
儿子
Hey, buddy.
作业需要帮忙吗
You need a little help with your homework?
我特别擅长
I'm an ace at it.
你甚至可以说我是作业英雄
You might even call me a homework hero.
那就太好了是数学作业
That'd be great; it's math.
好的来吧
Okay... hit me.
多项式怎么化为因数
How do I factor a polynomial?
你想不想去把我的车停到家门前
Hey, you want to drive my truck up the driveway?
这下怎么办
What are we gonna do?
-我明明让你右拐 -我是右拐了啊
- I said go right. u202d- I did go right.
另一边才是右边
Your other right.
妈妈过来了她会杀了我的
Ah, here comes Mom, she's gonna kill me.
这样吧你先回屋里
Wha... Okay, uh, all right, you go in the house.
我来承担
I'll take the hit.
如果你下次要写作文的话
Which, if you have to do another hero essay,
可以想想这件事
might be something you think about!
我的椅子怎么回事
What happened to my chair?
我那鼓舞人心的椅子
My inspiring chair?
它让我放飞梦想
Well, uh, well, it told me to dream,
我就打了个盹
so... I dozed off.
没错你下一把椅子应该写上
Yeah. Your next chair should say
"别把我放在车道上"
"Don't leave me in the driveway."
你知道我是怎么想的吗
Mm-hmm. You know what I think happened?
泰迪的作文让你非常生气
You're still so mad about that essay
所以你就拿我的椅子撒气
that you took it out on my chair.
没错你简直就是梦想破坏者
Yeah, you are literally a dream crusher.
不是这样的
That's not true.
那你说还有什么解释
Okay, well, what other explanation is there?
泰迪干的
Teddy did it.
你让泰迪开车了吗
You let Teddy drive?
他连个香蕉都不会剥
He can't even peel a banana.
他都是直接跟果冻一样挤到嘴里
He just squeezes it into his mouth like a Go-Gurt.
不过是从门口车道开进来
It was just up and down the driveway.
我怎么知道他的车技会跟他挑英雄的眼光