生活点滴（2015）

Life in Pieces S01E14

Part 1 Oct. 12, 2020, 11:20 a.m.

Hi.
你们好
Hi. Hey, Jen.
你好你好珍
Oh, thank you so much for doing this.
噢真的太感谢你帮这个忙了
It's so great to have a lawyer in the family.
家里有个律师真是棒呆了
Well, of course. Well,when Heather volunteered me,
额那是希瑟推荐我来
what could I say out loud?
我能说什么呢是吧
Well, it is embarrassing.
额真是有点尴尬
I just assumed we had a will, but apparently not.
我刚刚还以为我们会立个遗嘱呢但是估计不可能了
Um, John thinks that they cause death.
额约翰觉得遗嘱会致死额
Well, I do know a lot of people who died,
是啊我确实知道一些死的人
and every one of them had a will.
他们都有遗嘱
Do the math.
你们自己看看是不是
Right. Yeah, no, that adds up.
对是啊说的通
Well, you... you have a will now, too,
好吧你你们现在也有遗嘱了
And, um, I put everything in there that you asked for...
那我已经把你要求的所有的都写进去了
Not everything.
不是所有的哦
Uh, I wanted to add a couple of zingers.
额我还想加一些有趣的东西进去
"Zingers"?
什么有趣的东西
Well, with both of us dead,it's gonna be kind of a sad day,
额如果我们都去世了在那一天人们一定特别伤心
And I want people to enjoy themselves.
但是我想让人们都过得快活些
Yeah, it... it's why he wants our ashes shot out of a T-shirt gun.
是啊所以他希望我们的骨灰可以从一个T恤枪里射出来
Yeah, how about we start with this?
对啊不然我们这样开场吧
"We leave everything to our fish,"
我们把一切都留给我们的金鱼
And then you say, "Psych!"
然后你就说个鬼
Yeah. No, little problem is that, uh,
额不有个小问题
you can't really put "Psych"in a... In a legal document.
“个鬼”这个词是不能出现在法律文件里的额
Oh. Oh, okay. Oh. Yeah, I understand.
噢噢好吧噢懂了
How about just, "We leave everything to our fish."
那这样呢我们把一切都留给金鱼
"Not!"
才怪
Yeah, you guys could go all night.
额等我走了
Once I leave.
你们可以计划一晚上
Now is this distributed equally,or is it based on dire need?
那这些是平均分配还是按需分配呀
Oh, don't worry, I'm sure the new owners
哦别担心我保证新房♥主
Will let you stay in the garage.
会允许你住在车♥库♥里的
I don't care about the money.
我才不管什么钱不钱的事
I just, I want all of the photo albums.
我只想只要所有的相册
Oh, that's sweet.
噢你真好
No, I... I need to destroy the evidence
不我我只想摧毁那些年
of the year that I only wore men's suits.
我只穿男生衣服的证据
Oh, that's right, that's the year I wore do-rags.
噢就是那会儿那时候我也只围一条毛巾
I looked good. Oh.
我看起来还挺帅噢
And, Greg, you wore overalls and sideways painter's caps.
而且格雷格你那时候穿的是工装裤和那种画家的帽子
Yeah, people called me Dutchy Boy.
是啊人们那时候都叫我德国男孩
Okay, but seriously, Jen, what's in it?
好吧但说真的珍遗嘱里说什么了
Uh, no I can't... t... tell you that.
额不我不能告告诉你那个
I mean, it's attorney client privilege.
我是说律师和当事人的保密权
Yeah, but that doesn't apply to families, does it?
是啊但是这权利在家事中不好使吧不是吗
Uh, I'll tell you a secret.You want to know a secret?
额我给你说个秘密你想听吗
I'll tell you one right now.
我现在就告诉你
Tim pees sitting down.
蒂姆是坐着尿尿的
if I'm in there,
要是我说
I'm doing the word jumble. Period.
我会说得委婉一些月经周期
Okay, here are the executed copies for your files.
好了这里是你们签订生效的文件副本
Uh, is it too late to add in"of sound mind and dope body"?
额现在如果想加上“美丽的心灵和愚昧的身体”会不会太晚了
Yes.
是晚了
Ooh, I didn't realize it costs so much.
天哪我没想到这么贵
What? Oh, no, I'm sorry.
什么额不不好意思
That invoice was not supposed to be in there.
那个发♥票♥不应该在这里的
Is that what you make per hour?
你每个小时赚这么多吗
What do the men get?
男的能赚多少
Um...
额
No, I'm not... I'm not charging you.
不我不是我不会给你们要钱的
Yeah, you're... you're family.
嗯你们你们是家人
Oh, don't tell Matt that.
噢别把这些告诉马特
I just raised his rent.
我刚给他涨了房♥租
I don't understand what the big deal is.
我真不理解这有什么大不了的
That Heather volunteered you for this,
希瑟让你帮忙
And now we're stuck paying for it.
现在我们却要为此花钱
Yeah, but it's not even that much money.
是啊但是这也不算很多钱啊
It's just, like, filing costs and paralegal fees.
只是一些申请费和律师费而已
No, but it's not about the money.
是啊但是这不是钱的问题
I've always wanted to call the shots.
我一直想掌权管事
My whole life, Heather and Matt have been telling me what to do,
我活到现在一直是希瑟和马特指使我♥干♥这干那
And now they're telling my wife what to do.
现在他们居然指使我老婆干事
I can't have that. No, they got to pay.
我可忍♥不了这个不这笔钱得他们付
I thought you just said it wasn't about the money.
我刚才是不是听到你说这不是钱的事了
No, it's not, but, in this case, it is.
是是不是钱的事不过这种情况下当然是钱的事
But that's just a coincidence.
但这只是碰巧联♥系♥到一起了
Okay, listen, here's the deal.
好吧听着是这么回事
I'll go along with this,
只要下次我妈打给我的时候你替我接
As long as next time my mom calls me, you answer.
这次我就照你说的办
So you'll be my ally.
所以你是我一伙的喽
Uh, sure.
嗯当然
What's up?
咋了嘞
You're just waiting for somebody to say something, aren't you?
你就等着有人能先开口说点什么是吧
About what?
说什么
So, uh, I'd like to thank you all for coming.
那什么感谢你们大伙能来
Uh, I know that we told Mom and Dad
我知道我们告诉老爸老妈
That we'd pay for their will,
我们会支付他们立遗嘱的费用
but turns out there are some administrative fees.
但是结果现在又出现了些行政费用
So, uh, evenly divided,
所以呢我和珍觉得
this is what Jen and I feel that you guys owe.
你们大家也应该平摊这些
Yes, and we both feel that with equal conviction.
是我们都是本着人人平等的原则干事的
That's right.
没错
Oh, uh, no.
额额不
Uh, I'm not paying for that.
我才不付这个钱
You offered, you pay.
你们提议的你们自己付
Well, actually, Heather offered up Jen.
额事实上是希瑟推荐的珍
So?
所以呢
We do things all the time for the family
我们一直都在为这个家做贡献
That actually cost money.
这些贡献也是花钱的啊
We don't charge you guys for any of it.
我们也从来没给你们要过钱
This is different.
这次情况特殊
You're different.
你才搞特殊
Yeah, I... I helped dad paint the house,
对啊我我帮老爸刷房♥子
and I didn't charge him for that.
我也没给他要钱
Yes, you did, you charged him $600.
不你要了你要了600美金
Well, I didn't know that you knew that.
好吧我不知道你居然知道这事
That kind of weakens my argument.
我也不能理直气壮跟你吵了
Another amazing meal, Heather.
又是一顿非常棒的晚餐希瑟
Oh, thanks, Dad.
谢谢老爸
For you, sir.
先生这是给您的
And I can give your wife the receipt.
我可以给您妻子一张收据
What's this?
这是什么
Oh, well, since you decided to charge
噢对了既然你们决定要我们
for the things that we share,we thought it was only fair
为那些大家分享的东西付钱我们觉的只有
to split the cost of this meal, you know, equally.
平摊这顿饭的钱才合理你知道公平至上
See, this is why I said we should pay.
看我就说我们应该付了那笔钱
You know, I didn't charge for my time,
你知道吗我没有让你们为我付出的时间花钱
but there were, unfortunately,some unavoidable fees.
但是我的时间很不巧也是有价值的
Oh, okay.
额好吧
Sorry, Hon, I know times are tough.
不好意思亲爱的我知道这是困难时期
So dessert is on the house.
甜点的钱就免了吧
What's going on?
怎么回事
Oh, someone's trying to prove a point
哦因为我试图节省一些
because I tried to save you from incurring
你们立遗嘱所需要的费用
an expense on your will.
而且珍也完全同意
Something that Jen was completely on board for.
有些人就是拿这个说事儿
Yes, and I am thrilled.
是的而且我真是惊呆了
Look at how it's bringing us so much closer together.
你看看这事把我们搞得多么亲密是吧