生活点滴（2015）

Life in Pieces S01E18

Part 1 Oct. 12, 2020, 11:21 a.m.

Hey, Mama. Hey.
嘿孩他妈嘿
What's wrong?
怎么啦
Nothing. Okay, you know what?
没什么好吧你给我听着
I can't believe that you just ignored
我简直不敢相信你无视了
the dirtiest text I've ever sent you.
我腆着脸给你发了史上最污的短♥信♥
Well, dirty text? What dirty text?
什么好污的短♥信♥ 什么好污的短♥信♥
I didn't get any dirty text. I got...
我没收到什么好污的短♥信♥啊我
Ooh, geez.
噢天了噜
No. The last text I got from you
没有我收到的你的最后一条短♥信♥
said, "Never mind."
是 “没事儿”
"I forgot I had eaten beets." No.
“我忘了我吃过甜菜了” 不可能
Oh... Uhhuh.
哦啊哈
I think that's the dirtiest text anybody's ever sent anybody.
我觉得这是污婆污师好意思发得出去的最污的短♥信♥了
You like it like that.
你不是就喜欢这样吗
Well, now I see why I never received it.
嗯我倒是知道为什么我没收到了
You sent that to Tyler.
你发给泰勒了
I can't go home.
我回不了家了
I can never go home again.
我再也回不了家了
It can't be that bad.
没那么糟糕吧
Whoa. I have never even seen this on the Internet.
哇哦我在网上都没见过这么污的
You watch that kind of stuff on the Internet?
你会在网上看这种东西吗
Sometimes. Don't you?
有时候吧你不会吗
No, it's blocked at my house. I thought it was because
我不啊这在我们家是被禁了的我之前觉得是因为
of my dad, but now I'm wondering if it's because of my mom.
我爹的关系但是现在想想可能是因为老妈
Hmm. You'll be fine.
嗯没事的啦
My dentist accidentally sexts me, like, once a week.
我的牙医有时也不小心把这种短♥信♥发给我的大概一周一次吧
Ooh. You know what I'm gonna do?
哦你猜我会怎么着
I'll look him in the eye
我会直视他的眼睛
and I'll just say,
然后说
"Hey, autocorrect
“嘿输入法的自动修正
completely changed the grocery list I gave your dad."
把我给你爹的购物清单篡改得一塌糊涂呢”
Well, not completely. I mean, "cream" and "meat"
嗯没完全改掉你看 “奶油”和“肉”
could have stayed the same.
就没被修正掉嘛
God, Tim, why?
我天蒂姆为什么啊
Why aren't you helping me with this?!
为什么你就不愿意帮帮我呢?!
I'm sorry, honey. I'm just enjoying this too much
抱歉啊亲爱的只不过这实在是太有意思了
because, for once, it's not me who screwed up.
因为呢这一次把事儿搞砸的可不是我而是你
Okay, you know what I need?
行你知道我现在需要什么吗
I-I need the advice... of a professional.
我我需要建议专家的建议
Did I do this to you?
是我做错了什么吗
Did I make you like this?
你变成这样是不是因为我
No, no. Nobody did anything to me.
不不我也没因为谁变成什么样
I just... I'm trying to keep it spicy with Tim.
我只是试着给我和蒂姆的生活加点儿料
Honey, I didn't even know people could do this,
亲爱的我都不知道还有人能这么玩儿的
and I've had some long layovers in Bangkok.
而且我可是在曼谷都待过好久的人呐
Mom! I'm sorry.
妈抱歉
This is a little more than I could handle,
这有点超出我能力范围了
so, I-I... I think I'm gonna talk to my therapist.
所以我想我得和我的心理医生谈谈
Do you think that he can help me?
你觉得他能帮到我吗
No, no, this is for me.
不不我是让他帮我
You need a priest.
你是需要一个牧师
I got this. I got this.
我可以的我可以的
I don't got this.
我做不到啊
I don't got this.
我做不到啊
I don't got this. I don't got this.
宝宝做不到啊臣妾做不到啊
What?
什么情况
Did you know that Victoria's Secret sold their Web site
你知道维多利亚的秘密把网站卖♥♥给了
to someone called "Net Nanny"?
一个叫“网络保姆”的机构吗
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿
Will you go get me a glass of water?
能帮我倒杯水吗
I can smell Pop Tarts, so I know Tyler's in the kitchen.
我闻到水果馅饼的味道了泰勒一定在厨房♥
Look, I cannot keep doing this.
你看我不能一直这么帮你啊
If I wanted to run up and down the stairs
如果我愿意每天上楼下楼
two times a day, I'd join a gym.
两个来回的话我早就去健身房♥了
You're gonna have to talk to him again at some point.
你总有一天会要重新和他说上话的
Maybe not.
也许不用啊
Maybe like a mama bear out in the wild,
也许可以像野外的母熊一样
I've taught my cub all that I can,
我已经把我所有的知识都教给我的小熊了
and now it's time for him to go out
现在是他到荒野中去
and maul some tourists on his own.
自己手撕游客的时候了
You know what? I'll get you a glass of water.
你猜怎么着我这就去倒水
Ooh, hey, hey.
哦嘿嘿
And a Pop Tart?
再带块儿饼吧
Oh, well, if you want a Pop Tart,
哦好吧如果你要馅饼的话
I do not have to go downstairs.
我就不用下楼了
You have a problem.
你有麻烦了
Hey, buddy.
嘿伙计
Oh, thank God it's you, man.
噢谢天谢地是你啊
I was so scared to come out of my room.
我怕得连房♥门都不敢出
But I really needed a drink of water.
但是我真的快渴死了
I almost let Clementine get it for me.
我差点就要让克莱曼婷帮我倒水了
Clementine's in your room?
克莱曼婷在你房♥间
N-No.
没没有啊
All right, look, this is crazy.
好吧听着这事儿有点停不下来了
You got your mom right where you want her right now.
你妈现在可是完全由你掌控了
You need to take advantage of it.
你得把握机会啊
What do you mean? What's one thing
什么意思啊有那么一件事
you've always wanted to do,
你一直想要做
but your mom wouldn't let you do?
但是你妈不让你做的是什么事儿
Go to Tijuana.
去提华纳
Then you go to Tijuana right now!
那你现在就去提华纳啊!
How can she possibly say no
她现在连直视你的眼睛都不敢
when she won't even look you in the eye?
怎么会拒绝你的请求呢
You really think she would let me go to Tijuana
你觉得她真会让我去提华纳吗
just to avoid talking to me?
就为了避开和我对话
Only one way to find out.
不试试怎么知道呢
Look.
你看
I also want to clarify one thing
还有一件事我想澄清的
about that text. No, no, no, please...
就是那条短♥信♥的内容不不不别说了
I would be doing those things to your mother,
我会是那个对你妈做那些事儿的人
and not the other way around, because... no, look at me.
而不是你妈对我因为呢不看着我
You got to look at me.
你必须得看着我
Because I am the man.
因为我是个男人
And that's the man's job.
这些是男人的活儿
Good news.
好消息
You may unbuckle your safety belt
你可以解开安全带
and move freely about the house.
在屋子里自♥由♥来去了
Tyler is leaving.
泰勒要出门
What? Oh, thank God!
什么噢感谢上苍
Where's he going?
他要去哪儿
He and Clem are driving down to Tijuana.
他和克莱酱要开车去提华纳
What? No! No! No!
什么不行! 不行! 不行!
They are not! Oh, I'm sure they'll be fine.
我可不许噢我很确定他们会没事的
I gave them a whole bunch of cash and my dusty wallet condom.
我给了他们一堆钱和我珍藏已久的避孕套
And the mother bear's off to protect her cub.
熊妈妈就这么去保护她的宝宝了
Tijuana, here we come.
提华纳我们来咯
Oh! Oh!
噢! 噢!
Get out of the car.
给我出来
You are not going to Tijuana.
你们不许去提华纳
You listen to me.
你给我听着
Tijuana is a low-down dirty place
提华纳是个又低贱又肮脏的地方
where anything goes, which is why I love it.
什么妖魔鬼怪都能去那儿所以我爱那个地方
But you cannot go
但是你不许去
because you are still a child.
因为你还是个孩子
So are you.
你也是
I think we can agree my childhood ended with that text.
我觉得我们都同意我的童年结束于那条短♥信♥了吧
Okay, you know what? Listen.
行你给我听着
I love your dad
我爱你爹
very deeply and I work hard
非常之深并且我很努力地
to make sure that our marriage is strong
保证我们的婚姻依旧稳固