消消气（2000）
Curb Your Enthusiasm S05E08
Part 1
Oct. 4, 2020, 11 a.m.
Well, thanks... thanks for coming over.
谢谢你来看望我
Ah, you know, please. You've been...
别在意 你一直...
you look fantastic. Look at you.
你看起来棒极了 看看你
Really?! You never looked better in your life.
真的吗？ 你从未看起来如此光鲜
Oh, thank you. You're a lucky man, you're a blessed man.
谢谢 你是个幸运的人 是个蒙福之人
Well, you know, I took, uh...
你要知道 那是因为...
I took care of myself. I was never an alcoholic or a drug addict, or...
我懂得如何照顾自己 我不酗酒也不吸毒
never slept with strange women, although I wanted to, they wouldn't...
我不和陌生女子乱搞 即使我想 她们也不愿意
you know...
你懂的
I need a kidney, man.
老哥 我需要一个肾
Where am I gonna find someone loves me enough to give a kidney?
我上哪儿去找个爱我到愿意给我捐肾的人啊？
Come on, you took the test. You're a match.
拜托 你都做过测试了 你和我完全是匹配的啊
Are you gonna give me the kidney or not?
你到底是给还是不给啊？
I'm struggling. Well, what's wrong with Louis Lewis?
我虚成这样了都 唉 你说路易路易斯咋回事？
I mean, he's... in this... Oh, please.
我的意思是... 他都... 得了吧
... coma in the hospital. How long can he go on?
在医院昏迷成那样了 还能活多久啊他？
And he's family. He's in a coma.
他还是你的亲戚呢 但是他现在处于昏迷啊
Comas are unpredictable for Christ's sake.
昏迷这事儿谁能说得准
Who the hell fucking knows?
谁他妈能说得准？
Family.
亲戚
Fuck family.
去他妈的亲戚
You know, and you know what's pissing me off?
你知道最气人的是什么吗？
I'm so low on that list, that kidney transplant list.
我在肾脏移植排位表的位置相当靠后
It's so unfair.
这太不公平了
Look at the Mick. I mean, the Mick...
你看看人家米奇
I love the guy, we were friends.
我爱那家伙 我们曾经还是朋友呢
Mantle got his liver just like that...
他不费吹灰之力就做了肝脏移植
Boom. Yeah. Well, if you were a little bigger celebrity,
眨眼间的事 如果你名气再大一点
you'd be on the top of the list too.
你也会排在名单的最前面
Jesus Christ.
天呐
By the way, that... see that ball?
对了 看见那个棒球了吗？
That's the 500th home run that the Mick hit.
那是米奇打出第 500 个全垒打时用的球
Really? Yeah, I'm leaving it... it's in my will.
真的？ 嗯 我准备把它送给... 我写遗嘱里了
It's yours.
它是你的了
No kidding. Yeah. It's worth about 20 grand. I mean...
别开玩笑了 对 这球值两万刀呢
What?! And you get the money too.
真的吗 ？ 我的钱也是你的
I'm giving you the bread and the ball.
我准备把棒球和钱都留给你
Hey, remember in camp, when you used to do...
嘿 还记得在我们在营地时
the Mick round... do the Mick rounding the bases.
你那时喜欢模仿米奇跑垒的动作 再做一个
Yeah.
哈哈
That's Mickey's run. Yep. Huh?
米奇就是这样跑垒的 是吧
You look great. Mickey Mantle.
厉害 米奇曼德尔
Yeah, that's Mantle.
对 曼德尔就是那样跑的
Well, I'm gonna take off. When are you coming back?
好了 我要走了 你啥时候再来啊？
Yeah, I'll come back. Soon?
我会回来的 很快吗？
Yeah.
是的
And let me ask you a question:
我再问你个事儿
You like this sweater?
你喜欢这件毛衣吗？
How's it look? You know...
看起来怎么样？ 你懂的...
if you're doing an Andy Williams summer show.
如果你是要去上鲁豫有约的话 就还行
See, you still got your sense of humor.
看 你的幽默感还是没丢嘛
You still got it. I love you, Larry.
你还是可以 我爱你 拉里
I really love you.
我是真的很爱你
And if my cousin stays in that coma,
如果我的堂兄醒不来的话
I'm depending on you.
我就指望你了
Hi. Hi.
嗨 嗨
I'm Lisa, his nurse. Oh, hi I'm Larry.
我叫丽萨 我是他的护士 嗨 我是拉里
It was nice of him to give you his ball like that.
他人真的很好 能把那个棒球送给你
The ball, yeah... that's was very nice. It was very good.
你说那个棒球吗？对 他真的很棒 对啊
Yeah. Hey, I wanted to...
是的 嘿 我想问下你
tell you, you know? We have a mutual acquaintance.
你知道吗？我们有个共同的熟人
I know Jeff.
我认识杰夫
You know Jeff? I do. Yeah yeah.
你认识杰夫吗？ 是的
We actually dated a little bit.
我们曾经约过一段时间
Really?! Yeah, not too long. But uh...
是吗？ 对 但不是很久
Wow. So did you have a good time with him?
哇 你当时和他处得怎么样啊？
Well, until things got, you know, intimate, it was fun. You know, he's...
最开始还行 直到后来我们上♥床♥后 你懂的吧
He's kind of a "slam, bam, thank you, ma'am" kind of guy, right?
他是那种只顾自己爽的人 对吗？
No, not really at all. No?
不是的 不是吗？
Oh! No. No slamming, no bamming.
对 实际上我们俩谁都没爽到
No thanking the ma'am.
啥都没有
He's was a little... it was short lived, was the problem.
问题是他那个地方有点短
He was like that.
大概这么短
I mean, it was dark, but honest to god it was...
当时房♥间很黑 但我发誓
like that.
他就是这样短
What, are you kidding?
你在开玩笑吗？
Uh, no, I'm not kidding.
我没开玩笑
Jeff?! Yeah, very small, very small.
杰夫吗？ 对 他太短了
It was like a peanut. That little... All right. This is a very...
他那儿就像一个花生 好吧
you know, way too much information here, okay?
信息量太大了
I actually thought you would've known that.
我之前还以为你知道这事儿
How can I know such a thing?
这种事我咋知道啊？
I just would think that that's something that
我以为这种话题
friends men would talk about.
在你们男人之间经常谈
No, nobody ever talks about that. Really?
不 没人会去碰那个话题的 是吗？
No. Sorry about that.
对啊 不好意思
I don't even know what to say to you, but...
我都不知道跟你说啥好了
I'll see you around. Yeah yeah.
回见 好的
Comas are very unpredictable.
昏迷的人是很难预料的
Could wake up in five seconds,
他们可能在五秒钟之内醒过来
five minutes,
也可能是五分钟
five years!
也可能是五年
You don't know. You just don't know.
你说不准的
They're unpredictable.
他们让人无法预料
Oh! Didn't even tell you! What?
噢 差点搞忘给你说了 什么？
Ran into somebody you went out with.
我碰到了一个之前和你约过会的人了
Oh. She's Lewis's nurse.
好吧 她是路易斯的护士
Lisa Thompson? Yeah. You had a little uh...
丽萨汤普森吗？ 对 你以前和她有段故事啊
A little thing. Yeah. A little thing with her, didn't you?
一段小故事 一段小故事 是吧
Yeah yeah yeah. Hmm...
对 嗯
Didn't work out. Yeah.
最后还是没成 对
She told me you had...
她给我说...
What?
什么？
No no no.
不不不
Big vagina?! Gigantic vagina!
大阴♥道♥吗？ 巨型阴♥道♥！
What?! Biggest vagina known to man!
什么意思？ 人类见过的最大的阴♥道♥了
Huge! You're kidding.
简直是巨大 你在开玩笑吧
Are you telling me the truth? It's gigantic.
你说的是真的吗？ 巨大无比的
Gigantic.
巨大无比
So why is she going around making this accusation?
那她为什么要编造这些那些谣言啊？
Because maybe she's afraid that you'll find out she has a big vagina.
也许是因为她担心你会发现她的阴♥道♥很大
Why would would she even do that? I don't even know.
她在想啥？我不懂了
Nipping it in the bud?
她这是在贼喊捉贼
How dare she?
她好大的胆子
I'll tell you what.
我给你说
I bet you there's a ton of guys out there
我敢说这世界上有一大堆男人
who've been labeled with "small penis."
都被人贴上过"小鸡鸡"的标签
I bet you 50%... It's the vagina, isn't it?
我敢说有一半... 都怪她们的阴♥道♥ 对吧
And it's the big vagina. Yeah. Think of it biologically...
都是因为阴♥道♥太大了 从生理学上想...
why shouldn't there be as many big vaginas as small penises, right?
大阴♥道♥的数量也应该和小鸡鸡差不多
These big vagina ladies are getting away with murder.
这些大阴♥道♥女士杀了人都能用这借口脱罪
Something should be done. I don't know what can be done,
必须要有人出来做点什么了 虽然我不知道做啥
but something should be done. Either...
但是这种状况必须要有些变化才行
We're a hell of lot more discrete than they are, right?
我们男同胞没有她们团结 对吧？
Oh, man, they... They can't do this enough, can they?
哦天 她们... 她们就爱这样欺负我们
Oh, they love it, They love it.
她们爱死这手势了 对 她们最喜欢这个
They love this thing.
她们就爱这样做
Well, you know what? This is me from now on.
那我以后就这样对她们
Yeah.
对
Hello, doctor.
医生你好
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Curb Your Enthusiasm
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