生活点滴（2015）

养孩子很简单的
Parenting is easy.
天哪 不
Oh, God, no!
这就是我们最爱的
Hey, there's our favorite
快八... 九岁的孙女
almost eight or nine-year-old granddaughter.
我们结婚了 - 什么
We got married. - What?
克莱知道我所有的罗曼史
Clementine knows my entire romantic history.
你压根就没罗曼史啊
You have no romantic history.
她知道啦
Then, she knows that.
我不敢相信这是我们家
I can't believe this is our house.
宝贝 那台冰箱看我裸奔的次数比你都多
Babe, that fridge saw me naked more times than you did.
我知道
I know she did.
现在我宣布你们结为夫妻
I now pronounce you man and wife.
来吧 开始吧 老兄 - 嗷
Come on, bring it in, buddy. - Oh.
别再告诉我 上天不想让我们在一起
Don't tell me the universe doesn't want us together.
科琳
Colleen?
这本是我们的新婚之夜
This is our wedding night.
我们的人生都毁了
And now our lives are ruined.
就因为你那汽车旅馆的阳台
Because of your motel balcony,
我们甚至好好洞房♥
we haven't even been able to consummate our marriage.
我们只做了些前戏
Mm-mm. I mean, we do some stuff.
对 但没有办完 - 对
Yeah, but not the stuff. - Mm-mm.
不过前戏那部分真的做得棒棒的
Although the stuff we have been doing has been really nice.
很感谢你也出力配合
I really appreciate the effort you've put in.
那感觉棒极了
It's been really great.
打扰下
Excuse me, yeah.
这可是闭嘴的通用标志啊
That's just the universal sign for "Stop talking."
这也许不是你们希望的数额
This may not be the amount you were hoping for,
但这是汽车旅馆最多能给的了
but this is the best the motel can offer.
两百万美金
$2 million?
两百万美金
$2 million.
两百万美金
$2 million.
我的天
Oh, my God.
喂
Hey...
两百万美金
$2 million?
这还不是我们的官方回应
That's not our official response.
我们会再考虑的 然后再回复你们
We're gonna mull it over and we'll get back to you.
不了 我们不用了 - 不了 不了
No, no, we're not. - No, no, no!
不了 - 不了 不了 我们要这钱了
No! - No, no, we want it.
给我钱 给我钱 给我钱
Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me.
我想现在
Well, I guess by now
你们都听说了我们 我们的和解协议
you've all heard about our-our settlement.
所以很明显
So, it's pretty obvious that,
对我和科琳来说 不会有比这更好的了
well, things couldn't be going any better for Colleen and me.
马特 你能把我转过来么
Uh, Matt, could you turn me around?
好 抱歉没注意
Oh, yeah, sorry.
大家伙儿
Hi, guys.
大老远来到这儿
Been a long road to get here.
但是经过这一切 你们
But, uh, through it all, you,
我的家人
my family,
你们 甚至在我最黑暗的时候
you, uh, even in my darkest hour,
你们一直相信我 因为你们知道总有一天
you always believed in me because you knew that one day
我会成功的
I would make it.
成功吗
"Make it"?
你老婆从阳台上摔下来了啊
Your wife fell off a balcony.
没错 "我"老婆
Exactly. My wife.
你觉得我老婆就不会从阳台上摔下来吗
You don't think that my wife could fall off a balcony?
承认吧 格雷
Just admit it, Greg.
你总是认为你比我强
You've always thought that you were better than me.
我从未这么想过
I never thought that.
我这么想过
I did.
但现在我觉得马特是最棒的
But now I think that Matt's the best.
哇 - 这太怪了
Wow. - So weird.
现在 尽管我是百万富翁了
Uh, now, e-even though I am the millionaire,
我和科琳还是决定
Colleen and I have decided that we're not gonna
我们不会让这些钱改变我们的 - 不会的
let this money change us. - No.
你们准备好了么
Are you ready?
这是个抢钱的游戏
It's a cash grab.
抢钱
Oh! Cash grab!
就是它了
Oh! Oh, this is it.
这些是你们这些年来借给我的钱
This is everything that you've ever lent me
在巨大的钱涡里纷飞
over the years, swirling around in a giant vortex of money.
好像只能装下一个人
It looks like only ones.
我是说 他这样是炫富吗
I mean, this is really showy, Jen.
而且 就像我没钱么
Besides, like, I don't have money?
看 我也有很多钱啊
Look, I got plenty of money.
你看到这些钱没
You see all this?
我有这么多钱 不 这是我的钱
I got all of this money right... no, that's mine!
我的钱
Mine!
这...
That's...
天下间没一间小屋能装得下
There isn't a booth big enough for all the money
你借给我的钱
that you've lent me.
谢谢你 老爸
Thank you, Dad.
我不太在乎你还钱与否
Here's what I think of you paying me back.
这场戏真的很冒险
It was a gamble,
要把科琳推下阳台
you pushing Colleen off that balcony,
但计划成功了
but it paid off.
你比我强
You're a bigger man than I'll ever be.
我要出去
I want to get out!
让我出去 拜托了
Let me out, please!
不
Oh, oh, no!
不不 它要吞噬我了
No, no, it's swallowing me!
不
Oh, no!
我希望你们今天都玩得开心
Well, I hope you all had fun today.
但是我和马特觉得
But Matt and I feel like what's the point
有这些钱 可如果没地儿花的话
of having all this money
就没啥意义了
if there's nowhere to spend it.
所以 我们要带你们去拉斯维加斯
So, we are taking you all to Las Vegas!
打包行李去吧
Pack your bags!
维加斯 小婊砸
Vegas, bitches! Yeah!
宝贝 大家都以你为傲
Babe, everyone is so proud of you.
你现在是人生赢家
You're a winner now.
我们都是
We both are.
你不用抬我去上洗手间的时候
I'll feel more like it
我也这么觉得
when you don't have to lift me off the toilet.
伙计们
Hey, guys.
只想让你们尽可能的保持这样的快乐
Just want you to really hold onto this happiness
事实上 也不会持续太久了
for as long as you can, which, in this case, is not very long.
你们看 这个汽车旅馆刚申请破产
You see, the motel just filed for bankruptcy.
这意味着什么
What does that mean?
这意味着你们什么都得不到了
Well, it means that you get nothing.
什么 什么都没有 他们还能这么做
Not-Nothing? They can do that?
很遗憾 他们能
Yeah, sadly, they can.
很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
但这很有趣
But this is fun.
所以 好消息是 我们要去维加斯
So, the good news is, um, we're going to Vegas.
坏消息是
The, uh, bad news is that
我们付不了住宿 演出
we won't be able to cover the rooms, the shows,
和吃的的钱
or the food.
还有 是去巴斯托 不是维加斯
And also, it's Barstow, not Vegas.
但是这辆车的钱就我们付
But the bus is totally on us
只要你们把钱给回我们
as long as you give us the cash back.
还有 别再开香槟了
And also, don't open any more champagne.
我从家带的
I brought this from home.
奶嘴 奶嘴 奶嘴
Paci! Paci! Paci!
在哪儿呢 在哪儿呢 在哪儿呢
Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?
奶嘴 奶嘴 - 等一下 拉克
Paci! Paci! - Just a second, Lark!
快点 快点 快点
Come on, come on, come on.
在哪儿呢 在哪儿呢
Where is it? Where is it?
拜托 拜托 拜托
Please, please, please.
在哪儿呢
Where is it?