老爸有招

Man with a Plan S03E08

Part 2 April 11, 2020, 12:19 p.m.

This is your chance to connect with her.
我不赞同她
Yeah, well, I don't agree with her,
我是食物链的顶端
I am top of the food chain.
如果牛能安装制冰机我就不吃牛肉了
When a cow installs an icemaker, I will stop eating it.
你不用真的感兴趣装一下
You don't have to really be interested, you just fake it.
就像泰迪给我讲他玩的游戏
Like, like, I do when Teddy tells me about his video games.
妈我摧毁了太空骑兵
"Mom, I zapped a space trooper."
太棒了宝贝抱抱
"That's great honey." Hug.
你觉得如果我陪凯蒂看电影她会抱我吗
You think if I watch that movie with Katie, she'll hug me?
考拉抱的那种
She might go full koala.
好吧我去试试
All right, I'll try it.
还记得孩子们缠着我们不放的时候吗
Remember when the kids were all over us all the time?
-也许我们该再要个孩子 -真的吗
- Maybe we should have another baby. - u202dReally?
不我试试这个
No, no, I'll try this.
开始之前我希望你知道
Before we start, I just want you to know
你陪我看对我来说意义重大
it means a lot that you'll watch this with me.
我喜欢和你一起待着
Hey, I like spending time with you.
但这部电影不会改变我的感受
But this movie is not gonna change how I feel.
我知道香肠是怎么的做的很美味
I know how the sausage is made, and it's delicious.
我真的不知道香肠是怎么做的
I did not know how the sausage was made.
他们为什么用名人的名字给鸡取名
And why'd they name the chickens after famous people?
让它们被吃的时候我们更伤心
That just made us sadder when they got eaten.
可怜的安妮·孵蛋薇
Poor Anne Hatch-away.
她丈夫呢蛋蛋·范海伦
And what about her husband, Eggy Van Halen?
他彻底心碎了那可是他的真命天女啊
He's heartbroken, she was the one.
不敢相信我会说出这句话我以后再也不吃肉了
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm done with meat.
-什么 -我认真的凯蒂
- What? - u202dI mean it, Katie.
我要和你一起吃素
I'm going vegan with you.
真的吗
Really?
我爱你爸爸
I love you, Dad.
我爱你亲爱的
I love you, honey.
这就完了吗
Oh, oh, are we done? Okay.
我会让你妈妈也吃素的
Hey, I'll get Mom to do it, too.
你是最棒的
You're the best.
坐稳了我有大消息
Brace yourself. I've got big news.
凯蒂抱了我
Katie hugged me.
太棒了
Aww, that's great.
你只需要假装有兴趣就可以了
And all you had to do was fake some interest.
当父母很容易
Parenting's easy.
还有一件事我不是假装的
That's the other thing. I'm not faking.
我是真的要吃素了
I am going vegan.
你就当我信了吧
Yeah, right.
是真的
I am.
-而且我告诉她你也会吃素 -什么
- Oh, also, I told her you'd do it too. -u202dWhat?
这换来了另外一个拥抱我不后悔
It bought me another hug, I'm not sorry.
所以现在如果我不吃素就会看起来像一个混♥蛋♥
What-- s-so now if I don't do it, I look like a jerk.
你只需要假装就可以了
All you had to do was fake it.
我做不到这部电影实在是太有感染力了
I couldn't. The movie was too powerful.
有一头牛名字叫做保罗·哞卡尼
There was this cow, his name was Paul MooCartney--
你知道小牛肉是什么吗
and... and do you know what veal is?
我们怎么可以往他们身上撒帕马森奶酪
How can we be Parmesan-ing those little guys?
所以凯特真的抱了你吗
So Kate really hugged you?
真的像这样
Yeah, like this.
好棒
Yeah.
我上次得到这种拥抱还是给她买♥♥了部手♥机♥
Last time I got a hug like that, I had to buy her a phone.
但我觉得她抱手♥机♥比抱我紧
But even then she hugged the phone tighter.
好吧我可以
Okay, I'll do it.
这可太棒了
Oh, this is gonna be so great.
我们会更加健康更加快乐有更多拥抱
We'll be healthier, happier and huggier.
好的但是我需要知道
Okay, but-but, hey, I just, I need to know
你是认真的
that you're really committed. Well...
你还记得你答应过我
Don't you remember when you promised
陪我去上夫妻瑜伽课吗
to do couples yoga with me?
你连一堂课都没有坚持住
You didn't even make it through one class.
那个女人摸我的屁♥股♥
That lady touched my rear end.
她是教练在指导你的动作
She was the instructor, and she was adjusting your pose.
她都快偷上三垒了
She made it halfway to third base, Andi.
但这不一样
But this isn't like that.
我保证我是完全认真的
I promise, I am fully committed.
好的
Okay.
等等
Okay. u202dWait.
你只吃素意味着再也不能吃炸鸡块了吧
You do know that going vegan means no more McNuggets, right?
我还没想到这点
I hadn't thought of that.
我可以的
I can do it.
这是我们为大家准备的第一餐素食体验
So here's what we've prepared for your first vegan experience.
这些鸡块是用豆腐做的
Yeah. These nuggets are made of tofu,
是无鸡鸡块
so they're chick-none nuggets.
吃起来就像鸡肉一样但是更湿润
Okay? They taste just like chicken, but wet.
把它当成牡蛎吃
Eat it like an oyster.
这是腰果奶酪通心粉
And this is macaroni and cashew cheese.
很好吃的腰果放在面团里
Yeah, all the fun of cashews, but in a paste.
你要给我吃坚果奶酪吗
So you're trying to feed me nut cheese?
我知道这是很大的改变
Look, I know it's a big adjustment,
但这也有好处
but there is an upside.
我们可以站在道德制高点上跟别人说我们是吃素的
We get to act superior by telling everybody we're vegan.
而且我们在拯救动物的生命
And we're saving animals' lives.
对还有这一点
Yeah, that, too.
我们刚刚吃了素食早餐
Yeah, and we had a vegan breakfast.
非常通便效率很高
Bathroom-wise, it's much more efficient.
第一口下去就有效果了
Okay, first bite starts the clock,
我不推荐在车上吃
so I don't recommend eating in the car.
祝各位好胃口
Bon appétit, everyone.
大唐
Don!
这是我的本能反应
It was a primitive instinct.
我吃到了毒药身体在排斥
I ate poison and my body rejected it.
好吧没关系
All right, well, that-that-that's okay.
需要适应一下的
It takes a little getting used to,
但为了动物好对吗凯蒂
but it's for the animals. Right, Katie?
没错爸爸
That's right, Dad.
简直比安迪肉饼还难吃
This is even worse than Andi Patties.
吃起来就像安迪肉饼的屁♥股♥
Yeah, it tastes like an Andi Patty's butt.
别再说这些垮掉的一代的言论了
Enough of this beatnik nonsense.
大唐把肋排从冰箱里拿出来
Don, get those ribs out of the fridge.
我们不再吃那种东西了
Dad, we don't eat that anymore.
我66年的圣诞节在稻田里拼命躲子弹
I didn't spend the Christmas of '66 dodging bullets
不是为了吃这些破鸡块
in a rice paddy to eat snot nuggets.
你必须现在就做决定
You have to decide right now,
是要吃素还是当一个美国人
are you a vegan or an American?
你把重点搞错了
You're missing the point.
这些肋排是来自那些无辜的牛身上
Those ribs came from an innocent cow.
牛注定就是要被吃的
Cows are designed to be eaten.
它们是由牛排和奶酪组成的
They're made of steak and cheese.
你们俩个真是极坏的影响
You know what? You two are a bad influence,
这些肋排要去它们该去的地方了
so these ribs are going where they belong,
-垃圾桶 -我为你骄傲亲爱的
- in the trash. - I'm proud of you, honey.
谢谢
Thank you.
但是要吃大豆酱的蘑菇小羊排
Now, who wants a soy-glazed mushroom cutlet?
唐尼你知道该怎么做
Donny, you know what to do.
我先你一步了爸爸
I'm one step ahead of you, Pop.
你认为垃圾桶就能吓到我吗
You think the trash is gonna scare me?
服役的时候他们叫我浣熊
In the service, they called me The Raccoon.
好了亲爱的太优美了
Okay, okay, sweetie. So beautiful.
你现在去为演奏会换衣服吧
why don't you go get dressed for your recital?
我不想穿得太华丽
I'm not going too fancy.
我的音乐就可以说明一切
I'll let my music speak for itself.
永远不要失去这种自信亲爱的
Never lose that confidence, sweetie.
什么
What?
谁把吃了半口的牛肉干落在背包里了
Oh, who leaves a half-eaten Slim Jim in their backpack?
上面全是线头
It's all covered with lint
还有头发看起来很美味
and hair and... deliciousness.
安迪